Great time travel

Chapter 22. The Meow King on the Cat Cart
When the cat army triumphantly returned from the grassland, it was already nightfall in Kahn Village, and you could see the beautiful starry sky when you looked up.

All the villagers of Ka'en Village and more than 20 cavalry brought by Captain Gazef were holding torches or oil lamps and lining the road at the entrance of the village to welcome them.

The joy of escaping from the dead and the fear of facing the strong are subtly mixed together, it is difficult to say what expressions are on their faces.But no matter what, these kitten people who displayed a powerful demeanor, and their "master" Your Excellency Ainz, still received countless thanks and praises.

In addition to thanking and praising, Captain Gazef also tried to ask about the final fate of the special forces of the Slan Theocracy on the opposite side in a roundabout way.

And the tabby cat, Wang Qiu, raised its paws to show its cuteness, and replied casually that although he had killed some of the enemies with great power, he failed to wipe out them all, and the rest of the enemies still fled with their companions' bodies, No captives, no loot...

This obviously perfunctory answer is obviously hard to convince, so the unyielding warrior commander Gazef led people out of the village overnight, and searched the grassland carefully under the moonlight, but he still found nothing... The Great Nazarick The eight-legged assassin insects dispatched by the tomb cleaned the battlefield extremely clean. Not only were all the captives and equipment brought back to the Nazarick Great Tomb, but also the corpses of men and horses, and the broken limbs and arms that were smashed by the explosion. They were also eaten clean by these eight-legged assassin insects, which are essentially carnivorous spiders. Except for the scorched marks and big pits left by the explosion, basically nothing was left.

On the other hand, the Kaen villagers who survived the catastrophe, after experiencing the most exciting day in their lives, were all physically and mentally exhausted, but in order to entertain their benefactors and relieve their fear and grief, they still beat them by force. In spirit, a bonfire dinner was held.

Under the urging of the village chief, the villagers took out all the dried meat, small dried fish, wine, and wild honey that they could not bear to eat at home, and treated the respectable "Mage of Ainz" He and the people from Wangdu, as well as the cat stars who have a shocking performance today.

In general, the taste and taste of these things are slightly inferior to the food provided by the Great Tomb of Nazarick, but most kitten players don't care - for them, due to technical limitations, they cannot The signal completes the simulation of taste, and their bodies are far away in another world, so they can't actually experience the taste of food from other worlds at all.The so-called dinner is nothing more than clicking a dialog box called [Eating], which is then automatically operated by the server system. All the player can see is the stamina value that gradually recovers with food intake.

However, those players who are really in this world are the cat knight Rachel, the goblin Floor, the cat priest Chen Xin and other newcomers in infinite space who are trapped in another world. They drank like crazy—until they turned into drunken cats.In the end, the drunken cats climbed onto the roof one after another and performed a meowing chorus.And the drunk little fairy Floor even danced crookedly around Karn Village, smirking and throwing all kinds of fairy tricks.

——The goblin trick is the racial talent of the goblin race. Apart from the convenience of no cooling time, it also fully reflects the chaotic attributes of the goblin race: its effects are all random, which is equivalent to buying a lottery ticket. , in order to know exactly what spell was cast.

Of course, generally speaking, the effects of goblin tricks are in line with the purpose of the SOS group, that is, "to make the world more lively"!
So, accompanied by cheerful music that came from nowhere, the whole village instantly lit up with soft colored light, which was beautiful and warm but not dazzling.

Next, the invisible magic power turned into gorgeous colorful fireworks, embellishing the whole night sky extraordinarily gorgeous and brilliant!
"...Where do these lights come from? Is this magic?"

"...Wow! Such beautiful fireworks! I heard that they can only be seen in big cities!"

"...Hmph! Stupid human beings! See how powerful we elves are!" The little elf Floor said triumphantly with her hands on her hips.

"...Papapapa! Awesome! Beautiful young lady! Let's have another one!" For a while, several children in the village clapped their hands and applauded, and many adults who were still mourning the loss of relatives and friends, They also cast expectant eyes one after another.

They are not heartless, nor are they hard-hearted, but the more cruel and turbulent the age, the more human beings cannot live in sorrow. Let yourself and the surviving family members live better.

