As deep as you are as hell

I suddenly remembered the days when I was locked up in the villa for the last half year in City A. The dumb aunt took care of me, but no one could talk to me.

Only the sound of the wind and the shaking of the flower stems were left as a response.

"This is your room. Try to go out as little as possible if you have nothing to do. Usually you can watch their activities through the fence on the window sill. We also have a fixed group activity time every day." The head nurse brought me to a small room. The light here is not good, there is dust flying in the weak light.

The room is only about ten square meters in size, barely enough to accommodate one person.

The furnishings in the room are also very simple. There is only a table and matching chairs. There are a few fairy tales on the bookshelf, but the pages are curled up, as if they have been read countless times by the people who lived here before.

The wall covering in the corner began to peel off, but the words "Let me out" were densely written on the entire mottled wall covering, which made people feel like a curse from a distance.

"What are you still doing standing at the door in a daze? Don't go in." The head nurse began to urge, and I couldn't capture any emotion in her cloudy eyeballs.

I took a step forward under her urging, but the wooden door of the room behind me was suddenly locked by the head nurse from the outside, and a big lock was put on it.

Holding the window grille, I asked the head nurse in a panic what she was doing, but she gave me a cold glance: "You just stay here and don't go anywhere. We will definitely let you out when the activity time comes." .”

Patients like me are the most dangerous.

Especially when Ah Yan provided them with several videos of me talking nonsense in my dreams, my expression on the screen information was indifferent, but I always suspected that someone was trying to kill me, so I hid a knife under my pillow.

The room was dusty, and my whole body became dusty.

In my sight, there is only a touch of white that is the most dazzling. It is the rabbit doll that Ayan gave me, and it is being held tightly in my arms at the moment.

For me, that time was as long as night and day.The noise of cicadas can't disturb me, and I spend a long time in the boring gap with the sound of counting autumns.

And eating in the yard has become the most troublesome problem for me. Every day, a nurse will put the food on the fence of my room. If I don’t eat or have leftovers, I will definitely be canceled by the dean. Two days of food; and if the food is not brought in through the fence in time, it will almost be snatched away by patients wandering in the yard within 3 minutes.

I am dizzy with hunger every day. Although it is difficult to go from extravagance to frugality, I always need something to fill my stomach, and I need to survive to get revenge... I even learned how to grab snacks and afternoon desserts from other patients.

While staying in the hospital, I still suffered from various injuries every day. I and others also beat each other on the ground with my hair pulled, and finally I was fined to face the wall and think about my mistakes for three days.

My personality seems to be getting more and more violent, but after the violent period, I actually become numb, and my whole person is sick, and sometimes I can sit alone in the room all afternoon without saying a word.

And I have been waiting for Ji Jiayan to come back and take me out of the hospital.

At first, I still had strong expectations, but then I began to understand that it was probably because he was tired of me before and thought I was a burden, so he wanted to send me to a mental hospital.

That's why he uttered a sentence of scolding that day: "Fool!"

From summer to winter, half a year flies by.

It's a new year again, and the first snow began to fall in this place in London at the beginning of January, and it was like a goose feather.

When I looked up at the sky through the small fence, I realized that I had almost forgotten what the original color of the sky should be.

A string of footprints meandered on the white snow, and the six-fold lock in my room recalled the sound of rattling and rattling.

Someone came in the wind and snow and said they would take me home.

"Patient: Sofia, family member: Yan Yue. Well, you can leave after finishing the formalities today. But pay special attention, the patient has been derailed from the society for too long, and you must remember to comfort her in time when you take her to a strange environment Emotions."

The middle-aged doctor adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and looked at the two young men and women in front of him.

The woman's figure is slender and graceful, and her every move is full of the charm accumulated over the years, but her face is too pale, which makes people look like a weak beauty of Xiliu Fufeng.

On the other hand, the man was dressed in a suit, with a straight body, and his facial features seemed to have been carefully crafted, but his expression was a little cold, and he always looked a little impatient.

After a year, Ah Yan finally fulfilled his original promise and brought me back from the mental hospital.

It's just that when I was walking on the road, although I followed Ah Yan, I always kept a distance neither far nor close from him.

Even the dialogue between us is full of politeness and alienation.

"This bouquet of daisies celebrates your happy discharge from the hospital. The doctor also told me that your condition has improved a lot this year."

I gave a non-responsive "um", and then thanked him for the gift with an indifferent expression.

This strange atmosphere was maintained until after we finished our lunch.Ah Yan took me to a high-end restaurant and ordered a lot of my favorite Chinese dishes, but I still moved my chopsticks a lot.

