I'm really immortal

"He can pull it out of his ass."

"After beating the monsters, if he is hungry again, can he eat the golden cudgel he pulled out from his ass?"

"Monkey King doesn't know how to eat shit!"

"I didn't say he ate."

"Then when are we going to eat that stinky shit-like fish again?"

"Now the mandarin fish is fattening, I will cook it for you another day."

Zhou Dongdong nodded, stretched out his arms to hug his thigh and leaned sideways, looked up at Brother Chang'an in a daze, actually Zhou Dongdong's favorite hero was not Monkey King, but him.

Because if one day Zhou Dongdong is captured by a monster, Monkey King may not come to rescue Zhou Dongdong, but Brother Changan will definitely.

……

……

After eating giant crabs and other seafood caught by the sea hunters at night, Liu Changan took Zhou Dongdong back under his arm.

After Zhou Shuling closed the shop, she joined everyone. Liu Changan packed her baked crab legs with egg yolk and some crab paste mixed with crab meat, and packed them in a beautiful white porcelain lunch box with a gold inlaid jade top, which looked very appetizing.

"Enough playing and eating, Yan Qingcheng went to make up lessons for Zhu Juntang. Even Zhu Juntang has to make up lessons until midnight today, and I plan to give you a quiz to stimulate your brain cells." Liu Chang'an said that these people's brains are not very good, or they don't like to use their brains very much.

Qin Yanan is also there, and it is said that tonight he will chat with Shangguan Dandan about history and culture... Liu Changan always feels that this is not the case, but it is impossible to drive her away, right?

Then Qin Yanan belongs to the type of acting a pregnant woman to act out her brain abnormally, and it needs to stimulate the normal operation of brain cells.

"Let's eat roasted brains later!" Zhou Dongdong tilted his head and said expectantly under Liu Changan's armpit. He thought he was going to eat roasted naizi, or roasted children's brains. Dongdong has no brains, so Zhou Dongdong is relieved, no longer afraid of his brain being roasted and eaten by others.

"Roast your brain and eat it." Liu Changan was not surprised that Zhou Dongdong understood the irrelevant meaning from his words. He just reached out and touched her stomach, very suspicious of Zhou Dongdong's words. The brain grows in the stomach, so it is natural to understand the meaning related to "eating" from various conversations.

"Have I lost my mind again?"

"Stupid boy, of course you have a brain, but it's just not very good." Zhou Shuling said angrily. Fortunately, her mother has a better brain and can always take care of her to grow up. It doesn't matter if she is a little stupid.

Idiots have stupid blessings... Zhou Shuling glanced at Liu Changan, the corners of her mouth slightly curled up. She summed up the truth of life from Zhou Dongdong's encounter with Liu Changan.

"It works! It works! It works!"

"Hurry up and come up with the questions." Qin Yanan urged, she also wanted to test her brainpower.

As the saying goes, it takes three years to conceive a fool. This sentence has a certain basis in fact. What Qin Yanan is worried about is that her pregnancy process is extraordinary, so she must pay special attention to supplementing nutrition so that the normal functioning of the brain can be fully motivated, otherwise It is very likely that pregnant women will consume more brain power than the average pregnant woman, resulting in a situation such as 30 years of being stupid for one pregnancy.

30 years... In these 30 years of mental retardation, how can I fight other little foxy wombs?I'm afraid that when the time comes, I will be squeezed out to a cold palace that is colder than Antarctica.

Shangguan remained calm, and quietly stretched out half of his palm from his sleeve pocket, so that when Liu Changan posed a question, she could raise her hand to answer the question faster than others and seize the opportunity.

"Three people drink three barrels of water in three days, may I ask how many barrels of water nine people drink in nine days?" Liu Changan asked the question.

Shangguan Dandan immediately raised his hand, and at the same time raised his hand even higher with bouncing jumps, attracting the idea of ​​the questioner.

