Next, Shen Er, what's your business?

Chapter 157 Emiya Kiritsugu
Let's talk about a man's story.

The story of a man who has more ideals than anyone else, and therefore is more desperate than anyone else. .

That man's dream was simple.

I hope that everyone in this world can be happy, and I have been praying for this from the bottom of my heart.

This is a childish ideal that every teenager once dreamed of, but would give up and abandon after realizing the cruelty of reality.

No matter what kind of happiness, it needs to pay the price of sacrifice.All children learn this simple truth as they grow up.

But this man is different.

Maybe he is stupider than anyone else; maybe his brain is not normal; maybe because he has a destiny beyond common sense, maybe he is the kind of person who is called a saint.

When he realizes that all life in this world is placed on the balance of "sacrifice" and "salvation", and it is absolutely impossible to leave one side empty...

From that day on, he was determined to become the ruler of the balance.

If you want to reduce the sorrow and complaints in the world more reliably and effectively, there is only one way.

Even if there is only one person, in order to save the party with more people, abandon the party with fewer people.

It is the act of killing the few for the survival of the many.

Because the more he saves, the better he is at killing.

His hands were covered with layers of blood, but he never flinched.

Regardless of whether the means are legitimate or not; whether the purpose is right or wrong.

A man only wants himself to be a selfless and innocent balance.

Never miscalculate the amount of life.

A life, regardless of high or low, regardless of age, is just a quantitative unit.

Men save lives equally; they also keep killing.

However, it was too late when he found out.

Valuing all life equally means having no love for anyone.

If he could keep this iron rule in mind earlier, maybe there is still a way to get redemption.

If he had frozen his young heart earlier, made it necrotic, and made himself a measuring machine without blood or tears, perhaps he could just coldly select the living and the dead for the rest of his life, without having to worry about it.

But this man is different.

The joyful smile of others satisfies his heart; the voice of pain in others shakes his spirit.

Seeing other people's grievances and being unable to appeal and being angry with them, seeing someone shed lonely tears, I can't help but reach out to wipe them.

Although he pursues a dream beyond the common sense of the world, he still retains too much humanity.

I don't know how many times, this contradiction has tormented the man.

Sometimes it's friendship, sometimes it's romance.

Even when a life he loved weighed in on the balance with countless other lives he didn't know, he couldn't make a mistake--he hasn't made a mistake since waking up from that boyish nightmare of a lost love.

It is precisely because of falling in love with others that he will treat that person's life as the same as others, cherish and give up in the same way.

He always meets important people again and again, and loses them again and again.

The father who raised him.

The adoptive mother who accompanied him in his youth.

And then, her beloved wife.

He already knew that he would lose her. His dream is too far away to be realized by human beings alone. If it is to be realized, it can only be realized by a "miracle" called "Universal Wishing Machine". To achieve this miracle, sacrifices must be made. , that is her wife, this has been known since the two met nine years ago.

I have been shaken, regretted, and suffered, but compared with the happiness of all mankind, these are too insignificant.

He believed so firmly, so when he heard that the only "miracle" that could realize his dream had already been broken, although he was on the verge of collapse, he held on to his last hope, hoping that everyone was lying to him, hoping that they were wrong.

With that thought in mind, he jumped into the contents overflowing from the "Holy Grail".

When his consciousness was blurred and his vision changed, he saw a fantasy dream.

In the dream, his wife was beside him, snuggling up to him with a gentle smile, and standing with him on the mountain of corpses.

"I knew you would come, and I believe you will be able to get here."

"Ellie—no, who are you? What kind of place is this?"

Although the woman in front of him was exactly the same as his wife, he knew that it was not his wife.

Not only because the woman wears black clothes that his wife never wears, but also because her temperament is completely different from that of his wife.

"This is where your wish comes true, the inside of the Holy Grail you've been seeking."

The woman answered happily.

The man was speechless and looked around.

The black mud is like an active ocean.

