Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

When Lu Hang came back, Xiang Huaizhi had just hung up.

Hearing the sound, he didn't move at all and continued texting on his cellphone.

Lu Hang let out an alcoholic belch, closed the door, pulled a stool to sit beside Xiang Huaizhi, and coughed twice. "Let the trial begin—"

Xiang Huaizhi looked at him with a gaze that suggested he was mentally deficient.

"We are bros. There can't be secrets between bros. Be honest," Lu Hang said, "Who did you go on a date with this afternoon? Someone from our school?"

"Didn't you already see?" Xiang Huaizhi replied.

"What did I see…" Lu Hang paused. "No way, you really went out with Jing Huan? What kind of date is this? Then, when we normally go out to eat, is that also a date?"

Xiang Huaizhi gave him a strange look.

After considering the matter, he still didn't explain anything. He said, "Go away, you reek with the stench of alcohol."

"I didn't drink much." Lu Hang stood up slowly and still asked persistently, "You really went to see a movie with Jing Huan ah?"

"En."

Lu Hang stared at the rose on the table and asked doubtfully, "Then, where did the flower come from?"

"It came with the set meal from the movie theater," Xiang Huaizhi replied.

Lu Hang's fiery night of gossip suddenly extinguished. He clicked his tongue, dragged the chair back to its original position and moved his mouse to wake the computer up from standby. "That's true, you're either in class or online every day, when could you develop any feelings with a girl…. Oh, unless Xiao Tianjing came to see you in person, then I wouldn't even be surprised if you rented out a room."

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

The alcohol started causing mischief, and Xiang Huaizhi called a halt to the thoughts in his head. He coldly asked, "Are you crazy?"

Lu Hang was drunk and wasn't intimidated by him. He laughed while propping his hand on his chin and said, "I'm just kidding around. I find that you're very good to Jing Huan; we've never even gone to the movies together. Tch, mentioning it, how could you turn around and take someone named "Jing" with you ah?"

"It was my pleasure to," Xiang Huaizhi said, putting on headphones.

Lu Hang was drunk and let it get to his head, so he already lost interest when he heard the other person on this "date" was their underclassmen. He didn't bother to listen carefully to what Xiang Huaizhi was saying and turned around to go on his friend list to seek out the Meimei he just added to chat with her.

Jing Huan found an excuse to avoid the couple's quests.

Jing Huan wasn't in the mood to do the couple's quests. His mind right now was full of "Fuck, why are we dating just like that Gege. Have you not forgiven me yet, do you want to continue tormenting me?".

He was holding his cellphone at the time and had his retorts ready on his tongue. But in the end, he closed his mouth again because of his guilty conscience.

Because he found that, although they couldn't count as dating each other, they could count as online dating each other.

Ugh…

Damn it.

It really seemed like that, just, a little bit, touched the boundaries of dating.

Jing Huan felt like he shouldn't think about it anymore, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

He carefully peeled an orange and threw a piece into his mouth, wondering whether he should take this basket of fruit downstairs to chat with the security guard uncle.

Finally, he stopped thinking about it. He picked up his cellphone and called his old roommate.

Lu Wenhao picked it up and snorted, "What, do you know you were wrong now?"

"I know."

"…"

He admitted it so bluntly that Lu Wenhao didn't even know what to say.

Jing Huan said, "So, in order to make it up to you, I'll treat you guys to hot pot tomorrow."

After the headache was over, he still had to get around the lie he had just told.

Jing Huan felt that he had told more lies in this period of time than he did in his entire life.

"?" Although he didn't know the reason why, having something to eat was always nice. Lu Wenhao said, "Okay ah, what restaurant should we go to?"

"The dormitory."

"…"

"Ingredients, hot pot soup base, pot, I'll bring all those with me." Jing Huan said, "You guys just do the dishes."

*

Jing Huan hadn't returned to the dormitory for a while. It was cold recently, so he ran to the apartment after class.

He walked into the dorm with the pot in his arms. Lu Wenhao and Gao Zixiang were doing instances. Fortunately, both of them had already set up everything on the dining table. Jing Huan turned on the induction cooker and then sat on a small stool, holding his chin in both hands, wistfully staring at the pot.