Both Qin Yanan and Zhou Shuling wanted to answer, but seeing Shangguan Dandan raising her hand to answer, they couldn't answer the question without blurting out their mouths.

"You said."

"Seven of these nine people are Yaya, Xiaoling, Anhui, Xiaofang, Xiao Zhongqing, the wicked woman, and An Nuan. They started a fierce palace fight over the distribution of water, and Xiaotang was dismissed by everyone for sowing discord. After I found out, I spit everywhere and tried to pollute all the water so that everyone had no water to drink. Fortunately, I was in charge of the overall situation. Finally, we dug a well outside everyone's room, which can drink water and be a shock Disobedient court ladies and eunuchs."

After Shangguan Dandan finished speaking, she nodded in satisfaction. The queen mother's answer is naturally the standard answer. I hope the speaker is interested, and the listener is also interested. From this, I can learn the true meaning that the harem must live in harmony.

Liu Changan's eyebrows twitched, what kind of answer is this!This kind of game should exclude Shangguan Dandan at all. She has nothing to do all day long, idles around, never studies, and may not even know what the word "answering questions" means.

Qin Yanan was secretly happy, her name was ranked first, while An Nuan was ranked last, as for Su Mei, it was probably because of Zhu Juntang's relationship that she was able to rank second to last, and she had a code name like "Evil Wife".

But among these seven people, four are in a group, and Zhu Juntang, who has to be taken seriously, is added. This group of people is too powerful, even if you add Yan Qingcheng and Yan Huaye, you still have some power. Shan Libo... At present, neither Yan Huaye nor Yan Qingcheng has been included in the harem category by Shangguan Dandan, so there is a long way to go.

"Digging wells is very expensive, we can dig a few fewer wells." Zhou Shuling was thinking about more realistic issues, "But we can bring in mountain spring water to boil water for Dandan. Dandan, you know, use mountain spring water to soak Tea or something, especially delicious!"

"What Xiaoling said makes sense." Shangguan Dandan nodded with satisfaction, as expected of her daughter-in-law handpicked by the Empress Dowager, she is as thrifty as the Empress Dowager, able to live a shrewd life.

The corners of Qin Yanan's mouth curled up slightly, Zhou Shuling was quite good at talking, but what everyone paid attention to was execution ability, Qin Yanan already had a plan in mind.

"You answer it." Liu Changan said to Zhou Shuling. He saw Qin Yanan's confident look, and knew that this kind of question could not be difficult for a graduate student, so he should use it to deal with Zhou Shuling.

"Nine buckets!" Zhou Shuling immediately answered confidently. Kindergarten children who are smart about this kind of question may know the answer, so how can it be rare for a little mother who once thought about tutoring Liu Changan's homework?

"Nine barrels?" This is an unsurprising answer, "How do you count?"

"Three people drink three buckets of water in three days, and nine people drink nine buckets of water in nine days. One person drinks one bucket a day, and nine people drink nine buckets of water in nine days." Zhou Shuling simply calculated by division.

"Don't help Zhou Dongdong do his homework in the future." Liu Changan had to stop Zhou Shuling from leading Zhou Dongdong to run in the opposite direction on the road of study.

"Why?" Zhou Shuling was aggrieved, did she do something wrong?In the past, he often asked questions, and she didn't know any of them, but this question is very simple, and she is still very confident.

"Zhou Dongdong...Forget it."

Liu Changan yelled Zhou Dongdong, she was hanging her hands and feet motionless, when she heard Brother Changan calling her to answer the question, she turned her head and looked at Liu Changan without saying a word, her eyes shone with a clear light, as if she could see through the Her bright pupils saw that her mind was filled with all kinds of shrimp, crab, seafood and aquatic products that she ate today.

"How much is it?" Zhou Shuling felt unconvinced and aggrieved.

