I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 1 I said loneliness, she said dream
The wind and rain were blowing outside the window, and the loneliness followed the music in the earphones, and it exploded in my body little by little. Along with the loneliness, there was also a sense of shame for not accomplishing anything.I have insomnia, sitting on the hard bed, I can't find any reason to comfort myself.

I don't know how many people like me in the city of Shanghai wish to turn every cell in their body into a money-making machine, but they still live like slaves in the face of high housing prices.

I am too ordinary, ordinary life, ordinary distress, ordinary longing, ordinary drowning in the day and night of the city... Ordinary is like a giant lock that can be unlocked without a key, locking everything about me. I should have learned to be numb in the ordinary, but in such a lonely late night, the ordinary is like a knife inserted into my heart.

Suffocated, I opened the curtains and stood on the 19th floor, looking down at the city below me... Interlaced lights passed through the hotel windows, through the all-night supermarkets, through the steel wheels of the road rollers, through the tower cranes. The boom, passing between the rubber shoes and the stagnant water, weaves the dream of the city.

I gradually lost my mind, and then my eyes went black, and everything seemed to disappear, until the cigarette burned my hand, I refilled another one, and it started again and again...

……

"Migao, you open the door, I know you are at home."

The sound of knocking on the door and voices woke me up suddenly. I threw the half-burned cigarette in my hand into the burnt yellow ashtray, and then opened the door for Lu Jia. We haven't broken up yet, but it's time to break up. edge.

Lu Jia put on her most beautiful summer dress and a pair of Chanel sequined sandals with half of her toes exposed, which made her look cleaner than ever.

I looked at her and wanted to sleep with her as usual.

In my cognition, the fusion of the flesh is like a good medicine, which will kill the loneliness like a virus. In the past three years, I have been verified by Lu Jia countless times, and I can always be in her body. He developed a boundless imagination, and then forgot about the mediocrity and the need for a house in this city like fighting a fire.

She is like opium, eating away at my spirit and reminding me: You should earn money, otherwise all I can give you is just an exaggerated dream.

It's ridiculous to say that I don't even know when my four-year relationship changed to what it is now.I became a drug addict, and she was no longer available at her fingertips. What was sacrificed was those innocence and infinite longing for life.

When I was thinking about this, Lu Jia also looked at me.

I suddenly felt: It's time for us to have a good talk, but what else can I say that will move her?

"Mi Gao, I've got my visa to go to France. I want to find a university there and continue to study fashion design... There is no other purpose in coming to you. Let's say goodbye after falling in love."

After saying that, Lu Jia began to take off her clothes...

Burning away the most unbearable loneliness of the night, I gradually calmed down.I know, this may be the most honorable way to break up between us, after all we can still make () love when we break up, this proves that there is no third party intervening between us, come to think of it, there is nothing better than this Happier breakup?

Therefore, we once loved seriously, and now we are separated, but there are differences in the choice of life.

……

After getting dressed, I sat on the sofa and smoked while Lu Jia took a shower in the bathroom. She didn't close the door, probably for the convenience of talking to me.

"Mi Gao, what are your plans for the future?"

Outside the window, the sound of machinery building the city was mixed with the sound of rain. I felt unspeakable exhaustion in my heart, exhaled the smoke heavily, and finally replied: "The kind that wants to sleep well without having to dream. .”

Lu Jia smiled slightly and said, "Don't keep sleeping, you are a man."

I raised my head, and there were a lot of words in my heart that I wanted to justify myself, such as the unfairness of this world, such as bad luck, such as only a few people who can excel, and most people can only live mediocrely, but what is the point of saying these things?
I laughed amidst her laughter, and then changed the subject: "What about you, will you return to China in the future?"

"If you meet a suitable one over there, you probably won't come back."

"Ah."

I felt very sad, and said again: "Remember to send me a photo of you wearing a wedding dress when the time comes."

"We are not the kind of exes who can still be friends after breaking up, so let's not contact each other."

I lowered my head, looked at the cigarette that was about to burn out in my hand, and replied after a while: "I just want to see if your appearance in the wedding dress is the same as what I think in my heart."

"If you're not kidding, I really don't think it's necessary... Your fantasy in this regard should be left to your next girlfriend."

As she said that, the sound of the water stopped, and not long after, Lu Jia came out of the bathroom wearing the clothes she had when she came. She smiled at me, but I was in a daze. I was used to her being naked after taking a shower. Standing in front of me.

"Migao, take care of yourself, I'm leaving."

"Leave something."

