Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Warning NSFW scenes ahead!

Edited by Divetus

It was Christmas Eve, and students in every classroom were restless as wave after wave of notifications came from the school groupchat. Lu Wenhao was scrolling through the groupchat with great interest when he suddenly saw something. He turned to his two good friends and said, "Let's go! There are freshmen in the groupchat arranging a basketball match. They're talking so crazily, us Ge have to go and teach them a lesson!"

Gao Zixiang replied, "Alright ah."

Jing Huan leaned back lazily against his chair and looked at the professor on the stage. "I'm not going. You two can go and teach them a lesson yourselves ba."

"Why aren't you coming?" Lu Wenhao asked, "If you don't come, how the hell can we teach them a lesson?"

Gao Zixiang spun the pen with his hand and sneered. "Aren't you talking bullshit? Today is Christmas Eve, he's going to spend it with Senior Xiang."

Lu Wenhao retorted, "So what if it's Christmas Eve? Aren't you also free on Christmas Eve?"

Gao Zixiang spat out, "Because my girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. If she lived in the same city as me, let alone Christmas Eve, you wouldn't even see me during the weekends."

"You're talking as if Laozi really wants to see you during the weekends," Lu Wenhao mocked him. "Besides, how could you compare to Xiang Ge? With your kidney deficiency, forget the whole weekend, you'd be lucky if you lasted five minutes."

His self-esteem as a male was trampled on, and Gao Zixiang raised his fist. "I don't think we should play basketball anymore. Sooner or later, the two of us are going to brawl, so the faster we do it, the faster it's done."

"Scram. If you two are going to talk about perverted things, don't drag other people into it." Class had ended, so Jing Huan closed his notebook. He curled it up, held it in his hand, and said, "I'm going back now, you two can slowly battle it out."

After Jing Huan departed, Lu Wenhao picked up his cellphone and just happened to see a push notification for NCH displayed. The contents were—[NCH's 11th anniversary offline event will officially start today at 17:30! New sects, new events, and new fashion would all be released! Well-known players such as Yearning For, Chunxiao, and others will be on-site…] He froze, then he immediately called out to Jing Huan, who was about to walk out of the classroom. "Huanhuan, isn't Xiang Ge going somewhere to participate in NCH's offline event today? Why are you still in such a hurry to go back ma—?"

Jing Huan waved his hand without looking back at him. "Worry less about your friend's private life."

Xiang Huaizhi indeed had gone somewhere to participate in NCH's offline event.

Typically, Xiang Huaizhi would've definitely been unwilling to go, but this time, he was going to the event location to receive an award—he had casually registered himself and then accidentally won NCH's 1v1 championship. The prize was a unique legendary mount that the entire server had never seen before. He logged in to get it, but the official requirement was that he go to the offline event location to receive it.

In reality, this mount wasn't very attractive to Xiang Huaizhi. It didn't add any extra attributes and was just eye-candy. But for these two days, he also happened to have something to do in the city where the award ceremony was being held. In addition, Jing Huan had said, "If you don't go get it, it'll be a waste. If you do take it, I'll be the wife of the most powerful player in the server." With that remark… Xiang Huaizhi finally responded to the official game staff with an acceptance. If it wasn't for the school bitterly making third-year students attend class, Jing Huan would've gone with him.

Jing Huan bought some rice noodles on the way back. When he got home, he started watching the NCH's 11th anniversary offline event livestream.

It wasn't the time for the players to be awarded their prizes yet. They were still at the game discussion segment; one minute they talked about how many exciting new instances were created, and the next minute they bragged about how the number of new players registering for an NCH account was record-breaking this year. The camera would occasionally sweep across the audience, and the person that the director seemed to love directing the camera to the most was the man sitting in the second row, wearing a black turtleneck sweater and who was playing with his phone. During the time Jing Huan was opening up his dinner, the camera had already swept past that man three or four times. By the nth time the camera swept past Xiang Huaizhi, Jing Huan got a message on WeChat.

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: What are you doing?]

Jing Huan bit his chopsticks and freed up a hand to reply.

[Happiness Every Day: Just came back home and started watching NCH's 11th anniversary offline event livestream]

The other party was still showing "Typing" indicator, and Jing Huan typed rapidly.

[Happiness Every Day: Saw a really hot Gege T-T]

This time, the other party replied quickly.

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: ?]

Jing Huan mimicked how the other players in the barrage talked and typed&#k2014;

[Happiness Every Day: 8 I can't believe it, NCH actually has such hot players (*´▽`*)]

[Happiness Every Day: He's so hot, I'm so in love ><!]

[Happiness Every Day: Since you're there, why don't you casually ask him for his contact information for me ba (>з<)]

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: Who?]

Jing Huan took a screenshot of Xiang Huaizhi in the livestream and sent it over to Xiang Huaizhi.

[Happiness Every Day: [picture] It's this Gege (￣￢￣)]

Xiang Huaizhi laughed, and the camera swept past him again; the camera had already been focused on him so many times, it was as if it was related to him. Some people in the barrage speculated that he was related to one of the NCH game officials.

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: It's not that I don't want to help you, but this person already has a partner.]