“27桶。”秦雅南忍不住了，“用归一法计算，先算每人每天用几桶水，再乘以九人九天得到算式（3÷3÷3）＊9＊9=27。或者用倍比法，以3桶水作为一倍数，再乘以人的倍数和天的倍数3＊（9÷3）＊（9÷3）=27。”

This is a simple arithmetic problem, but it is more inclined to brain teasers. Like Zhou Shuling, she may not even know such simple arithmetic, but she is probably led astray by the confusing nature of brain teasers.

"So that's how it is." Zhou Shuling was a little admiring. As expected of a teacher at Shonan University, she was as good as Professor Liu. Zhou Shuling made up her mind that she and Zhou Dongdong had to be admitted to Shonan University.

"Ya Ya is also a virtuous wife. In the future, when my business grows, I can hand it over to Ya Ya for help. After all, I have to worry about too many things every day, and I often feel physically and mentally exhausted, and the calculations take a lot of energy..." Shangguan Dandan was also very satisfied with Qin Yanan's outstanding performance.

If Zhu Juntang was there, he would probably understand the deep meaning of the Empress Dowager's arrangement for everyone to dig a well outside the door: all the wells lead to the Dragon Palace, which means that the evil dragons in the Dragon Palace can choose a well to drill out every day. Fortunately, his woman.

"Can your business grow big?" Liu Chang'an was very skeptical. Shangguan Dandan had lost her enthusiasm for her self-service vending machine to enter the world's top [-] business. The new focus was on stealing subway ticket vending machines to sell tickets and steal fire. The flamingo cruise ship is placed in the swimming pool of Zhujuntang to develop tourism.

Or are you still secretly playing with the bank?Anyway, when passing by a bank just now, Liu Changan noticed that Shangguan was staring at the ATM machine without taking his eyes off it.

Liu Chang'an couldn't help feeling a little emotional. In the new era, he was still making positive contributions to the stability and harmony of the society. He paid attention to Shangguan Dandan every day to prevent her from doing evil things, which was serving the country and the people.

"I've already discussed with Xiaotang today, and I'm going to start a business partnership." Shangguan said confidently. She and Zhu Juntang teamed up. As long as Liu Chang'an doesn't come to make trouble, they are basically invincible in the world, and the daily income of ten thousand gold is only in the fingers. The degree of leakage of soup and water.

"Bring Zhou Dongdong, and you will be even more invincible." Liu Changan pointed to the child under his armpit. This human cub could be seen to be with some kind of bird or beast cub. Referring to Zhou Shuling, "Let her be your accountant."

Everyone rejoiced and didn't feel that there was anything wrong.

"I can also help with suggestions." Qin Yanan naturally wants to actively participate in it, let alone whether the business has prospects and feasibility, anyway, the most unacceptable thing for a woman is that the people around her form a small circle, and she is not accepted into it .

Although they haven't written their horoscope yet, and they haven't even thought about doing any kind of business, it doesn't affect their enthusiasm for expressing their opinions-Liu Chang'an, who never thought about participating, was actively rejected by Shangguan Dandan. When the business grows bigger, Liu Changan will be jealous and have to hand over financial power, bank cards, WeChat Alipay and Q coins.

There was a coolness in the night wind, only the creatures under the armpits were slightly warm because of the rich fat content.

Back home, Zhou Shuling wanted to invite everyone to drink her newly prepared mixed juice. Liu Changan considered that many fruits in this season have not yet been on the market in large quantities, such as watermelons, cherries, red bayberry, etc. at home are still expensive, so he put the Zhou Shuling pressed on the sofa, and asked her to eat the packed seafood first because it was cold and it would not taste good. He went to the kitchen to prepare juice.

Qin Yanan glanced at his brother's back, smiled slightly, took Shangguan Dandan's arm, and whispered intimately, the last time he stayed here overnight, he gave Dandan a self-service vending machine, and Dandan read "Butterfly Love Flower" ·Fengqiwu".