There are hills of rotting corpses everywhere, slowly sinking into the sea of ​​black mud.

The sky was red, as red as blood.In the black mud rain, the dark sun supports the sky.

The wind that blows is cursing and moaning.

If you want to use words to describe it, isn't this...hell?
"You said... this is the Holy Grail?"

"Yes. But you don't have to be afraid, because this is like an unreal dream without substance, just waiting for the moment of birth."

The woman gestures to the man by pointing to the sky.

The man mistook it for the sun, and the center of the black world spinning in the sky was actually a "hole" in the sky, filled with endless deep darkness, that super mass seemed to crush everything as broken.

"That's the Holy Grail. Although it doesn't have an entity yet, the entire container is full, and then you just need to say your wish. No matter what kind of wish you receive, it will choose the appropriate type that can fulfill the wish. In this way Once the entity is acquired, it can go 'outside'."

"..."

"Come on, so please give it a "body" quickly. You are the one who is qualified to give it an idea, tell the Holy Grail your wish."

The man looked at the terrifying "hole", the things inside it were absolutely intolerable to ordinary human beings, and he asked that question again.

"...Who are you? Why are you pretending to be my wife."

The man suppressed the thoughts of fear with anger, and asked the woman in front of him.

"I'm Irisviel, you can think of me as Irisviel."

The man pulled out his most trusted magic attire, a pistol with the performance of a rifle, and pointed at the woman.

"Stop talking nonsense and answer quickly."

Facing the muzzle full of murderous intent, the woman in black smiled lonely, as if she felt sorry for the man because he forced him to ask such a trivial matter.

"You are right. I cannot deny that it is a false mask. I cannot communicate with others without the 'shell' of an existing personality. In order to convey my hope to you, I can only pretend Cheng pretended to be like this. She is the closest person to you, and I chose to borrow her shell."

Men understand not by theory, but by intuition.

This existence that exists "inside the Holy Grail" and claims to be "nobody" is—

"—Are you the...will of the Holy Grail?"

"Yes, there is nothing wrong with your explanation."

The thing that looked exactly like the man's wife nodded in satisfaction.But on the other hand, the more uneasy confusion made the man's brows more and more wrinkled.

"It's impossible. The Holy Grail is just pure 'power', it can't have any consciousness at all."

"That may have been true before, but it's different now. I have a will and I have a wish. My wish is 'hope to be born into this world'."

"how is this possible……"

Weird, so weird.

If what she said is true.Then this is not the "wishing machine" that men have been longing for and can do whatever they want.

"—If you have the will, then I ask you. How does the Holy Grail plan to fulfill my wish?"

The woman tilted her head, showing a puzzled expression.It felt as if the man had asked a very unbelievable thing.

"This sort of thing—you should know better than anyone, shouldn't you?"

"……What did you say?"

"Your existence itself is infinitely close to the Holy Grail, so even if you are connected with me now, you can still maintain your rationality. If it is ordinary, you would have already collapsed when you came into contact with the black mud."

"Didn't you know the way to save the world a long time ago? So I will follow your previous practice, accept your ideas, and realize your wishes."

"what are you saying?"

Kiritsugu couldn't understand.Because he didn't want to understand it anyway.

"Answer me, what exactly does the Holy Grail do? If that thing comes to this world, what will happen!?"

"Then ask your heart."

The thin white palm covered the man's eyes, and the world turned into darkness——

There are two ships on the sea.

There are 300 people on one ship and 200 people on the other ship, a total of [-] passengers and you, assuming that these [-] people are the last survivors of mankind.

Then please answer.

"The bottom of the two ships has a big irreparable hole at the same time. Only you have the ability to repair the ship, but when you repair one ship, the other ship will sink. Which ship will you repair? "

"...Of course a boat with [-] people on board." The man replied without hesitation.

"As soon as you decide to do this, 200 people from the other boat will grab you and ask you: 'Fix our boat first'. What should I do?"

