Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Jing Huan had not expected that Yearning For would actually bring him along.

Although Yearning For's reputation had been damaged quite a bit, he was still strong; the various major guilds might not solicit him as enthusiastically as before, but they would still really want him to join.

He even suspected that Yearning For's game PM inbox would explode.

Jing Huan snapped out of his daze and opened up the expressions list, wanting to act cute. After seeing the mass of hilarious NBA stars' expressions that he had saved, he gave up.

He elbowed Lu Wenhao. "Hao'er."

Lu Wenhao turned his head around. "What?"

"Send me some of those cute expressions you have in your WeChat."

Lu Wenhao tossed him a strange look. "What do you want those for?"

Before Jing Huan could explain, Lu Wenhao raised his voice to say, "OHHH- Huanhuan! You're wooing a girl, right?!"

Jing Huan, "…"

His voice wasn't soft, and most of the people in the restaurant had turned around to look at them. Gao Zixiang was also stunned when he heard them, and he immediately put his phone down. "What? Who's wooing a girl? Which girl?"

"You stole my picture and posted a picture of dolls, say it, are you wooing a 2D sister who really likes pink?" Lu Wenhao asked.

Gao Zixiang, "Seriously? You like that type?"

Jing Huan had still been struggling with how to deceive these two, yet they delivered an excuse for him right to his doorstep.

"Yeah." Jing Huan said all proper, "But that sister doesn't like me, so can't you see I'm trying to think up a plan. All right, cut the crap, hurry and send your expression packages to me. If I reply this slowly to her, how could it still be called wooing?"

"Oh, ok ok ok." Lu Wenhao quickly opened his WeChat to empty his pockets in assistance.

Jing Huan saved all of the images, then picked a picture of two kittens hugging each other to send to the group chat.

Xiao Jing ya: [Picture] @Xiang

For the time being, Xiang Huaizhi didn't have the time to see this very carefully selected expression.

As soon as his megaphone was sent out, his game interface instantly blew up with friend requests. In less than half a minute, he had received more than 40 messages.

The Illusion server had been running for several years, so there were a ton of guilds with maxed out levels in the server. The differences between guilds at this point only lay in the strength of its members and the number of potion fields they all had.

At the same time, the World Channel had blown up as well.

[World] Continue to Add Money: God Xiang's actually looking for a guild? [horrified]

[World] Wait for Wind to Come: Duh. Guild instances are launching, so the great God will certainly want to do them too.

[World] Luo Xiaoluo: Why is he a great God now? Did you forget what he just did recently? Yet you're still licking his feet?

[World] Little Handsome: Two-timing doesn't stop him from being OP ah. Besides, Immortal Mengmeng clearly isn't anything good either.

[World] Pudding: Hold on…shouldn't the Fairy Fox Cave be the focus? It couldn't be that Fairy Fox Cave ba…

[World] Wait for Wind to Come: I think it's that Fairy Fox Cave too!

[World] Is Gege Big: It surely is, do you even need to guess that?

The players had started playing a puzzle game through their tacit mutual understanding of the situation.

"Aren't these people too funny?" Lu Hang enjoyed spectating the show very much. "Xiao Jingjing's pretty good ah, she just bought her account recently, yet the entire server knows her name already. Amazing."

Xiang Huaizhi ignored him and didn't bother to look at the World Channel either. He opened up his messages and patiently read through every one of them, then gave each of them a reply.

Since all the guilds that had messaged him were at the maximum level, what he wanted to see were the conditions offered by each of the guilds.

[Private Message] May You be Happy: Is God Xiang there? Wanna consider joining our South Side of Painting Pavilion? You can pick anything you want from our guild's three potion fields as you please, and we'll open up the potion refinery room for you every day too.

[Private Message] Big Bro Meteor: God Xiang, come to our Shatter the Sky. Whatever South Side of Painting Pavilion offers you, we'll give you 10% more.

[Private Message] May You be Happy: God Xiang, is that stupid Shatter the Sky guild PM-ing you too? Let me tell you this, their guild is especially slow in opening up their potion fields, and there's a ton of daily internal strife in their guild too. They've caused a ruckus in the forum quite a few times, you mustn't go over to their side!

[Private Message] Big Bro Meteor: Oh right, God Xiang let me remind you this, the South Side of Painting Pavilion guild isn't reliable. They're always relying on insidious moves in guild battles, and they're the public enemy of all guilds in the server, so it's best if you don't go to that guild.

Xiang Huaizhi knew of both guilds. They set each other as hostile guild factions everyday and fought each other once every two to three days, so forget it.