[Happiness Every Day: It's okay, I make a good shovel, and I can dig him out ( ᐛ )]

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: That's not good.]

[Happiness Every Day: But I just really like him, what to do?]

Xiang Huaizhi couldn't outperform him.

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: …Then you go dig him out ba]

[Happiness Every Day: Do you think I can dig him out?]

[Wanting Happiness Every Day: Yes]

The two of them chatted for a while, and the event finally got to the awards ceremony part.

When the host arrived at the name "Yearning For", all the players at the event began to look all around, and the number of lines in the barrage also significantly increased. When Xiang Huaizhi got up from his seat, the barrage practically covered the entire screen. Jing Huan looked at all the messages of "I'm willing," "I'm transferring to the other server right away," and "There are actually such hot Ge playing NCH, it can't be that he's someone that NCH invited in ba," and "Illusion server is really something to be able to have Yearning For," and suddenly felt a bit regretful that he persuaded Xiang Huaizhi to participate in this event. He stuffed some rice noodles into his mouth, raised his head up again, and then froze.

There were many people standing on the stage, and they included: the host, the prize presenter, Xiang Huaizhi, and the little MC Jie who was bringing the trophy onto the sage. Typically, the MC would be wearing a qipao, but because this was an NCH event, the MC was wearing the healer sect's martial outfit.

She wore a sleeveless, tight bodice-like white cotton top, with tassels at the bottom and a skirt that split at the side. She had a transparent ribbon wrapped around her arms, giving her a fairy-like air. In order to not block the big screen behind them, she stood very close to Xiang Huaizhi. The barrage was full of messages saying "little Healer Jiejie is very good-looking", "she looks good standing next to God Xiang", and "good match". When they stepped down from the stage after the awards were received, the MC nearly fell down while walking down because her heels were too high, and Xiang Huaizhi supported her up.

[I'm promptly announcing that from now on, the Mount Qiya and Mount Putuo sects are NCH's canon pair!]

[Mount Qiya x Mount Putuo OTP!]

Jing Huan bit his chopsticks, his eyelids droops, and the expression on his face turned ugly as he thought—Complete bullshit. Mount Qiya and Fairy Fox Caves are the OTP, all of you don't understand shit.

—

The reason why Xiang Huaizhi had came to the offline event's city was because he had been invited to visit a large company, and they wanted to talk to him about becoming an employee after graduating. After visiting the company, they directly warmly invited him to attend their department's Christmas party. Xiang Huaizhi glanced at his watch as he replied, "I have to hurry back to Man City, so I won't go. Sorry."

The other party raised his eyebrows and asked, "Hurrying back to accompany your girlfriend?"

"Boyfriend." Xiang Huaizhi said.

Despite catching the fastest flight, it was already 11:30pm when Xiang Huaizhi returned home. The boy sitting cross-legged on the gaming chair heard the ding a passcode being entered at the door and immediately turned his head back.

Jing Huan wore a black hoodie with the hood up, leaving only his clean and pale face visible. After seeing Xiang Huaizhi, he raised his eyebrows with joy and said, "You're back." But then stayed in his seat and fidgeted a bit.

"En." Feeling the indoor heating, Xiang Huaizhi took off his coat and touch Jing Huan's face with his hand. "Cold?"

Jing Huan replied, "I'm not cold."

"Then, why are you wearing such thick clothing?"

Jing Huan blinked and didn't answer his question. "Did you eat tonight?"

"Ate some airplane food."

"Tired?"

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows. He vaguely felt as if he had something to say, so going along with him he said, "Not tired."

"Oh." After two seconds, Jing Huan looked at him and said, "Actually, it's not comfortable wearing this hood."

"Then take it off," Xiang Huaizhi said. He reached out to help him take it off but something got caught on the hood, and he had to shake it twice before it came off. He saw that there were two fox ears on Jing Huan's head, and he froze for two seconds before reaching out a hand to rub the tips of the ears. "What's the meaning of this?"

Jing Huan said, "This isn't the official NCH cosplay, I just went to a roadside shop for this. Though, the colors are similar and the size is about the same."

Xiang Huaizhi nodded. "I meant, what do you mean by wearing it?"

Jing Huan raised up his fist. "Mount Qiya and Fairy Fox Caves are the ones that are the OTP!"

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" and directly held on to the top of the chair. He used his knees to push his legs apart and lowered his head to kiss him. After many kisses, Xiang Huaizhi had gotten more skillful, and he was always the one invading Jing Huan's mouth. Jing Huan always teased him a lot, but when it came to doing anything, he was always the one being swept away.

After kissing for a long time, Jing Huan couldn't help but let out a vague sound. He was just feeling glad that he was sitting so that he didn't have to worry about the problem of his legs turning too soft to stand up when he was picked up by his waist. Xiang Huaizhi reached behind him and felt the fox tail that he had hidden there. It was pretty big, fluffy, and it loosely hung like a pendant from his waist by a thin string. The ears and tail were a matching set; others used it for performances, but he was using it to dig Xiang Huaizhi up.

