My Little Pony: My Little Pony The Martian

Mission Log – Solar Day 271

The final result of the game was contrary to popular belief and mathematical reasoning. The Cubs were not eliminated from the playoffs. As long as there is a huge earthquake that wipes out all 27 teams, we will be shortlisted.

Based on my experience living on Mars, this is certainly possible.

As for other aspects, we are actively overcoming the difficulties caused by the limited time of EVA, and there is no sign of any return of cabin fever. But please allow me to leave for a while now. I have to go talk to Fireball. His bad habit of crunching stones when chewing them is really irritating.

AMICITAS Mission Three – Mission Day 277

ARES 3 solar day 274

[08:05] Watney: Father, please forgive me, because I have sinned and fallen short of the Lord's glory.

[08:32] JPL: Good morning Mark. What did you do again? There should be no Tomb of Horrors in the adventure module we give you.

[09:03] Watney: I took them to open the gazebo.

[09:32] JPL: Got it. Looks like maybe we do have a Tomb of Horrors for you. It's best to email me a full report. The purpose is sociological research, you know.

AMICITAS Mission Three – Mission Day 276

ARES 3 solar day 273

(The night before)

"The courtyard is covered with green grass - the only living thing you see growing so far after entering. The wall encloses a square area, about a hundred yards on a side. From the door to the building there is nothing but A walkway, and a lone pavilion, about, uh, ten yards or so from the main walkway.”

So be it, Mark thought, and see what happens next.

"What is a pavilion?" three voices asked in unison, with the fireball bearing the brunt and being the loudest.

"Wait a moment." Starlight switched her computer to dictionary mode and said, "G-A-Z-E-B-O," typing the letters one by one with her hooves, "Ah, I found it. There's also a picture. Do you see it?" The screen turns to everyone, "An outdoor architectural structure, usually located on a lawn or garden, used for shade, shelter from wind and rain, and rest."

Darn, Mark thought to himself.

Then he thought again, the one who rides the horse? I spent too much time with these ponies.

"Aha," Fireball mused, "Mark, what does it look like?"

"Okay," Mark pretended to flip through the information annotations of the adventure module on his computer, "Judging from the decorations you have seen so far, its appearance is surprisingly ordinary. It looks like it is made of wood. It is six-dimensional. It has a side-shaped layout, with steps on the side facing the walkway and the opposite side. Most of the facade is painted white, with brown shingles on the top of the pavilion, surrounded by green handrails on each side, and a little yellow trimming near the eaves. .The shade in the pavilion looks quite attractive.”

"Ah ha," the dragon continued to repeat, "and no skeleton?"

"There are no skeletons around," Mark confirmed.

"Okay," Fireball whispered, "Schmugger goes and asks King Chop if he still has the firewood from our last camp."

"What?" Cherry Berry's barbarian was renamed "Slash Magnus", "What do you want that thing for?"

"Too many... descriptions," Fireball thought for a while and finally replied, "Too many little things. Mark prepared this. This is... it's a... it's a trap." Fireball really couldn't think of what he wanted. The English word I'm looking for, the last sentence is said in Pony language.

Of course Starlight knew the word, "trap?" She felt very puzzled, "This is a beautiful little shed with an open area around it. This is an inanimate object - this is a thing! It's just an object! How can it be a trap? ?”

"I don't know," Fireball replied, "I won't know." He turned to Berry, "Firewood."

"This is such a waste of time." Cherryberry complained.

"I'm for fire...er, for Schmugger," Spitfire interjected, "I'm checking for traps."

"Okay, please throw theft," Mark said.

Spitfire clicked the corresponding button on her computer, "Twelve o'clock."

"Count your bonus!!!" Starlight warned her in her ear.

"Oh, yes," Spitfire responded, "Uh... blackjack."

"Well," Mark replied, "you don't see any traps because this is a gazebo."

"Yes, it must be a trap," Fireball remained unmoved, "I brought firewood and piled it next to that Ga-thief-Bo."

"I haven't given you the firewood yet!" Berry insisted.

"Here you go," Fireball continued, minding his own business. "Then I poured the lamp oil on the wood. Empty the bottle. Maybe pour a little on the gazebo." He leaned over his computer, craning his long neck. He gloated at Mark, "What would it think?"

"Please roll Perception." Mark said calmly.

Fireball looked back at the computer screen and frowned, "Where...where."

"Per-kep-tee-on." Starlight muttered from the side.

"Oh, that's it," Fireball reacted, "Why can't you humans speak normally?" He pressed a certain button, and then laughed heartily, "Nineteen! Add two to make blackjack!"

"Well," Mark said, trying to be careful with his words, "someone would certainly have reason to think that the gazebo looks a little apprehensive...if it's not a building!"

"Did you see it?" Fireball said proudly, and then asked after a while, "What is worry...what did he say?"

"Worry," Starlight sighed, "means that Pavilion is aware of what is about to happen and feels worried and fearful. In other words, it can be detected, if..."

"I knew it!" Fireball immediately turned back to Mark, "Schmugger ran out... ran out... ran to a safe place and then used Searing Pyroblast on the firewood."

Mark raised his eyebrows. "Just to be clear," he said to Fireball, "you're going to take on a building—start a fight." The words you’ve heard over and over again tell you that it’s too late by now: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Fireball didn't flinch at all, "I use Searing Pyroblast on the firewood."

"Okay then," Mark continued, "roll attack. You have first mover advantage; everyone else rolls."

Fireball pressed the button, "Ha! Natural 20!" Then he threw a second time, "Seven more! Thirty-two!"

"Please roll damage!"

Press another button, "It's seven!"

