Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 90: Pan He (First Order)

After the recording, Qi Long started to divide the groups. He called Meng Hetang, who was good at fortune-telling, over and they formed a group of two.

"Let me measure it for you. I have a good notebook that I made on the way back from Hangzhou. It's suitable for you!" Qi Long said with a smile.

Before Qi Long joined Deyun Society, Xiao Meng's characteristics were not yet obvious. Qi Long's impression of him was that he was a crosstalk artist who looked quite straight, acted in a relatively formal manner, but occasionally ate garlic and chestnuts in his mouth.

After arriving, I found that Xiao Meng was gradually gaining strength in the role of the envoy, and the audience was quite receptive to it.

This is very similar to an actor with a similar name in another world. Therefore, Qi Long felt that the show "Pan Ta" was very suitable for Xiao Meng now, so he gave it to him.

That night, just like Qin Xiaoxian was learning "The Sheep Climbing the Tree", Qi Long and Meng Hetang worked together until very late.

When Xiao Meng came, he was a little nervous, but after reading the book, he felt it was reliable, and when he left, he was full of confidence!

The next day, there was a crosstalk performance. This time, a group of female students from the Drum Music Society, famous staff members, etc. came as the audience. Meng Hetang insisted on giving the chance to draw lots to Qi Long, and as expected, he was drawn to be the first to perform.

"Now please enjoy the crosstalk "I Want to Make You Famous", performed by Meng Hetang and Qi Long!"

The audience were all family members, so naturally they applauded and cheered loudly. The two did not go directly on stage from the side curtain, but went down to the audience seats from the side stage. Meng Hetang walked faster, while Qi Long walked slowly and looked listless.

Meng Hetang turned around: "Uncle Master, Uncle Master!"

"Ok?"

"Have you memorized the words I gave you yesterday?"

"Why should I memorize words? I'm busy dating!" Qi Long waved his hand indifferently.

There was an immediate commotion from below, especially from the girls from the Drum Music Society, many of whom looked at Zhang Wanyi.

"Uncle Master, you can't forget your job when you're in love. I'm counting on this to become famous!"

Qi Long patted his shoulder impatiently: "Don't worry, I will make you famous today. Look, Zhang Helun became famous because of my inspiration, right? Qin Xiaoxian became famous because of my stage teaching, right? Gao Dongqiang was even more famous because I treated him like my own son, right? This time it's your turn!"

"But you haven't memorized the words yet!"

"Crosstalk doesn't use words. Listen to me. You will praise yourself and belittle others later. You've heard of Dun Niu. People have to stand on the shoulders of giants."

Meng Hetang felt wronged: "Uncle Master, that person seems to be called Newton!"

"Foreign names should be read backwards. His words tell us that people step on others to be higher than they are!"

Meng Hetang retorted: "People stepping on others are not necessarily taller!"

"But it must be very enjoyable!" Qi Long showed a sly expression.

The two of them circled from under the stage and turned toward the stage.

Qi Long, who had been listless in the audience just now, immediately put on a professional fake smile and looked energetic, but Meng Hetang still looked unconfident. As soon as the two bowed, Meng Hetang began to giggle: "Hehehehe!"

He looked back at Qi Long, then turned away and smiled awkwardly again.

"Why don't you sit down? Crosstalk is meant to amuse others, not yourself. Speak your words!"

"say what?"

"Praise yourself!"

"In which direction?"

"Don't you have any good points?"

Meng Hetang raised his fingers and snapped them together, but his expression changed from thoughtful to melancholy, and the audience immediately laughed.

This is the amusing way to make people laugh. The disadvantage is that you have to watch it live or through video. If it is audio, you will wonder why the audience is laughing for no reason.

Therefore, crosstalk is not suitable to be listened to with eyes closed before going to bed!
Meng Hetang looked at Qi Long for help. Qi Long sighed and said to him:

"Let me give you an example. Take my recent relationship as an example. If the girl is pretty, you praise her for her beauty. If she is pretty but you can't find a way to praise her, you praise her for her figure. If she doesn't have a good figure, you praise her for her good temperament. If she doesn't have good temperament, you praise her for her kindness!"