Lu Jia looked at the ring I gave her a year ago, took it off, and put it gently on the table, she never looked back, I was caught off guard, what I wanted was not everything she had in the past Give it back to me, but really leave something behind.

Standing on the 19th floor, which seemed to be isolated from the world, I looked desperately at her back standing in the rain waiting for the bus. The moment she got on the bus, I became sober again, more sober than ever.I know what she took away and what she left behind, but these things are not visible to the naked eye.

……

"Forrest Gump said that life is a piece of chocolate, and I thought: Maybe he is right; a woman said that life is a child and a house, and I thought: Maybe she is right; God said that life is redemption and repentance, and I thought: Maybe I I am a sinner. I have been singing since I was five years old, and now I am still empty-handed, like a grain of dust; goodbye, the twentieth century; goodbye, people who are as confused as me..."

In the bar, I sat by the window, and the band sang this song whose name I didn't know not far away, but it reflected my mood.I can't let go of Lu Jia's choice, but I must understand her, because love is not a means. When she has a better tomorrow to choose, I have no way to keep her in the name of love.

However, her choice magnified my pain and made me wonder what kind of mentality I should use to face the future.

Wang Lei, who was sitting opposite, handed me a lady's cigarette, lit it for me, and said to me with a smile: "Do you feel that you are much happier than most people who are broken in love, at least there is me Such a fellow is willing to accompany you... But, can you fucking stop treating me like air, even if I make a "squeak"!"

"squeak."

"Fuck you, do you want to be so real?!"

I just took a look at Wang Lei. She put on very bright makeup, black stockings and a short skirt that can wrap her buttocks very sexy. She told me that she didn't want to dress herself up like this, but she was a professional. needs.But in the city of Shanghai, I am afraid that only I know her full name. Her colleagues and guests call her Leilei.

We also came to Shanghai from a small city in Sichuan. I chose to work step by step, and she chose to accompany wine at KTV.It is impossible for me to like her career, and I have persuaded her to find a serious job, but she always said that she is used to living like this, and she is not a woman who likes to change and choose, because life has never given her Opportunity to choose.

Yes, she is a very troubled woman. Her parents died in the earthquake in 2008, making her suddenly orphaned at the age of 16.

……

After a moment of silence, Wang Lei came over to me again and said, "There is something very funny: last night some buddies who opened a hotel in Dali came to the venue and told me a lot about Dali. They said, there There are a group of very free and jerk men who ride motorcycles around the ancient city and the Erhai Lake every day, but there are women who are willing to befriend them and ride on their broken motorcycles... Shanghai, isn't it just nonsense, if you don't have a house and a car, who would want to fall in love with you!"

After Wang Lei finished speaking, she laughed, and suddenly she lowered her voice and said to me: "But I really want to go and see. They say that Erhai Lake is very beautiful, and there are seagulls."

"Go."

"I don't have time..."

After finishing speaking, Wang Lei stared at me, and said on a whim: "Mi Gao, why don't you go to Dali to open an inn, you said that you are in Shanghai, and you only receive a salary of 7000 yuan a month, and I will do it for you." You feel hopeless, why not try the life there, maybe it is really as good as they say!..."

She fell into a state of delusional thinking, and she was still instigating in my silence: "Go, I heard that opening an inn over there can make money... When you are stable, then take me over, and we will be together... "

I interrupted her: "Don't dream, I want the money to open a hotel, why not pay a down payment for a house in Shanghai, one bedroom and one living room are also fine!"

"You don't have it, I have it."

As Wang Lei said, she really took out a bank card from her handbag, and handed it to me: "There is 19 in the card, which should be enough to open a hotel."

I didn't answer and lit another cigarette.

Wang Lei forced the card to me, and said: "What else is there in Shanghai except a woman who dumped you?... Go to Dali, even if the inn loses money, I don't have to worry about it. I can make money in Shanghai. I don't care." looking at you."

I finally took it from Wang Lei. In order not to hurt her enthusiasm, I promised her that she would think about going to Dali.But I will not leave Shanghai, because I am also a man who will be swayed by habits.So I will keep the money she gave me for the time being. Her job is very unstable, and she lives on the mood of customers, and I will return it to her when she is down in the future.

……

Only three days after this, I heard a bad news: Wang Lei had a conflict with the guests because she was unwilling to come out. In the chaos, she was hit on the head by a wine bottle and passed away on the way to the hospital. breathe.

Later, I found out that the 19 yuan was all her savings over the years. She used all the money she earned to donate a school in the county. The students were orphans who lost their parents in the earthquake just like her. .

(End of this chapter)