Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 20: Full of Knowledge

This crosstalk competition has a variety of performances. Since the crosstalk performers come from all over the country, many of the crosstalk performances are timid.

Qiekou is a jargon, and the simple explanation is: speaking in dialect!
Jin Fei from Tang City, Hebei Province, used his hometown dialect to play a small character who delivered takeout, which brought a lot of laughter. Among the first group of actors, they ranked first.

The second group started soon. The first person to go up performed a folk song with his good voice and won high praise from the vocalist Mr. Dawei on the judges' podium.

Next, Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang came on the court.

"Next, please enjoy the crosstalk "Full of Knowledge", performed by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang!"

"Please welcome the two of you with applause!"

After the host announced the show, Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang strode up. At the beginning, after briefly introducing their names, Qi Long started making typos.

"On the stage of this national competition, my mood was very up and down, very uneasy!"

"Are you trying to say you're feeling uneasy?"

"Yes, yes, yes, please forgive me, my cultural level is not high."

"Accomplishments!" Gao Dongqiang corrected again, and Qi Long turned to look at him.

Unexpectedly, Gao Dongqiang made a quick joke at this time: "You should be glad that you are not a host at CCTV. Otherwise, for someone like you, not only would your salary for the previous month be deducted, but you would also have to pay for it yourself!"

The joke worked well because Sa Beining and the others had mentioned it before, so the audience laughed immediately, including Kang Hui, Sa Beining and Nigomati, who all smiled with their eyes narrowed.

"Sorry sorry haha ​​I was so nervous!"

"You can use words if you can, but if you can't, just say something in plain language that's easy to understand!"

"Well, the main reason is that I can't compare with Teacher Dongqiang. He is a graduate of a serious university, while I only studied in the third grade, and it's still four pages!"

"Three books and four pages? Do you mean to say that you have graduated?"

"Oh, don't talk about me, just talk about you, you graduated from Jin Province University!"

"I'm a glutton? And I want to go to a food university? A normal university!"

In just a short opening, there were continuous typos. "Accomplishments" and "Four pages" were common typos, which immediately established the image of the funny man being uneducated and the supporting man being cultured. Then the two of them talked about the four great classics.

Qi Long said that he particularly liked "Journey to the West" and could even sing the theme song. He just pinched his fingers together, blinked his eyes to imitate electric sparks, and then started singing.

He used the voice of a Hua Dan opera singer to sing "Daughter's Love": [Mandarin ducks live together and butterflies fly together. The spring scenery in the garden is intoxicating. I quietly ask the holy monk, is my daughter beautiful? Is my daughter beautiful? ]

While singing, she also made some exaggerated and coquettish gestures and winked at the audience and Gao Dongqiang. Gao Dongqiang turned his head and covered his face, looking as if he couldn't bear to watch.

"Brother Yudi, Brother Yudi, if you ignore me again, my Queen Mother will be angry!"

"Hey! Yu Di means the younger brother of the Emperor of the Tang Dynasty, not the Jade Emperor in heaven!"

"Oh! Is that so? How is it? How is my theme song?"

"I'm so anxious for you. Did you watch episode 25 of Journey to the West, about the Kingdom of Women? The theme song should be the part where you carry the load and I lead the horse."

After showing his weakness when he saw Journey to the West, Qi Long turned to talking about Water Margin and mistakenly pronounced "Water Margin" as "water pot", which was corrected by his partner.

"Water Margin is not a big kettle, it's about heroes, Liangshanpo!"

"With Zhu Yingtai, they both turned into butterflies and flew away!"

As he said this, Qi Long started to sing again: [You also tell stories from a Chinese studio, and I also tell stories from a Chinese studio]

"It has nothing to do with Liao Zhai!"

After Water Margin showed its weakness, the series was changed to Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Qi Long said that his favorite three counselors in the Three Kingdoms were Zhuge Liang, Kong Ming and Wulong, but he was corrected that these three were the same person.

"Don't worry about how many people there are. Anyway, I particularly like Zhuge Liang and the seven captures of Meng Huo!"

Gao Dongqiang nodded with satisfaction: "After all this time, I finally got one thing right!"

"Six Expeditions to Qishan!"

"That's right, he really knows something!"

"Died of illness at Wuzhangyuan!"

“That was a scene that made many people shed tears!”

"Explore the bottomless pit four times!"

Gao Dongqiang, who was originally planning to praise him, immediately looked at him in confusion.

"Three attacks on Zhujiazhuang, the legend of the two heroes of the Tang Dynasty, one year after another of decline and prosperity!"

"What the hell is going on here? You were talking about the Three Kingdoms, but then you went back to talk about Journey to the West and Water Margin, and even added martial arts novels and Tang poetry? The knowledge is so mixed up!"

