Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

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Edited by Divetus

"Fuck, why are they still chasing us?" Lu Hang was tired of the deception and turned on the mic to ask Xiang Huaizhi. "Who started the battle?"

Xiang Huaizhi's lips pursed. "They did."

Lu Hang fell silent.

If they killed the opposite side, Lu Wenhao and them would probably lose their equipment.

Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the small fox fairy next to him. Jing Huan hadn't said a word after the battle had started, and his play had obviously become more flustered.

And, the other side was adhering to the strategy of killing off the healers before attacking anyone else, mercilessly focusing all the damage on the Mount Putuo and Fairy Fox Cave.

"Fuck, what is this situation even ah." Lu Hang scratched his head. "What now? Should I just give them my name and get them to back off?"

Xiang Huaizhi dodged one of the opposing sides skills and quickly tossed a health potion to the little fox fairy.

"No," he hesitated for a moment, making a quick decision. "You do what I'm about to say."

*

Lu Wenhao was once again blocked by the opposite side's Fairy Fox Cave and couldn't help swearing.

"You see, if you were half as accurate as her, we wouldn't have to fight so hard." As Gao Zixiang said that, he was stabbed for a large amount of health by Yearning For's sword. He immediately backed away. "Tch, I don't think we can beat them."

"This Fairy Fox Cave is definitely using an outside program to operate with! I'll report her in a minute!" Lu Wenhao said, "Even if we can't beat them, we have to try. What if we can, after all? And I don't think Yearning For is playing all that well today, he's taken a lot of damage from you."

20 minutes later, their health levels had dropped to the bottom, and their health potions were almost all finished.

"No matter how bad he's playing, his equipment is still crushing us." Gao Zixiang sighed. "Forget it, let's first think about what to do about the equipment we're about to lose."

"I'm fine with whatever," Lu Wenhao said. "If the other three have any equipment blow up, I'll pay for it."

Their healer's mana had been exhausted, and obviously, their opponents had discovered this. Yearning For quickly switched his sword into a dao and rushed at the healer.

Just when everyone thought the outcome had been determined, an unexpected scene happened.

The man in black robes, holding a big dao, rushed at the healer behind the enemy with full momentum. After speeding up, he suddenly stopped in the middle of the map.

The pause was too abrupt for everyone to react to.

Gao Zixiang was stunned for a moment but he immediately seized the opportunity to move forward, and fired a series of attacks against Yearning For. Yearning For didn't even dodge. He just stood there and took in all the damage from the attacks.

Jing Huan recovered and immediately healed him up a bit. He called out tentatively, "Gege?"

"Oh crap," Kiss Kiss Fish Fish suddenly turned on her mic. "Long Road Ahead sent me a message saying that their dorm just lost power."

Jing Huan: "…"

He only then discovered that the warlock in their team hadn't moved for a long time either.

In NCH, players won't go offline immediately if they suddenly just lose connection. There was a delay of about ten minutes, and players in the middle of a battle wouldn't go offline until ten minutes after the battle ended.

So even if Yearning For had disconnected, the character would still only leave the game after the battle had finished.

"Now what ah?" Love is For You to Eat asked, healing up the other two.

"It's okay," Kiss Kiss Fish Fish said calmly. "The opposite side hasn't healed themselves in a long time so they're probably out of health potions. Just me DPSing should be enough."

Right after she finished talking, she saw their opponent's healer suddenly give herself a mana potion, and then again diligently healed up all the members of her team.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish was shocked. "I remembered wrong??"

Jing Huan frowned. He had also been paying attention to the number of potions the opposite side had used the entire time. There were only 20 empty slots for each person to store potions in. The healer's potions should have been all used up a long time ago.

"Hahaha, you didn't expect this ba?" Lu Wenhao turned his microphone fully on and sneered. "We got people to send us potions. You guys just wait for your deaths ba!"

Jing Huan: "…"

Was his roommate's voice always begging for a beating?

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish fought back immediately. "Pei! You actually have the nerve to say that? How shameless are you?"

"No one said that during PKs, people can't deliver potions ba?" Lu Wenhao said, "How can girls curse people out? Speaking of which, what's the matter with your captain and warlock?"

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish spat out. "Seeing how pitifully noob you guys were, we're letting you off."

Jing Huan sighed and wanted to tell Kiss Kiss Fish Fish to stop wasting her energy.

Other men might get angry after hearing these kinds of words, but Lu Wenhao wouldn’t.

As expected, Lu Wenhao said with a broad smile, "Disconnected? Tut, tut, tut, or we can say that God sees all, and this can be called reaping what you sow!"

WeChat suddenly vibrated, and Jing Huan took the time to glance at it.

Xiang: Run.

Before Jing Huan could reply, Qiufeng’s voice came from his earphones.

“Hello girls,” Qiufeng said. “Yearning For told me to come and get you all. Leave your team and enter mine; I have a death warding gold seal on me, and I can take all of you back to the main city first.”