But now what Qin Yanan thinks of is Li Qingzhao's "Reminiscence of Blowing Xiao on the Phoenix Terrace·Xiang Leng Jin Ni", because the first sentence of this poem is "Xiang Leng Jin Ni, who was turned into a red wave, gets up and combs her hair lazily", Like "Butterfly Love Flower·Feng Qiwu", there is the word "turned into a red wave"... It's just that Qin Yanan's mood is different from the loneliness and coldness in Li Qingzhao's poems.

-------------Chapter Dividing Line---------------

Shangguan Dandan took out a pile of small change from his sleeve pocket, smoothed them out one by one, and counted more than 500 yuan, which was all Shangguan Dandan's income today.

Originally, it was only more than 100 yuan, but Shangguan Dandan successfully controlled the electronic scale, and his income naturally increased greatly.

Although Zhu Juntang was a little puzzled by the skyrocketing price of a big crab, the only measure she took was to step on the electronic scale a few times, and when she found that the displayed price had not changed, she no longer cared about the huge increase in purchase cost, and paid the bill without hesitation. .

Because Jin Xiaomei was standing next to Shangguan Dandan and smiling, Zhu Juntang decided to charge the increased purchase cost to Jin Xiaomei, and deducted several hundred yuan from her salary.

"It is said that Liu Chang'an used to move bricks on the construction site, and he could only earn 200 yuan a day. My income is [-] times that of his." .

"I heard from you that it's really fun to catch the sea, but it's a pity that the business is so good tonight that I can't get away from it." Zhou Shuling said enviously. Liu Changan took some photos of Zhou Dongdong and Shangguan Dandan who showed their special temperament because of their hard work. Show her the photo.

"Dongdong, how much money did you earn?" Shangguan Dandan said to Zhou Dongdong who was watching his mother eating crab legs baked with egg yolk.

"I earned ten yuan." Zhou Dongdong said happily, also a little proud.

"Where's your money?" Zhou Shuling asked quickly, it was a huge sum of money for Zhou Dongdong.

"I gave it to brother Chang'an."

"What are you doing for him?" Qin Yanan asked with a smile.

"I'll give brother Chang'an pocket money."

"Why did you give him pocket money?"

Zhou Dongdong fumbled around in his pocket, hoping to find a dollar or two for himself, "Because everyone has a mother or someone else to give pocket money, but no one gives pocket money to Brother Changan. , I... I will give it to him."

Qin Yanan raised his hand and touched Zhou Dongdong's head, and secretly made up his mind that he must give birth to such a well-behaved and caring girl as a little padded jacket for Liu Changan, and see if Zhu Juntang can still act arrogantly like she is the only one who can inherit Kyushu all day long. The position of the head of the Fenglei Sword Sect.

Shangguan Dandan raised her head proudly, although in Zhou Dongdong's eyes, Shangguan Dandan must be the kind of mother who didn't give Liu Changan pocket money, or even asked Liu Changan to give pocket money, but in fact Shangguan Dandan gave Liu Changan pocket money. His pocket money was piles of gold, but unfortunately he was so prodigal, he was dug out and put somewhere and he would not grab it back.

Shangguan Dandan decided that one day, she would take her daughters-in-law to that place to get the gold back, and whatever the daughters-in-law took would be counted as their dowry, each according to their ability.

"By the way, I remember that fierce little girl came here to quarrel with Yaya last year, and Xiaoling was there too?" Speaking of "daughters-in-law", Shangguan Dandan kind of missed the first palace presided over by the Queen Mother. The scene of the fighting meeting, I don't know when I can host a relatively high-level Gongdou meeting again.

That day, Yaya quoted the scriptures, and the wicked woman who turned into a little girl, Su Nanxiu, was sharp-tongued and vicious, Xiaoling was obedient but relied on her pure and simple performance to win the approval of Shangguan Dandan, Zhou Dongdong was also present, but she was silent He disappeared without a breath, without speaking, and without any sense of existence.