"This one……"

Before he could speak the answer, an M950 submachine gun appeared in Kiritsugu's hand.

The gun was like an automatic machine, suddenly bursting out flames from the muzzle.The man just stared blankly.

Every bullet that came out of the gun killed four people, and killed 200 people in a blink of an eye.

"—the correct answer. This is you."

The man stared dumbfounded at the sinking of the ship carrying a load of corpses into the sea. He felt that the fallen corpses on the deck seemed to be all familiar faces.

"Next, the 300 people who survived abandoned the damaged ship and took two new ships to continue sailing. This time, there were 200 people in one and 100 people in the other. But the bottoms of the two ships were damaged at the same time. Make a big hole."

"Hey..." The man faintly felt something was wrong.

"100 people in a small boat kidnap you and force you to fix their boat first. Well, what to do?"

"This is"

Before the man could answer, a white light flashed, a bomb exploded, and a hundred people became algae on the seabed.That's how men do things.Just like his repeated behavior in the past, he started killing.

"--correct answer."

"That's wrong...impossible!"

Where is this right.

There are 200 survivors.For these 200, [-] people died.As a result, the pointer of the balance is upside down.

"No, the calculation is not wrong. You did sacrifice the few to save the many. On to the next problem."

The game manager continued, completely ignoring the man's protest.

120 people and 80 people are put on the scale, and the men torture and kill the 80 people.

Then there were 80 people and 40 people. The man heard the screams of those 40 people before they died.Every face seemed familiar, the ones he had killed with his own hands in the past.

60 people and 20 people——

25 people and 15 people—the multiple-choice questions continue;
The victims kept multiplying; the mountain of corpses kept accumulating.

"Is this... what you want me to see?"

Repulsed by the lowly game, the man questioned the thing that called itself 'The Will of the Grail'.

"Yes, this is your truth, Emiya Kiritsugu's inner answer, which is the wish that the Holy Grail must fulfill as a wishing machine."

"No!" The man with his hands dyed bright red screamed.

"It's not my wish! I wish there were other ways... so I can only rely on 'miracles'..."

"A method you have not recognized cannot be included in your wish. If you wish to save the world, you can only do so with a method you have recognized."

"Are you kidding me! What kind of miracle is this...?"

"It's a miracle. The wish you expect but cannot be realized by yourself will be realized on a huge scale that human beings cannot accomplish. If this is not a miracle, what is it?"

There are five people left, each of whom was the most important figure of the previous man.But he was still forced to choose from three or two.

The man was crying in despair while pulling the trigger.

The father's head was blown away, and the adoptive mother's brains were scattered everywhere.

"You... came to the world... intending to... plan to do these things to all mankind? You say this is the realization of my ideal!?"

"Of course. Your wish is the most suitable form to be used as the Holy Grail, and you are the one who is qualified to shoulder 'all the evils of this world'."

There are three people left, do you want to save two people, or choose one person.

The hand holding the dagger was trembling.

The man's tears had dried up, his eyes were as hollow as death, and he swung a knife to cut open the body of his closest comrade-in-arms.

One knife after another, he kept waving the dagger in his hand.

In the end, only two people are left alive in this world.

An equivalent value that cannot be measured on a balance.

At the cost of 490 eight lives, guard the last hope until now.

The man who has done it all falls into a trance, like an empty shell in the warmth of the stove.

In a warm room with a soft atmosphere that he missed, his "wife" and "daughter" were laughing happily.

In other words - this is the peaceful world he longs for.

A perfect world where there is never any struggle and no one gets hurt.

"Welcome home, Kiritsugu. You are finally back!"

The daughter's face was full of joy, and she hung her father's neck with her two little hands.

This is the castle blocked by the blizzard in the extreme north, and this is the only place of comfort.

Go through a bloody life, and finally find the happiness that does not exist.

If this little kid's room is everything in the world, there's nothing to worry about.

"—So you understand? This is the wish that the Holy Grail will fulfill for you."

