He said he doesn't love me

"Ran Bao, have you ever thought about... where you will settle down in the future?" Tang Lele cast his eyes on Sun Ran's face, with a look of longing and yearning, "I think Paris is good, but my brother will definitely not agree."

Sun Ran raised his eyes slightly and looked at him, thinking for a while, then shook his head, "I haven't thought about it yet."

Perhaps as for settling down, he would prefer this kind of life this month, with no fixed place to live and being able to go wherever he wants.

Free and unrestrained.

Seeing that he was silent, Tang Lele thought for a moment and said, "Why don't we wait until Qingming is over and go to Holland? Or we can go to Chuanzhou, where there are grasslands not far away."

What he said seemed very simple, but Sun Ran had no intention of responding. He just looked at him silently for a long time without saying anything.

"...Why do you act weird today? Are you not feeling well? Or did you not sleep well last night?" Tang Lele frowned and raised his hand to touch his forehead, but Sun Ran turned his head away.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking... where to go." Sun Ran pursed her lips and followed his words, "You don't have to go to Chuanzhou if you want to go to the grassland. I see you're going for the hotpot, right?"

"Oh, it's good to know, don't say it out loud!" Tang Lele stuck out his tongue, "You still understand me, then let's go eat hot pot first, and then think about where to go!"

"Okay." Sun Ran naturally had no objection. After all, this was not his plan.

He sighed softly. The person in front of him smiled so vividly and beautifully, unlike himself, who was always gloomy and pessimistic.

Although he didn't want to admit it, he gradually had to accept the fact that he was really sick, and seriously ill.

Sun Ran blinked and couldn't help thinking. Should I go and have a look? Let's go and have a look. At least it will make me feel more at ease.

He looked at Tang Lele, pulled the corners of his mouth, and tried to copy the other's smile, but found that there was nothing he could do. Fake is fake after all.

No matter how similar it is, it is fake.

After dinner, the two of them changed streets and continued strolling until around four in the afternoon, when they returned to the courtyard.

As soon as Sun Ran entered the room, he went straight to the room. Li Cheng was packing things in the room. When he turned around, he saw Li Cheng standing next to him and was really scared.

"You're back? Did you have fun?" He took out some tissue paper to wipe Sun Ran's face. "I'm packing. Dad said this room has bad feng shui, so he asked us to move to the next door first. We need to change the layout of this room."

"Ah?" Sun Ran looked around. "No need. I think this is fine. You know I'm very particular about my bed. I might not be able to sleep if I change it."

He sat on the edge of the bed, frowning and thinking, I didn't realize that Li Cheng's father could also read Feng Shui, could he be a liar?

Li Cheng stopped what he was doing after hearing that, and shrugged helplessly at him, "I told you to choose your own bed, so he asked me to change the bed as well."

Good man, he is determined to make them change rooms.

Sun Ran had no choice but to give up after hearing this. After all, this was the Li family, and he had to obey the arrangements on where to sleep. He smiled slightly, "If that's the case, then thank you for your hard work."

Li Cheng narrowed his eyes and said, "It's not hard. By the way, your brother went back. He just looked for you but couldn't find you, so he left first."

"Got it." Sun Ran shook his feet and watched Li Cheng move his things to the next room bit by bit. When he saw that it was almost done, he stood up and walked to his side, whispering softly, "Do you think... should I communicate with her?"

Li Cheng was stunned, not understanding who he was talking about. He tilted his head in confusion, "Who?"

"Lu Ying." Sun Ran said as he moved closer, placing himself between the door and Li Cheng, "Shouldn't you be happy?"

Yeah, shouldn't he be happy?

Wasn't all his efforts for the purpose of making him let down his guard and take the initiative to see a psychologist?

Li Cheng looked at him, not understanding why he didn't feel happy at all. Instead, he was full of suspicion, "Why so sudden? Are you... in a bad mood?"

Sun Ran shook his head and looked up at him. "I thought I could control myself, but over the past period of time, I have become less and less able to control myself. You can see that, can't you?"

"Zorn, I'm fine. I'm just worried about you. You... don't you like doctors?" Li Cheng closed the door and pulled him into his arms. "I hope you can come out, but it won't be too sudden. If it's too forced, we can just take it slowly. It's okay."

"It doesn't matter to me. I have to take this step sooner or later, right? The sooner, the better. Maybe I'll get better faster. What do you think?" Sun Ran leaned his head on his chest, feeling his heavy heartbeat, and suddenly made up his mind.

He couldn't go on like this. Since the pain could no longer numb him, he would see if that person had any other way to relieve his pain, even a little bit.

"Qing Yu, I always want to let the pain numb me, so I hurt myself, again and again... But slowly, I found that this method that can quickly calm me down is no longer effective..." Sun Ran said sullenly, "I can't find any other way, I can only seek a more painful way to quickly and effectively cover up the suffocating pain. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I understand. I understand." Li Cheng sighed deeply. "Okay, I'll take you to find her."

"Okay." Sun Ran left his arms, stood up and looked at him.

If it really works, I will find a better doctor. If it doesn’t work, I will wander around to a place where no one knows me and live out my life alone.

No matter what, he doesn't want to trouble others too much, even if that person is his relative, friend, or lover.

