I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 267 I'm going to be a bad man

In the deep night, I gave up the half-lying position, sat on the bench, and then lowered my head and lit the first cigarette of the night; in the diffuse smoke, I looked hard to the other side of the river , but the entire Bund has been shrouded in thick fog, and all I can see is a square inch of land around me, and those hidden lights in the fog, flickering, without any rendering, are already very psychedelic and lonely... …

At this moment, what I need is not these visible but intangible lights. I want to have such a close person who can talk to me.

I am even more unwilling to see myself who hates waiting even more after 12 o'clock... I gradually equate waiting with humbleness, because I have sat on the bench for two hours and smoked half a pack of cigarettes, Really humbling.

And what about Ye Zhi?

She knew that I was waiting for her, but she might have already slept on the big soft bed and entered the dreamland.

I can see through it, there is no emotion in this world that never fades, and the one who gets hurt in the end must be the person who stays where he is and refuses to leave... So sometimes, chicness is also a kind of protection for oneself, especially It's a man, if he lives too hard in the emotional world, he will probably fail in the end.

To be more selfish, there is nothing wrong with being a "bad man". A little hope desperately waits.

……

Another hour passed, and before Ye Zhi came, she heard a burst of heart-piercing cries from the riverside. She didn't need to look into the details, but she knew it must be the hysterical catharsis of a woman who had been hurt in love with...

In essence, there is no absolute difference between Dali and Shanghai. Just like Dali has the Erhai Lake and Shanghai has the Huangpu River, sometimes they are regarded as scenery, and sometimes they are regarded as comfort after suffering aggression.

After all, water is always flowing. Look at places with water and think about it... At least you will remind yourself not to be a stagnant fool; if there is such a hurdle that you can't get over, water can also become a human From this point of view, water is really the most liberating thing in the world, so there is such a legend called Mengpo soup and Wangqing water.

At this moment, if I were to comfort that heartbroken woman, I would definitely persuade her to be a "bad woman", because as long as a person is bad, he will not think about those rotten rules in love...

Amidst the woman's bitter cries, another gust of wind blew over. With my last expectation, I looked in the direction where Ye Zhi might appear, but there was still nothing but a dim street lamp...

I gave up without regret, because I have tried my best; I will not wait here until dawn, I think I am still a man with personality, before I came, I made sure that my bottom line is one hour, more than one hour, When the gods come, I won't take a second look.

However, when I stood up from the bench, it was already 01:30... I just felt a pair of invisible hands pumping my face like a "cracking sound", the fucking bottom line , it's really casual!
I finally put out the last cigarette I smoked on the Bund, and then I got up and walked on the road I used to go back and forth, but the visibility was affected by the heavy fog. I touched it a few times before I found the way back... I couldn't help but think again , even a road is so difficult to find, let alone alone, so will Ye Zhi and I miss each other because of this fog?

I thought, I should send another text message to confirm with her.

In an instant, I slapped myself again, how cheap it is to come up with such an idea!

If she really came, how could she not take the initiative to contact me when she couldn't find me?
When I think of this, my heart is full of frustration, and I gradually despair of this relationship... And Ye Zhi is really not me, so she won't understand, what kind of spirit do I need to come to Shanghai from Dali once? To support, to do so without hesitation.

……

Leaving the Bund, I went to the place where Chen Jin lived; the layout of the house he rented was similar to the one I used to rent. It is a true portrayal of most of the school-age youths floating in Shanghai. We can only live in this small place of ten square meters to meet all our living needs.

I have always believed that living in such a place is impossible to have ideals, because the narrow space and thick walls have prevented the divergence of thinking, making you unable to go out or fly; The corpse was buried in this place forever, and then rotted a little bit in the bustling and hustle and bustle of the big city.

……

Chen Jin hadn't slept yet, he was lying on the bed staring at his phone in a daze, I asked him, "Where did you put my luggage, I'll find something to wash up."

"It's on the shelf next to the bathroom, you step on the ladder to get it."

I looked up and said to Chen Jin: "The design of your shelf is too awesome! It makes me feel like I'm in a duplex building... It's just that this ladder is a bit shabby, can it be stable when I step on it? "

"It's the size of a palm, it won't kill you if you drop it, so don't worry about it."

I looked around the house for another week, and then I stepped on the "creaking" wooden ladder and took down my suitcase.

