Lord, don't chase me, I want to go back to modern times

"But do you know? You at that time once again made me feel that I was insulted by you. As the queen, my child's life is only enough to exchange for a queen who should belong to me, do you know? Huai Xin has never been rare for the queen."

If I want a successor, I should tell the world after he ascends the throne that I am the legitimate wife of Zhenbei Wang Xiao Jincheng, I did not escape, I am not an escaped concubine!

Tears fell silently, tears spread, and my voice trembled more and more, "And just now, what I heard in Kongmingtang is exactly what I always wanted you to tell me personally, if, what those words Half a year ago, when you were able to speak in person, I said, maybe... If I am right, you would not have hated you so violently, let alone tortured me so much that I would not want to die, and let me embark on that road of no return."

Xiao Jincheng stood up slowly, and looked at me face to face. His expression was pained, self-blaming, and his eyes were red. At that moment, he seemed to be old and more vicissitudes.

He asked, "If I tell you now, is it still too late?"

His earnest expression made me startled, this expression is trust, no regrets, no different from him back then.

That's when he pulled me tightly and said, "I don't want the throne anymore, I just want you." Yes, it was the expression I hadn't seen for a long time.Since he ascended the throne, he has never shown such an expression to me. Seeing you now, my heart is surging and cannot be stopped.

I bit my lower lip hard, clenched my fists with wet hands, and stared at him for a long time without speaking.

It wasn't until I felt the strong smell of blood on the tip of my tongue that I released my clenched lips, looked up at the sky, and saw wild geese passing by.

I slowly opened my mouth and said, "Now I know that I was wrong at the time, and I am in a sad mood. Red tears are streaming down my face, my eyes are full of spring breeze and everything is wrong. I know that there will be nothing to do in the future, so I insist on a happy date. It's not like this, the pear blossoms are all gone. ( Selected from "Picking Mulberries" by Nalan Rongruo

I read it eloquently, only the sound of rippling microwaves and gurgling water is left around.

It was getting late and the wind was getting stronger, which blew our small boat to the shore.

After a long silence, he went ashore first, then stretched out his hand towards me, his thick and slender hand wanted to pull me ashore.

I stared at his hand for a while, and finally chose to put my hand in his palm.

Our hands are very cold, but when we hold them together, the water is even more bitter.

Stepping on the thick weeds, the clear smell of mud and grass broke into my nose, my mood gradually relaxed from the initial tightness, and my stiff steps gradually let go, as he walked step by step towards the place that once belonged to us. Go to the humble bamboo house on the seventh day.

The night wind slapped us, rolled up the sleeves of our clothes, and the corners of the clothes were flying. He walked slowly along with my steps...

He looked at the bright moon that was just beginning to be covered by dark clouds, and the black hair scattered on his neck shook slightly with the wind. He held my hand tightly, "Is it too late to tell now that I was wrong?"

Seeing that I didn't speak, he smiled bitterly.Seeing the slight pain and inexplicable sadness in my eyes, I moved the corner of my mouth and said hoarsely, "It's not too late."

Hearing my words, he smiled faintly, finally relaxed his stern face, and said to me in a leisurely manner, "Let's start from the day after Chunrui's death..."

"Pushing Chunrui out also made me feel unkind, but there is no other way, Xia Yu has already suspected you, and also knows too much, between you and them, I must only protect you! But I later I got the news, it turns out that I have been looking for the genius doctor who helped you change your appearance among the people, and I want to use this incident with you to sneak into the palace and disturb the harem as a crime against me. You know, it was the same at that time It had to be eliminated, so I used you to go to the sky prison and force him to death. Afterwards, the forces placed in the imperial court on the outlying islands expanded more and more. This is a very dangerous thing. I know that to suppress the Xia family, we must attack Xia Yu one by one. Originally, I planned to use Mrs. Ya to deal with Xia Yu, but when I found out that she had an affair with Xiao You and was pregnant An evil son, all my plans have been disrupted. Now that things have happened, I have no spare time to find a woman who hates the imperial concubine so much and has enough wisdom to fight Xia Yu. No way, I chose you. Because of Chunrui's death, you have hated Xia Yu for a long time, so I followed suit and used the poisoning of the imperial tomb to ignite your hatred even more, and to dote on you in a good name. I choose you to expose Mrs. Ya's relationship with you Xiao You's adultery, but I didn't expect that you showed mercy to them. At that moment, I knew that my heart was always the villain in the eyes of outsiders, but in fact, she was kinder than anyone else. You helped me, but your heart was not cruel enough. Just when I was hesitating, you recommended a woman named Yin Shijing for me. Her temperament is arrogant and refined, her mind is intelligent, and more importantly, she has an extremely vicious heart. , so I chose her. And I don't want to use you anymore, so I left you out in the cold and never saw you again. In the Palace of Thousand Birds, I saw the tragic death of the eldest prince, and saw Su Guiren insisting that you killed the child , I knew it was another trap. When you want to explain the ins and outs of the matter to me, I have to stop you, otherwise all my efforts on Lian Chengsi will be ruined. So I pretended to be angry and pushed you away. Open, but I didn't expect that you would have a miscarriage because of this. At that moment, I knew that there seemed to be no way to get back together with you. Ever since Chunlan's death, I knew your hatred for me, your hatred for this harem , I blame myself and feel guilty every day and night. Looking back on what I have done to you over the years, it is so despicable. I used the woman I wanted to protect the most time and time again, and hurt her to the ground. It is only right for you to hate me It should be, in order to compensate you, I turned a deaf ear to what you did, because I owe you all these, even if you really want to destroy my country, I will not blame you. In the past six months, every midnight dream Waking up from the nightmare, I can't help but look back on everything I have done over the years, it seems to be to keep the throne and stabilize the court. This throne is a source of evil, it made me do too many irreparable wrong things, think Just throw it away, but my reason tells me, I can’t. Since I have used the blood of so many people to secure the throne, if I just throw it away, I will be a foolish emperor. I have made the oath of becoming a great treasure for the first time. How will the people of the world treat me? I have a responsibility to the country, so I cannot be selfish. "

Listening to his clear and clear description of those few things, my heart has slowly opened up. I have waited for too long for these words, and today I can hear his explanation to me personally, and all the resentment seems to have dissipated a lot , "These explanations are exactly what I want to hear, but you never mentioned them to me, so I hate you, and with that hatred, I also embarked on a road of no return."