Jing Huan was laid on the bed. He feebly raised his hand as his eyes became half-squinted; he had just wanted to straighten the fox ears, when Xiang Huaizhi caught his wrists and pressed them above his head. This position made him feel like a fox about to be slaughtered. Xiang Huaizhi's eyes that were staring down at him were both dark and deep, full of sincere desire in them. Jing Huan endured his pounding heart, he was about to say something but Xiang Huaizhi bent down to kiss him again.

Xiang Huaizhi had stayed outside for a long time, so his hands were a little cold. The moment his hand went under the bottom of the hoodie to pinch Jing Huan's nipple, Jing Huan couldn't help but tremble.

Although he couldn't see it right now, Xiang Huaizhi knew that Jing Huan's nipples were a small bit of pink despite his entire body being very pale. When played with for a while, their color would grow deeper, so Xiang Huaizhi pinched at them for some time before pressing down on them with his thumb, rubbing him lightly at first, and then hard with his palm. Jing Huan used to not feel much when he was touched here, but after being touched a lot, as soon as Xiang Huaizhi touched him there now, the back of his neck would start to tingle.

Jing Huan was wearing a slightly thick hoodie on top, but he was only wearing thin shorts underneath. Xiang Huaizhi only had to slightly pull on them to take them off. He gently rubbed Jing Huan's already erect cock through his thin underwear. The boy raised his head. "Gege…"

"En," Xiang Huaizhi answered him while taking off his underwear. He kissed him as he helped Jing Huan play with himself. Xiang Huaizhi controlled him very well; Jing Huan felt good but was unable to climax, and his flush spread from his neck up to his ears. When he spoke, he seemed to be whispering, "Faster, Ge, I'm uncomfortable…"

"You're not uncomfortable," Xiang Huaizhi said, "You feel really good."

"No…" Jing Huan looked at him completely flushed and urged him, "Don't just keep playing with me, enter me… I already washed up, so you can just directly enter…"

Xiang Huaizhi wasn't in a hurry. He pulled up Jing Huan's clothing, lowered his head, and engulfed the tip of his nipple in his mouth while his fingers rhythmically went in and out of Jing Huan's entrance.

Jing Huan's lips were red and swollen, and he was growing dizzy from being played with. He heard Xiang Huaizhi ask, "Do you still have the strength for this?"

As a man, he couldn't say he wasn't up for it at this time, so Jing Huan replied, "I'm as strong as an ox…"

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en", and lifted the bangs on his forehead with his hand. His dark, deep eyes looked down at Jing Huan, and he said, "Get up and kneel."

Jing Huan actually did have the strength, but he had been played with to the point that his whole body had gone soft. When he knelt on the bed, his waist kept slipping down. The curve of Jing Huan's spine was beautiful, and a tail hung from his thin waist. Xiang Huaizhi grabbed the tail and slowly entered from behind. Jing Huan quivered at first, but then suddenly reacted. "I haven't taken off my clothes, and the tail and ears are still… en… wait-wait—"

Xiang Huaizhi didn't wait. He moved the tail aside, put one hand against the back of Jing Huan's waist and suddenly sped up his thrusts; Jing Huan's tail silently swayed nonstop over his pale buttocks. Every time Xiang Huaizhi thrusted deeply, Jing Huan drowned in a sea of pleasure. At first, he could let out a few words intermittently, but later on, he could only bury his face in the quilt while letting out vague cries. His voice was low and soft, as if he was whimpering.

He was fucked until he came, and then he collapsed on the bed gasping. Xiang Huaizhi drew close to his ear and said, "Baby, a fox doesn't sound like that."

Jing Huan said slowly, "I'm not a… en… Wait, wait, I'm not ready yet, don't thrust in again—en…"

By the time Xiang Huaizhi had used up the last condom in the house, Jing Huan still hadn't taken off the fox costume. He had kept the hoodie on from beginning to end, but it had been partially lifted up; every inch of his skin that was revealed was pink. His face was flushed, his mouth was wet, and he was gasping for breath. Anyone who saw him would know what he had been doing just now.

Xiang Huaizhi was extremely satisfied. He pinched the tip of Jing Huan's fox tail and lowered his head to lick at his ears, saying, "Congratulations, you've dug me up."

—

Juurensha: Yaaaay, a smutty Taiwanese extra! So this was from the traditional Taiwanese physical copy, and I translated the best I could with OCR and my own traditional knowledge. BTW, quick note to that Novelupdates reviewer who complained that maybe I chose to cut out the smutty scenes: I didn't. I even specially went to get the raws before the chapters got locked, and wrote a smutty fic myself for GHFOD. This is the only smut that Jiang Zibei wrote for GHFOD, as far as I know, and I literally got this copy the week after it was released on books.com.tw. I don't censor or leave out stuff when I translate, so please don't imply that in the future 🙂

Also, you can buy the traditional copies here! Shipping wasn't too much and it was fast!

Have some preview images as well:

Divi: Bless Juu for getting the traditional copy, the most details we've seen yet for the couple haha. Remember guys, we don't intentionally "skip out" on smut or anything. If you guys see extra chapters being published/posted somewhere from the author… Let us know, we'll gladly translate more XHZ and Huanhuan action!