The wife smiled beautifully at her husband who was sharing this blissful moment.

Then just say the wish and expect it to happen.

All that is left is happiness.

The three of them will become the last human beings and live happily ever after on this death star where everything has been destroyed.

"...I can no longer look for walnut buds..."

The scenery outside the window even the scene of the blizzard has disappeared, only the black mud as dark as the deep sea is flowing.The man muttered to himself looking at the scene outside the window.

The daughter shook her head and said to him.

"It doesn't matter. As long as Illya has Kiritsugu and mother by her side, she will be content."

The man hugged his daughter whom he loved so much that he was almost crazy, tears streaming down the embankment.

"Thank you... Dad loves Illya the most too. I swear, Dad absolutely loves you."

The movements of his hands are very smooth, no matter what he thinks in his heart, he is like a well-designed mechanical device, pressing the muzzle of the most trusted magic dress Contender against the little jaw of his beloved daughter.

"—Farewell, Illya."

Before the young girl figured out what was going on, her head exploded with a gunshot.

The pieces of meat with silver hair splashed onto the man's crying cheeks.

The wife wailed loudly.

Her eyes were wide open, her hair was disheveled, and she screamed ecstatically.

"What—what did you do!?"

Kiritsugu crushed his wife, who had rushed forward like a ghost girl, and grabbed her slender neck with his hands.

"Holy Grail...you must not exist..."

Although he knew that this was just a dream, the one in front of him was not the real wife, and the one who was killed was not the real daughter.But the man also knows that the real wife will cry in despair because her daughter was killed, and feel hatred for the husband who killed her own daughter. That kind of feeling is definitely not false, and he cannot forget the crime he committed.

Looking directly at her, the man endured these feelings, and at the same time exerted all his strength on his hands, tightly choking his wife's neck.

"Honey, what are you doing...why reject the Holy Grail, and us...my Illya...why, you want to do this!?"

"--because I--"

The voice from the man's throat was extremely empty, like the wind blowing through the hollow gap, without sadness or anger.

I gave up the miracle I was after, and also gave up the interests that were completely contrary to my original intention.At this moment, his heart was almost dry.

"I'm going to—save the world—"

All he has left is the idea that has been implemented so far, how empty this sentence sounds.

The woman in his wife's cloak was solid, her snow-white face flushed with blood, and her crimson eyes, which always looked at him with love and longing, were also stained with curse and resentment at this moment.

"—I curse you—"

The slender five fingers that were originally nimble and gentle clasped the man's shoulders, and black mud flowed in from the five fingers that were deeply embedded in the flesh.

"Emiya Kiritsugu...I curse you...pain...remorse until death...absolutely, never forgive you..."

"Okay."

The mud full of hatred covered the man's whole body, as if to pollute his body and soul.

Even so, the man still did not let go.He even forgot why the tears on his cheeks flowed, and said while pinching the woman's neck tightly.

"It's all right. I said—I'll bear it."

The woman's neck broke in his trembling hands.

Again, the scene has changed.

Familiar stone floor, familiar environment, his wife and comrades who have been "killed" are looking at him with concern.

"Are you OK?"

"Are there any discomforts?"

A real wife releases the magic of healing and purification to herself over and over again, and the light scattered on her fingertips makes a man feel so warm.

Looking back, when he was swallowed by the cursed black mud, there was always a light protecting him, and that faint light contained hope.

At this moment, the man, Emiya Kiritsugu understood that he hadn't lost everything, the person he loved and who also loved him was always by his side.

The man shed tears again, this time tears of joy.

"I'm back, Eri, Maiya."

PS: The dream should be based on Kiritsugu's own memories. Even if Irisviel was swallowed by the Holy Grail, it is impossible to carry the memories of Emiya Norika (Kiritsugu's father) and Natalie (Kiritsugu's adoptive mother), so This scene will happen whether Irisviel is swallowed or not.

(End of this chapter)