A death warding gold seal was a special item that could be received after doing quests. After using it, no one could attack you for the next five minutes.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish was still a little uncomfortable. "We can kill them off."

"You guys can't." Qiufeng said calmly, "The people in their guild have been constantly opening up side accounts to send them potions. You're three against five, you can't beat them."

Love is For You to Eat asked, "Then what about God Xiang and Long Road Ahead?"

Qiufeng said gently, "Two dying is still better than five dying. You guys leave the team and come with me, there's no need to waste time with them. There will always be another chance to get revenge."

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish hesitated for a long time, then dully replied, "Understood."

Seeing that they kept retreating, Lu Wenhao was happy. "What's the matter? You were so fierce just a moment ago, but now you're going to run?"

"If it hadn't been for our teammates disconnecting, you guys would have all already scrammed!" Kiss Kiss Fish Fish said angrily.

Lu Wenhao laughed, "Luck is also a part of strength, you little egghead lolololol."

"…You remember this!" After dropping this sentence, Kiss Kiss Fish Fish quickly went into Qiufeng's team.

Jing Huan looked at the beaten man in the middle, the blood pools in his hands still spinning.

"Qiufeng," he suddenly asked, "How did you know that my Gege disconnected?"

"He privately messaged me and asked me to save you guys." After pulling the other two into the team, Qiufeng urged her. "Quickly come out, I'll take you back."

Jing Huan hesitated for half a minute and kept on playing, dodging Gao Zixiang's attack.

"I'm not going," he quickly decided. "You take them both back."

Qiufeng was stunned. "Why?"

Why else.

He wanted to see Yearning For die with his own eyes!!!

Jing Huan said seriously, "What if Gege gets back online?"

Qiufeng was speechless. "The likelihood of that is too small ba. Even if you wait for them to get to an Internet bar, the fight should also have ended a long time ago."

Qiufeng begged her for a few minutes but still couldn't persuade her to get onboard. Finally, with the time limit of the death warding gold seal running out, he could only take the other two back to the main city.

Jing Huan was just getting ready to afk there and wait for death when he heard Lu Wenhao let out a gentle cry. "Is it Xiao Tianjing Meimei?"

I'm your daddy.

Jing Huan forced himself to smile.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ^^hehe.

Gao Zixiang said while playing, "Quickly seal them, what are you flirting about? Taking advantage of your wife's absence to make a mess?"

"Don't fuss ah, I just want to chat with her a bit."

Lu Wenhao continued to hold the full-screen view. "Xiao Tianjing Meimei, why aren't you running away?"

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Don't want to run.

Lu Wenhao exclaimed, "You have a backbone! Ge admires you!"

Damn it, why does this man have so much nonsense to say before he kills someone?

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ^^hehe.

"Xiao Tianjing Meimei, I'm actually your fan ah." Lu Wenhao said. "Really, your Loyalty to the Country, I put it on loop for a whole day."

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ^^hehe, thank you.

"You're welcome," Lu Wenhao snapped his fingers. "Meimei, how about this ba. Why don't you sing it to me on the spot, and I won't kill you, how about it?"

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ?

Lu Wenhao hehed. "Of course, it's also fine if you sing something else. Say Meow Meow and Small Pretty Waist are all okay…"

At this moment, Jing Huan wanted to buy a suona and bring it back to the dormitory to blow on it for three days and three nights, right at Lu Wenhao.

Lu Wenhao blathered on for a few minutes. Gao Zixiang didn't want him to waste his time, so he soon knocked down the two people who had disconnected.

"Xiao Tianjing Meimei, sorry. If you want to blame someone, you can only blame yourself for following the wrong man."

No.

I blame myself for having two idiotic roommates.

Jing Huan looked on helplessly as the little fox fairy was killed by a thunder attack from the opposite side's mage. The game shifted scenes, and he returned to the rebirth point.

Jing Huan momentarily became absent-minded.

He hadn't been here for a long time ever since he formed a team with Yearning For.

At this time, the rebirth point was full of people. At a glance, everyone there who wasn't from their guild was guildless.

The dark sword that Yearning For carried had become the most eye-catching part of this area.

Before Jing Huan could see how much gold and experience points he had lost, his cellphone rang.

Lu Wenhao said excitedly, "Hahahaha Huanhuan, your bro has avenged you! I killed Yearning For! Is it awesome or is it awesome?!"

Jing Huan replied, "Awesome."

"You're not very enthusiastic ah!" Lu Wenhao said, "Did you hear me clearly? I killed Yearning For! Completely slaughtered him!"

Jing Huan questioned, "Slaughtered…. Him? "

"Yes! It's really a pity that you weren't there. "Lu Wenhao shook his head and said, "I've chased their team's Fairy Fox Cave all around the map, to the point that she had no power to fight back at all."