He also asked me several times during the period, and I answered them in a polite and orderly manner.

But at the end of lunch, I suddenly asked him: "Where have you been this year? Have you received any letters from me?"

According to the frequency of my previous writing, the total number is estimated to be more than one hundred.

With so many letterheads, has he ever received one?
Ah Yan's expression was filled with confusion for a moment: "What letter?"

Because I was polite to him, his tone of reply to me was forced to be the same: "I'm sorry, after sending you to the hospital, I changed my accommodation address and moved."

And some related whereabouts are even more fruitless now.

So from the beginning to the end, what am I to Ah Yan?All the feelings he had for me last year are ridiculous to me now.

Ah Yan seemed to have noticed my slight emotional change, but no matter how much he asked me next, I avoided talking about the question.

After eating and drinking enough to go back, Ah Yan took me to his new home.

Compared with the previous villas outside the suburbs, Ah Yan's current address is closer to the city center. In the two-story bungalow, you can see the high-rise buildings next to it and the urban forest made of reinforced concrete as soon as you look up.

The outer walls of the bungalows are newly painted with blue paint, shining brightly in the sun, and the tiles are like Lin Lin on the body of a golden dragon.

And the decoration inside the house is even warmer. I only looked around the house for a week, and found many traces of the life of the hostess, the woman's home slippers and high-heeled shoes on the shoe rack, the full-length mirror and the temporary jewelry box in the living room... I His eyes dimmed for a moment. During those days when I was locked up in the hospital, what kind of life did Ah Yan live?
Ah Yan asked me to sit casually, obviously hoping to see me return to the way I was clinging to him and being intimate with him.

But I just sat on the high-quality soft leather sofa cautiously, and my eyes fell on the window sill.

There is a bunch of sunflowers on the window sill, and three butterflies are flying around the flowers.The flower color of one of the butterflies is completely different from the other two, which makes it look extraordinarily special.

"Actually, after I returned to London, I wanted to find you every day and bring you back." Ah Yan started the topic with a casual tone.

"But you still didn't come in the end."

If this sentence is not well controlled, it will turn into a girl complaining like a baby, but it can ease the current embarrassing atmosphere between me and Ah Yan, and break the ice in our relationship.

But my tone was emotionless, and my expression was cold.

A smile appeared on the corners of Ah Yan's lips, and she unconsciously rubbed the plain ring on her thumb: "The company has too much business, and I have been busy running around. I was afraid that I would take you out of the hospital and then I would not have time. And energy will be with you as before."

He is too busy, flying to Manston today, maybe in Alaska tomorrow.

He was so busy that even in countless late nights, he had to stay up until two or three o'clock in the morning before he could rest.

At that time, he climbed up to the top floor of the nearby high-rise building to see the scenery, the row upon row of houses with uneven heights on the street, the endless stream of cars, and the sleepless city lights all night.

But the person he wanted to wait for the most never came.

I was as silent as a mass of air, and the mottled sunlight fell on my face through the screen window.

"Then what do you want me to answer? Do you want me to be grateful to you for your compassion today?" When did it start, and even A Yan started to talk in such a way that I couldn't guess his thoughts at all.

My eyes fell on his legs, and I was worried that his rehab would be too painful in the hospital.After all, his calf had shrunk a long time ago, and it was as difficult for him to restore his walking and sports posture as before.

But now, under his suit pants, a small section of cold white ankle was exposed, and his legs were crossed, showing a relaxed and lazy posture.

My words were stinging, and Ah Yan rubbed her temples helplessly: "Sofia, I just thought that maybe you would be happier if I put you there."

"I have seen that nurses will accompany you to the orphanage every month. You like the children there very much, and you will play with them. You can play with them all afternoon. I have also seen that the patients in your hospital One night you suddenly had a high fever, and a patient carried you on his back, and rushed you to a nearby hospital before you even had time to put on slippers..."

These little things are all the elements that make up my daily life.

When I lowered my eyelids, I completely covered up the thin layer of mist in my eyes.

The scenes that the dean showed Ah Yan were all made in the morning and played specially for Ah Yan to watch.Ah Yan didn't notice the filth and darkness in the hospital at all.

If he had seen with his own eyes the nurses beating and scolding us frequently, cutting off water and food, had seen me being beaten up on the floor by my roommate who had a sudden attack, and even the little one that Ayan gave me Would he still say that when the rabbits were all stained red with blood?

"Could it be Sofia, are you unhappy in the hospital?"

I glanced at him lightly, and then heard the sound of a key turning in the hole from the entrance.