Male Succubus Apocalypse

The moonlight is bleak and twinkling. Looking at the surface of the pool, the starry night sinks into the spring.

My heartbeat quickened, and a feeling of joy and fear at my newfound understanding of the world surged into my chest, yet it was meaningless.

Everything, feelings, sight, hearing, is unnecessary at this moment.

Why do we exist? Such emotions, such a self, such a world?

Sink into the water, let the warm water around you embrace your body, return to tranquility, as if swimming upstream into the amniotic fluid, into the source of life

Life? Is life dominated by these random thoughts? Why do they appear only now? Or have they never gone away?

When did they hide? Like my shadow, like bones and marrow, they have never been separated.

Sword, where is my sword? The sword that cut them off... ah, it's broken.

In the water, An Lingqing began to recall the past of the sword, the past of the water, and the disappearance of the past hundred years.

……

War came suddenly. Father, brother, mother, and who else? The kind people on the street? No, I don’t know. Their faces were lost two hundred years ago.

Lost? Maybe, I never had it.

Happiness is an afterimage, a remembrance, and nothingness.

Pain? No, pain would kill me, it is numbness that keeps me alive. If I don't pursue laughter, then there will be no sadness.

How did I survive? The sword. Yes, in the forest, when they were being slaughtered and looted by refugees, I wielded the sword. So, I survived.

Only the sword and I are real. If you are afraid or sad, you will not be able to walk out of the forest, so you must not be afraid, and you must not be sad.

"Qin, live on..."

"Qin, forget everything, just live, as long as you live..."

I have long forgotten whose words it was, perhaps it was the devil whispering in my ear.

Hatred? No, to live, they let me live, it is a cruel hope.

I have never been able to walk out of that dark forest. I was lost in the disordered time and space... But I was still led into the light by the man holding the sword.

Name? I don’t remember it, but like the other kids he taught, I called him “Master.”

The only thing that impressed me deeply was that when I only remembered the word "Qin" in the past, he gave me a new name, "Anlingqing", because he picked me up on a sunny day.

He taught everyone sword skills, giving his all. Only by fighting can one survive, fighting against orcs, humans, and beasts, fighting nature, human hearts, and ethics.

People die every day. We are children, but no one will tolerate us. As long as we have iron tools, we are warriors. Without iron tools, we have no food to eat.

The master didn't take it seriously. He talked about it every day, saying that before coming to "this world", he had been to a hell with corpses everywhere and people eating each other. At least in "this world", he could still practice, and everyone had "hope", especially us children.

But until today, I still cannot understand the full meaning of my master's words.

He taught us how to survive, how to pick different herbs to heal wounds, and which acupuncture points to press to stop bleeding.

He had superb fighting skills and was invincible, but he had a kind heart. He would not plunder like a robber, nor bully the weak like a strong man. He talked a lot about "benevolence, righteousness, and morality". Even now, I vaguely remember it, but I am completely unable to understand it any further.

Later, a counterattack alliance was formed. When the army discovered a group of young fighters in the mountains, they decisively recruited us. From that moment on, everything changed.

The master left, and before he left, he entrusted his youngest son, the crybaby, willful child, the only one who hated him, the only blood-related child - just because he "killed" his "mother" in order to save more people - to us.

It was not until a year later that we officially joined the army in order to survive. We were marching in a familiar forest and were ambushed by orcs. I saw the master again, but in a different way.

Hanging around the orc general's neck at that time was the master's head and another woman's head.

All the children who had followed in their master's footsteps felt despair, but without exception, they charged towards despair.

And I am the only one who knows the reason why the master left. I am the only "senior sister" who was told:

"Qing'er, you have the most stable and earnest character. Once I leave, you must not show your sword skills to any orcs with heads hanging around their necks! I will lead everyone to flee, no matter what, understand?"

I know that the master was doing it for "revenge", for the "mother" of that crying guy, his lover, the other head on the orc's neck.

It searches for a master for a long time.

The orcs were more powerful than the army had imagined. We were almost wiped out. All of us who rushed towards them in anger and without reason were defeated with just one move.

I couldn't save everyone, so I ran away, carrying that crybaby, the last relic of my master in the world, into the forest that I was familiar with.