"Okay, since your target is a flammable material soaked in oil, I rule that your attack will cause double damage." Mark said and clicked a few times on his dice rolling program. "The good news is that if you succeed, The gazebo is set on fire. It takes fourteen points of damage every subsequent round. The bad news is, you angered it. The terrifying gazebo leaped from its foundations, landed next to Schmugger, and swallowed him whole. It went down. This bite caused..." Tap the button, "Well, eighteen points of damage, so you are not dead yet, but you must be dripping with blood." Mark could no longer hide the smile on his face, He continued, "Oh, by the way, as for the non-biting attack performed by the pavilion, fire damage must be added."

"Please, how could this be possible!" Starlight Glimmer was furious.

"I use Revenge Strike." Berry joined the battle.

"Yes, you can do that," Mark agreed, "Please roll the dice."

Berry clicked the button and sighed, "Twelve o'clock."

"Don't forget the bonus." Starlight reminded again.

"Already added." She turned the computer over, and the dice rolling program on the screen showed a big three.

"Ah, that's a mistake," Mark said. "Your sword bounced directly off the wood of the pavilion, leaving almost no gap."

"Uh...did you say it ate me?" Fireball asked at this time, "Crack, pop, pop, pop?"

"Actually, it should be burp." Mark replied, "And don't mention those words again in the future."

"But it's open, right? How is it holding mine?"

"The support beams in the roof are holding you," Mark replied.

"I'm trying to escape." Fireball waved his claws and made a snake-like twisting gesture.

"It's not your turn yet," Mark replied, "The gazebo uses its action points to counterattack, so the next round is to pick flowers."

Picking flowers is a thief who flies into flames. "I backstab the gazebo," she responded.

"Okay, but you finally found out that the gazebo has no back at all, and you wasted this round." Mark replied, "The next round is Cherry Berry."

"I draw my sword and chop down the pavilion," Berry Berry ordered impatiently, "Let go of my friend!" She pressed the button, and this time her sigh was even more embarrassing, "A little."

"Aha," Mark took the opportunity to express himself freely, "King Chop tried to pierce Pavilion with his sword. After the sword penetrated, it got stuck inside. Pavilion turned around and pulled the sword away from Chop. I ruled that the sword caused damage. No harm was done, but now you have the pavilion..."

"Is it my turn now?" Starlight Glimmer interrupted Mark's performance.

Mark paused, "Uh, wait a moment." He replied.

"I emptied my own water bottle and poured it over the flames to try and put it out!"

Everyone was stunned by this unexpected move. "Uh... ok..." Mark pressed the button, and then raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise, "This unexpected behavior made the terrace shocked and stopped attacking..." He clicked again, " And since the gazebo jumps out of the pile of firewood, you will be able to successfully suppress the fire until it is weak enough to put out the remaining flames with a blow from your cloak.”

"Okay," Starlight continued, "then I apologized to the gazebo and asked it to release my disrespectful friend. The act of conversation has no cost, right?"

"Uh..." Mark stared at his notes, "This pavilion is a magically empowered beast. It can't think. You can't talk to it."

"Oh, why can't I," Starlight asked, "You just said that it felt worried when it saw Schmugger pouring oil on the firewood. This means that it has the ability to think and predict the future. These are characteristics that only intelligent creatures have. So since it is intelligent, it naturally means that I can talk to it."

Damn it, Mark thought to himself. The other thing that comes to mind at the same time is, damn it, and I’d also like to add another word, fuck.

I can't argue with that.

"Okay," Mark raised his hands in surrender, "but Pavilion is so angry right now that it's not very intelligent, and you only have a plus one communication bonus..."

"But it's a monster, right?" Starlight continued, "This means I can use the Dungeoneering skill, which I have a plus-nine!"

Okay, Mark thought, I should have expected Starlight to be the rules lawyer. "That's not the point," he replied, "Schmugger is lighting a wooden creature. For a gazebo, this is a glue-factory nightmare. The goal you need to hit for success is thirty points, so Success can only be achieved by rolling a natural twenty.”

"But it's possible, right?" Starlight asked.

Mark sighed, "Yes," he agreed, "but barely. Roll the dice, please."

"That means," Spitfire cut back to Pony's words, "we need Daub Cake to throw twenty or we will all die? Daub Cake? 'Don't let me throw the dice'? Then we It’s finished.”

Starlight looked at her computer, then at the dice she had carved out (which had been sitting motionless on her workbench since they were first used), then at her computer. Then she took a deep breath, pushed the computer aside, and took the red twenty-sided crystal. She carefully balanced the dice on the bottom of her front hooves, tilted it sideways and turned it diagonally in a circle around the forks of the hooves, then let the dice fall gently to the table.

The dice rolled down and made a crisp sound, and finally stopped.

"Oh NB!"

AMICITAS Mission Three – Mission Day 277

ARES 3 solar day 274

[15:18] JPL: Just finished reading your report. Still can't believe you just let them take down the horrible gazebo.

[15:39] Watney: Stop it, I understand. Now that they have this new friend, they are even more powerful. They have all reached level four and are going to return to the dungeon to kill the Lich King tonight.

[16:11] JPL: But they also bribed the gazebo with granite floors? ? ?

[16:40] Watney: The dice are on Starlight's side. And I checked - none of the dice were unbalanced or tampered with. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how much Firestar hates these ponies, he hates me even more.

[17:11] JPL: I think this is a sign that it's time to give up your Castellan Curtain to Starlight. Don't be too sad. Some people are not born with the ability to take on such important responsibilities.

[17:43] Watney: Venkat, because you're my boss, I can't speak my mind out, but you know I'm still thinking it over in my head.