Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

"Exactly, just propose straight away!" Lu Wenhao's lips stung from all the spice. He drank a sip of water and suddenly sensed that something was amiss. "Hold on… amethyst? What amethyst?"

Jing Huan continued with ease, "The reward for the first clear ah."

"Their first clear reward was actually an amethyst?!" Gao Zixiang's eyes widened, and he was so sour that bubbles could be seen. "Fuck, if we had just been 2 seconds quicker, then would we have been able to get an amethyst too… wait, no, how do you know Yearning For's team got an amethyst?"

Lu Wenhao, "Yeah, how did you know?"

Both of them stared doubtfully at this NCH player who had already quit the game for two years.

Crap.

On the spot with a ring your ass, propose what fucking marriage?

Why couldn't you manage your damn mouth, Jing Xiaohuan.

After Jing Huan muttered all this to himself in his heart, he looked up from his food. "I… heard about it."

"Who did you hear it from?" Lu Wenhao asked, "Aside from us, who else around you plays NCH?"

"My friend who I used to play the game with. We just so happened to talk a bit on WeChat today, so he screenshotted the system announcement to complain about it to me." Jing Huan looked calm as he weaved an excuse within a few seconds.

Fortunately, the other two didn't think much about it and continued being lemons after hearing him say this.

After they had their fill of food and drinks, Jing Huan was about to ask if they wanted to play basketball when Lu Wenhao dragged him over to a computer.

Lu Wenhao clasped his hands together. "Huanhuan, Jianghu urgently needs your help!"

Jing Huan instinctively felt like this wasn't going to be anything good. "What urgent help?"

Lu Wenhao opened up a web page. "I want to participate in this…"

Jing Huan glanced at it askance — 7th Nine Chivalrous Heroes' Singing Contest is coming up~

Jing Huan shifted his gaze after glancing through it and said, baffled, "If you want to participate, then just participate ah."

Lu Wenhao, "But you know that my damn voice can only sing A-do."

Jing Huan, "… you're looking down on A-do?"

"No, no, it's just that my voice sounds like his, but I don't sing as well as he does, so I definitely won't be able to get the prize."

Jing Huan laughed when he heard this. "You're thinking of getting the prize? Oh, you should be able to get the participation award."

"I want the limited edition mount." Lu Wenhao dove straight to the point, "Although I can't get a prize, Huanhuan, you can! You sing so well, so it won't be a problem for you to get into the top 3…"

"Wait, stop." Jing Huan wore a complicated expression as he interrupted him, "… don't tell me you want me to help you participate in the competition ba?"

Lu Wenhao looked moved as he gazed at him. "No one knows me better than Huanhuan."

He continued before Jing Huan could refuse, "No matter what ranking you get in the end, you can keep all the prize money, I just want the mount! If you really get into the top 3, I'll get all your takeout orders this whole semester! And I'll save seats for you every day too! Even if it's not my class, I'll go to your classroom to help you take roll call!"

The conditions were quite tempting, especially the last one.

Jing Huan only considered it for two seconds before saying simply, "No way."

Lu Wenhao wilted. "Why?"

Jing Huan pointed at one of the steps of the competition process. "I'll have to go to the official voice channel to sing on the spot, and if I get into the top 3, I'll have to go to a players meet and greet to receive the prize. I don't have the time for that."

Gao Zixiang nodded. "Besides, Hao'er, you'll be deceiving the audience and the judges like that. How would that be any different from your catfisher ex-girlfriend?"

"Fuck! How is it that serious?!" Once that was mentioned, Lu Wenhao was instantly provoked. "I just want a mount, it's not like I'm cheating someone of their feelings and money! It's completely different from those swindling men who disguise themselves as women and play as female characters to seduce other men okay!"

Jing Huan felt offended.

But he quickly convinced himself that Lu Wenhao's "ex-girlfriend" had cheated others of their money and was indeed inhumane.

What he was doing though couldn’t be called cheating, it could only be called getting rid of evil for the people and enacting justice for the heavens.

Unfortunately, there were so many slag men in this world, and he could only help all the pitiful young women get rid of this one.

"Forget it, I was just suddenly inspired." Lu Wenhao thought about it carefully and realised that that idea was indeed quite troublesome. "I'll just go get the participation award then."

There were already quite a lot of players who had uploaded their entries. As Lu Wenhao spoke, he seemed to have thought of something as he opened up the competition interface and input some filters.

Gender: Female; Server: Heaven Grants Conjugal Felicity.

Jing Huan's mouth twitched. "Aren't you being too superficial."

Lu Wenhao retorted, "This is called having a clear goal."

Then he clicked on one of the competition entries. The girl had a sweet voice that overflowed with emotion as she sang.

