I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Translator: Henyee Translations  Editor: Henyee Translations

An Lin knocked on Big Brother Cheng’s door and was soon greeted by the sight of the extraordinarily handsome Big Brother Cheng.

“What the f*ck, Big Brother Cheng! What are you doing?!”

An Lin was completed rooted to the spot after seeing Xuanyuan Cheng’s get-up.

Xuanyuan Cheng had donned a light green army uniform with golden stars flashing on his shoulders, further highlighting his handsome looks. But that wasn’t the point! The point was, why was Big Brother Cheng wearing an army uniform?!

A rare blush appeared on Xuanyuan Cheng’s face after seeing An Lin’s shocked reaction and he immediately scrambled to offer up an explanation. “Classmate An Lin, these clothes were gifted to me by Huang Shanshan. She told me these clothes would make me look even more handsome, so I gave it a try to find that she was right…”

An Lin took a deep breath. Was Huang Shanshan trying to lead Big Brother Cheng further down the wrong path? He was once an ethereal immortal, but now he had been transformed into a soldier! Could it really be that he had been too heavily affected by atomic bombs and was now pursuing weaponry rather than cultivation?

Xuanyuan Cheng continued with a serious expression, “These clothes can do wonders for the collective appearance of an entire sect. I feel like it’s worth promoting to the disciples in my father’s sect…”

An Lin’s lips twitched as he envisioned an entire sect of disciples in Sword Kinesis Flight while wearing army uniforms and using all sorts of immortal spells. It had to be said, that would be quite a stunning scene to behold.

Xuanyuan Cheng invited An Lin into his room and began to elaborate on his plan to transform his father’s sect. He planned to focus on the uniform first, then inject a sense of unity into the entire sect, before finally introducing the values of the armies in the mortal world to the disciples of the sect.

An Lin was stunned by Big Brother Cheng’s ideas and voiced his support for his glorious plan.

As expected of a prodigy to have such groundbreaking ideas. An Lin could already envision the rise of a nuclear bomb Immortal Sect!

In the end, An Lin gifted a mooncake to Xuanyuan Cheng.

Xuanyuan Cheng accepted the mooncake without any fuss, but his heart was full of gratitude.

After that, An Lin went to pay Su Qianyun a visit.

It was there that he discovered Su Qianyun could eat Chang’e’s mooncakes every year. Not only that, but she received mooncakes during the Spring Festival, the Lantern Festival, the Dragon Boat Festival, the Moon Festival, and even the Double Ninth Festival!

For god’s sake, why didn’t she eat mooncakes for the Ching Ming Festival? [1. Ching Ming Festival is a festival to commemorate the deceased, so eating mooncakes would be a bit weird.]

Su Qianyun replied, “It’s better to drink osmanthus nectar on the Ching Ming Festival.”

An Lin threw his storage ring on the ground in rage!

Thus, An Lin’s attempt to gift her a mooncake was thwarted, and he could only resort to teaching her languages.

An hour later, he returned to his living quarters and asked Yue Tu how many opportunities she got to eat mooncakes in a year.

Yue Tu replied that she only had the opportunity to eat mooncakes once a year during the Moon Festival.

An Lin then asked, “Then why does Su Qianyun have five opportunities to eat mooncakes a year?”

Tears immediately welled up in Yue Tu’s eyes after hearing this, and she silently nibbled on her carrot without giving a reply.

An Lin finally felt a little better after seeing Yue Tu’s reaction.

The next day, An Lin flew to Dou Shuai Palace.

He immediately went searching for Yi Xi when he got there.

Yi Xi had already listed An Lin as one of the VIPs, so An Lin could meet him without having to state a reason.

“Mr. An Lin, congratulations on reaching Soul Formation Stage. I’ve been busy with pill refinement for the past few days so I couldn’t find the time to visit you in person and for that, I offer my sincerest apologies.” Yi Xi immediately welcomed An Lin with a delighted expression.

“You’re far too polite, Senior Yi Xi.” An Lin sized up Yi Xi to find that he was a lot rounder yet again but somehow managed to maintain his agility. To this, An Lin could only nod internally with admiration.

He then got down to business. “I’m here to ask if you’re able to refine some weight-loss pills for Yue Tu.”

Yi Xi’s eyes immediately widened upon hearing this. “Yue Tu? Are you kidding me? Why would she want to lose weight?!”

“Why else would anyone want to lose weight? It’s obviously because she’s too fat!” An Lin rolled his eyes in reply.

“Well, she’s not as fat as me. I’m not even worried about my weight, what is she worried about?” Yi Xi asked with a perplexed expression.

