Jiayou's Fun

"They're all idiots!"

"Quan Te's mother is an idiot... a stupid idiot... Fortunately, she is not my son, otherwise they would have pissed her off to death!"

Yuncha Ridge, the core area, is the Holy Peak of Chatian.

The mountain is majestic, like a black steel gun, piercing into the sky. The mountain is nearly a million miles high, and the mountains on all sides are sharp. The mountain is occasionally dotted with a few green and powerful ancient pines, and there are those big and bold eagles. Eagles and the like build their nests on the branches of trees. Occasionally, an eagle cry will startle the surrounding area into silence, and all the birds and beasts will be silent.

Directly to the east of the Tiantian Peak, on the smooth and clean cliff as if cut by a knife, some powerful person wrote a very bright cinnabar red word "stamp" in a huge font!

This word 'poke' is written with extremely powerful strokes. To put it nicely, it sounds like a flying dragon or a phoenix. To put it harshly, it sounds like a chicken claw convulsing... From the top of the mountain to the foot of the mountain, there is a domineering and fierce word with a big character that is a million miles long, as if A spear shot straight into the sky from the foot of the mountain.

On the top of the word "Poke", close to the top of the Tianfeng Peak, there is a flat dam hanging high in the clouds. On the flat dam with an area of ​​more than 100 acres, there are ancient pines, strange orchids, two waterfalls, and a small spring. At the end of the pingba is a neatly decorated round arch cave entrance. On the cliffs on both sides, there are various Buddhist reliefs carved such as goddesses presenting flowers, Bodhisattvas preaching, Buddha lying on his side, and Arhats shaking their fists.

Early in the morning, accompanied by the constant curses of the 'idiot', the master of Yunchaling, the supreme leader in the hearts of trillions of demons and monsters, Lao Hei, known as the Big Bear Lord, scratched his forehead and shook his big belly in a 'chirping' manner. He slowly walked out of the cave.

He walked all the way to the edge of Pingba, overlooked the sea of ​​clouds from a high position, squinted at the half of the red sun looming on the edge of the sea of ​​clouds to the east, casually pulled off his belt, revealing an extremely majestic indecent thing, and blew the sound whistle.

"Chiliu", a yellow hot spring spurts out dozens of miles away, like a cloud-piercing arrow, piercing through the dense clouds along the way, turning into a drizzle with a peculiar smell, slowly flowing along The mountain wind drifts downward.

Thin mist filled the air, and the red sun that had just poked its face shone on the mist, suddenly spreading out several circles of small rainbows.

His body trembled for a moment, and then shivered again. Lao Hei muttered a few times, scratched the big fat flesh on his belly, took out two cowardly lice and pinched them to death with a 'click' sound: "Fat water" Don’t let outsiders live in the fields! This little thing is fattened by your own essence and blood!”

Two crushed lice were casually stuffed into his mouth, chewed twice, and swallowed.

Several voluptuous vixens twisted their water snake waists and came up to him laughing and joking. They picked up buckets and drank water from the spring on the flat dam. They poured it on Lao Hei's body.

Lao Hei opened his arms and allowed a few vixens to wet his hair. Then he applied the finest balm imported from outside the mountains and kneaded it into thick, fine white foam.

After such a tossing, buckets of water were poured down, washing all the hair on his body clean. Several vixens used fine combs to comb Lao Hei's hair, then applied the best sesame oil on the long black hair, and combed his black hair, which was more than two feet long, until it was as shiny as a mirror.

A huge standing mirror was moved over by a few little demons and placed next to Lao Hei.

Lao Hei looked at his figure in the big mirror for a while and nodded with satisfaction: "Well, Buddhist disciples should have dignity. Those sloppy monks are not serious monks... Although I am not a serious Buddhist disciple, I can dress up better, but I still need to be cleaner...otherwise, if I go to the front mountain to beg for a few fragrant cakes and fruits, I will be croaked!"

A few little vixens brought a complete set of armor, shirts, belts, etc.

Put on a scarlet brocade embroidered with hundreds of flowers, put on a thick Suan Ni Swallowing Mouth Chain Barbarian King Armor, a large belt with a Taotie Mouth Beast pattern, a large bloody cape with flame patterns, and buckle the extremely heavy horns. A gilt helmet, a large serrated bone-cutting machete hung on the left waist, a door-panel-breaking two-handed heavy sword hung on the right waist, and a few little demons "Hengchihengchi" took over. A six-foot-four-foot ventilated steel gun.

Lao Hei raised his spear, stamped his feet vigorously, and yelled "Wow, yeah, yeah" at the red sun that had risen three poles high in the sky.

