Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Jing Huan only begun packing his luggage on the day of their departure.

They planned to go for three days and two nights. They had no other plans and were only going there for the hotel's signature hot springs. Gao Zixiang said that there were more than 70 hot spring pools there that had to be more than enough for them all to soak in comfortably.

Guys didn't pay much attention to packing their luggage. Jing Huan packed two sets of clothes and a facial cleanser, carried a laptop bag on top of that, and that was enough for him.

Before leaving, he sent Yearning For a message to wish him a good morning.

Lu Wenhao's car was parked downstairs in the neighbourhood alley. The car was a Volkswagen that his mother had bought for him, saying that he had to be more low profile while going to college, and that she would get him a good car after he graduated. However, Lu Wenhao usually didn't drive. He only got up especially early today to go home and drive the car over because they were going to the hot springs that day.

The two people waited for quite a while in the car. When they saw Jing Huan come out, Lu Wenhao rolled down the car window. "Huanhuan, aren't you dawdling too much… why did you bring so little?"

"I was packing up." Jing Huan said, "Open up your trunk."

After placing his stuff in the trunk, Jing Huan sat in the back seat. "Are the two of you moving? We're only going for 3 days, yet you're bringing two huge suitcases?"

Gao Zixiang peeked out from the passenger seat and blinked at him. "There are treasures inside."

Jing Huan wasn't interested in treasures. He threw his laptop bag aside and yawned.

Lu Wenhao looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Huanhuan, what's wrong with you recently? Every day it seems like you're pulling an all-nighter. Morning classes you're also like this, yawning at least ten times an hour. I'm also getting sleepy watching you."

Jing Huan had been doing quests for the past few nights.

The more he played in the arena, the more addicted he was to it, and the more rounds he played, the more he acutely felt that his equipment was garbage. Every time he made a mistake in a fight, it was easy for him to be taken out. He doesn't even know how many resurrection potions Yearning For has stuffed into him.

Since recently the equipment in the marketplace just didn't match what he wanted, he could only take out his own materials and see if he could create something great.

Gao Zixiang asked suspiciously, "You couldn't have sneakily started dating ba?"

Lu Wenhao opened his eyes wide, "That must be it! Last time I asked you to come stay with us for two days, you refused! Fuck! Huanhuan, are you living with a girl now?!"

Gao Zixiang nodded, "No wonder you're so sleepy every morning."

…where exactly had this conversation gone?

"Living with my ass," He put in his earphones. "It's just insomnia."

Jing Huan held his phone and confirmed it over and over several times.

Twenty minutes had gone by, and Yearning For still hadn't replied to him at all.

What 'I'll reply to you, if I'm free,' he had just been lying to him.

Damn liar.

"I heard that the hotel has all kinds of facilities, like a gym, an internet cafe, KTV… There's even a small bar." Lu Wenhao started his car. "We can go to the internet cafe and get three computers, call up another player, play a four-man PUBG, and go back to the hot springs to relax after we're done. Won't that be wonderful?"

Not mentioning it before, he was fine, but now that he said it, Jing Huan's fingers itched. After quittingNCH two years ago, he had been relying on PUBG to survive. Recently however, he hadn't had much time to play it.

He shifted into a more comfortable position and clicked on the live broadcasting platform in his mobile phone. When he saw that the only anchor he cared about had not started broadcasting, he opened the general area to look for other live broadcasts.

Goddess of the Rifle Xiao LuoMi: Gifts to Mimi are so sweet, sweet til' dating would seem neat~~

The name of the streamer immediately attracted Jing Huan's attention. He looked at the personal information of the channel.

The channel didn't have many fans, but it had still placed in the top ten of last week's gift ranking list. You could tell that the host was very good at attracting the nouveau riches and could even coax them into spending money on her.

Jing Huan admired this attribute very much and went in wanting to learn something from her.

He saw a girl wearing suspenders, revealing a long stretch of pale white skin, delicate makeup, and a voice so sweet honey could be squeezed out of it, "Thank you Wanting To Drink Milk Tea Gege for the itty bitty star, I'll take Gege's star to go buy milk tea later~"

The anchor was shot in the head by an enemy in the game, "Aaaahhhh ya—these Lying Devils (slang for players who lie on the ground to mount sneak attacks in PUBG) really hate me…they're really too insidious, it's not that I'm noob! Don't laugh at me guys! Aaaah, I'm gonna fall out with you guys!"

The anchor picked up an air-dropped gun, and put it on while running up and yelling, "Evil dragon roars! Woooo!"

The anchor's nouveau riche boss entered the studio, "Is Qiu gege here? Good morning gege, did you just wake up?"

[Public screen] Qiu Gege (Big Star Ambassador): En, just opened my eyes and came. Give me a good morning kiss.

Jing Huan was just wondering how a good morning kiss could be given when the anchorwoman laughed shyly and pouted her mouth towards the microphone, "Qiu gege, mua~~"

The simulated kissing sounds were slightly sticky, and the host deliberately prolonged the breathy tone, carrying a lot of charming flavor.

Jing Huan took a deep breath. His arms nearly had goosebumps from hearing her, and he quickly left the stream.

