My cat can cultivate immortality

Chapter 1 Prologue (pure spoof, skippable)

(parallel world)
After waking up from sleep, Taishang Laojun suddenly realized that he had caused a catastrophe!

Tusita Palace.

Looking at the alchemy furnace that was kicked over by him last night, Taishang Laojun was stunned for an hour before suddenly waking up, and shouted in shock:
"I have a mother's leg!"

Before the words were finished, the person had already stepped on the purple auspicious cloud and flew staggeringly far away.

At yesterday's flat peach meeting, the Jade Emperor was so generous that he could eat a thousand-year-old fairy peach.

As the saying goes, "One hundred years of taste, one thousand years of drunkenness", this fairy peach is sweet and delicious, full of spiritual energy, so refreshing that the old man tears his eyes!

The Taishang Laojun immediately became high, and repeatedly "lifted peaches" with the empress from an unknown palace across the table, and dried three thousand-year-old flat peaches in one go.

Comfortable now.

There was nothing wrong on the way back, but when he arrived at the gate of Tushita Palace, a wave of drunkenness went straight to his head, and in the blink of an eye, the old man was so drunk that he turned upside down and turned his back on his back.

I can't remember exactly what happened last night.

It's just that after waking up, I heard the little girl with a miserable face and disheveled clothes saying: Lord Dao Zun climbed to the alchemy stove to sing last night, but fell down accidentally.In a fit of anger, he raised his foot and kicked over the Dan stove.

Well, this time I made a fool of myself.

And what's even more frightening is that because the alchemy stove was kicked down, all the freshly refined spiritual materials in a large pot leaked out—thick spiritual energy dripped down from the sky like money, and flowed everywhere in the mortal world. .

Is this worth it?Not to mention that China has instantly become a place full of spiritual energy, just the lost spiritual materials are enough for him to feel sorry for half a year.

Taishang Laojun is in a hurry.

Ever since the founding of New China, the Heavenly Court has issued a strict order that gods are not allowed to come down to earth.Although it is said that these leaked auras will not affect the lives of mortals, they are always bad.

Maybe at some point, those gods who are too idle will feel lonely again, and they will go out to wander in the sky.Then his matter was discovered and stabbed to heaven——

Even if it hadn't become the number one scandal in history, how could he accept disciples in the future?
In desperation, he could only trot all the way into the residence of his eldest brother, Yuanshi Tianzun, stepping on the purple auspicious clouds.

For two full hours, Taishang Laojun narrated the embarrassing things he did yesterday with snot and tears, and at the end, he still hugged his thigh and asked if there was any way to solve the problem of spiritual energy.

Yuanshi Tianzun was amused when he heard it, and his third younger brother was really capable.He put down the mobile phone he had stolen from the mortal world, frowned and thought of a way.

This matter is difficult to say, simple but not simple.

First of all, when aura enters the mortal world, mortals are completely unaware and unable to use it.

It's like you have a mosquito coil, but if you don't have a lighter, even if the mosquito bites you to death, you can't light the mosquito coil to drive away the mosquito.

The same goes for Reiki.Without the celestial methods handed down by the celestial beings such as Taishang Laojun and Yuanshi Tianzun, even if you have strange bones and a Ganoderma lucidum on your forehead, you still have no way to absorb the spiritual energy and turn it into your own use.

So how to take back the leaked spiritual energy without going down to the mortal world to accept disciples, and without affecting the order of the mortal world, became a problem.

After pondering for a long time, Yuanshi Tianzun remembered that mobile phone.

There is no such thing in the sky.

It took me three full months to create a one-off magic weapon of the fairy family.The function of magic weapon is very simple: it can "borrow" something from the mortal world.

That's how this phone came about.

As for why—

Tianzun has been particularly fascinated by the new tricks played by mortals recently.What mobile phones, computers, movies and TV.

Think about it, living in the sky for tens of thousands of years, but the old guy is so idle.Now that I see such a novelty gadget, I hurried to get it all together, which can be regarded as keeping up with the trend of the times.

Among all the functions of the mobile phone, Yuanshi Tianzun likes to use the app called "Starting Reading" the most.

This really opened his eyes - what kind of urban cultivator, soldier king who has retired for many years, a young man who got a space ring, and the engagement was divorced at the beginning, only to find out that there is an old man living in his ring ...

This kind of stuff called web novels is especially appealing to old guys.