The Fairy Fox Cave with no power to fight back. "Hehe."

Lu Wenhao didn't pay attention and didn't realize his tone was wrong. He asked happily, "Do you want to see the picture?"

Jing Huan asked, "Picture? What picture?"

"Screenshots of the game. I took more than ten of them!" Lu Wenhao said with a smile, "I have a complete set of Yearning For falling to the ground from all 360 degrees and angles. I'll send you some photos and let you be happy."

Jing Huan's expression was complicated, and he didn't know what to say for a while.

After hanging up the phone, a screenshot of Yearning For's prone corpse arrived.

In the screenshot, the man in black robes fell to the ground, the sword fell out of his hand, and the light of the sword greatly dimmed.

Jing Huan looked at the picture several times and finally confirmed one thing.

He didn't feel happy from seeing Yearning For get killed.

This was very strange. After all, his initial goal of reinstalling the game back then had been to watch Yearning For fall on the ground again and again.

Was it because he hadn't killed him himself, so it just didn't seem fun?

Jing Huan absently thought about this and glanced at the chat channel in the game.

[World] Maybe One Day: Damn it, can Idle members and Promise members see clearly ah! I'm just a passer-by! What are you doing killing me, shit!!

[World] Floating Uproar: Just don't go to the Silk Road right now. That group's eyes have all turned red from the slaughter. They definitely won't care which guild you're in…

[World] Opportunity Stones Ruin People: Fuck me, I actually saw Yearning For at the rebirth point??? Is it just me hallucinating from staying up all night??

[World] Suddenly Look Back: You're right. He was killed by someone from Promise. But you stayed up all night until now… I suggest you go to bed early to preserve your life.

[World] Peaceful or Not: Yearning For actually couldn't beat someone from Promise? Then this time Idle Pavilion is screwed.

[World] Have You in the Dark: Idle Pavilion doesn't just have Yearning For's team, Chunxiao's team is also very strong ah. I'm still watching Idle Pavilion!

[World] Side Account 888: It's only to be expected, Yearning For's play is normally average anyway. I just watched the whole battle, and the moves were completely horrible… It's only because of that divine artifact that he's so OP. It's just like the emperor's new clothes.

[World] Don't Ask when I'll Return: It's still better than being a lowly asshole who opens a side account to sneakily badmouth other people. [smile]

[World] YaMo: He was really killed? Is Heaven Grants Conjugal Felicity server's battle team that awesome? I haven't heard that before.

[World] Seaweed Maiden: Yearning For and Long Road Ahead were only killed when they disconnected, antis should disperse ba.

[World] Side Account 888: Oh, they're just playing a game, and they already have anti-fans? I think they were ashamed to lose, so they just said that they were afking huh ba.

……..

Side Account 888, by their own power, had successfully stirred up the whole chat channel.

Jing Huan casually read a few lines and then raised his hand to block the world channel.

These people were usually bored people talking out of their asses, to the point where they would open a side account just to stir up muddy waters. It was all boring and gloomy.

He moved his mouse, and the small fox fairy under his control, twirled around Yearning For.

After a twirl, Jing Huan returned to his senses——

No, the slag man wasn't even here, who exactly am I trying to ingratiate myself to here….

Habits were really terrible things!

Jing Huan had just turned around, planning to leave, when a system prompt popped up.

[Your friend Yearning For has come online.]

?

???

Jing Huan was dazed for a bit, but then, the little fox fairy that had just taken two steps suddenly turned her head around and rushed back to Yearning For's side.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ?

[Current] Yearning For: ?

[Currently] Not My Cup Of Tea: ?

[Current] With You: …?

[Currently] Only Giving You One Scoop: ??

The people who were afking around didn't know what was going on, and all just followed the big guy in sending out a "?".

[Yearning For invites you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

After Jing Huan clicked yes, the two of them formed a team at the rebirth point, but they didn't fly away.

"Gege," Jing Huan said after a pause. "Is it really you?"

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" sound. "Just got power back."

Jing Huan opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. At last, he just insipidly said, "Oh…"

Xiang Huaizhi was silent for a bit before suddenly asking, "Why didn't you leave just now?"

Jing Huan was about to answer when he heard him ask again, "Didn't you say you want to be my little widow? How can you die with me?"

"…"

Your, little, widow?

Did Laozi say that before?

Laozi didn't say that.

Jing Huan's ears turned red. This slag man was really shameless. He had even died and he was still concerned about other people becoming his widow.

He cursed up a storm in his heart, and the person at the other end of the line once again bothered him. "En?"

"I…temporarily changed my mind." Jing Huan slowly explained, "What's good about being a widow, it's better to be a happy ghost couple with Gege."

—

Juurensha: Awwww, kind of sad XHZ purposefully lost, but hahahaha Huanhuan, you didn't like seeing him die either, did you?

Divi: They're so kind to do this d/c excuse, should've just killed em and then be like oh sorry!

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