Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 99 You’ve eaten my conscience!

"My second greatest function is the super call guard function!" Qi Long continued to brag.

"What do you mean?"

"Many people have a fear of the phone these days!"

"Please tell me more details!"

"I'm just afraid to make or receive phone calls. I prefer written conversations, even though text messages are much less efficient than voice calls. I don't want to answer the phone, and sometimes I can't answer the phone!"

"When?"

"For example, you are about to go on vacation and your boss calls, will you answer it?" Qi Long asked.

Dong Qiang was speaking in a zigzag tone, waving his hands in front of him continuously: "No, no, if I take the call, my vacation will be ruined!"

"For example, if you just received your salary and someone calls to collect the debt, will you answer it?"

"You can't answer it, you can't answer it. If you answer it, you will have to eat instant noodles!"

"For example, if you are having a tryst with your lover and your wife calls, will you answer the phone?"

"You can't do it, you can't do it. If you do, your knees will get blisters!"

"Don't worry, don't panic, the call guard will help you!"

"How can I help?"

"Pull down the menu at the top of the phone and click the little airplane button, and the phone will no longer be able to come in!" Qi Long spread out his hands.

Gao Dongqiang: "Then it's not flight mode?"

"If you put it in another way, isn't it more magical?" Qi Long said and glared at Dong Qiang.

There was a foreshadowing in the beginning, and as soon as Dongqiang was glared at he said, “It’s really amazing!”
This time Dongqiang also subconsciously said: "Wow, this is really wicked."

"Then let's talk about the third function. It has a very, very powerful (what), GPS positioning function."

"Other mobile phones have this feature, too. Which mobile phone doesn't have location tracking nowadays?"

"Not only can I locate your location, I can also locate what you want. For example, why is the Chinese men's football team not doing well? I can't locate the goal! I used this phone."

"Can you locate the goal?" Gao Dongqiang was surprised.

Qi Long changed the subject: "You can locate your home now. Go back early and do what you need to do. Don't embarrass yourself!"

“The results are still not good enough.”

Happy off the field, the Chinese men's football team is late but it's here!
"For example, my cousin used to sing out of tune, but now she's no longer out of tune after using this!"

"Can you also locate the tone?"

Qi Long nodded and sang softly, "My cousin used to sing "About Winter" like this!"

[I will leave you gently, please wipe away the tears from your eyes! ]

"Wow, he's at grandma's house. Let's use the location function."

Qi Long clicked on his phone and said, "This is how he sang after using it."

[I left quietly (reciting tone), I left as soon as I said I would (Water Margin), I want to walk from south to north, and from day to night, I want people to see me, but not know who I am (the fake monk), knocking on my window]

"Stop, stop, stop, stop. You're running further."

"Is the positioning wrong?" Qi Long spread his hands.

Dongqiang took the phone from his hand and said, "Forget about it. My phone doesn't have that many functions. This is all false advertising!"

"If I want to sell it, I have to say it this way. The better it is said, the more it will sell. I have to praise a toothpick into a towering tree, a monkey into the Monkey King, a shabby house into a luxurious villa, and you, a toad (pointing at Dongqiang), into a camouflage jeep!"

Dong Qiang tilted his head and said to the audience: "This conscience must have been eaten by a dog!"

"What did you say?" Qi Long turned around and looked at him.

"I'm telling you, you have to have a conscience!" Dongqiang looked at him and advised him seriously.

Qi Long: "Okay, Dongqiang's conscience is inlaid with gold and diamonds, and has three functions."

"Hey hey!" Dong Qiang grabbed him again: "You're not selling it to me."

"Whose selling it then?"

"Sell your own conscience!"

"Everyone knows that I have no conscience!" Qi Long shouted, spreading his hands.

"Where's your conscience?"

"Didn't I ask you to eat it?"

"Go to hell!"

At this point, the crosstalk ended, the two men bowed and left the stage, and everyone applauded.