Who would like a madman?

No one, not even the madman himself, can do it.

Li Cheng brought Sun Ran and knocked on Lu Ying's door. After learning the purpose of their visit, Lu Ying brought Sun Ran into the room.

Sun Ran licked the back of his teeth, hoping that he wouldn't lose his temper with her or do anything else.

"Sit down. I'll pour you a glass of water." Lu Ying smiled at him. "I never thought that you would take the initiative to come to me, and in such a short time."

Sun Ran remained silent, staring at his hands as he sat on the chair, then looked around. The layout of his and Li Cheng's room was the same, not much different.

The only difference might be the pink items on the bed and the dolls piled in the corner of the bed.

Lu Ying noticed his gaze and wanted to take a doll for him, but changed her mind and gave up. Sun Ran's hand was injured, so it would be better for her not to stimulate him right away.

After all, he must have comforted himself for a long time before he chose to come to me.

She poured a glass of water and considerately put a straw in it before placing it in front of Sun Ran.

"Thank you." Sun Ran thanked politely, but had no intention of drinking the water. He just waited quietly for Lu Ying to start.

Lu Ying raised her eyebrows and took out a bell from her bag. She placed the bell in front of Sun Ran and said, "If the questions I ask you later make you uncomfortable, just push it and I will stop."

Sun Ran frowned. How come what he had seen was different? Shouldn't he be given a bunch of questions to answer?

Lu Ying seemed to see through his confusion and gave him a shy smile. "There's not much that can be learned from the answers themselves. What's more, some patients' answers are mostly half true and half false, so they don't count."

Sun Ran finally heaved a sigh of relief, "Okay, I understand."

"Well, let's chat first. Do you feel happy on this trip?" Lu Ying took a sip of water and started chatting with him like an ordinary friend.

"It's okay. I'm not very happy, but it's better than other times." Sun Ran pursed his lips and responded after a while.

"Don't be nervous. We haven't started yet. We're just chatting." Lu Ying blinked. "Mr. Sun, if you're so nervous... I'm afraid we can't continue."

Sun Ran looked up at her and tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down. But it didn't work as he wished. Whenever he thought that the person sitting opposite him was a psychologist, he couldn't help wanting to escape.

The more he tried to remain calm, the more fear in his heart made him want to get up and rush out of the room.

"Ding--"

Lu Ying pushed the bell, frowned and changed the subject.

"Mr. Sun, do you like flowers?"

Sun Ran nodded, "I like it."

Lu Ying took out a notebook and wrote something down. She asked seriously, "What kind of flowers do you like?"

Sun Ran thought for a moment and said, "I like... roses, and... jasmine."

He wanted to see what Lu Ying was writing, but felt that would be too abrupt, so he suppressed his curiosity and sat down obediently.

Lu Ying took another sip of water and looked up at him, "Do you have flowers at home?"

"Yes." Sun Ran nodded, "There are weeping jasmine and rose."

"Hmm... so you like roses, but they planted wild roses?" Lu Ying touched her chin, "Will you be unhappy when you see wild roses?"

Sun Ran shook his head.

Lu Ying wrote something thoughtfully, and then asked, "Mr. Sun, what is your understanding of friends?"

"Friends...are people who are not related to me by blood, but are still very good to me." Sun Ran breathed a sigh of relief. He originally thought that this person would ask some questions, but he didn't expect that more than a dozen questions in a row were all of this irrelevant kind.

This went against his purpose and made him more and more irritated.

"If you were asked to choose one among family, friends and lover, who would you choose?"

"friend."

"Well, if your friend betrays you and comes to ask for your forgiveness, will you forgive him?"

"will not."

"What if it's your lover or family member?"

"No, no! Anyone who betrays me deserves to die!" Sun Ran blurted out, but subconsciously covered his mouth. He couldn't believe that these words would come out of his mouth, especially in front of Lu Ying.

Lu Ying was not surprised. She pushed the bell and indicated that she would change the subject.

"Do you often have nightmares?"

"meeting……"

"Can you describe the scene in your dream?" Lu Ying stopped what she was doing and listened to him carefully.

"Some of them are hard to see, but I can hear voices... There are many people who told me to die and said I shouldn't be alive." Sun Ran swallowed, "Originally... there should have been someone protecting me. He always told me not to listen, that was not me, but recently... he disappeared. I don't know where he went and whether he will come back..."

"You mean... there is a voice telling you that what you heard is not what happened to you, right?" Lu Ying bit her lower lip. No one had told her that this person's condition was so serious. If she had known this, she would not have come.

Sun Ran nodded. "Yes, he said those were not me and told me not to listen. There was also an old woman's voice, she always called me Yaoyao...but I don't know who it was, I couldn't see her face clearly, but that voice...was familiar."

Lu Ying frowned, "Then can you see that person's face clearly? The person who told you not to listen."

"He... is about the same height as me. He looked very tired. I can't remember what he looked like..." Sun Ran shook his head weakly.

Was this someone he had imagined?

Or was it someone who had appeared beside him before and then suddenly disappeared? This person might have been Sun Ran's spiritual pillar at some point in time, but he suddenly disappeared.

This also resulted in Sun Ran being unable to see his face clearly, but he could tell that this person had always been protecting him in his dreams.