Meng Hetang nodded in sudden realization: "Oh, Master Uncle's girlfriend is very kind!"

Everyone laughed out loud immediately, what a high-level insult!
Qi Long raised his foot and kicked over from outside the table: "I asked you to draw inferences from one example and praise yourself, what are you talking about my girlfriend!"

"I won't!"

Qi Long asked directly: "How is your basic skills?"

"I can basically coax people. My basic skills are okay." He showed his timidity as soon as he opened his mouth, so Qi Long interrupted him directly.

"You call this okay? Just say you are dedicated, okay?"

Meng Hetang nodded: "Yes, yes, I am a very dedicated crosstalk actor. Once I was sick and had a big wound on my body, bleeding profusely. It was my turn to go on stage. As soon as the curtain call was announced, I stood up immediately."

"Hey, the show is more important than anything else, great!" Qi Long praised.

"Pull out the infusion needle, pick up the bottle cap, open it, drink it all up, and then walk onto the stage!"

"Wow, it's touching just to hear it!"

"Every step I took to the stage left a bloody footprint, and the doctor was behind me with a needle to sew me up!"

"Yes, I remember that!"

Meng Hetang turned around and said, "Is it true? I'm not lying at all!"

Qi Long nodded repeatedly: "I'm not lying at all, what he had at the time was: hemorrhoids!"

"Ah?" Meng Hetang was confused, while those who reacted quickly started laughing.

"Don't laugh, it's such a touching story!" Qi Long corrected, "He had hemorrhoids at the time, and a group of us went to the hospital to see him. He was embarrassed and said he had a blister on his mouth!"

The laughter that had just been forced to stop because of Qi Long's speech broke out again.

"Uncle-master, hemorrhoids can't be stitched up!" Meng Hetang jumped up and shouted.

This time the audience continued to laugh.

"That's right, why do you have to mention the doctor? If you don't say it, they might believe it. Forget it, stop praising yourself and belittling others!"

"Who are you belittling?" Meng Hetang asked.

Qi Long provoked him: "Who do you hate the most in Deyun Club?"

Meng Hetang counted on his fingers: "Luan Yunping, Xiao Taoyang, Shaobing Xiaosi Yan Hexiang, Zhang Yunlei, Yang Jiulang, Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang."

"Huh?" Qi Long was listening with pride, but suddenly he expressed doubts.

Meng Hetang glanced at Qi Long and quickly said, "They are all people I respect and love. I hate the rest except them."

The audience immediately shouted: "Guo Degang!" Meng Hetang immediately responded: "Guo Degang is my master, I respect him!"

"Yu Qian!" the audience shouted again.

"That's my godfather!"

"Gao Feng!"

"That's the head instructor."

"Wait a minute." Qi Long couldn't help but interrupt the shouting of the audience and Meng Hetang: "You don't dare to say anything to anyone? I'll pick one, you say Yue Yunpeng!"

"Ah, this is Senior Brother Yue Yunpeng."

"Do you want to be famous?"

Meng Hetang immediately gritted his teeth and began to accuse Yue Yunpeng: "Yue Yunpeng, let me tell you, I hate him the most. He participated in a program last year, and he became arrogant after becoming famous. He didn't even look at people backstage!"

"Oh?"

Meng Hetang closed his eyes and said, "Someone came in from the backstage. What department are you from? He answered me "Xiao". Humph, go get me a glass of water. I want it to be 37 degrees, okay?"

"Are there any temperature requirements?"

"Of course not! He forced me to pour the water into my mouth first, warm it up with my body temperature, and then spit it out before I could drink it!"

"How disgusting is that thing?"

Meng Hetang continued to close his eyes: "Another person came in and asked: 'What department are you from?' 'I'm from the Yun department.' 'Are you as famous as me? Humph, go outside and buy me a fried dough stick, chew it up and feed it to me!'

"My goodness, he only likes things that have been put into other people's mouths!"

"Another person came in and asked, 'What's your name?' 'I don't have any name.' 'Student, come and massage my feet!' Teacher Yu Qian squatted there and started massaging his feet!"