Lu Wenhao turned around to see this scene. He sat down and looked at the pot and then at Jing Huan. "What's the matter with you? Are there bugs in the pot ah? "

Jing Huan glared at him. "Scram, can't you say something good?"

"Then, why are you glaring at the pot with such resentment?"

When the tomatoes in the pot began to boil, Jing Huan put the beef in. "Nothing, I'm hungry. I won't wait for you guys."

As soon as the fragrance of the food wafted over, Gao Zixiang couldn't bear it. He sat down with a bowl before he could finish his dailies.

"Why did you buy so much?" Gao Zixiang looked at the food on the table. "Us three can't finish it ba."

"It doesn't matter," said Jing Huan. "If we can't finish it, I'll take it upstairs to Xiang Huaizhi."

Gao Zixiang spooned out some shrimp. “Why do I feel like your relationship with Senior Xiang is becoming even better than your relationship with us?”

Lu Wenhao added, “That’s right, they even went out together to eat barbecue yesterday.”

"It's not bad ba…" At the thought of yesterday's event, Jing Huan's scalp went numb. After drinking some water, he hesitated and said, "Hao'er, I want to ask you something."

Lu Wenhao replied, “Go ahead.”

Jing Huan turned his head and earnestly asked, “If one day, the man who cheated you appeared in front of you, what would you do?”

"?"

Lu Wenhao felt that the damn duck intestines in his mouth suddenly didn't taste good anymore. He looked at Jing Huan in shock. "Why would he appear in front of me? Is he finally tired of living?? Wants to end his 30 years of miserable life???"

Jing Huan bit his chopsticks and asked, "But, didn't you really miss him before?"

Jing Huan was too lazy to go in circles with him. He asked straightforwardly, "If you guys met, would you want to kiss him…? Something like that."

Lu Wenhao's brain visualized what Jing Huan had said. After a few seconds, he went insane and incoherently said, "Me, kiss him? Me kiss… Oh yes, Laozi would kiss him, Laozi would kiss him until he suffocates and dies while frothing at the mouth, or else Laozi isn't surnamed Lu."

The two men at the table had complicated expressions and had lost their appetites.

"Forget it, talking seriously, am I crazy ah. The person I liked was the woman he pretended to be," said Lu Wenhao. "It's not like I'm gay, how could I kiss a man?"

That's right!

Jing Huan thought that what Lu Wenhao said made a lot of sense.

Even if it was for revenge, it would be impossible to… Kiss ba?

Could it be that Xiang Huaizhi was gay?

He didn't seem like that ah…

Jing Huan had a lot to worry about, and the entire hot pot meal was tasteless to him.

After he finished eating the hot pot, Jing Huan took out his cellphone and took a photo of the ingredients that hadn't been cooked.

Xiao Jing ya: [Photo] There's still this much, is it enough for you and Lu Ge to eat?

Xiang: No need, I had some bread. Lu Hang isn't in the dormitory.

Xiao Jing ya: ….

Lu Hang wasn't there.

Just him and Xiang Huaizhi were going to be there.

In short, they'd be alone.

"Huanhuan," Lu Wenhao took something out of his pocket and daubed it on his mouth. "Didn't you not eat the spicy hot pot? Why are your ears red?"

Jing Huan turned to look at him and quickly recovered himself. "It gets really hot while eating this kind of thing. What are you doing?"

"Applying lip balm ah." Lu Wenhao said.

Jing Huan frowned disdainfully. "You're a big man, and you're applying lip balm?"

"Shit, I'm just applying some lip balm, and you're being so sexist!" Lu Wenhao said, "My lips have been peeling recently, so it only feels good after I've applied some."

——"Your lips are a little dry."

This sentence rushed into Jing Huan's mind, and he felt even warmer

Fuck.

He has been a little strange lately.

Jing Huan stood by the window and let the wind blow on him for a while, spending a long time giving himself a psychological evaluation.