Host He Ling and her partner Xie Na came on stage, still smiling, they looked at each other and sang the magical line "I will leave you gently, please wipe away the tears from the corners of your eyes."

"I have forgotten how this song was originally sung!" Xie Na sang with laughter. To be honest, it was a bit exaggerated, but that was her style.

"It's so brainwashing. Thank you both crosstalk actors for bringing us wonderful works. Next we are going to give everyone benefits." When the host was cueing the benefits, Qi Long and Dong Qiang had already arrived backstage. For such an evening party, they could leave after the performance. They changed into their coats and left. Sitting in the company's rented car, Qi Long started online shopping. Now that he has a girlfriend, he has to buy some gifts.

"Brother Long, Brother Qiang!" Assistant Xiao Chi called him.

"what happened?"

"Then the general said that you two should buy some clothes today. If you have no ideas, ask the costume designer of the company's girl group. Your clothing style is disliked."

"Who is disgusted? What are you disgusted with?" Qi Long asked, raising his head.

"Other celebrities will change clothes once they have worn them in public, such as at the airport or on a show, and they will only wear them once. But you wear all kinds of suits, and you wear the same ones several times!" Xiao Chi repeated Na Yu's words.

The two of them have been photographed many times wearing the same clothes at airports, train stations, and variety shows.

Fans are complaining about their fashion sense in the super topic, saying that they have no fashion sense at all.

Qi Long disagreed with this view: "What's wrong with a suit? It's so convenient to buy a vest, a sweatshirt, and pants all at once. Besides, isn't it too extravagant to wear one and then throw it away? Dongqiang doesn't even do that!"

"That's right. We are crosstalk performers. We wear gowns on stage, and as for private clothes, we just wear whatever is comfortable for us. Why should we care what others say?" Dongqiang agreed.

He doesn't like to buy suits, but he likes to buy black, black fitness vests, various black hoodies, sweatshirts, jackets, leather jackets, and black sports shorts, shorts, and cropped pants. In short, basically everything is black.

Only when I appear on variety shows, I occasionally wear something black with patterns on it.

When it comes to clothes, the two brothers don’t have that extravagant idea. There is not much difference between branded and non-branded clothes.

Xiao Chi smiled and said, "I said I couldn't persuade you, right? But you still want me to say it!"

At this time, Qi Long received a message on his mobile phone. It was his girlfriend Wanyi asking about his size and wanted to buy him clothes, saying that he would look more handsome if he matched his clothes well.

Qi Long, who had just been clamoring to buy only a set, immediately smiled and said, "Okay, let's match them!"
"Then you reply to Mr. Na, my girlfriend helped me match it, hahahaha!" Qi Long said proudly.

Dong Qiang gave him a look of disdain: "Tsk!"

"Exclusive stylist, what? Are you jealous? If you're jealous, ask the company to hire one for you!"

In fact, the company had long ago asked them if they wanted makeup and hair stylists, etc., but the two brothers unanimously refused. Crosstalk actors should do crosstalk actors' work, not celebrities' work!
"I'm fine now. Let me talk about you. The next performance task is not easy. You must be well prepared!" Dong Qiang reminded.

Qi Long nodded: "That's right, let's practice!"

It is indeed not easy to make Qi Long and Dong Qiang say that the performance task is "not easy", because the next important performance will be held in Tianjin, where Lao Guo will perform when he visits his parents, and Qi Long and Dong Qiang will also be the guests.

If you perform in other cities, there won’t be such great pressure, but it’s different in Tianjin.

It is known as an assessment platform for quyi performers. Many of the audiences have been listening to crosstalk since they were young, and some have been listening to crosstalk for their entire lives. The audience knows what you want to say better than you do.

Some people think, then if I perform non-traditional new crosstalk in Tianjin, which I wrote myself, then isn’t that all right?