"The great master of Yunchaling Mountain, the handsome black-faced man Lao Hei is here... Among all the men in heaven, who dares to fight with me?"

The red sun is silent.

The sky is silent.

The flowing clouds are silent.

Lao Hei waved his spear, rolled up thousands of miles, and swept away the thick clouds around Tiantian Peak. He pushed his crotch forward hard and shouted, "Wow, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!"

The flowing clouds are silent.

The sky is silent.

The red sun is silent.

Lao Hei was silent for a long time, then dropped his spear, took off the big scimitar and heavy sword hanging on his belt, took off his heavy belt and armor, took off his cloak, threw down the mighty gilt helmet on his head, and clasped his hands behind his back, like a The frail old man walked towards the cave at the end of Pingba step by step with his waist bent.

As he walked, he casually unbuttoned the bright red brocade hundred-flower shirt, revealing his shiny black hair.

"Come down and start dinner!" Lao Hei muttered: "Send a message to that old guy in Hanhai, let's fight and teach him a lesson, don't really piss off the Taichu kid, really do your best. Attack our Yuncha Ridge..."

"I'm not afraid, but the men under my command are all born and raised by their parents...there are too many casualties, which undermines the original intention of my Buddhist compassion!"

"It's okay. Don't fight or kill them. Why bother? Why bother?"

"Take it easy, take it easy..." Lao Hei walked slowly into his cave with heavy steps.

The furnishings in the huge cave are quite simple, which can even be said to be a bit shabby. The cave is extremely bright and bright. The walls of the cave are made of a material between stalactites and jade. They are crystal clear and translucent. There is bright light inside, and no lamp beads are needed to make it visible.

On the cave wall, huge Buddhist niches are neatly carved, which enshrine graceful statues of Buddha, Bodhisattva, Heavenly Kings and Arhats. Next to each statue, there is a nameplate, which records the life history of these statues in small handwriting.

For example, which abbot of the Landa Ancient Temple was the ‘so-and-so divine monk’, what year he was born, what year he died, what great achievements he made in his life, etc…

In front of these statues, there are incense burners, flowers, fruits, plain wine, and all kinds of offerings.

Lao Hei walked slowly past these Buddhist niches.

Along the way, there were many smart little white apes dressed as novice monks. They were busy adding incense to the statues in the Buddhist niches and replacing various offerings. Seeing Lao Hei walking by, these little white apes hurriedly clasped their hands together, bowed to Lao Hei in a decent manner, and recited the Buddha's name and mantra.

Lao Hei walked slowly to the depths of the cave and came to a huge stone hall that could accommodate tens of thousands of people for a banquet.

He sat calmly behind a huge stone table, and a group of little vixens brought him water, wild fruits, steamed buns, homemade pickles and other items.

As the leader of Yuncha Ridge, he has trillions of powerful demons at his disposal.

But Lao Hei's breakfast is extremely light.

Putting his hands together and muttering a few verses to start the meal, Lao Hei began to enjoy the meals slowly. He was about three feet tall, with big shoulders and a round waist, and was covered in fat, but he had a very bad appetite. With such a big body, he only drank a few bowls of water, nibbled a dozen mountain apples and berries, ate more than twenty steamed buns with multigrain noodles, a bucket of millet porridge, and three plates of pickles, and then he was done with it. He waved his hand and had the food taken away.

"Bring the account book!" Lao Hei muttered.

A vixen who was born enchanting, with ninety percent beauty and charm, like a ripe wild peony, with an alluring look, quietly walked up and handed over a thick, specially made book that was both long and wide. A large account book measuring about one foot was slapped in front of Lao Hei with a bang.

Lao Hei's thick fingers were stained with saliva at the corner of his mouth, and he opened the huge account book with some difficulty, frowning and looking at the rows of delicate small words on it.

"Hey, King Black Wind is stupid."

"Heiyun baby is also stupid."

"Fortunately, fortunately, they are not my biological children, they are all godsons, godsons..." Lao Hei muttered: "Otherwise, I will be pissed to death by them, pissed to death by them...not my biological ones..." , not my biological son... I am a Buddhist disciple who abides by the precepts, and there is no such thing as a biological son!"

"Hey!" Looking at the dense handwriting on the account book, Lao Hei sighed sadly: "I have never been a reader since I was a child. Looking at these things gives me a headache...Hey, I have lost a lot, right?"

The vixen who dropped the account book rolled his eyes at Lao Hei and started to complain.

"I said, Your Majesty, you are just looking for trouble for yourself!"