"Hey, I haven't seen that little girl again." Zhou Shuling nodded. She was deeply impressed by that little girl, her eyes seemed to be shooting nails all the time. One look at Zhou Shuling, and Zhou Shuling felt that she had been nailed by countless nails. Can't move the wall.

"It's good to see such a little girl." Qin Yanan said lightly, although Zhou Shuling in front of him is also a competitor, but in general Su Mei is ten thousand times more difficult to deal with than Zhou Shuling, the key is Su Mei's means and scheming , are relatively unlimited.

Zhou Shuling was mainly lucky, and the method she used was the gentle and caring emotional strategy of a traditional woman. In fact, it is not difficult to deal with. Does Liu Changan still lack this type of woman?

That Su Mei is omnipotent, and she has to worry about all kinds of despicable plots against her. She is definitely the darkest and cruelest villain in the harem series.

"I remember that Yaya said at that time that the favorite of the mourning poems was Song Dynasty He Zhu's "Partridge Sky: Overcoming the Changmen, Everything Is Not Right"." Shangguan Dandan said, only Qin Yanan and Zhou Shuling are here today, these two people It cannot be fought.

Qin Yanan certainly had the fighting spirit, like a magnificent and beautiful sword, but Zhou Shuling was like a soft and elastic sponge, he didn't put much effort into it, hacking or punching at a sponge was actually meaningless.

It would be even more fun if there were dozens more daughter-in-laws, with more diverse personalities and palace fights at any time... Of course, there can be many daughter-in-laws, but the queen mother can only have one. Many women came out and claimed that Liu Changan was also their moth, and the life of the Queen Mother would be difficult.

"That's right." Qin Yanan also recalled that that day was quite cool, her performance completely blown Su Mei, Su Mei actually talked about "Marriage Law" with Shangguan Dandan, she didn't need to be called Su Nanxiu, she could simply be Shi Lezhi himself.

"What about this one?" Apart from reading some poetry books, Shangguan Dandan's mastery of many famous poems basically comes from those novels that travel through alternate history, where the protagonists like to take other people's poems as their own. use.

Shangguan Dandan also wanted to do the same, but she is a shameless and moral empress dowager, there is no way to do that, especially if she announces that a certain poem is actually written by the empress dowager, it will definitely attract moths' debunking and ridicule. Very positive about having fun doing this.

"Su Shi's "Jiangchengzi Yimao's Night Dream on the [-]th Day of the First Moon"." Qin Yanan was a little puzzled, why did Dandan want to talk about poetry again?Despite the same resolute refusal to study and reject going to school, Dan Dan's cultural knowledge reserves are not comparable to that of Sister Luyi.

Zhou Shuling yawned involuntarily, and immediately came to her senses. She pushed Zhou Dongdong, who also suddenly became sleepy. The cultural people were chatting, and the couple listened carefully. Under the influence of their ears, they might be able to talk like this in the future. I am very good.

"Su Shi...well, that Xiao Tang thought he had a brother named Su Dongpo, a famous poet." Shangguan nodded lightly. In their dynasty, this great poet's literary achievements were probably equivalent to those of Mrs. Jia during Emperor Wen's period. Fu, it's just that Taifu Jia's political talent is by no means comparable to that of ordinary people.

"When Su Shi was 19 years old, he married Wang Fu, who was 16 years old. Wang Fu died of illness in Kaifeng when he was 27 years old. Su Xun also passed away a year later. Su Shi and his younger brother Su Che escorted the coffin of his father Su Xun back home. At the same time, Wang Fuyi was also buried next to his parents' cemetery. After three years of filial piety, the brothers returned to the capital and never returned to Meishan." Qin Yanan sighed lightly.

When I used to learn these poems, I only felt the beauty of the words, but now it is more than that, especially after learning about the past of my predecessor, I have many feelings and sighs.