It is also because of the same reason that those soldiers and officers can't wait to get drunk, buy drunk, play and gamble as soon as they leave the bloody battlefield, and use all kinds of depraved enjoyment to dispel the fear in their hearts and soothe their wounded souls— — This has always been the case.

Facing so many people's desires and prayers, the haughty Flor immediately readily agreed—for full-level goblin players, "Fairy Trick" is basically an entertainment skill that can be used however they want. Totally effortless.

"...[Fairy Trick - Triple Max Enhancement]! Let's make this small village happy!!!"

As a result, one after another bright colorful light dust erupted from Flor's hand.In the next moment, more splendid spectacle like a festival carnival appeared one after another under the inconceivable mysterious power, descending one after another on this small village that had just survived the catastrophe.

"...Hahahaha! A fountain gushes out from the center of the grain drying yard! Wait, what is gushing out is beer!"

"...It's amazing! Look, look! Emmott's house is blooming!!!"

"...Huh? Am I drunk? Are my plowshares dancing with the village chief's table?

"...how does my helmet sing? It sounds pretty good... Well, if only my wife could sing half as well!"

"...Hush! Keep your voice down, I think I can hear my shield singing too... Oh my god, my sword jumped out by itself?!!"

……

Let clear beer-fountains burst from the dry earth, let window-frames and door-panels sprout and bloom in fair clusters, let helmets and armor sing merrily, let tables and chairs clang and dance in circles, let Sickles and long swords jingle and dance around the waist, turning the big copper bell that called the police in the village into a giant music box, playing various cheerful tunes... The skill "fairy trick" is the chaotic nature of the elves Microcosm, who likes to mess everything up, but somehow manages to create a laugh-out-loud atmosphere.

——Just as all kinds of fantasy monsters are often some kind of materialized reflection of the human mind.The so-called goblins are actually a group of playful naughty children who will never grow up, symbolizing the purest childlike innocence of human beings.For goblins, curiosity, cuteness and mischief are their indelible natures—of course, it can also be understood as the funny nature of "it is common sense to be cheap, and it is nature to die"...

In this way, the half-awake and half-drunk Fu Luoer wantonly used the innate ability of the goblin to make this bonfire dinner for the rest of her life as lively as a festival in a big city, and it also made almost everyone change. Be happy.In the end, a super-gorgeous maze technique was performed, turning the entire Karn Village into a magnificent maze decorated with fluorescent lights, dolls, ribbons and small bushes...

In short, the villagers of Kahn Village had a wonderful night with boundless joy and endless aftertaste after experiencing a horrible day with ups and downs and horrific horror.Such a strong and stark contrast makes these isolated and remote villagers unable to forget it until many years later.
Next, in the early morning of the next day, the kingdom's warrior commander Gazef, who somehow wore black eyes, led the way in person, accompanied by more than 20 royal guards, "Great Magician Ainz" and his followers and "pets" "You guys, before the sun had fully risen, hurriedly set foot on the road to the fortress city.Lantil's journey... and the residents of Karn Village, who are just waking up from a hangover, have to worry about their home suddenly becoming a big maze...

And what Ainz never imagined was that his trip to the fortress city would turn into a unique and shameful PLAY trip...

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Fortress city.On the avenue in the outskirts of Lantil, an extremely strange-looking open carriage, surrounded by many followers and knights, was galloping towards the city at a galloping speed, attracting countless pedestrians to stop and watch along the way, and pointed out Pointing and talking.

——In fact, as far as the open carriage itself is concerned, there shouldn't be any problems.The smooth and flat pitch-black car body, the smooth and elegant appearance, and the complicated patterns painted with gold paint on the car panels all show a kind of rich and noble style.Even the middle-aged butler sitting in front of the car is a noble old man with a martial temperament, and he looks extraordinary.

But the real weirdness is that the animals that pull the harness up front and pull such an imposing convertible are not two or four big fat horses, but... two petite cats? ! !Naturally, it attracted the attention of everyone along the way!