Then, he turned around. "Hao'er, you… Lend me your lip balm for a bit."

Lu Wenhao was happy. "What, don't you think applying lip balm is girly?"

Jing Huan raised his eyebrows at him in warning.

Lu Wenhao coughed, put on a smile, and used both hands to proffer up the lip balm to him.

Jing Huan opened it and saw that there was something red on top of the balm. If he guessed right, it should be the hot soup that hadn't been cleaned off.

Jing Huan closed it up and threw it back. "Give me a new one."

Lu Wenhao was lazy and rich. He would usually buy about five of these items at a time.

Sure enough, Lu Wenhao took a new one out of the cupboard, and he said in a wronged tone, "Shit, Huanhuan, you're actually shunning me."

Jing Huan didn't answer him. He opened it and causally daubed it on before putting it in his pocket. "I'm heading back."

"Not taking up the food to Senior Xiang?" Asked Lu Wenhao.

"He has already eaten. Ask the neighboring dorm if they want any later ba."

Jing Huan's back while leaving was like that of a soldier about to enter the battlefield, heroically tragic.

It was a pity that his two roommates were completely focused on doing instances, and no one noticed anything.

Jing Huan went up to the door of 522, and raised his hand to knock, but found that the door was already open.

A tiny seam was left open.

It was already past dinnertime, and it was dark, with only a yellow light bulb lighting up the boys' dormitory corridor.

How to put it.

Jing Huan suddenly felt like he was playing a horror game, and a holographic one at that.

Open the door to immediately get jumped by a ghost and devoured alive.

Jing Huan interrupted his own thoughts, knocked on the door twice, and then pushed it open.

There was a sound of water in the room. Before he could react, the bathroom door beside him opened.

Xiang Huaizhi grasped the door in the palm of his hand, opened it a crack, and steam billowed out of the bathroom.

The exposed half of his arm was long and powerful, and slightly undulating muscle lines could be seen, along with droplets of water that occasionally rolled down his arm.

Even Xiang Huaizhi's eyelashes were moistened with water, and he said, "My bed is on the left, sit there and wait for me."

Jing Huan instinctively looked over there and saw the computer on, under the bed.

Aware of Jing Huan's gaze, Xiang Huaizhi said, "You can use the computer."

Seeing the map where the character was, Jing Huan blurted out, "Then, I'll help you with your dailies."

Xiang Huaizhi's account was afking in front of the sect master, and there was a reminder of unfinished tasks in the upper right-hand corner of the screen.

Yearning For's avatar was still carrying the title of "Xiao Tianjing's Husband" above its head.

Jing Huan controlled the character while always feeling an incomprehensible sense of shame.

Xiang Huaizhi's computer, mouse, and keyboard were all top of the line, and Jing Huan used them very smoothly.

The difficulty of daily quests weren't high. Jing Huan received a low-level quest of clearing out a wild map's monsters. He opened up the map and turned on automatic tracking.

[Xiao Tianguo has added you as a friend.]

Jing Huan glanced at it casually but didn't care. It was way too common for Yearning For's account to be added by others as friends.

A few seconds later, the friend's notifications lit up.

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: Is Gege there? T.T

Since this wasn't his own account, Jing Huan hadn't planned to pay any attention to it.

But, when he looked at the chat box in front of him, he kept feeling like something was strange.

He thought about it, replied to it with a question mark, and then opened the person's game information to take a look.

Xiao Tianguo, female, Fairy Fox Cave, level 61.

It was a side account.

[Stranger] Yearning For: ?

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: Can Gege help me out of this map, I'm lost T▽T~~~ 55~

[Stranger] Yearning For: Bottom left corner has the transporter, coordinates 11.19

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: ? Isn't the exit at the top right?

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: …

Hehe.

We're all thousand-year-old foxes here, what are you playing at?

Meimei, this act of yours is my old one.

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: Okay ba, Gege, I admit it, I just wanted to talk to you. QAQ

[Stranger] Xiao Tianguo: I have worshipped you for a long time…

In the wild map, Xiao Tianguo walked up to him, and Jing Huan took one look at her and nearly exploded.