As everyone burst into laughter, Qi Long continued to stir up trouble: "Fortunately, I didn't let Brother Qian use his mouth!"

The audience, side actors, and even Guo Degang and Yu Qian who were scoring backstage, all couldn’t stop laughing.

Yu Qian waved his hand: “Hahahahaha, this bag is well designed!”

Guo Degang agreed: "It must have been written by Xiao Qi. The first two times he uttered it seemed like small jokes, but in fact they were the foreshadowing of this big joke. Senior brother, this deserves extra points!"

"Come on, give me some extra points!" Yu Qian waved his hand.

On the stage, Qi Long felt that criticizing Yue Yunpeng was not enough, so he directly asked Meng Hetang to increase the intensity.

"Do you remember what I said? Eat a bite of Tang Monk's meat and you will be immortal, curse Guo Degang and you will be famous, curse Guo Degang!"

Meng Hetang gritted his teeth, took a deep breath, and looked like he was about to speak, but then he backed off: "I don't dare!"

“There is no big or small on stage!”

"There's a new grave under the stage. The new grave is next to the old grave. The old grave is Uncle Zhang Helun. I know all this!"

Qi Long had no choice but to say, "Then let me tell you about it. Think about how much traffic paparazzi get by telling about celebrities. As your apprentice, you can tell about Guo Degang's little-known secrets!"

"That's not bad. My master often goes to their house when my godfather Yu Qian is not at home."

Qi Long pushed him and said, "It's unknown to others, but everyone knows it. Let's find Sister Qian!"

"No, no, he stole the antiques from Uncle Yu's house."

"I haven't heard of this, let's just talk about this, what if it's stolen?"

"Plate! Steal the walnuts from other people's homes and use the oil secreted by the human body to polish them until they are shiny and glossy." Meng Hetang's expression was extremely rich.

Qi Long went from expectation to disappointment: "What's the point of this? You might as well say that he was cooking two braised lion's heads and his hands were covered in oil, which made him look a little crazy!"

"Hey, my master not only stole walnuts, he also stole a root carving, a root carving that was carved into a giant dragon!"

Qi Long nodded repeatedly: "This is valuable. I didn't expect Guo Degang to be such a bad person. Not only did he steal people, he also stole the root carvings!"

"Not only did he steal it, he even got angry when he looked at the root carving. The dragon whiskers looked like awls, the dragon scales looked like razor blades, and the dragon claws looked like forks. He got angry just looking at them!"

"This is art, why are you angry?"

"It's dry and rough, not round at all, let's play with it!" Meng Hetang shouted loudly, and then his whole body began to sway back and forth, and his head danced up and down like a long worm twisting, and he kept shouting "Shua, shua, ka" in his mouth.

Qi Long was shocked: "This is also a plate?"

"Half an hour later, hey, the root carving turned into red wood. It was all my master's blood. Let's rush to the hospital. The hospital doesn't have enough plasma, so we can only give him a shot of chicken blood. He became energetic after the chicken blood was given. When he came out of the hospital, he saw a rockery with a weird shape, and he got angry again."

"what happened?"

"It's dry and numb, not smooth at all, let's fix it!"

"It's all in vain!"

"It's not in vain. The rockery has been turned into chicken blood stone!"

"Well, it's more valuable!"

"After finishing the stone, my master ran into your father!"

"I met my dad!"

"Look at your dad's wrinkles and get angry!"

"why?"

The uncle and nephew said together: [It’s dry and rough, not round at all, let’s discuss it! ]

"Go away, is it appropriate to question my dad?" Qi Long pushed him.

Meng Hetang: "Don't worry, your father has changed after this!"

"Getting younger?"

"Of course not. It's shiny and has no wrinkles. There's a song about your father!"

"How do you sing it?"

Meng Hetang sang: [Round head, not much hair, if you remove the ears, it's just a winter melon! ]

"Go to hell!"

At this point, the crosstalk ended, and the two men took a step back and bowed to say goodbye.

Thank you all for your support. After becoming a V, I decided to try my best to change each chapter from 2,000 words to 3,000 words. On the first day, we will have a 10,000-word update to give back to all the book friends who support me. Thank you!
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(End of this chapter)