Lu Wenhao pretended to be a judge as he nodded twice, then nimbly sent that female player a friend request.

Jing Huan, "… I'm not even surprised."

"That's true." After Lu Wenhao spoke, he withdrew and continued listening to other songs.

Seeing as how he skipped several songs in a row, Jing Huan raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you listen to those?"

"Sigh, just look at what kind of songs they're singing." Lu Wenhao said, "《Invisible Wings》《Rice Field》《Courage》, it's one thing to be sick of hearing those songs, but they're all the motivational types too. It's so boring just by looking at it, no one would listen to them."

Jing Huan was stunned, and an idea suddenly surfaced in his mind. He murmured, "Is it…"

After listening to some songs along with Lu Wenhao, Jing Huan remembered his purpose in returning to the dormitory. "Let's go play some basketball tonight?"

Gao Zixiang refused, "I'm not going, my wife's calling me later."

Lu Wenhao only bothered to report that the little Jiejie that sang just now didn't even respond to him.

Jing Huan gave up. He got up since he wanted to leave. "Then I'll head back."

"Don't ah Huanhuan," Lu Wenhao stopped him, "Just sleep here tonight, you can squeeze with me, and we can discuss our trip next month too."

"Abandoning a big bed to sleep with you? Are you nuts, or am I the one who's nuts?" Jing Huan waved his hand and said without even looking back, "The two of you can discuss the trip ba, I'm okay with anything. Bye."

On his way back, Jing Huan took his phone out and sent Yearning For a message.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege, what are you doing?

Xiang: I'm outside.

Xiao Jing ya: What's Gege doing outside?

Xiang: … watching people play at a basketball court.

Xiao Jing ya: I want to see Gege play basketball >.<!!

Xiang: I'm not playing, just watching on the side.

Jing Huan thought, then watch ba, it'd be best if a player in the court misses and dunks the basketball on your head.

Xiao Jing ya: 0.0 is that so, then Gege take care, don't get smashed by a basketball oh~

After sending that out, Jing Huan imagined Yearning For's in game character getting smashed by a basketball, and he immediately cheered up.

Because of this brief interlude, when he was passing by the basketball court, Jing Huan subconsciously glanced inside.

There were several lamps surrounding the court, so Jing Huan could clearly see what was going on inside. There had always been a lot of people in their school who would play basketball at night, so even though it was this late, the court was still filled with students. This basketball court was situated near the dormitory buildings for the third and fourth years, so the ones playing inside were mostly seniors. Jing Huan glanced over and saw that he didn't recognise any of them.

He was just about to leave when his attention was drawn to the umpire seat on the left side of the court.

The guys in the court were all wearing jerseys, and only the guy sitting in the umpire seat was wearing a thin, long-sleeved white shirt and a pair of shorts. His pair of long legs hung leisurely as he looked at the phone in his hand.

A beam of light just so happened to shine on him; the guy had a high nose bridge and an indifferent countenance, while his side profile was even more handsome than those male celebrities on magazine covers.

Jing Huan couldn't help glancing at him a few more times, only to see a player in the court beside him mess up passing the ball — the ball drew out a beautiful arc in the air and flew out of the court as it hurtled towards the tall chair.

He was shocked and blurted out, "Watch out-"

That person abruptly looked up and easily caught the ball with one hand, then stood up and threw it back.

A three-pointer from outside the court went in.

The player was stunned at first, then put his hands together as if to apologise.

Xiang Huaizhi shook his head at the other party to express that he was okay, then thought that Xiao Tianjing's mouth must be enchanted.

And it was the kind of enchantment where the good stuff wouldn't come true, but the bad stuff definitely would.

Jing Huan was dumbstruck — that kind of ball could actually go in?

Wasn't his reaction speed a bit too terrifying? Besides… Xiang Huaizhi's palm looked very big.

He was standing in a daze when he saw Xiang Huaizhi suddenly turn his head, and their gazes met.

Xiang Huaizhi had heard his "watch out". When he saw Jing Huan, he raised an eyebrow in surprise, and before he could respond, he saw the guy standing beyond the court's fence wave at him.

Xiang Huaizhi hesitated for two seconds before raising his hand to wave back in response.

Then the little junior brother smiled and turned around to leave. He was still holding his phone talking to someone.

A few seconds later, his phone vibrated.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege, do you usually play basketball? Do you know how to shoot three-pointers? Can you catch balls with one hand?

If this was as usual, it was unlikely for Xiang Huaizhi to answer these words that were clearly blushing with infatuation.

He sat back on the tall chair and typed.

Xiang: Un.

Xiao Jing ya: Aaahhhh! I wanna see it! Gege must be super cool when he plays basketball T.T

Xiang: Not cool.