He took off his headphones in a daze and finally understood why Yearning For didn’t like him&#k2014;&#k2014;

Compared to a really cute, coquettish girl with a sweet voice, what did he even count as??!!!

Thinking back on it carefully, the voices of Immortal Mengmeng and his cousin were very sweet, true Lolita voices. Obviously Yearning For only went for Lolitas.

Unfortunately, he had been in such a hurry to buy the voice changer. He hadn't chosen carefully, and now he couldn't pinch out a Lolita voice to save his life.

Jing Huan turned off the live broadcasting app and looked out of the window with a sad face.

After driving for two hours, they finally got to the hotel.

He had booked a room with a large bed on the twentieth floor. Lu Wenhao had gotten a double-bed luxury room, several floors higher than his.

After checking in, Lu Wenhao couldn't wait to ask, "When are we going to soak in hot springs? Huanhuan, how about you change your clothes and come out again. Let's soak once at noon and again at night."

Jing Huan: "You're not afraid of soaking so much you'll faint? I won't go soak at noon. Go by yourselves ba. I'll catch up on some sleep, and call me over again in the evening."

After that, Jing Huan waved to them and went out with his small backpack just as the elevator reached the twentieth floor.

This resort was built in the mountains, and it was hard to find another hotel nearby. Most of the people who choose to stay here were tourists who came here to enjoy life and who didn't even want to leave the hotel.

In order to attract customers, the resort had perfected everything from hotel design to indoor entertainment facilities. Jinghuan swiped his card and opened the door to his room. At a glance, he saw the mountain scenery of the balcony, and his mood relaxed a lot.

He went to the balcony, enjoyed the fresh air of the mountains for a while, then turned on the computer and logged into NCH with ease.

Last night, he had stayed up too late. He planned to catch up on some sleep before continuing to work on his quests. First, he went over to afk in Fairyland.

[Friend] Qiufeng: You there?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Yes, what's wrong?

[Friend] Qiufeng: Come do instances together with me [cute]

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: No, I have a regular team for instances.

[Friend] Qiufeng: I know, but aren't Long Road Ahead and the others not here for the next few days. Come and hang out with me. I'm a good leader. [Shy]

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing:… No, I'm good just doing single-person quests!

[Friend] Qiufeng: Okay ba, then whenever you have time, remember to look back ah.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: To look at what?

[Friend] Qiufeng: To look at me ah. [Shy]

Jing Huan: "…"

Since his last megaphone with Yearning For, all those people who had been crowding around him had completely fled, leaving only Qiufeng, who would occasionally drop a few sentences here and there to tease him.

Jing Huan pondered for a bit, then typed.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Okay! I'm going to Fairyland to just afk first. The scenery here is so good, I want to take some pictures to show Gege >.<, next time, talk later 88.

—

Jing Huan napped a little and woke up to the sun setting right outside his window.

He lay on his side and looked out for a long time before slowly raising his hand and groping for his cell phone under his pillow.

After seeing the bright red "1" on the upper right of the WeChat icon, half of his sleep haziness immediately disappeared, and he immediately clicked on it.

[Qiufeng applied to add you as a friend, with an additional message: Xiao Jingjing, could you take a picture of the scenery to show me too? ]

His joy was half gone at once, and he drowsily just agreed.

Jing Huan opened his messages with Yearning For. At the bottom of the screen was the sentence "Good morning Gege" that he had sent out this morning.

Fuck.

He raised his other hand and poked several times at Yearning For's avatar.

Returning a greeting is a basic social courtesy! Don't you know? This annoying Didi!!

After venting, he started typing on the keyboard of his cellphone.

Xiao Jing ya: Did Gege find a new meimei in the mountains? Why isn't he replying to me T.T.

Around dinner time, Lu Wenhao called him to the hotel cafeteria.

By the time Jing Huan arrived, Lu Wenhao had already finished his third plate of food.

"If you still didn't arrive, I would have eaten up all these dishes." Lu Wenhao patted his stomach.

Jing Huan put his food on the table, sat down, and said, "Eat a little less, you can barely run after a basketball anymore."

Lu Wenhao said, "No way, I still want to win glory for our class at the athletic meet!"

Jing Huan laughed and asked, "Where's Xiang'er?"

"He called his girlfriend and said he'd eat later. He asked us to leave him alone." Just after Lu Wenhao finished, his mobile phone suddenly rang. He picked it up and looked at it. His face immediately blossomed with smiles. He put down his chopsticks and answered with both hands.

Jing Huan took a sip of orange juice: "Can you stop smiling so weirdly that people who don't know what's going on will think you're watching porn in public?"

"Don't talk nonsense," Lu Wenhao said. "I'm talking to my goddess."

"Which goddess?"

"The number one Putuo in the server." Lu Wenhao said proudly, "We're getting married next Wednesday. How about giving you an alt account and letting you in to watch the ceremony?"

"…" Jing Huan did not know what to say for a while. "So, now that the scar is healed, have you forgotten the pain? Aren't you afraid that this time it'll be a grandfather bei?"

