The years I was in the human world

"I wonder why my father asked Commander Yan to go to so much trouble to bring me here?" Chu Zhaoli was brought before the emperor abducted. Perhaps he was already prepared to flee south. Also in Chengming Palace were the third prince and other important officials of the court.

"I want to tour the south with Prime Minister Du, but the country cannot be without a ruler for a day. Would Li'er be willing to serve as regent?" The emperor had a drafted edict at hand. Now that all the important officials were present, he was afraid that the edict had already been signaled to the officials. Summoning Chu Zhaoli at this time was just a notification.

Chu Zhaoyun, who always wanted to compete with him, was now silent, without his usual indignation. Chu Zhaoli knew at a glance that something bad was going to happen.

"Father, do you think I am a fool? My third brother is still here, and at worst there are still fourth and sixth brothers. Why do you want me, a deposed crown prince, to be the regent?" Chu Zhaoli had a vague guess, but held on to a faint hope and did not dare to speak it out. He was panicked in his heart, and gradually could not maintain his usual humility on his face.

"The southern tour is of great importance. Yun'er and the others must go with me, and Li'er should stay in Beijing to supervise the country." The emperor calmly lied to this child whom he thought was always obedient. The emperor's word seemed to have become a joke.

Chu Zhaoli looked at the emperor, then at the prince standing beside the emperor. He suddenly smiled sadly, shook his head as he smiled, and tears filled his eyes uncontrollably: "Father, it has come to this, and you still want to deceive me."

He suffered a lot when he was young. He fell off a horse and broke his leg and had to crawl to find a doctor. He was blamed by his king and father and his back was broken... Chu Zhaoli never cried once. The only times he shed tears were when his mother committed suicide and the last time he was on the verge of death from the venom of the Yunnan snake.

Chu Zhaoli thought that was enough to make him want to die, but he never thought that the sharp knife given by his father and emperor could stab his heart and make it bleed every time: "What southern tour? It's clearly the rebels besieging the city. Are you going to take them away?"

Chu Zhaoli pointed at his brothers and sisters who were hidden in the crowd and laughed briefly: "Ha, even my fifth brother who fled the city is here, but you want me to stay and wait for death. Father, how cruel you are to me!"

"Li'er!" The emperor called Chu Zhaoli and cried inexplicably. He couldn't help wondering if he was too cruel. But soon, he became determined again. There must be someone left to be the king of the fallen country. If it wasn't Chu Zhaoli, it had to be him, or his other sons.

The Third Prince clenched his hands hanging in his sleeves, and looked at Chu Zhaoli with gradually more pity. In fact, his elder brother had always been a pitiful man, but who made them born into the royal family?

"You are my eldest son and my most sensible child. Now that the country is in crisis, as the eldest brother, do you have to ask your younger brothers and sisters to take the lead?" With just one sentence, the emperor put Chu Zhaoli on a high position. When he looked around, he saw that there was no other way to go except to be smashed to pieces.

"Father, is the so-called royal family's reputation really that important?" Chu Zhaoli asked back. He looked at his father and emperor who had given up on him time and time again with disappointment. Hatred suddenly burst out in his heart. He should not have let those 5,000 elite soldiers leave.

He should have kept the army and perish here with them. Since they didn't want him to live, he would never have gotten away with it. "Father, have you ever considered what would happen to your son if he fell into the hands of the rebels?"

At the very least, his dignity would be lost, at worst, his life would be lost. All the royal family members and court officials present knew this clearly, otherwise why would they go to so much trouble to choose such an unlucky guy like him?

"I just want you to hold the capital for the time being. Once we have established a firm foothold in Jiangnan, we will naturally lead our troops north to support you as you go south." Seeing that the emperor remained silent, the third prince at the side spoke slowly, "Why do you have to act like a girl?"

“Chu Zhaoyun, shut up! You make sarcastic remarks so lightly, why don’t you recommend yourself?!” Chu Zhaoli looked at the third prince and for the first time in his life, he yelled at his once beloved brother in an unmannerly manner.

"Chu Zhaoli! You--" The emperor frowned and was about to speak when he saw him yelling at Chu Zhaoyun.

"You shut up too! Father, you abandoned me and used me as a pawn to your utmost, time and time again. You are so cruel to me." The eldest son, who had always been obedient, turned and glared at him, hatred and pain in his tearful eyes.

He was not afraid to contradict his father and king. He took out the dagger hidden in his sleeve and put it to his throat. "Are you going to force me to death, like you did to my second sister?"

If Chu Zhaoli committed suicide, one of them would have to stay behind as a scapegoat. Everyone's face changed when they heard this, and they all tried to persuade him to calm down. They said in a high-sounding manner that they would come to pick him up when Jiangnan was stable and would never abandon him. The emperor even made a solemn promise.

Chu Zhaoli didn't believe any of it. He just pressed the dagger deeper into his throat, almost drawing blood. He whispered, "I won't believe you anymore."

In the past, he had been deceived by such lies for nearly twenty years. In the past twenty years, he had nothing and even lost his life - if they didn't let him live, then at least he would die. He didn't want to let others control him.

"Brother Prince, don't..." Du Qiao suddenly rushed over and grabbed Chu Zhaoli's hanging hand.