Xiao Jing ya: Idc idc! In my heart, Gege's the coolest!

Xiao Jing ya: o(///v///)o

"Xiangxiang, who were you waving at? A junior sister peeping on you from the outside?" Lu Hang got off the court and asked him while he was drenched in sweat, "Yo, chatting with Xiao Tianjing?"

Lu Hang couldn't be blamed for sneaking a look, Xiao Tianjing's profile picture was so pink that it was like a signal flare and was really too easily recognisable.

Xiang Huaizhi turned his phone off. "Done playing?"

"Un, we won." Lu Hang looked at his leg. "When exactly can you start playing again?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "I have a check-up tomorrow."

Every night, the road outside the school would be packed with vendor stands, barbeque stands, sour and spicy noodle shops, crayfish, and everything else. Lu Hang was dizzy from sniffing them all, and he was particularly hungry after exercising too, so he yanked Xiang Huaizhi out to search for food.

At a barbeque stand, Lu Hang polished off a mutton skewer in one go. "Oh right, XIangxiang, your headphones with its own mic is pretty good, lend it to me for a bit when we get back to the dorm."

Xiang Huaizhi, "What for?"

"To participate in NCH's singing contest."

Xiang Huaizhi stopped chewing, and he looked at him with a strange gaze.

"Don't look at me like that ah, there's a participation award for the competition this time. It's a limited edition attire, and it's free, so I might as well get it." Lu Hang asked, "Are you joining?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "Not interested."

He could just move his fingers to buy something like a set of clothing, so there was no need for him to sing.

After they returned to their dormitory, Lu Hang did as he said he would; after borrowing Xiang Huaizhi's headphones, he began creating a demonic song. Xiang Huaizhi's temples throbbed after listening to him.

Half an hour later, Lu Hang held his breath as he finished listening to his recording.

"It sounds amazing, Heaven wouldn't be able to tolerate it if I don't take first place."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't know where he got his confidence from. He sneered and picked up his phone to make an appointment for his check-up tomorrow.

"Wah, so many people from our server participated in this event. Regardless of Lovesickness, Chichi, Qiufeng, Chunxiao… all joined." Lu Hang clicked on Qiufeng's recording. "Fuck, this Qiufeng sings pretty well. Fine, he can barely pass as my competitor; Chunxiao's recording just sounds like Regardless of Lovesickness sang it for her; Chichi sings really well, one vote…"

Halfway through talking, Lu Hang remembered something and turned around to ask, "Xiangxiang, is Xiao Tianjing participating in this?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "How would I know?"

"Tsk, why aren't you the least bit concerned for your teammate?" Lu Hang muttered, "She should've joined ba? I remember the character she bought was filled with limited edition clothing. If she doesn't get this set, the value of her character will fall."

Xiang Huaizhi just let him nag and didn't respond to him.

He couldn't really imagine Xiao Tianjing's singing voice.

Xiao Tianjing usually liked to act coy in front of him, but her voice wasn't the sweet type. He even felt that Xiao Tianjing's voice was a little strange; although it did sound pleasant, it wasn't natural.

However, it wasn't any of his business no matter how well she sang. Lu Hang had just squawked next to his ears for half an hour, so even if Zhang Xueyou were to sing in front of him now, he wouldn't be interested.

Xiang Huaizhi saw the confirmation for his appointment and turned off his phone, then turned off the light to go sleep.

The next day, Xiang Huaizhi's check-up ended. The doctor said that he was making a good recovery, and he could already do some exercise at an appropriate level.

He hadn't played basketball in several months, so Xiang Huaizhi's hands were itching a little. After he left the hospital, he took his phone out since he wanted to call Lu Hang to take the basketball out with him.

But before he could dial the number, Lu Hang had already called him first.

Xiang Huaizhi picked it up. "You sensed Daddy's call?"

"Fuck, Daddy, I'm going nuts, I'm really going to go nuts from laughing." Lu Hang said, "Xiao Tianjing's insane, she really participated in the singing contest!"

"So what if she did," Xiang Huaizhi paused. "She didn't sing well?"

Even if she didn't, you don't seem to have the right to laugh at others ba.

"No, no, that's not the problem…" Lu Hang was laughing so hard that he was gasping for breath. "Do you know what song she sang?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "What song?"

"Mr. Tu Honggang's work-" Each of Lu Hang's words resounded loud and clear, "《Loyalty to the Country》."

Xiang Huaizhi, "…"

—

Huanhuan's song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpr6A3zwDbM

Zryuu: …. HUANHUAN………….. O M G L O L

Juurensha: …..hahahaha Huanhuan, this is great, it totally doesn't fit your fairy fox image. Also, you nearly got your wish for the basketball, but then you prevented it from happening!

—

New post up here!