"Peipeipei, don't talk nonsense. She turned on her video once, her voice is sweet, and she is my baby."

Jing Huan felt full from disgust by the words 'baby'.

He was about to say a little more when he turned around to see Lu Wenhao's happy and intoxicated expression. Suddenly, he had a flash of inspiration——

Wasn't he sitting right next to an online dating master who was getting chased around and had wiles stuffed in his face every day?

Jing Huan reached out and grabbed Lu Wenhao's chubby wrist. "Hao'er, you put down your mobile phone first. I want to ask you something."

Lu Wenhao was stunned and stopped typing: "What's going on that's so serious?".

"That's… I have a friend." Jing Huan said, "She loves a man in the game. She has been chasing him for more than a month, but that man still hasn't expressed anything yet. Do you have any good ideas?"

After listening, Lu Wenhao frowned and asked, "Is your friend ugly?"

Jing Huan paused, "She doesn't count as ugly?"

"Then why hasn't she caught him?" Lu Wenhao asked, "Have they voice-chatted yet?"

Jing Huan nodded, "Of course! My friend's voice is not sweet, but it's still very pleasant and especially coquettish! She chases that man and calls him gege every day! Yet, that man is like a stone and cannot be moved at all."

Lu Wenhao blinked: "You understand this situation that clearly?"

"… She complains to me every day about it, of course I know." Jing Huan coughed and said, "Okay, is there anything you can do?"

Lu Wenhao thought, "Did your friend ever send a picture to the man?"

"No." Jing Huan answered, "She's shy."

"Well, no wonder." Lu Wenhao patted his thigh. "You tell her, don't be shy! Send pictures to the man, be brave! "

Where can he find pictures to send?!

Jinghuan: "… She's not particularly good-looking either. She's maybe around a five."

"Five is enough! Just take a random photo, and she'll go up to an eight!. Do you know Meituxiuxiu? Definitely don't worry about the truth having to eventually come to light. First, trick the person into becoming hers! When the emotions are in place, looks will be less important." Lu Wenhao added, "Oh yeah, and when taking a picture, you can also properly seduce someone."

Jing Huan gave him a strange look.

Why are you so skilled at this?

"… How do you properly seduce someone?"

"Don't look at me like that, I don't mean that!" Lu Wenhao said, "Don't go too far, just show her thighs? Show her shoulders? It's okay to expose a clavicle… She should be able to accept that."

Jing Huan's face was completely expressionless: "She can't."

Lu Wenhao: "If you don't ask, how will you know?"

Jinghuan: "She is not such a casual girl."

Lu Wenhao: "…"

After dinner, Jing Huan went back to his room and put on loose swimming trunks, draped on a bathrobe, and went to go soak in the hot spring.

There were dozens of hot spring pools in the resort, although some of the pools were very small. A couple of people going into the pool would make it completely full, to the point where they couldn't even stretch out their legs. So the three of them discussed this at the exit and decided to soak separately.

Jing Huan picked a corner of the hot spring pool and went down to soak in it.

Hot spring water was very, very hot, and it both stung and refreshed as it touched the skin.

Jing Huan sat in the hot spring and couldn't help glancing at his cell phone on the shore.

Ten hours had passed, but Yearning For still hadn't replied to his message.

Maybe he was dead ba. Jinghuan closed his eyes and thought calmly.

A few seconds later, he opened his eyes, seeming to have made a major decision, slowly reaching out and picking up his cellphone.

*

Xiang Huaizhi took back his cellphone from the lost and found office.

He had strolled around with Lu Hang this morning in the supermarket in the city, trying to buy some supplies and food for climbing the mountain tomorrow. While strolling around, he had lost his cellphone.

In the evening, the supermarket security guard had contacted him and informed him that the cellphone had been found.

On the bus back to the hotel, Lu Hang said, "Turn it on and see if it's been messed with."

The cellphone had not been used or forcibly unlocked. As soon as Xiang Huaizhi turned it on, a bunch of WeChat notifications popped onto the screen.

He glanced roughly through his messages, hesitated for a few seconds, then first opened the messages from Xiao Tianjing.

Xiao Jing ya: Good morning gege.

Xiao Jing ya: Did gege find a new meimei in the mountains? Why isn't he replying to me T.T.

Xiao Jing ya: [Photo]

Xiao Jing ya: [Voice]

Xiang Huaizhi reflexively first opened the voice message, then enlarged the picture.

"Gege, I just went to soak in the hot spring." The voice of Xiao Tianjing sounded in the car. "You have to remember to have dinner on time, m~~ua~~"

In the photo, the girl's thighs were soaking in hot spring water, white and slender, and her knees were small and round. Xiao Tianjing's cell phone resolution was so high that he could even see the tiny mole on the outside of her thigh.

Really pleasing to the eye.

Sitting beside him, Lu Hang was stunned, and he started scooting over: "What did Xiaojingjing say? I didn't catch that."

Xiang Huaizhi quietly locked his phone: "… It's nothing. Don't come over."

—

Juurensha: I translated a chapter!!! And Huanhuan revealed his thighs, lolololol

Zryuu: Grats juu!!! This chap was translated by her and translation checked by me~