"Heiyun Lord won the battle...ahem." The vixen rolled his eyes vigorously: "Although, this record is a bit watered down, but the bunch of bastards in the heaven did not take advantage. They said they won the battle. It makes sense.”

"King Heifeng is a brainless fool, you know. He has always been following Lord Heiyun, and he has done such things not once or twice... Well, in his territory of Heifeng Ridge, he wants to give Lord Heiyun celebrates..."

Lao Hei snorted coldly: "Of course you can celebrate, but you have to pay!"

"Those who open restaurants and restaurants, isn't their capital money? Let the young people go directly to other people's shops and use other people's drinks and food at will without giving them money?"

"Do this once or twice, do this three or four times..." Lao Hei muttered, "It's a bad rule."

The vixen sighed: "Then, we can only do the same as in previous years, you have to pay for the subsidy from your own pocket..."

Lao Hei scratched his scalp hard and sighed in distress: "Fortunately, it's not his biological son, otherwise... you said, you said, if you take other people's things and use other people's things, you have to pay... How many times have I taught them this matter? I’ve beaten them, scolded them, but why do they just not remember it every time?”

"The beating was not hard enough?" Lao Hei looked at the vixen with wandering eyes: "How about this time, I find an excuse to beat the Black Wind King again?"

The vixen blinked: "How about beating him to death?"

Lao Hei rolled his eyes: "If you beat them to death, it won't... It won't... It's not a big mistake. It's just letting the kids eat and drink for free. Although it's wrong, it won't kill you... Hey, hey, these Those tough guys with thick skin and thick flesh won’t remember anything until they are beaten to death in one go!”

Waving his hand, Lao Hei said leisurely: "Let's do it the old way. Send your tribesmen to be more sophisticated and shrewd. Those unlucky guys who opened the shop were consumed by a lot of wine and meat, and they were secretly replenished behind their backs."

"After the young ones have had fun and are satisfied, we still need to take care of the leaders of these tough guys. We can't really beat them to death, but we will beat them half to death."

"Yunchaling, you still have to follow the rules."

The vixen was silent for a while, then carefully approached Lao Hei: "But, Your Majesty, what happened this time was because of the nephew of Emperor Taichu... that Yuan He..."

Lao Hei looked at the vixen in surprise: "What do you want to say? What are the benefits of him? Should we reach out?"

Smiling calmly, Old Black poked the vixen gently with his finger, and directly poked a goose egg-sized lump on her forehead. The pain made the vixen burst into tears and rolled her eyes crazily at him.

"Thank you for being so smart on weekdays!" Lao Hei said calmly: "Ignore him and just let nature take its course?"

After a slight pause, Lao Hei said softly: "Everyone has arrived on their own territory. It's not us who should be anxious, but them!"

"Bullying children, if this kind of thing spreads, it will ruin our reputation."

"Just watch."

"If Yuan Yu can be safe on our territory, then it proves that what happened to him is not of much concern... It's just a child making trouble and taking the opportunity to cause some trouble in the heaven. Is it possible? Count on us. Can the Chaling family take down Tianting? Impossible, completely impossible!"

"If Yuan Fu is on our territory, something will go wrong!"

Lao Hei's thick fingers pressed hard on the vixen's neat and plump buttocks, and he said slowly: "I am compassionate, that would be interesting...Why do I, Yunchaling, have a bit of a bad reputation outside?" , being able to force them to attack Yuan Shen on the territory of Yunchaling regardless of my face, the old bear... the things inside are very interesting."

"In short, we don't want to make the first move!" Lao Hei clasped his hands together and recited a Buddhist chant devoutly: "The dignity of Buddhist disciples still needs to be respected. We don't want to make the first move. But if Yuan Xun is forced, If you take the initiative to run over and hold our thighs to ask for help, then... we will naturally be merciful!"

The vixen smiled coquettishly, pursed her red lips vigorously, and a "chirp" sound was printed on Lao Hei's big face.

"My lord, you are indeed as wise as you are foolish!"

"As wise as a fool? Roughly, like a fish?" Lao Hei rolled his eyes again: "Do I look like a fish? Hum, hum... That's it, let's go to Heifeng Ridge... I will use my money to fill holes for these idiots. , those who eat and drink so much must eat something to make up for it!"

With a sway of his body, Lao Hei's black hair squirmed. A faint Buddha's light shone, and he transformed into a sturdy man eight feet tall, with big black lumps all over his body.

"Okay, come back to me if you need anything!" Lao Hei stepped on a wisp of black wind and rushed out of the cave as fast as lightning: "Remember to tell Han Haisou not to get too real... Acting is almost the same. It’s done. I’ve really pissed off Taichu’er. His few fish bones may not be enough for Heaven to dismantle!”