An Lin’s face convulsed. “If she were as fat as you, Chang’e would have been squashed to death already! She’s currently over twenty-seven kilograms and she has to drop down to below twenty-five kilograms, what pills would be best for her to take?”

“What a waste, what a terrible waste… Yue Tu is a mythological beast of the moon, do you know how valuable her fat is?” Yi Xi asked with an animated expression.

“I don’t care about all that, these are Chang’e’s instructions, you just need to tell me how much I need to pay for the pills.” An Lin pursed his lips with a firm expression.

“Sigh… Do you see all this fat on my body?” Yi Xi patted his bulging stomach and the sound that erupted was like the banging of a drum.

An Lin nodded in response. “I’m not blind yet.”

“My fat contains the essence of pills. I’m repeatedly refining my body and when all this power erupts forth, the power contained within half a kilogram of my fat will be the equivalent of the power imbued within a full-force strike from a True God! This is my Dao of pills; the day my energy condenses to the extreme will be the day my name rings out across the entire continent!” Yi Xi spoke with a manic gleam in his eyes.

An Lin faltered slightly at his words. Yi Xi’s body weight was over 150 kilograms, so there were at least fifty kilograms of fat on his body. If you thought about it that way, that was indeed a fearsome amount of power!

“Yue Tu is a mythological beast of the moon. She is constantly nurtured by the power of the moon, and she has a mythological beast bloodline on top of that. Her fat is infinitely more valuable than even my fat, do you understand?” Yi Xi paused momentarily before continuing, “Chang’e’s pill refinement skills are even greater than mine, why do you think she didn’t refine weight-loss pills for Yue Tu herself? It must be because doing so would be too much of a waste!”

Yi Xi’s words did sound quite reasonable, and An Lin was starting to hesitate a little.

“Furthermore, Yue Tu’s mythological beast body is extremely special in nature. If you want to expel fat from her body, you would need the sixth-grade immortal pill, Myriad Lotus Liquid Pill. One Myriad Lotus Liquid Pill costs four hundred thousand spirit stones, five would cost you two million spirit stones,” Yi Xi continued.

An Lin immediately nodded his head to express agreement at Yi Xi’s words. “Senior Yi Xi, your words are like a clap of thunder reverberating through my head! I now see the stupidity of my ways and just how idiotic it was for me to even think about resorting to weight-loss pills! Fat is such a beautiful thing, it can defend against attacks and impact, it can act as a source of energy, and it’s so pleasant to touch… Only an idiot would try to lose weight!”

Yi Xi patted An Lin’s shoulder with a gratified expression. “Haha, it sure is easy talking to someone as smart as you, Mr. An Lin.”

It wasn’t that he was smart, he simply couldn’t bear to fork out so many spirit stones!

“Senior Yi Xi, since your fat is so valuable, and you did say the power imbued within half a kilogram of your fat is equivalent to the power of a full-force attack from a True God, then do you have any method to quickly use up your fat?” An Lin suddenly asked.

His thought process was very simple. If he couldn’t use weight-loss pills, then he would just have to find another method to burn the fat!

“Hmm, I have indeed devised some methods for myself, but I’m not sure my Dao of pills will be suitable for Yue Tu…” Yi Xi spoke with a hesitant expression.

“So be it… I was only able to achieve my Dao of pills after receiving inspiration from you. If you really want a method to quickly burn fat, then I can give you the cultivation method that I used. You can pass it on to Yue Tu, but I can’t say how effective it will be for her.”

Yi Xi sighed before passing the cultivation method on to An Lin.

An Lin’s eyes gradually lit up as he listened to the cultivation method. He had never heard of such a groundbreaking method of energy conversion before. Not only was the conversion process extremely efficient and harmless to the user, but he could also feel that the cultivation method had already integrated the intent of Dao within.

He took a deep breath as he looked at Yi Xi. Perhaps Yi Xi really could carve out a new path for himself in the Dao of pill-consumption!

An Lin bowed with gratitude after hearing Yi Xi’s cultivation method.

“You don’t need to thank me. If it wasn’t for your pill-consumption performance, I wouldn’t be able to attain enlightenment.” Yi Xi waved his hand with a nonchalant expression. The path ahead was still long and arduous, this cultivation method was only a starting point.

An Lin bade farewell to Yi Xi and gleefully returned to his living quarters will the newly-obtained cultivation method.

A new world seemed to have been opened up to him. This was a world where gluttony could thrive!

There was no need to be concerned about fat; fat would become the strongest power source!

All that was left to do now was to see if Yue Tu could attain enlightenment!