Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 75 I am a scientist
In the crosstalk performance of "Douxiaoshe", Qi Long likes to play the role of another character. In the first episode, he played the role of a rich butler, and in the second episode, he played the role of No. 38 Qi Qi.
At the beginning of this episode, Qi Long immediately introduced himself: "I am a scientist."

Qin Xiaoxian responded: "Oh, a scientist, just study. You pronounce it as xiao. What's your accent? Which province are you from?"

Qi Long's eyes were filled with confusion: "What did you say?"

"I want to ask you which province you are from!" Qin Xiaoxian continued to ask.

Qi Long's eyes lit up: "I was born by my mother!"

"Nonsense, who isn't born by a mother?"

"Look at this, isn't it vulgar and ignorant? A creature born from cloning technology is not born from its mother!"

"That makes sense. It seems you are a scientist who studies cloning?"

Qi Long waved his hand and said: "Cloning is only a small part of my research. As a great scientist, I often discuss scientific issues with my friends, Guo Degang, Guo Qilin, Yue Yunpeng and Shaobing."

"For example?" Qin Xiaoxian asked.

"For example, if a drop of water falls from a great height, will it kill someone? You have to put it into a formula. You have to list all the gravitational acceleration, mass, and other nonsense. The formula is long."

Qi Long's words were so exaggerated that Qin Xiaoxian asked a soul-searching question: "Have you never been caught in the rain?"

Qi Long was stunned for a moment: "After careful calculations, we found that it won't kill people. Science must be rigorous. Our research scope is very wide, not just this one."

"What's there?"

"There are so many, there are three main branches (which three?), natural science, social science, and formal science! (Natural science includes) mechanics, tachology, energetics, zoology, botany, microbiology, meteorology, disaster science, geography, astronomy, and feng shui!"

"And Feng Shui?"

"That can't be wrong!"

Qi Long started to show off his eloquence again. In his crosstalk, there are often parts with running lines. Even if there is no running line in this performance, he can create running lines, including the school name reported in the previous "I Want to Take the Postgraduate Entrance Examination", and here it comes again: reporting the name of the science department.

There are also social sciences: [Anthropology, archaeology, communication, economics, history, human geography, jurisprudence, linguistics, political science, psychology, public health, sociology]

Qin Xiaoxian asked: "What about formal science?"

"We don't engage in formalism, we won't study this!"

“Is there any relationship between formal science and formalism?”

"It doesn't matter whether you have any connection or not. We mainly study natural sciences, and there is one thing that we don't study in natural sciences."

"what?"

"Chemical?"

Qin Xiaoxian was puzzled: "Why not study chemistry?"

Qi Long rubbed his face and said embarrassedly: "The main chemistry is taught in the third year of junior high school. Guo Qilin, who has the highest academic qualifications among us, dropped out of school in the second year of junior high school!"

The whole audience burst into laughter. This joke was so cleverly designed.

"What exactly are you researching? What you just said was too general!"

"We have three main goals: first, to invent a perpetual motion machine; second, to overturn Newton's laws; and third, to prove Goldbach's conjecture!"

"Wow, that's a pretty ambitious goal!"

"Of course, if you aim at the sun, you can land on the treetops!" "That makes sense!"

"My brothers and I stared at the sun every day, and I won the first place in our science team's sun-staring competition!"

"Staring at the sun?! Aren't you afraid of going blind?"

"What's a small sacrifice for science?!" Qi Long put on a righteous attitude.

Qin Xiaoxian pulled him and asked: "What have you gained from all this?"

"I've gained a lot, let me tell you," Qi Long said seriously. Qin Xiaoxian listened attentively. Qi Long said slowly, "I found that there is no sun at night!"

Qin Xiaoxian pushed Qi Long away: "Nonsense! What's the use of this!"

At the beginning, the audience had the same expectations as Qin Xiaoxian, but when they heard Qi Long's "There is No Sun at Night", they immediately laughed. Part of the laughter was at themselves, because they couldn't help but ask themselves, why did I expect the crosstalk actor to say something I had never heard before?

"We can go up to the sun now. We won't be burned by the sun if we go at night!"

Qin Xiaoxian was speechless. He said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I still have to recite the lines." Just as he was about to leave the stage, Qi Long quickly pulled him aside and said, "You are funny. I was just joking. I have real research. Do you want to listen?"

Qin Xiaoxian said that Qi Long moved the weird inventions in "I Want to Start a Business" here.

Crosstalk is like this, a lot of the interludes are universal, so many crosstalk lovers lose their sense of novelty after listening to a lot of crosstalk.

In order to give everyone a sense of freshness, Qi Long mentioned a new invention called the [Turntable Aircraft Carrier]!
"Just think about it, an aircraft carrier is so big that it takes a lot of effort to build one. Every time one is built, provinces across the country want to name the aircraft carrier. Netizens are arguing that they should use their hometowns. That's not good. With my method, the materials used for one aircraft carrier can be used to build several aircraft carriers. If there are more aircraft carriers, everyone can have one, and there will be no need to argue!"

"Your method is?"

"If we set up a large turntable in the middle of the aircraft carrier, and let the planes spin faster on the turntable and be thrown out directly, you see, we don't need such a long runway, right?"

Anyone with a basic knowledge of science knows that this is definitely wrong. The turntable is too small and the speed is too fast, so the plane will fall apart.

But Qin Xiaoxian's character on this stage is a fool who can refute Qi Long in terms of common sense, but he doesn't understand the details. He was immediately amazed: "Your invention is amazing!"

Qi Long nodded with satisfaction: "This is just a side job. My main job is to study biology. You have studied animals, plants, and microorganisms. Let's talk about microorganisms first!"

"Okay!" Qin Xiaoxian.

"We all know that microorganisms have a wide range of applications. They are used in brewing, making dough, and ham. I recently discovered that some microorganisms can react with oil, increasing the amount of oil that belongs to the microorganism!"

Qin Xiaoxian: "The price of oil is too high. Wouldn't this help lower the price of oil? What is this microorganism called?"

"Mold!" Qi Long shouted loudly.

“Mold?”

"This mold can steal other people's oil. If it can't steal it, it will rob them. They even have a song called "I Steal Oil for the Motherland"!"

Qi Long started to sing: [Beautiful rivers and mountains of Xuria, mold warriors ride on Hummers, I am so proud to be an oil robber, wearing a helmet and traveling around the world.]

Qin Xiaoxian didn't move either, he just stood sideways and listened to Qi Long singing, but the expression on his face changed a little, he looked confused.

Lao Qin doesn't need to act, just act naturally, he has a naturally silly look!
Qi Long sang the chorus: [I am not afraid of heaven or earth, no matter how much protest or condemnation he may give, I steal oil for my country, if your home has oil, then your home is my home!]

After singing, Qin Xiaoxian reacted: "Such a mold?"

(End of this chapter)