Fang City.

Lu Qian was holding a bag of pearls and stood quietly in the square in front of the palace of the general who patrolled the city.

Around him were all the shopkeepers of various shops, each with a twitching face and muttering something in a low voice - unlike Lu Qian, a newcomer who had just arrived, many of the shopkeepers in this square were all operating in this city. I don’t know how many generations, they can basically be regarded as the old indigenous people here.

Therefore, they also know what the structure of Yuya City, and even the Black Wind Ridge to which Yuya City belongs, is.

Lu Qian stood aside and listened, listening with great interest.

The ordinary general of Yuya City is a mixed-blood grizzly bear spirit... And in Yuncha Ridge, the bear spirit is the most expensive. Therefore, although this grizzly bear spirit is a little weak in cultivation, he has just stepped into the realm of heavenly generals, and his IQ is also a little behind. It is said that he can't even count a hundred on his fingers. He does things upside down and often makes mistakes. Some things are ridiculous, but...his position in Fangya City is very stable.

As for the Black Wind Ridge to which Yuya City belongs, the Black Wind King is a black bear spirit with a relatively pure bloodline. He has a star-lord level of cultivation. He has a bright silver gun in his hand and has the title of "The East Gate of Yuncha Ridge." The reputation of a handsome bear.

The Black Wind King and the Yanya General are a strange pair and a top-notch pair.

What they like to do most is to hold banquets and various celebrations every now and then - a banquet for a newly married concubine; a banquet for the birth of a bear cub; a banquet for a new good weapon; and a banquet for the next door neighbor. The king on the mountain won the boxing match and held a banquet...

And once a banquet is held, they will celebrate it with everyone.

Their method of universal celebration is very crude and direct - all the little monsters in the villages in Black Wind Ridge who are directly under the jurisdiction of King Black Wind can enter and exit restaurants, restaurants and the like at will, and drink and eat meat at will. ...No money!

Depending on the scale of the celebration, the little monsters can eat and drink freely in these shops for three to five days, or seven or eight days, or even ten days... This expense is not small!

Over the years, once King Black Wind and General Yanya held a banquet, it would be an unbearable additional expense for the shopkeepers of corresponding businesses in their territories!

This time, Lord Heiyun led the army of demons from Yuncha Ridge to a head-on battle with Heaven. He actually achieved a brilliant record of annihilating over 100 million enemies and destroying millions of large warships in Heaven... King Heifeng was so happy that he directly made Xiao Xiao Let’s have fun for a month!

Eat and drink as much as you like for a month without paying!

Lu Qian looked at the many shopkeepers standing around him and couldn't help but shake his head - Lu Qian didn't know any 'economic' or 'financial' skills, but he at least knew one rule - when you eat, you have to give money!

King Black Wind acted so recklessly, but the economies of these mountain towns and cottages in his territory were not completely destroyed. The shopkeepers of various shops were still able to continue to operate... One of them, perhaps He Yunchaling Doing business is really profitable; as for the two of them, listening to what these shopkeepers say, the 'subsidy' behind it also has a share of credit!

The little demons under his command were doing whatever they wanted, eating and drinking as they pleased.

And a certain big shot in Yunchaling would secretly make up for the losses of these shopkeepers every time...

Lu Qian touched his chin thoughtfully. This Yuncha Ridge is really interesting.

"Um, is the little money shopkeeper of the Qianhulu No. 1 here?" A petite little sparrow poked its head out from the door of the city patrol general's house and shouted loudly: "The general said, Xiaoqian shopkeeper, come in quickly... …What good things have you prepared to give to Lord Heiyun as a congratulatory gift?”

"The general said that this great victory is a great event for us in Yuncha Ridge."

"It's not a first-class good thing. Don't show it to embarrass yourself!"

"Look at the presence of so many shopkeepers, but they all took out all the good stuff from the bottom of the box, right? Tsk tsk!"

Lu Chen responded a few times, smiled, and strode into the General's Mansion with his pocket in hand. Under the leadership of the sparrow spirit, he walked through the rough and spacious square in front of the mansion and came directly to the main hall of the General's Mansion. .

A huge grizzly bear sat behind a black koan with a big belly, salivating, looking at several fist-sized rubies and sapphires stacked in front of him.

In Lu Qian's eyes, these gems have no Taoist charm or inspiration. They are just big in size, very clear in quality, well carved, and extremely shining.

In the world of mortals, these gems are priceless treasures.

But in the world of cultivation, these gems are really meaningless...you can't eat them, you can't use them, they are just pure decorations.