Why do you ask?Interesting!What fighting spirit, comprehension, what magic, and those demons and ghosts in the West.

Tianzun doesn't even know how these mortal brains grow.It is obviously something fabricated out of thin air, but they can explain it with reason and evidence.Reading novels to pass the time every day is also a lot of fun.

Occasionally, he would use spells to put some money into the account.

Recently, I have become addicted to spending money. I like to reward my favorite books and authors, and give me two red envelopes.

……

"Brother, tell me what to do!" Taishang Laojun saw that his boss was fascinated by his thoughts, and hurriedly shook his thigh, as if he was about to cry again.

"Hey - don't worry, don't worry."

Yuanshi Tianzun picked up his mobile phone and opened the starting point to read.Originally, he wanted to see if the novels he was following were updated, but in the new book recommendation, there were a bunch of novel titles of "XXX System" and "System XXXX", which gave him a sudden inspiration.

It's fun to say.The recent online novel "System Flow" is quite popular, Tianzun naturally followed up and read a lot, and found it very interesting.

This kind of "system" that says science is not science, and fantasy is not fantasy, really satisfies the desire of ordinary people to imagine that they have a backer and pretend to be omnipotent.

Tianzun himself is not immune to the vulgarity. He often feels itchy and itchy hands when he reads the novels streamed by the system.No, it just happened that I recently studied it and made a small system casually.

Now that the Taishang Laojun got into trouble, he just took this opportunity to modify the system again, according to the routine in the novel, to help his third younger brother solve the trouble, it is not bad to think about it.

After making up his mind, Yuanshi Tianzun touched his beard and laughed.

"Third brother, go back now! I have made up my mind, and within three days, I can begin to resolve this matter!"

Seeing the Taishang Laojun leave in panic, Tianzun didn't procrastinate, turned and walked into the Heavenly Palace.

Three days later.

Looking at a file full of mystery on the elder brother's mobile phone, Taishang Laojun asked in a daze:
"Brother, are you... wanting to accept disciples?"

"Hey? That's not right." Yuanshi Tianzun waved his hand, "Since I heard that the monkey didn't follow Bodhi, but went to convert to that old thing like Tathagata, I don't plan to take disciples as a brother. Our stone monkey in the heaven How embarrassing is it that you have all gone to someone else's house to become an apprentice? Brother, I don't want to be that second Bodhi."

"Then what is this? Brother Guan, this document is clearly full of experience and methods of the immortal family..."

"You don't understand that. The practice is to help the third brother recover the aura faster. As for this fairy family's method... who told you that it is for 'people'?"

"what?"

The two were head to head, and Tianzun told Taishang Laojun all his plans.As for Taishang Laojun, his eyes lit up as he listened.

"I see?"

"exactly!"

"Then what if it's like this?"

"If you want to do this and that, I will do that and that..."

"I see!"

what's going on?Only Heaven knows, Earth knows, Heaven knows, Laojun knows.

How exactly is not clear.But at the end, both of them grinned involuntarily, and laughed viciously.

With laughter, Tianzun picked up his phone, opened QQ, and contacted his only friend on QQ...

----

----

Apology: Due to the lack of strict research before, the seniority of the Sanqing in the setting of this book has been adjusted today.Thanks to the book friends for the correction!
Additional instructions are as follows:

In this book, "Taishang Laojun" specifically refers to the name of the deity of Daode Tianzun in the heavenly court.It has nothing to do with the Taishang Laojun who "transforms three cleans in one breath" in traditional Taoism.

According to the setting extension of "Journey to the West", before the Sanqing, all were "Tao", and the Sanqing was the head of all immortals.Their status is Yuqing > Shangqing > Taiqing > Jade Emperor > Zhongxian.

But status does not mean position.The order of the heavens is controlled by the heavens. Although Sanqing is the head of all the immortals, they still have to cooperate with the management in administration.

Sanqing is essentially an idle god with a transcendent status, transcending the causal time and space of all realms, and practicing Taoism in Wuji.

If you have any questions about the setting of this book, go to [Work Related 2] Persuasion Guide.

It's nonsense to Xiuxian, it's pure nonsense, the hook is straight and the bait is salty, the speed is not low, everyone knows it.

　The content of this chapter has been modified, and most of the content stated in the chapter cannot be displayed normally.Apologies here!
　　
　
(End of this chapter)