Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 40 Whispering
The Chinese surname showed its weakness, Qi Long turned around and said: "There are too many Chinese surnames, I haven't studied them all, but I have studied the surnames of the island countries!"

"Oh, then tell me!"

"Let's take the Warring States Period of the island country for example. Of course, it's different from our Warring States Period. To put it bluntly, it's all about village fighting! All the men in the country died, and the population has achieved negative growth. What should we do?"

"How to do?"

"The islanders came up with an idea. They asked the island women to wear this quilt when going out, and the child they conceived would take that child's surname."

"Oh, give me an example!"

"Under the pine tree, under the pine tree; on the mountain, on the top of the mountain; beside the well, beside the well! Later, the well was covered with the ground. People had no place to lie down, so they lay on the well, and thus the surname Inoue was born!"

"Hey, aren't you afraid of falling?"

"You'll fall right into the well!"

The whole audience burst into laughter and applauded loudly. It made sense, so much sense!
Listening to everyone's applause, Qi Long held his head high and looked very proud.

"Don't be so flattered. This island country has more than just surnames from place names. I want to ask you, there is a very strange surname: My Sunzi. How did it come about?" Gao Dongqiang started asking questions.

Qi Long looked at him with disdain: "It's obvious that his son Cun Dou died, and the father-in-law wanted a grandson, so he and his daughter-in-law gave birth to my grandson."

Just as he said this, Qi Long was pushed away by Gao Dongqiang: "Okay, okay, let's talk about our Chinese culture. We can't discuss this in detail."

"That's it!"

On TV, Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang talked about the four great classics respectively. When they went offline, they added one more: "The Analects of Confucius"!
When Gao Dongqiang heard Qi Long say that he was proficient in the Analects, he was surprised: "Please introduce it to me!"

"The Analects is a book that records the words and deeds of Confucius and his disciples (yes, that's right). Confucius is well known to everyone. He is a famous educator, thinker, and martial artist in my country!"

"Ah? A martial artist? Oh, you mean the time he killed Shao Zhengmao?"

Qi Long looked at Gao Dongqiang in confusion, as if he didn't know who Shao Zhengmao was: "Ahem, it's not just this matter, but mainly because his "Analects" tells how powerful his martial arts are!"

"The Analects talks about martial arts?"

"Just say whatever you want and I'll explain it to you!"

Gao Dongqiang pondered for a moment and said, "Now that we are here, let's make the best of it. How do you say that?"

"Since you're here, bury him here! Anyone who dares to come to Confucius's door will be killed by his force!"

"Oh, is that the explanation? Then if I hear the truth in the morning, I am willing to die in the evening. How do you explain it?"

"If I come in the morning, you will die in the evening. If you offend Confucius, Confucius will come and kill you even if you don't come to him!"

"When parents are still alive, one should not travel far away. If one travels far away, one must have a plan."

"Your parents are in my hands, you can't run away. Even if you run away, I have a way to catch you back. I mean, if you provoke Confucius, don't even think about running away!"

"Wow, so if you offend Confucius, you can't go to his house, hide at his house, or run away? Confucius is really powerful!" Gao Dongqiang said sarcastically.

"Of course, Confucius said, 'When three people walk together, there must be one who can be my teacher.' That means as long as I am among the three people, my fighting power is equivalent to that of a division!"

This twisted explanation made the audience laugh, and they kept looking forward to how Qi Long would twist the next familiar passage from the Analects. The change from the Analects to the Lunyu is a plot in many online novels in another world. In the novel, the protagonist wrote these words, but they were misunderstood as martial arts by his subordinates or apprentices.

Someone compiled it into a video and posted it on a video website. Qi Long saw it and thought it would be great to add it to the literary crosstalk, so this scene came into being.

If this were said on TV, the effect would be much worse, because a wrong statement cannot be allowed to continue for too long on TV, and the correct explanation must be added, for fear that you will teach others bad things!
But if that's the case, there won't be this kind of one sentence one laugh effect, it won't be coherent!

So it was moved offline. There is no need to explain every word here. Most of the audience already know the meaning. Gao Dongqiang just needs to explain that two accusations against Qi Long are nonsense.

The actors from Deyun Society backstage were stunned.

How can Master Uncle be so innovative? The same work, but the beginning is completely different, without making the audience feel bored by hearing the same old jokes.

In fact, not only the opening remarks changed, but Qi Long and Dong Qiang also made some changes to the content later on.

After saying that Confucius was a martial artist, Qi Long also put forward the view that Sun Tzu was actually proficient in English, because he said: Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will not be in danger in a hundred battles. The word "die" in English means death. If you know yourself and your enemy, you will not die.

From this he extended a topic, saying that there is actually no difference between English and Chinese. For example, the same sentence can now be used to comfort someone who is in a bad mood.

English: you need cry, dear (you should cry, dear!)
The same pronunciation in Chinese can also make people feel better: There’s a delivery for you!
In addition to the fact that Sun Tzu was fluent in English, Zhuge Liang was actually a medical scientist.

"Zhuge Liang knew that after his death, Wei Yan, who had a rebellious streak in his neck, would rebel, so he sent Ma Dai to target him. But the problem is, Wei Yan's martial arts strength is over 90, while Ma Dai's martial arts strength is only over 70. How can Zhuge Liang be sure that he can kill Wei Yan?"

"Why don't you play less games?"

"Because of Ma Dai, his name is Ding Ling!"

"Metoclopramide?"

"That's right, Metoclopramide is specifically used to treat gastritis!"

Just like that, a segment of "Full of Knowledge" with a lot of added content and changed jokes hit the stage again, making the audience laugh so hard that they fell backwards and laughed almost non-stop, and there was applause from time to time.

The two people on the stage saw that the audience was giving them so much face and they worked very hard. After they got off the stage, they just felt refreshed!
"Uncle, you should save the money!" Yue Yunpeng clasped his hands together and bowed.

This is really impressive. After Da Qi Long returned to the crosstalk stage, no matter whether it was a small theater, a commercial performance, or a program on CCTV, everything was new. His colleagues admired him and the audience burst into laughter!
"If you hadn't come, wouldn't I have been left with nothing?" Qi Long praised his nephew.

In fact, they do have the ability to perform as the closing act, but so far they have not even done any personal shows. If they go directly to commercial performances to perform as the closing act, it would undermine the rules of Deyun Society's small theater, special performance supporting performances, special performance starring roles, and commercial performance finale or closing act.

That's not how you do it!

"Uncle, do you think it's okay for me to use the offensive approach to confront Guo Qilin?" Yan Hexiang asked Gao Dongqiang.

Gao Dongqiang nodded: "Okay, the effect is so good, why not? Learn from Zhu Hecong? Want to make a joke?"

"And Zhang Helun!" Yan Hexiang pointed at Zhang Helun.

"I learned it from my uncle-master! So did Old Zhu!" Zhang Helun mentioned Qi Long instead.

Qi Long said he would not take the blame: "What does it have to do with me? You figured it out on your own, I didn't give you any advice!"

(End of this chapter)