I personally thought that my master's strength was not inferior to it, but why did he lose? Often, in my dreams, I recall my master's head, and his face is imprinted in my mind.

Is it hatred, is it uncontrollable anger, "benevolence, righteousness, morality"? It seems so false. Perhaps, it is because of this.

To survive, you must not be afraid, let alone sad. You must not be angry, let alone despair.

Cultivation, only cultivation; sword skills, only sword skills; fighting, only fighting.

No fluctuations, no habits, no flaws, imitate, imitate constantly, survive, protect the crybaby, survive.

Sword, only the sword in my hand, I am the sword, the sword is me, only the sword, in this dark forest, there are only me and the sword.

In the end, I succeeded in killing the orcs, or rather, killed countless lives that threatened my survival, and also protected the life of the crybaby.

Until his death, he was still ravaging the heads of his fellow junior brothers and sisters and his master and his mistress, in an attempt to cause even the slightest ripple in me.

But I will not waver in any way, my hands will not shake. Then, there will be no mistakes, and I will not follow in my master's footsteps. I will not lose my way in the darkness because of a little fire.

They all call me a genius, some call me a "killing machine", no, just don't swing the sword, I will die.

Fight, keep fighting, those strong men are still there, my sword still has flaws, at any time, everything will be lost, even though I have nothing to lose.

What happened in the future is like flowers in a mirror and the moon in water, just like my lost childhood, vague and deep.

I just don't want to lose the sword skills taught by my master, I don't want to lose the right to survive, I don't want to lose my sword, and I don't want to escape into the endless nothingness.

I kept walking along the only clear path I could see. I would go wherever there was war, because sooner or later, war would come.

I will go wherever there are strong people, because sooner or later, they will destroy peace.

I must become the strongest one in order to truly live. Only when I have the right to live can I think about other things.

And the little kid who has always been following me, I don’t know when, became my partner. I know that he is more talented than me because he is the master’s child.

I know that the one I need to defeat in the end is him, the sword that has the shadow of my master and will lead me to the light. This is my destiny. My sword must lead me into the true light.

I must live alone, with no one to rely on, not bound by emotions, not bound by interpersonal relationships, and not bound by morality and justice.

Just me and my sword.

My opponent, in the end, is only him, my last connection in the world. He is still alive. Of course he can be alive, but he is strong enough and stands on the same starting line with me, always chasing me.

Like the extremely evil past that should obviously be forgotten.

No, I just need my sword, so I must defeat him and prove that my sword has exhausted all the power of the sword. I have exhausted my limits and what I can reach is the beginning of life.

However, I couldn't do it. From the moment I was defeated by him, I realized that I had always been alive.

But in my kendo, there is no me, because I am always in fear.

It turns out that even if you don't make any mistakes and devote everything to survival, this world still won't allow you to be truly free.

Because my emotions are always there, my hatred, my disgust, my sadness, my powerlessness, my despair, my rage, and my roar.

In fact, I have always understood.

His sword led me into the light, but it was a light that I could not avoid and whose true form was revealed.

Once again, this is not what I want, never was.

A simple and plain answer.

My sword has never led me out of the darkness, the shackles on me have never disappeared, my tears have never stopped, and what I wanted to forget, I have never forgotten.

It turns out that what I really want is not to live, but a childhood that I can recall and a reason to live.

Is it the sword? No, it's just because when I want to live, the sword is the only thing I have, and it reminds me all the time that I can't die.

But why must we walk out of the darkness? Why must we live? No one has ever told me the answer.

Where do I come from? I don't know. Where am I going? I am just wandering in the darkness. Who am I? A person holding a sword, with no past and no future.

I just keep fearing my whole life, fighting against the living sword that escapes the hatred that is like a long night.

I lost my human form and turned into a crazy, bloody, self-critical sword, just to escape, everything I had lost, the dark forest, the uncontrollable future, the emotions that wanted to kill myself, and the memories that were actually always there.

I love life! I want to love life... I want to love my whole life, but only when it is ruthless, I dare to open my eyes and look at the world I live in.

Maybe, I shouldn't have life, I can't love it.