This little sister named "Xiao Tianguo", her avatar was nearly identical to that of Xiao Tianjing!!!

Jing Huan found that this "Xiao Tianguo" account, from the name to the avatar, from the avatar to the way she spoke… It was almost a copy of Xiao Tianjing.

Fuck.

Jing Huan swore in his heart.

Imitating me is one thing, but why steal my face as well!

This was an account I spent 999 yuan on!!

Isn't this you trying to profit off me without doing any of the work!!!

And don't you see what's written above Yearning For's head?

Are you pretending that I'm dead ah?

Imitating me to seduce Yearning For, see if you really can!!!

Jing Huan internally roared, and he directly blacklisted the person, his movements as fierce as a tiger's.

"What the hell…" He couldn't help muttering.

"Who did you blacklist?" Asked the person behind him.

Jing Huan didn't even turn his head around and replied, "A woman."

A few seconds later, his fingers sharply froze.

"Which woman?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Fuck.

What did I just do?

Jing Huan stiffly turned his head around, and when he saw the person behind him, he was even more damn frozen in place.

Xiang Huaizhi was only wearing a pair of pants. He had some inside-out clothes in his hands and was leisurely sorting them out.

Jing Huan saw the boy's abs.

Xiang Huaizhi's figure was very good-looking. He was tall and muscular, all just right. It was Jing Huan's dream figure.

Jing Huan suddenly remembered that time before, when they were on the basketball court and he had pulled up his shirt to show Xiang Huaizhi his abs.

"…"

Had he tossed his mind into the ocean back then?

Why had he lifted up his shirt in front of Xiang Huaizhi?

He was a disgrace.

Xiang Huaizhi had forgotten to take his clothes into the bathroom with him. After several moments, he managed to put his shirt on and then lowered his eyes to ask, "Why are you in a daze, who did you blacklist?"

Jing Huan swallowed his saliva. "Xiao Tianguo."

Hearing this name, the corners of Xiang Huaizhi's mouth twitched up. "Why did you blacklist them?"

"She… was copying me."

Jing Huan said it and immediately regretted it.

No, what was he fussing over with a girl… An imitation was an imitation, it wasn't a big deal.

"So excessive?" Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrow. "What else."

These words were vague and emboldened Jing Huan.

He subconsciously said, "And called you Gege."

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Jing Huan: "…"

This was the eighth time this month Jing Huan wanted to commit suicide.

Was he a fool?

Whatever other people called Xiang Huaizhi, it wasn't like he could control it.

He turned around and opened the friend's list. "I'll get her out of the blacklist now…"

Before he had finished speaking, his hand was held down.

The smell of shower gel wormed into his nose as Xiang Huaizhi bent down, drawing closer to the side of Jing Huan's face, and his smell overwhelmed him.

Jing Huan even felt their cheeks touch for a second or two.

At this moment, his temperature suddenly rose, his face turned red, his ears became hot and even the atmosphere grew more volatile.

Xiang Huaizhi held his hand to control the mouse, clicked the attack icon in the lower right corner of the screen, and then clicked on the Xiao Tianguo beside him——

[You have launched a compulsory PK against Xiao Tianguo]

[Current] Xiao Tianguo: ??? [doubt]

[Current] Xiao Tianguo: What do you mean Gege?

It was only then that Xiang Huaizhi released his hand. The back of Jing Huan's hand cooled down and he suddenly snapped out of it.

"I…" Seeing the situation in front of him, Jing Huan was stunned. He licked his lips. "What should I say ah?"

"Whatever you want. You can swear at them or you can keep silent, it's all fine… Or," Xiang Huaizhi advised, "Make her stop harassing your husband."

Jing Huan: "…"

For the time being, he didn't want to hear Xiang Huaizhi say the word "or" again.

The author has something to say:

Or or or or

—

Juurensha: Hahaha, XHZ making sure to shower before Huanhuan shows up and then just sloooowly putting on his shirt

Divi: XHZ baited Huanhuan to see his rock-hard abs, and then baited again to let it be known he wants you to call him husband!

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