In this era when there is no TV and Internet news, and there are no newspapers and magazines with photos, passers-by naturally did not recognize the ordinary-dressed Kingdom warrior commander, Mr. Gazef, but regarded him and his people as the man in the carriage. A nobleman's entourage guard.

"...Where did this great nobleman come from? You can afford to hire more than 20 cavalry to escort, but let such a small cat pull the cart?"

"...What a eccentric guy! Not only does he wear a strange mask, but he also abuses pets like this. These little cats are so pitiful..."

"... Hey, are you focusing on the wrong thing? The real question is, why can such a small cat pull such a big carriage?"

"...It seems a little strange to hear you say that! Could it be a specially trained cart cat? The kind with extra strength?"

"...I guess it's more likely that he was fed a stimulant! But if this is the case, he should die suddenly due to exhaustion soon..."

"... Woohoo, what a poor kitten... Let's find a more gentle master in my next life..."

……

Almost all the passers-by looked at Ainz's car, and there were chattering noises in their ears.Comments like these pierced Lich King Ainz's ears like steel needles, making him, who was pretending to be aggressive in the car, feel attacked by an indescribable emotion:

regret?ashamed?indignation?Even he himself didn't know what it was like, it was just very uncomfortable.

"...What a sad scene... It's like a punishment game or a shame play..." Ainz muttered to himself, while tapping the mask on his face, "...If I had known this, I shouldn't have Be stingy with the magic gems used to lift the curse..."

——For this trip, even though physical strength is not a problem at all, in order to show his grandeur and status, as a noble and great magician, Ainz obviously cannot walk into the city on two legs like ordinary farmers, but You must have a luxurious car or mount that meets your status.

Just like modern playboys drive luxury cars and even luxury yachts, Ainz's travel style should not be too shabby.

However, for Ainz, the Lich King with a special status, this issue was very troublesome.

First of all, as a Lich King, Ainz did not practice any "mounting" skills at all, not to mention that as a powerful undead creature, if he didn't pay attention to restraint, he would radiate out almost all the time. Weak negative energy damage, a little carelessness will injure or kill the mount as a living creature under the crotch.Secondly, as a settlement of the undead, in the Nazarick Tomb, there are no ordinary horses at all, but all kinds of hideous and terrifying monsters abound. not on.

——You can't let Ainz ride a nightmarish horse with only bones left?In that case, why hide your identity?

In addition, Albedo, the headmistress of the devil, suggested with a wavering face that Ainz, the Lich King, could ride on the shoulders of his "rouge horse". Fortress city.Rantier...but was immediately rejected by Ainz, who still had integrity.

Since there is a lack of suitable animals to ride, there is only a car.For a magician of the Lich King Ainz's level, making a non-magic item is almost as convenient as using a 3D printer-almost in an instant, he made a foldable and detachable car body .Usually, the carriage can be disassembled, and all the large and small parts can be thrown into the [property box] (it can be regarded as Doraemon's four-dimensional pocket, but it is much smaller than that).When you need to use it, you can reassemble the car.

Of course, the problem of what to use to pull the cart remains unresolved.However, according to the report of the scouts, in Kahn Village, the first stop of the trip, it seems that someone is plowing the land with oxen and horses dragging a plow. Presumably, as long as they are willing to pay, they can still rent a horse to pull the cart.

So, according to this plan, Ainz brought a group of troops to Karn Village.However, the sudden invasion of the Special Forces of the Theocracy of Slan completely messed up all these plans—because of the group of knights who attacked the village and burned it, the only few cows and horses in the village died. , just while running around without knowing where to go, there is not even a single animal left in the whole village afterward...

Although when defeating the first batch of knights, they also successfully captured several war horses.But these war horses have all been hit by the goblin Floor's goblin trick - [group infinite fart technique] with all moral integrity lost!As a result, until the morning of the second day before departure, these poor horses continued to fart continuously. The stench was so strong that the villagers did not dare to keep them in the stables. Tethered to a tree outside the village!

According to the prediction of the little fairy Flor, these horses will have to fart for at least a month, or they may even fart for a lifetime...