"It's easy to get confused if you learn too much!" "I've never heard of it!"

After showing his weakness in "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Qi Long changed to telling the story of a talented scholar and a beautiful woman, "A Dream of Red Mansions". He said that he sang "In vain I grieve" particularly well.

Gao Dongqiang looked unconvinced, but Qi Long insisted on showing off, even singing the four lines of the opening poem himself, and began to speak in a broadcasting voice:

【What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what! 】

Although the four sentences have the same lyrics, they are full of emotions and have different intonations. The first two sentences gradually rise, and the third sentence reaches the peak of emotion, and finally the fourth sentence is chanted like a long sigh.

"Well, you didn't remember a single word!"

"What's important is the feeling. Don't people who make movies talk about numbers now?"

The idea of ​​reciting lines in a movie by saying numbers has been around in the entertainment industry for a long time and is a well-known joke to the public. The jokes said by crosstalk actors are more likely to get laughs from the audience if they are well known to the audience.

Qi Long started singing again, showing off his good voice! Although the "Daughter's Love" he just sang was wrong and his performance was rather exaggerated, the singing sounded good, and you can still enjoy it if you close your eyes and don't look at him "being a jerk"!

This time, Qi Long did not have any pretentious gestures. The moment he opened his mouth, the audience felt as if they were listening to heavenly music!

[One is a fairy flower in the paradise, the other is a flawless jade]

After two lines of "The clothes are long", some of the audience began to close their eyes and enjoy it, but Qi Long made a turn and made them burst out laughing: [One is carrying a load, and the other is leading a horse! ]

"I shouldn't have had such high expectations. Why did they change to Journey to the West?"

"You just said you confused me. It's easy to get confused when you learn too much!"

The Red Mansion was exposed. This time Qi Long talked about the last one, the Classic of Mountains and Seas. First, it talked about Jingwei filling the sea. Why did she fill the sea? Because she was a big bad guy! She should fill the sea!
His partner quickly corrected him, saying that Jingwei was the daughter of Emperor Yan and that it was an ancient mythological story, and told him the original text of "Classic of Mountains and Seas".

Qi Long suddenly realized and retold the story in plain language: "Oh, I understand. Jingwei was sitting in a small boat, and suddenly there were big waves in the sea. She couldn't help but exclaimed: 'nia, nia, the wind and waves are too strong (Shaanxi dialect)!'"

"Why do you, Jingwei, still speak the Shaanxi dialect?"

"Emperor Yan is from Shaanxi Province!"

"Classic of Mountains and Seas" showed its weakness, and Qi Long talked about Nezha's trouble in the sea, saying that Nezha, a naughty boy, made himself as dirty as a loach, so he took a bath in the sea and rubbed himself in the mud!

"The Third Prince of the East China Sea Dragon Palace Stewed Pancakes!"

"Ao Bing!"

"Ao Bing was eating a stewed pancake when mud suddenly fell onto his dragon beard. Ao Bing was furious: What the hell is this? (Tangcheng dialect)"

"You, the Third Prince of the East Sea, are still a food delivery man?"

Jin Fei, who was made fun of, burst into laughter, and the audience also laughed because of the recent show.

Then, a Yaksha with a Henan accent came up and started fighting with Nezha. Nezha waved his hula hoop and red silk, causing a huge storm.

"At this time, Jingwei rowed a small boat and said: niania, the wind and waves are too strong!"

"Nonsense, there is no such thing as Jingwei. And why do you have different accents for each character?"

"How to distinguish characters? You can answer whatever I say, niania"

"Jingwei!"

"Monkey?"

"Ao Bing!"

"What are you doing?"

"Yaksha!"

"Yes!"

"Okay, stop talking about this. Is there no such thing as Jingwei?"

"Okay, there was no Jingwei. Nezha stirred up the wind and waves, which directly flooded the Jinshan Temple. A monk named Fahai immediately shouted: 'I messed with that' (Sichuan dialect)!"

"Go to hell!"

At this point, the crosstalk ends. The whole crosstalk is just the funny man talking nonsense and the straight man correcting what he says. Since what he talks about are all famous works and allusions that everyone knows, it is quite a joke.

The show needed to be compact, and the two of them had a pretty fast pace, with jokes coming one after another, and many audience members never stopped laughing.

Sa Beining went on stage and pointed at an audience member in the distance and said, "I saw that person with my own eyes. He laughed so hard that tears came out. Thank you both for the wonderful performance!"

This is a high-energy crosstalk by Miao Fu and Wang Sheng. It is highly recommended (the author's point of view is the same as the protagonist in the article. Don't pay attention to the grudges between crosstalk actors. We are just spectators. Just enjoy watching it!)
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(End of this chapter)