But this grizzly bear obviously has different aesthetics.

He was almost lying on these few gems, his eyes were twinkling, his mouth was drooling, and his whole body was trembling with joy. From time to time he would let out strange laughter of "hehehehe": "Hey, listen to your Majesty, you can eat enough." ...Of these treasures, 40% will be given to Mr. Heiyun, 30% will be given to the king, and 30% will belong to myself... Oh, really, I am getting rich, getting rich!"

The corner of Lu Qian's mouth twitched?

What?

Mr. Heiyun can only get 40%?

In the name of celebrating Mr. Heiyun's success, he created such a big scene, but Mr. Heiyun could only get 40%?

You, the General of the Fangs, and the Black Wind King behind you, are you short-sighted, or... are you too smart?

Lu Qian coughed heavily.

General Yanya suddenly raised his head, wiped the saliva from the corner of his mouth vigorously, and pretended to be dignified: "Oh, shopkeeper Xiao Qian... ah, the shopkeeper Qian before..."

"My third uncle." Lu Qian bowed his hand to General Yanya: "Third uncle is old, so he went home to be raised. From now on, all Qian Hulu's activities in Yunchaling will be Xiaosheng and my elder brother have the final say."

Lu Qian was not polite and strode to the front of General Yiya. He poured the cloth bag in his hand onto the koan. "Crash!" There were more than thirty fist-sized bags, milky white in color, and the gleaming light emitted in the broad daylight was enough. Deep-sea orbs with a radius of three feet were rolling randomly on the koan, and the magnificent pearl light illuminated the entire hall.

"Hiss!" General Yanya took a deep breath and stood up subconsciously: "What kind of fire are you waiting for?"

"Baby!" Lu Qian pointed at these pearls and said calmly: "This is the first time we have met, please ask the general to take care of one in the future... If the general can take more care of the Qian Hulu, as long as the business of my Qian Hulu is done, , in the future... your benefits will be indispensable!"

Lu Qian saw through the true nature of General Yiya.

Slightly stupid, greedy, and with only one intestine... you would say he is difficult to deal with such a goblin. He has a strong wildness and bestiality, which is really difficult to deal with.

But if you want to say that he is easy to deal with...as long as you find out his appetite and hobbies, and follow the hair as hard as you can, there will be no problem!

"Benefits?" General Yingya suddenly raised his head, widened his little eyes as hard as he could, and grinned: "Little Money Shopkeeper? You are, interesting, hey, hey, a good person, a good person, a real good person!"

"Well, this time I will give Lord Heiyun a banquet to celebrate his success. You will be a seat at the celebration banquet. Hey, hey, such a good treasure, such a good light, such a bright bead, hey, hey..."

General Yanya's face twitched with distress: "Forty percent goes to Lord Heiyun, and 30% goes to Lord Black Wind. I can only take 30%, 30%..."

Lu Qian looked at General Yanya and couldn't help but complained crazily in his heart.

How do the old monsters in Yunchaling teach their children?

With General Fang's performance, aren't you afraid that he will be tricked into selling piglets?

Shaking his head, Lu Qian flipped his palm, and there was another white bag in his hand. He leaned it on the koan, and there was another pile of thumb-sized sea beads with colors of gold, red, blue, and red. "Wow!" It slipped out of the pocket.

Although these sea beads are only about the size of a thumb, they are round and flawless. They are the top-notch "walking beads" among the orbs. Each of the orbs also has a shining brilliance, a divine charisma, and a surging Taoist rhyme. Condensed with inspiration, each one is a top-notch product that can be used to refine weapons, make elixirs, or even directly consume it to increase a large amount of cultivation.

"These are Xiaoke's filial piety to you, General." Lu Qian said calmly: "A few greeting gifts are not worth anything. General, just accept them."

General Yan Ya was stunned. He slowly raised his head and took a deep look at Lu Qian.

Two fat bear paws have been firmly pressed on these orbs. General Yanya said solemnly: "Good brothers, they are indeed good brothers... In this case, you are welcome as a brother... Well, I’ll give you a good seat at Lord Heiyun’s celebration banquet...just sit next to me!"

"Hey, what kind of business do you Qianhuluhao do? If it's useful to my brother, just ask!" General Yiya smiled at Lu Qian sincerely and said: "From now on, your family's business will be my brother's. My own business!”

A quarter of an hour later, Lu Qian walked out of the General's Mansion, swaying and triumphantly.

He found King Chunlan and told him what happened in the general's palace... King Chunlan's face suddenly twitched, and he almost spit out a mouthful of blood!