He continued scrolling down and finally picked one that didn’t seem bad. The guild’s name was “No.1 in the World”, and it was also considered a huge guild. Although their conditions weren’t as good as the previous two, they were peaceful and didn’t cause trouble.

Love&peace.

When he thought of what Xiao Tianjing had said the other day, the corners of his mouth lifted slightly, and he was ready to talk specific details with this guildmaster.

[Private Message] Qiufeng; Are you there?

[Private Message] Yearning For: No.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Would you consider joining Idle Pavilion?

Both of their messages were sent out almost at the same time.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: …[haha] Brother, at least let me finish talking before rejecting me ma.

[Private Message] Yearning For: Un.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Three potion fields, the potion refinery room will be open everyday, and an Elite position.

[Private Message] Yearning For: Won't consider.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Can I ask the reason?

[Private Message] Yearning For: The conditions offered aren't the best.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Then we can continue discussing it.

[Private Message] Yearning For: You guys have some grudges with the Fairy Fox Cave in my team.

So that was the real reason. Qiufeng had guessed it long ago. He only decided to contact Yearning For after talking it out with Chunxiao.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: What happened in the past was all just a misunderstanding; I've already explained it properly to our guild members. I guarantee that this won't happen again.

[Private Message] Yearning For: Never mind.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Don't ah. I'll just speak frankly: we want you because we want to get the first clear for this instance.

At the same time that the official site launched the instance introduction, information on the corresponding rewards for clearing the instance had also been released below it. One of them was "Guild instances will be released at different intervals. The guild that obtains the first clear for instances in a server will obtain 50 honour points, five community maintenance points, +20% rate of expansion for potion fields for three months, and other such rewards. The party that obtains the first clear will have a 100% chance of obtaining high-level materials as rewards."

With these guild attributes, coupled with the distance in rankings that had already been pulled apart beforehand, Idle Pavilion would be able to maintain a stable first place in the guild ranking list even if they didn't do guild quests for a whole year afterwards.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: If you go to other guilds, you'll definitely have to hand the high-level material rewards over to them, but our guild won't enforce that. Everyone will roll the dice, and you guys will be able to get it if you win the roll. Your party's warlock should be preparing to forge a divine artifact ba? Then he must really need high-level materials.

[Private Message] Qiufeng: Don't worry too much either. Xiao Tianjing's so cute, she definitely won't bear a grudge.

She doesn't.

But after being hunted down for so long, she must have worked up a bit of a temper.

Xiang Huaizhi had wanted to reject this proposal, but after hearing Qiufeng talk about deciding who the high-level materials would belong to by rolling dice, he stopped typing.

He didn't lack that bit of high-level materials. He'd definitely be able to get them by doing more quests, but his teammates may want them.

So he opened up his WeChat, and after indifferently glancing through the past chat records, he screenshotted his conversation with Qiufeng and sent it over.

Jing Huan was on his way back home. When he saw the picture, he couldn't help but stop.

Lu Wenhao urged him, "Whatcha doing Huanhuan! Hurry up, I need to go back and wash my clothes ASAP!"

Jing Huan, "Oh…coming."

He opened up the keyboard for his phone, but after his fingers hovered above it for half a day, he still couldn't type a single sentence out.

He really wanted to transmigrate to the past and beat his past self to death. It was all going well, so why did he just have to establish himself as a character that doesn't bear any personal grudges?!

By joining Idle Pavilion, wasn't that equivalent to letting a lamb jump into a pack of wolves by itself?! Idle Pavilion said that they wouldn't kill him now, but what about in the future? If that Regardless of Lovesickness went nuts one day and said that he's seducing her girlfriend again, then wouldn't she push him down in the guild scene and hit him?

Xiao Jing ya: [trembles]

Xiao Jing ya: …will they really not kill me? I'm still scared, yingyingying QAQ

He was already acting this pitiful, so Yearning For should understand ba?

Little Road Little Road Certainly wouldn't get

: Don't be afraid! Lu Gege will protect you! With us two around, they definitely won't dare to kill you.

Little Road Little Road Certainly wouldn't get Lost: Or do you hate Chunxiao and the rest of them, so you don't want to be in the same guild as them?

Xiao Jing ya: …how could I hate them.

Xiao Jing ya: I don't bear any grudges, I'm just a little scared.

Xiao Jing ya: [aggrieved][aggrieved][aggrieved]

Xiang: Got it.

Got it? What did you get?

Jing Huan wanted to ask some more, but Lu Wenhao urged him to go again. He hesitated a little before putting his phone back in his pocket, deciding to consider how to reject this idea after getting home.

When he got home, he turned on his computer and quickly started up the game.

Right after he entered the game, a guild invitation popped up on his screen.