Obviously, the Lich King, who relies on magic and still retains his sense of smell, can't bear to be pulled by two farting horses.The so-called flattering is certainly very refreshing, but this kind of flattering can only make people sick - although he can use a small spell to temporarily numb his sense of smell and barely bear it.But what kind of strange eyes will passers-by along the way look at me, a magician who pulls a cart with two stinky horses that keep farting?Will he misunderstand that he is a "stinky magician" with disgusting eccentricities?"Smelly mage" or even "fart mage" for short? !

What humiliation, what disgrace!What's more, what a forceful style there is!
When people mention Archmage Ainz, they probably think of his two farting horses—is this called pretense?This is called making a fool of yourself, right?

Just thinking about this terrible scene of being misunderstood and speechless made Ainz feel ashamed and angry.

He came here to pretend to be awe-inspiring, not to provide people with entertainment topics, to act as a cameo and comedian!
Of course, Ainz could also find a way to cure these "farting horses".But the problem is that the state of these horses at this time is not poisoned or sick, but the most advanced goblin trick, which is equivalent to being under some kind of chaotic curse, so it is not a healing spell or a bottle of blood. Healing potions can solve it, but a more advanced skill [Remove Curse] is required.This would require the consumption of a relatively high-level scroll or a magic gemstone... As a result, Ainz became a little miserly for a while, and was reluctant to pay such an expensive price for just two horses.

In fact, there is another way, which is to ask for help from Captain Gazef: He and his subordinates rode over 20 horses, and a little crowding could spare two horses to pull the cart, while the extra two men You can ride a horse with other comrades... But out of some indescribable self-esteem, especially after showing off and pretending to be aggressive to Warrior Commander Gazef, Ainz seems very unwilling to ask this person for help— — Just now, she pretended to be aggressive to someone in a majestic manner, but turned her head and begged for help. Such a huge gap is really ruining the image!
And letting the subordinates of the Great Tomb of Nazarick pull a cart or simply rush to make a sedan chair is also not a good idea in Ainz's eyes—although whether it is the Matron of Albedo or the butler Sebastian, it is estimated that He is happy to pull a cart or carry a sedan chair for Ainz, but because of the "residues of human concepts in the old world", Ainz always feels that the sedan chair is too outdated, and the rickshaw is also a cheap thing, far inferior to a luxury car style.

(This is just Ainz's own misconception, and the humans in this fantasy world don't think so.)
As for the magic-driven automatic vehicle, it can be tinkered with in theory, but it will take a long time to develop, and it is definitely too late now.Therefore, Wang Qiu, the tabby cat, took advantage of the situation and suggested that he and his kitten player could take turns pulling the cart—a full-level kitten player, who was comparable to an elephant in terms of physical strength, would definitely be able to pull the carriage. The problem of insufficient endurance can be solved by changing shifts...

Ainz had some doubts about this at first, but after learning that a great magician in a fantasy epic also used a rabbit sled as his ride, he readily accepted the suggestion. (Referring to the brown-robed wizard Redagast who rides a rabbit sleigh in the forest in "The Lord of the Rings", and the leader of the rabbit who is responsible for pulling the sled can talk, and even compares his middle finger to the orc chasing soldiers Shouting "Let the wolf come here".)
In his thoughts at that time, no matter how different the "cat carriage" was, it was at least better than having two "farting horses" to smoke people all the way.Unexpectedly, after taking this "cat car" on the road, the pedestrians along the way reacted like this...

Alas, after going through such an experience, I am afraid that I will definitely be labeled as "cat abuser" and "black-hearted boss", right? !
However, it has already reached this point, and it seems that it is not a good idea to go back and forth again, and it is estimated that it will be easy to be looked down upon.

The strong men in those fantasy epics are usually the ones who make promises, how can they change their minds so easily?

How do you say something?I pretended so badly, even if my face was full of tears, I still had to continue pretending!
So, amidst the noisy sound of pointing and the strange gazes of passers-by along the way, King Meow of the Great Tomb of Nazarick, uh, no, it was His Majesty the Lich King Ainz, so he had to hide behind the mask and rest his eyes with his eyes closed. Surrounded by a group of knights, cats and servants, they continued to ride such an embarrassing "cat car" towards the fortress city.Rantil gallops away...