Something happened!
There are many crosstalk fans in the audience there. They don't recognize new ones and only listen to the old ones. Only if you can tell the old ones well and make people appreciate the flavor of them, will they accept you.

The two brothers did not plan to make too many innovations this time, but just put in their real efforts and accepted the test of performing in Tianjin.

The program they prepared is called: "Eighteen Sad Tongue Twisters"

Just by hearing the name, you can tell that it is unusual. The length of the super long tongue twister that Qi Long put together for his TV performance is compared to the length of "Eighteen Worries Tongue Twister", which is like a kid boxing against Tyson. There is no comparison.

It's not the kind of program that people practice basic skills every day. This program doesn't even dare to touch. He incorporated many long tongue twisters. The longest version he has performed so far has a script of more than 2300 words.

It's like copying the manuscript into the novel, which is enough to fill a chapter!
Moreover, this is not like memorizing a text where you just need to remember the words. There are requirements for the tone of voice, rhythm, and posture!
Qi Long took a deep breath, sat in the car and began to chant: [The coldest days of winter are chilly, the next spring is sixty-nine, on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month there is a Lantern Festival, with a lion rolling an embroidered ball]

Qi Long's voice echoed in the car.

Xiao Chi, a layman, was confused at first. Is this part tongue-twisting? It doesn't seem to be tongue-twisting.
Then he listened to it and was convinced. The tongue twisters were at the end. It started with "Eighteen Sadnesses", followed by "Sixty-Six", and then "Self-Questioning and Self-Answering", "Ten Black Lines", "Pink Girl and Pink Girl", "The Carrying Pole is Wide and the Bench is Long", and "The Cripple and the Old Man".
This book title is a long tongue twister. Some of it tells a story, some of it asks itself questions and gives its own answers, and it also rhymes.

In the middle, Qi Long accidentally mixed garlic in his mouth, and when talking about pink girl and girl pink, he said pink girl as girl pink.

Xiao Chi, an outsider, didn't understand anything at all, but Gao Dongqiang laughed immediately, feeling a sense of pleasure of finally finding a loophole in the top student.

Since he was a child, his greatest pleasure was to see Qi Long saying the wrong words, because his master always used Qi Long to teach him a lesson, saying how well others recited the words.

Gao Dongqiang was happy from the bottom of his heart when he saw Qi Long, who was praised by his master as the best in the world, making a mistake.

"It's wrong. There are three mistakes. One is the wrong word, one is vague, and there is another where you didn't breathe enough, which caused the breathing in the middle to be disordered." Gao Dongqiang yelled immediately after Qi Long finished reciting.

Xiao Chi, who was driving, was stunned: "How can you make a mistake in hearing this? It's very smooth?"

Dong Qiang joked: "If you can recite it, you will be able to tell that he recited it wrong!"

"Excuse me!" Xiao Chi: "When I was in school, I couldn't even recite "The Road Is Hard"!"

Qi Long sighed: "It might be possible to fool people in ordinary places, but if it's in Tianjin, there's no guarantee that many audiences will be able to hear the problem. I think I need to practice more in the next few days. You should try it too!"

Dongqiang nodded and started talking.

Although this crosstalk, with more than 2,000 words of tongue twisters on stage, is the job of the funny man, the supporting actor also has to know how to perform it.

If the funny man’s voice has problems or he forgets what he is doing on stage, he has to take over quickly, just like the two of them are performing for each other.

To some extent, the supporting actor is like the reserve pilot in a military parade, accompanying the troops for several flights but returning before reaching the reviewing point. He does not show himself but only serves as a supporting role, leaving the self-showing to the funny actor.

Some comedians think they are famous and successful, so they don't take the most important support around them seriously, because the issue of money is often a rift in the crosstalk world.

For many years, Qi Long and Dong Qiang have been sharing the profits 50-50.

Qi Long never thought that he would get more money if he spoke more on stage, because he knew that Dong Qiang on the stage was his solid backing and worked just as hard as he did!
(End of this chapter)