【Your friend Yearning For has invited you to join the guild "Idle Pavilion". Agree, Reject.】

"…" Jing Huan, looking like there was nothing left to live for, clicked 'agree'.

【Guild notice: Welcome Xiao Tianjing in joining Idle Pavilion guild!】

Today, the chat channel of Idle Pavilion was completely desolate. Ever since Yearning For and Long Road Ahead had entered the guild, barely anyone popped up, and the rare few that spoke up were the game merchants who were collecting items in the chat channel.

After Xiao Tianjing joined the guild, even the merchants stopped talking.

Jing Huan PM-ed Yearning For. The other party didn't reply, and his coordinates remained in the same spot as well, so he was probably busy and afk-ing.

He had finished his dailies for the day before leaving his house, so Jing Huan decided that he might as well fly over to the place that Yearning For was afk-ing at and circle around him idly.

Just as he was about to go find a movie to watch, a new message finally popped up in the guild channel.

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Omg, my friend sent me a screenshot at midnight. Yearning For actually announced that he was looking for a guild in a megaphone! Did you guys see it?

[Guild] Peachy Fate: …Rere, you just came online?

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Yeah, I just got home. Peachy, did you see the megaphone?

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Hold on, let me continue first! Yearning For even insisted on bringing a Fairy Fox Cave along into the guild! And he said that they wouldn't split up! I dare bet that that Fairy Fox Cave must be Xiao Tianjing!

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: There's definitely something going on between the two of them right?!

[Guild] Peachy Fate: …

[Guild] The Wind is Freer than Me: …

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: …

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: ?

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: What's wrong with you guys? Why is the guild channel so empty today? Where did everyone go?

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Oh right, which guild did Yearning For join in the end?

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: Who knows, that'll depend on which guild offered the best conditions [cute]~

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Hehe, to be honest, I added Yearning For as a friend. I'll go see which guild he's in now.

For two minutes after that, Don't Ask when I'll Return didn't reappear.

[Guild] Xiao Tianjing: @Don't Ask when I'll Return have you seen it? Where did Yearning For go?

Xiang Huaizhi came back after making a call and just so happened to see that sentence.

He was too lazy to read the earlier records and answered in passing.

[Guild] Yearning For: Here.

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: …

[Guild] Don't Ask when I'll Return: I [kneel and kowtow] …I'm sorry, I might have been blind just now…

[Guild] Peachy Fate: [thumbs up] Awesome.

[Guild] You're sick and I have the medicine: Ah Re, you really are a talent.

[Guild] Listen to the Rain: I laughed so hard the neighbouring auntie came over to knock on my door to warn me that chickens aren't allowed in my apartment building.

The guild channel instantly revitalized. Jing Huan laughed for quite a while too, and just as he wanted to continue typing, he was interrupted by the megaphone that suddenly popped up in the lower left corner of his screen.

【[Megaphone] Regardless of Lovesickness: Sorry for disturbing everyone, but there's something I want to clarify. Previously, there were some misunderstandings between Idle Pavilion and Xiao Tianjing that led to the two parties falling out. After verification, "Xiao Tianjing", that is, "Don't Frown"'s account has indeed changed hands. When I said that I only "see the account and not the person" before, I just said that in the spur of the moment, I wasn't really trying to be unreasonable.

I apologise for all the trouble this has brought Xiao Tianjing recently, and I'm willing to compensate her for her losses from her deaths. I'd also like to sincerely welcome Xiao Tianjing, Yearning For, and Long Road Ahead in joining our Idle Pavilion. I hope that all of us can work together to build a better guild.】

After Jing Huan read this, he was thoroughly stunned.

…what was going on?

He had a vague idea in his mind. He immediately opened up his chat box with Yearning For and sent out a few question marks in succession without even caring about acting cute.

[Friend] Yearning For: Saw the megaphone?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …un, but why?

[Friend] Yearning For: Our condition for joining the guild.

[Friend] Yearning For: Still feel wronged?

Jing Huan was baffled. When did he say that he felt wronged?

He opened up his WeChat and realised that previously, he had sent out three aggrieved expressions in the group chat in succession.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …I don't feel wronged anymore.

[Friend] Yearning For: Good.

Jing Huan's finger was placed on his keyboard as he stared at the word "good", and only snapped out of it after half a day.

He quickly leaned back and with his palm on his chest, he felt his slightly quickened heartbeat while sounding an alarm in his brain-

It's coming!

This slag man! Is starting to unleash his charm!

The author has something to say:

Fortunately you're a guy, or else you would have fallen for his trap.

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Zryuu: Hey guys~ I can't guarantee daily updates anymore cause 1. fingers are feeling better but still kinda shitty, and 2. I've been busyyyy with other things ):