Chen Jin gave up the bed to me, and made a bunk on the ground himself; facing such a room, we seem to have a very tacit understanding, lighting a cigarette together, lying on the bed together without saying a word...

It was already 10 minutes after Chen Jin and I spoke: "Do you still have cigarettes?"

I threw the cigarette case to him and replied, "All the property is here, you can do whatever you want."

Chen Jin lit another cigarette, and in the limited space, he became even more gloomy, just like my mood at the moment, full of indescribable aggrievedness and loss... Yes, I am also a somewhat sensitive man when it comes to love, So regarding Ye Zhi's failure to show up for the appointment, I was very brooding, but I didn't know how to vent it other than smoking.

At this time, I am particularly envious of people like Yang Sisi, because she really has the ability to cry when she wants, but what about me?The knife was pierced in my heart, but I still cared about my adult status, and then forced a smile.

The same is true for Chen Jin, if he encounters such a thing as being tricked by his girlfriend, even if he does not die, his skin will be peeled off, but he still disguises himself as a cockroach, hiding in such a house with no sunlight and tenaciously alive, For him, hopes and dreams are like illusory and bubbles, because the city of Shanghai is too realistic, and the people in the circle are more realistic; now, in order to protect Ding Lin, he has already ruined his reputation It is basically impossible to find another satisfactory job in this circle.

When I was thinking about this, Chen Jin said to me again: "You quit your job and went to Dali back then, you were like a fan... Can you tell my buddies, what made you make up your mind? "

"Feeling hopeless and not seeing a ray of hope."

"Are you more desperate than your buddies now?"

I smiled, and replied: "Can despair be compared... Anyway, at that time, it was a feeling of living like a year. Everything was gray. When I was the saddest, I thought about jumping the Huangpu River."

Chen Jin looked at me, and said for a while, "This is how I feel now... I suspect that I have been brought out of severe depression."

"Depression is really not like you...don't be too pessimistic!"

"Can I not be pessimistic?... After working so hard in Shanghai for so many years, I still lost everything in the end... I really don't know how to go on the road ahead."

I lost my mind...

"Mi Gao, at this time, can't you fucking listen to me? My buddy will really be depressed."

"Say it, say it... I'll listen."

Chen Jin seemed to hold back a lot of words, and suddenly said to me very discouraged: "What the hell can I say... My heart feels like I've been stabbed with a knife!"

I got out of bed, took out a cigarette from the cigarette case I just threw to Chen Jin, lit it, and after several puffs, I finally said to him: "Have you noticed that the suffering of people like us is It's because you live too seriously and compete too much... Tell me, why do men have to buy a house and have a decent job? In fact, if you think about it carefully, these are just what women hope to get from a man... ...The sense of security they want, once processed by society, becomes the responsibility of us men; especially men like us who lost at the starting line, have been killed by such a mountain since the first day they had a girlfriend Suppressing... If you want me to say, why the hell do I have to find a woman to live a serious life? Why the hell should I be tricked by life?..."

"Go on, I'll take a notebook and write it down... I think it's quite useful, and it relieves my anger!"

I was speechless, and cursed again: "Do you fucking look like a person who is about to suffer from depression?... If you really resonate, you should be more sincere."

"You really listen to what you said, you go on... I promise not to interrupt you, buddy."

"There is nothing to say, I just think that people like us don't need to live too hard... It's better to keep life simple. If you don't have money, let's earn it; if you have money, you can spend it smartly. Don't fucking think about houses and women, people live their lives for themselves."

"What if it's empty?"

"You still haven't got the hang of it... Let me ask you, what are you doing to make money?"

"Flourishment..."

"Isn't this the end of it? You heard someone say that a man who spends his days drinking and drinking will be empty."

Chen Jin stared at me, and said, "Looking at your expression now, why do I think you are such a bad guy?!"

I froze for a moment, and then replied after a long while: "It's too tiring to be a good man, and it doesn't cost much to be a bad man...Chen Jin, buddy, I'm not joking with you. After I return to Dali this time, I will never touch emotional things." Messy things, I have to make money first...Let’s be realistic, if you don’t have some foundation in your bank card, you don’t even have the qualifications to be a bad man!”

Chen Jin replied with special approval: "I absolutely agree with what you said... Why should we be played by women, I will never spend my heart and soul with women in the future, I will definitely try my best to be a bad man..."

I took a deep breath and said, "It's an honor to witness the birth of a scumbag!"

"Each, each other... But what the hell made you so cynical?"

(End of this chapter)