She had done her hair in a bun, and looked up at Chu Zhaoli with tears in her eyes, calling him "Brother Crown Prince" as usual, but with a sad look on her face, she pleaded with him for another person: "Don't do this, if you kill yourself, my husband will be the one left behind, and if he dies, I will follow him, and Qiao will not be able to live well either."

"Brother Crown Prince, I regret not being able to marry you in this life. I beg you to help me one last time, so that we can complete this fate that ended in vain. Is that okay?"

Chu Zhaoli looked at Du Qiao with an earnest face, and then turned to look at the emperor who was also waiting for him to compromise. Everyone was waiting for him like this, but no one ever wanted him to live - Chu Zhaoli closed his eyes dejectedly, and the tears that had been accumulating in his eyes for a long time burst out, sliding down his cheeks like a scar.

"Okay." He said, and as soon as he loosened his grip, the dagger in his hand was snatched away by someone, and he was also strictly controlled, as if they were afraid that he would regret it.

……

A few days later, when Lu Zhouxue was able to see Chu Zhaoli again, he was sitting alone on the steps of Chengming Palace in a daze. He had changed into a bright yellow suit, and looked truly noble.

"Xiao Li'er's clothes look beautiful." Lu Zhouxue didn't notice anything unusual and just praised her sincerely.

"Really? Does Mianmian like me wearing this?" Chu Zhaoli saw Lu Zhouxue and forced a smile. He waved at him, pulled him to sit down beside him, leaned lazily against him, closed his eyes slightly, and sighed tiredly, "Mianmian, I'm so tired."

"What's wrong?" Lu Zhouxue tilted her head and looked at the young man leaning on her shoulder with concern.

"It's okay." Chu Zhaoli glanced at Yan Xiao, who was standing quietly outside the palace, seemingly protecting him but actually guarding him. He shook his head and said nothing to Lu Zhouxue, only saying that he was tired.

"Don't be afraid, I'll be with you." Lu Zhouxue touched his head and comforted him softly, "Wait until your father stops making things difficult for you, then we'll slowly go to the southwest; if he refuses to let you leave, I'll take you away quietly."

"Okay." Chu Zhaoli smiled and agreed happily. He hugged Lu Zhouxue's arm tightly, looking extremely uneasy. He said sadly, "Mianmian, in the end, you are the only one who loves me."

This time, without waiting for Lu Zhouxue to ask again, Chu Zhaoli started talking about the past. Lu Zhouxue inexplicably felt that he wanted to confess his true feelings before saying goodbye - since Xie Fu's death, Chu Zhaoli vaguely felt that he might have fallen into an unsolvable trap of fate.

"My mother died early. Many times, when my brothers and sisters were punished, they would receive sympathy and love from my mother when they returned to the palace. They could cry and scream without restraint, and my father would sometimes be more lenient because of this."

Until then, those things that he had never seen were finally revealed to him bit by bit. He was finally able to confirm that those speculations were not his groundless worries. Although he had expected it, he could not help but feel sad and unwilling.

"But I can't. Changle Palace is as cold as a grave. I don't have a mother, and no one cares about me. I am like a ghost wandering alone in this world. I put all my hopes on my father, but he never treats me as his child."

He couldn't bear to leave. He hadn't been able to leave this royal city that had trapped all his youthful willpower. He hadn't been able to marry his lover. He had never lived for himself in this life. Why would everything come to an abrupt end like this?

"Mianmian, you are a banished immortal. Tell me, did I commit so many sins in my previous life that I am often unable to obtain what I want in this life, and am so miserable and sad?" Chu Zhaoli looked up in panic, with tears about to fall in his eyes. He desperately wanted to get an answer from Lu Zhouxue.

"The grudges and sorrows of the previous life have passed through the Yellow Springs and Forgotten River and have become just the past. Why should Li'er worry about them for no reason?" Lu Zhouxue did not need to look at Chu Zhaoli's past. He was destined to be a descendant of the emperor. It was Xiao Yueheng who brought disaster to the world and made him lonely as a teenager.

"People in this world are deceived by others. It is the villains who are causing the trouble. What does it have to do with Li'er?" Lu Zhouxue said softly. He saw Chu Zhaoli forced a smile, as if he didn't believe it. After thinking for a while, he said, "Li'er, why don't you think about your mother? She must love you."

There must be someone who truly loves Chu Zhaoli, Lu Zhouxue thought. He heard that the former's mother died of childbirth complications. If she had not died, Chu Zhaoli would not be like this now.

Lu Zhouxue was trying his best to comfort Chu Zhaoli's broken heart. His thoughts were simple and cautious, and Chu Zhaoli understood his intentions, but he was also filled with sorrow. "Teacher, do you really not recognize me?"

Chu Zhaoli spoke softly, and took out a handkerchief embroidered with kapok from his sleeve, which allowed Lu Zhouxue to connect him with the stubborn and paranoid princess in the cold palace: "Teacher, my mother never loved me. You saw it. When she died, she wanted to kill me."

The understated tone summarized Chu Zhaoli's absurd and shallow relationship with his parents in the first twenty years of his life. He seemed to have let it go, but also seemed to have completely trapped himself in a nightmare, no longer able to pursue the endless wilderness.

"Teacher, it's not important. Come, tie my hair for me. Today is the day I reach adulthood." Chu Zhaoli stopped Lu Zhouxue from saying something and handed him a simple wooden hairpin. He smiled calmly and said, "Teacher, today I have reached adulthood. You should be happy for me."