"Do you still hate me?"

"I don't know. But what Master Jinghui said is right. Now that the war between the Southern Dynasty and the Khitan is imminent, I can't insist on destroying your country. What are the people doing?"

Feeling the trembling of his hand holding me, I couldn't help but hold him back with some strength.

Chasing through the long grass, the fireflies are startled flying, lingering all over the sky.

At that moment, my heart was pounding, as if I had returned to the scene when we first met in front of the palace gate. I let go of his hand and stretched out my palm, and a few fireflies stayed in my palm.I gave up smiling and looked at Xiao Jincheng on the opposite side, there were a few fireflies resting on the ends of his hair, his eyes were full of fluorescent lights, and I was hidden deep in his eyes.

"If life is just like the first sight, why is the autumn wind sadly painting a fan?" I muttered, and I waved my hands vigorously, and the fireflies that stayed in my palm flew away.

I twirled lightly on the spot, my hair dancing, "Jincheng, how about I sing you a song? You haven't heard me sing yet, so just take it as thank you for your tolerance for what I have done in the past six months. "

He gave up the tenderness in his eyes, and nodded in response. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth lightly, "When will the bright moon come? Ask the wine to the blue sky. I don't know the palace in the sky. What year is it?..." Maybe my voice disturbed me The surrounding fireflies were covered, and more fireflies flew out of the grass in an instant. The green light surrounded the two of us, as if we were in a fairyland.

My voice is graceful and sweet, penetrating into my heart and lungs. I sang lightly and met his deeply affectionate gaze several times, and looked back, suddenly recalling everything many years ago, as if I saw him for the first time. I said, "We will see each other by fate."

Why did I go to the tea house restaurant to see him so boldly back then!

At the end of the song, just after the sound was over, I was already firmly locked in my arms by a pair of arms. He used a lot of strength to hold me in front of my stomach, and a hoarse voice came from the top of his head, "Xin'er, I'll tell you everything in the future, don't hate me anymore, okay?"

Hearing his steady and powerful heartbeat, I nodded, "Okay, let's stop torturing each other in the future."

"Are you serious?" He blurted out with uncontrollable excitement, let go of me quickly, looked directly into my eyes with sharp eyes, intending to see the truth from my eyes.

I told him with a smile on my lips and unwavering eyes that everything I said was true.

I gave up hatred not only because of his frankness and tolerance to me, but also for the sake of the people in the world.

Sooner or later, the two countries will go to war. No matter who is the last hegemon, it will be a good thing for the people of the world.I shouldn't confuse Chao Gang for one person's selfishness anymore, I should let go of some things.

That night, he took me to see the plum trees we planted. After a year of sunshine and dew washing, they bloomed very robustly.

Xiao Jincheng told me that he would come here with me every year to watch the growth of plum trees with his own eyes.

In the middle of the night, the cicadas were chirping and neighing, and we hugged each other and slept in the bamboo house, pillowed in his arms. I stayed up all night, and I had so many memories in my mind.When we first met in the restaurant, he had a meaningful smile as if he knew everything. On the day of our wedding, I was not allowed to enter the restaurant, so I was forced to let him carry me into the mansion to prevent everyone from looking down on me.

When we met again after being disfigured, he said that life and death are a contract, and love will last three lives without regret.On the wedding night, he said, I love you.Later, our love took a tragic turn after we got married. He poisoned me mercilessly, and even took advantage of the only remaining love between us.

This is a betrayal of love! Although I can forgive it, this once pure love has already been ruined by the mottled years, and it has become full of scars. I have long been unable to bear this love.

How many times have I leaned in his arms and asked myself, can he and I really go back to the past?
The answer is 'no'.

Yes, love—once the original innocence is lost, no matter how much I love him, there will always be a barrier between us.

That barrier is exactly 'deception'!In the past six months, whenever I was with him, I thought more about deceit than love.

I always ask, what is his purpose this time?Could it be the start of another conspiracy?
I am already tired of such suspicion every day.

There is still a deadly barrier between us, my dead child and Yeluhuan, I can't convince myself to be with a man who killed my child at ease.

I used to feel ashamed of him. After all, he has paid a lot for me. The majestic emperor favored the concubine in the harem and even used a double. !

However, when I knew that I had a Su nobleman, the guilt slowly disappeared, and the child was gone. I believe that even if I wanted to forgive him and get back together with him, the child would not allow it. Ah Huan will not allow it.

Master Jinghui said, only by getting rid of distracting thoughts in your heart, letting go of hatred, and stop being confused and panicked, can you be your true self.

Now that this love has gradually left me, Xiao Jincheng and I bother to keep Aiqiang by our side. This kind of love will only drag down our bodies and minds, and we will fall into more conflicts and struggles from then on.

A burst of morning dew swept in with the wind, and I shivered. I looked at the bright and gray sky in a daze, and looked sideways at the clear lines on Xiao Jincheng's face again.

He slept very peacefully, with a gentle smile on his face. I have slept with him for so long, and I have never seen him sleep with such a peaceful smile.