"In the tenth year of Wang Fu's death, Su Shi has married Wang Fu's cousin Wang Runzhi Xu Xian. When he was an official in Dashui Province, he dreamed of Wang Fu. Wang Fu's life has been fixed, and he will always be young and beautiful in his heart. Look, Su Shi is getting old..."

Qin Yanan spoke up to this point, but didn't go any further. He raised his head in surprise, glanced at Shangguan Dandan, and saw the empress dowager's eyes were clear, reflecting the lights in the living room but with a complex and blurred look... Qin Yanan was feeling sorry for himself today Being weak, Shangguan Dandan guided her to talk about Su Shi's life.

Didn't Su Shi just marry Wang Fu first, and then marry Wang Fu's cousin?It just so happens that I also have a cousin Qin Zisi in Junsha, and Shangguan Dandan's intentions are clearly revealed.

Just thinking about it, Liu Changan came out of the kitchen with a big bundle of fruit juice, Qin Yanan temporarily let go of his thoughts, and saw that Zhou Shuling and Zhou Dongdong, who were still drowsy just now, were already refreshed...

"After drinking the juice, everyone should go to bed early tonight and have a good dream together." After Shangguan Dandan finished speaking, he raised a glass of juice and started drinking it.

Liu Changan glanced at her. Shangguan's light black hair reflected the bright luster in the living room. He always felt that what she said meant something, but he didn't have any clue. Sometimes I just want to fool others to pay more attention to her eyes, words, etc., and don't care too much.

……

……

It was raining tonight, and the rhythmic rhythm reminded Liu Changan of the chicken chop shop, the sound of a large piece of chicken chop being thrown into the fryer was so dense and continuous.

After such an association was made, the unique feeling of the sound of rain that made people feel peaceful and lulled to sleep disappeared without a trace, leaving only the image of fried chicken cutlets in my mind.

Why are you thinking about these things all of a sudden?Liu Changan lost his mind for a moment in a daze, and it turned out that he had already woken up.

The room was extraordinarily calm, with raindrops sticking to the windows, twisting left and right and sliding down, like the paths left by earthworms burrowing through the soil. Liu Changan lay under the quilt, feeling the deep rainy night.

It seems that it has been a long time since I lay down comfortably and listened to the sound of the rain. I feel a bit artificially lonely, but I am not repulsed. My daily life is full of trivial emotions, but at this time, there seems to be nothing in my mind, and I feel very good.

The suitable temperature in the quilt makes people not even want to move a finger, but the face is a little cold, and the temperature in the room is lower than usual. Is it cooling down again?

The weather in April and May is not accurate... It can be cold and warm at the same time. If ordinary people often catch a cold because of inappropriate clothes, fortunately it is not in 2003, so they will not catch a cold and have a fever. Makes people nervous.

Thinking of these things, and I don't know how long it has passed, Liu Changan no longer sleepy, stretched out his hand to turn on the light, the orange light was reflected in the room, listening to the sound of rain outside the window, feeling the boundless night, it seems that here is An independent space suspended in a dark world.

Some supernatural or Crusu-style stories can start from such a scene. The protagonist pushes open the door and finds that it is already another world and so on.

Liu Changan squinted his eyes. The feeling from inside and outside the room seemed to be too quiet, giving him a very unreal feeling, especially the sound of the rain, the more he heard it, the more it sounded like it was played by some kind of audio equipment. , The frequency of the vibration is not at all the air, leaves, building materials and the situation when it rains on the ground in this community.

He touched the mobile phone and found that there was no signal on the mobile phone. This kind of situation is very rare. It only happened when the Junsha Telecom Building caught fire before.

Liu Changan felt that something was wrong, got up and put on his shoes, went to the living room and looked around, the sound of rain from the balcony was much louder, a sliver of rain poured in, and the pot of maidenhair fern was wet, and the emerald green Emerald green.

The air is filled with cold water vapor, which is the typical wetness and coldness in the south. Such weather in February and March will make southerners feel that there is nowhere to hide because of the coldness.