Even if I defeated him, so what? Continue to challenge stronger ones? Like the original plan? No, it's just in vain, just, a futile "living", a "living" that is more empty than death.

Just like, the long sword wielded by millions of people has no meaning of its own...

Why, in this way, tell me that my sword has never, never had the slightest meaning, and I have never truly "lived".

……

"No, commit suicide!... Gurgle..." A cry from the water, a hand holding up the head.

He picked up the body, panting, and put it down to the edge of the pool in a panic.

"CPR! Artificial respiration! I should have learned it! Yes! Damn it! It's been decades! Come on! Xu Heng! You can do it!" He put his hands on his chest and started pressing.

"Are you not afraid of my body?"

"Stop arguing in my head! What's wrong with a demigod? Won't he drown? People who want to commit suicide can die no matter what! I'm going to... Wahhhhhhh!"

Xu Heng looked at his eyes which seemed to have been open for a long time and stared at himself for a long time. He was so scared that he took a leap and slipped, about to fall into the pool.

An Lingqing sat up, stretched out her hand, and pulled Xu Heng back into her arms. Looking at him, who was panicking and stiff like a hamster pretending to be dead, she asked, "Are you afraid that I will die? Why?"

"Because... because, you... you saved my life..." Xu Heng said stutteringly.

"But what if I don't want to live and want to die?" An Lingqing continued to look at him and said.

"If you don't want to live, you want to die? Then what about your life?"

"Life?"

"Yes, haven't you been wasting your life practicing swordsmanship? This is your life. Don't you continue to live because you like practicing swordsmanship?"

"Like...fighting? My life...?"

While An Lingqing was thinking, her hands softened, and Xu Heng quickly broke free and stood up, "If you really want to die, but I want to save you, this is also my life, otherwise, let's take a look at your life, and then decide whether to die or not, how about it?"

Without waiting for An Lingqing to react, Xu Heng took out a pink wooden sword with a cute pattern on it from his space ring and handed it to An Lingqing.

She took it subconsciously.

Xu Heng thought for a moment, walked to the cherry tree next to him, and broke off a branch. "I don't have a second sword, so I'll use this one. Sakura is also pink anyway... How about it, Qing, do you like the sword I made for you?"

"What...what do you mean? I don't understand." An Lingqing looked at the sword in his hand and asked puzzledly.

"Then how about this, before you die, you practice sword with me? After all, I have cooked for you for many days and massaged you for a long time. Now you suddenly say that you don't want to fight the third battle and want to die. It's difficult for me to do it." Xu Heng smiled and shook the cherry branch and said.

"Well... okay." An Lingqing's brain was completely stunned by what happened suddenly.

Since I'm going to die anyway, what's wrong with accompanying this child and practicing?

Little did he know that Xu Heng was just relieved in his heart - fortunately, the elder sister is still the elder sister after she has feelings, I was just touching her breasts just now!

No, you were submerged in water for so long! It was scary! My emotions were so desperate, yet they fluctuated like a harbor in a storm, as if I was asking for help. The throne in my soul was also cracked terribly, and the pink swords of the beautiful girls kept breaking apart. Their cries were really loud, so loud that I couldn't ignore them at all.

You are a good person, so now it's time for me to repay you.

When An Lingqing stood up, Xu Heng still threw a set of clothes to her.

The two of them just stood in the front yard, it was very magical, Xu Heng was holding a cherry blossom branch, and practicing with a demigod who was holding a pink cartoon toy-like sword.

"Here I come! Qing!" Xu Heng took the cherry blossom branch and launched an attack like a child's play, but was easily blocked by An Lingqing. He attacked again and blocked again, and then An Lingqing retreated, frowning and saying:

"Wait, do you really want to practice? How can you practice with something so short, like a branch?"

"Is it not possible? I am willing to do so. Whether it is a sword or not, it is short, so it is just a Yuchang sword. As long as I want, everything in this world is a sword. As long as I like swords, then it is a sword."

"...No, this is not right...wait." An Lingqing shook her head after hearing Xu Heng's remarks.

"Don't believe it? Well, let's practice in the pool. Water can actually be a sword."