I don't want to be a doctor either.

"Ha~yawn~"

In a dim office somewhere, a man with unshaven beard and messy hair yawned out of boredom. He then adjusted his glasses that had slipped off due to the greasiness on his face, but they soon slipped off again, probably because he accidentally bent the temples when he slept last time, causing them to not fit tightly against his head. So he simply raised his head, put his hands behind his head, and looked at the colored steel plate on the top aimlessly, counting the rust stains on it, but it seemed a bit strenuous, not sure if it was because the lenses were too dirty or his myopia had worsened.

So he opened his eyes wide seriously, but he still couldn't see clearly until his eyes were sore and wet. Just when he was feeling a little frustrated because of this trivial matter, he suddenly heard the sound of someone pushing the door open. So he instinctively lowered his head, sat up straight, glanced at the person coming in with his peripheral vision, and then looked at the computer screen with a distracted look. His fingers were tapping on the keyboard, looking busy.

The man who came in seemed to walk with the wind, making the dull air in the office flow a little. He walked to his workstation, pulled out a chair, sat down on it, and sighed heavily. Then he looked at the man who came in earlier.

"Xiao Jing (Jingyu), how is the ledger going?"

"almost done."

“Can you make it today?”

"..."

The sloppy man named Jingyu was silent for a moment, then said, "It's not a big problem, Manager."

"it is good."

The manager touched his chin, smiled and said, "Thank you for your hard work in tidying up the office. We'll be inspecting it this Friday. I don't ask for the top three in each department, but at least we can't be last, right?"

"..."

"it is good……"

"And that..."

Jingyu listened to the manager's work arrangements with some annoyance, but his attention unconsciously glanced at the lower right corner of the computer. Finally, the time jumped to 11:30, but the other party did not seem to notice the time. He kept talking until 11:35, and had no intention of stopping at all.

"Manager, you must have worked hard in the meeting all morning." Jing Yu asked with concern.

"Oh." The manager seemed to realize it. He glanced at the wall clock, smiled and said, "It's easy to forget the time when talking about work. Let's eat."

So he rushed out of the office and went straight to the cafeteria.

Jingyu exhaled, picked up his phone, glanced at the screen, and found that the battery was less than 20%. He sighed. The phone was consuming power faster and faster. Jingyu couldn't help but feel annoyed that he didn't charge his phone in time. It seemed that he would be bored again when eating and smoking at noon today...

After smoking, Jingyu returned to the office and looked at the time. It was not yet 12 o'clock, so he lay on the table and planned to take a nap for half an hour.

But soon he was woken up by the sound of a door being pushed open in a hurry, followed by a discussion without lowering the voices at all. Jingyu did not fall asleep until the end of lunch break, but he still insisted on lying down until 12:30, and refused to get up.

"The young man has good sleep quality." The manager joked.

"You are young, you can fall asleep as soon as you lie down." Jingyu also said with a smile.

After that, Jingyu was busy until the end of the working day, and finally finished most of the work, so he sent the documents to the manager and started packing up.

Suddenly, the door opened again. Jingyu's heart skipped a beat. The manager rushed to the workstation again, turned on the computer and said quickly, "Xiao Jing, I've read all the files you sent. There are a few places where you need to make some changes. I need them today."

"..."

"it is good……"

……

At eight o'clock in the evening, the manager closed the computer with satisfaction, patted Jingyu on the shoulder and said, "I told you that you can do it, work hard, the company will not treat you unfairly, you can go home now."

"Well, see you tomorrow, Manager."

Jingyu didn't want to say anything extra. He walked slowly out of the company with his backpack, feeling a little tired.

"I went back to my hometown just to lie down, why do I have to work overtime?" Jing Yu lit a cigarette, puzzled.

But in this company, there are also many times when I am very idle, so idle that I can hardly say a few words in a day.

Every time this happened, Jingyu would feel extremely bored, so bored that he felt uncomfortable.

Jingyu felt that he was a very contradictory person. Heavy work was painful, and leisurely work was also painful.

why?

Jingyu thought of a sentence in a book he had read when he was a child. The general meaning was "When he is old and looks back on his life, he will not regret wasting his years, nor will he be ashamed of being mediocre, because he has dedicated his whole life to a great cause."

Jingyu felt that he understood a little bit. Was he feeling regret and shame for not finding his own "great cause"?

So maybe I am an idealist?

Maybe a little, but Jingyu doesn't want to flatter himself.

Forget it. I’m almost 30 years old. What ideals are I still talking about? Besides, how many times have I worked hard for my so-called ideals?

To put it bluntly, I am just a coward. I am so afraid of failure that I dare not even start.

I deceive myself by telling myself that maybe I do have some talent, but everything will be unknown if I don't try. I still have a fig leaf, and I can comfort myself that I have never tried my best, and I don't know how strong I am.

This is yourself!

After thinking for several months, Jingyu finally realized it today and completely tore off his fig leaf.

He used other people's comments about the protagonist in a novel he recently read to evaluate himself:

When it comes to ideals, they are not idealistic enough; when it comes to reality, they are not realistic enough. They are caught in the middle, hesitating and looking back and forth, and the result is that they accomplish nothing.

That was very well said. Jingyu felt very involved in the story, but novels are novels after all, and the protagonist always has outstanding qualities, otherwise he would not be the protagonist, but a supporting role like himself. No, I'm afraid he can't even be considered a supporting role.

Jing Yu exhaled a puff of smoke, and finally muttered in a deflated tone: "In terms of talent, I am far inferior to you..."

So after you realize it, you can rise up, but what can it do if I realize it?

Compromise... I can only compromise...

Jingyu walked while thinking about all sorts of things, and returned home in a daze. Then he heard his parents and younger brother arguing because of his academic performance. Although they didn't say anything, Jingyu understood it. They probably felt that I had failed and didn't want his younger brother to follow in his footsteps. If his younger brother could work harder and get into a good university, he wouldn't be like me, who is almost 30 and still hasn't achieved anything. He could live an easier life.

I understand how much my parents love my younger brother and how harshly they scold him, but my younger brother just can't stand the endless scolding every day. Who can stand that?

At this time Jingyu felt suffocated again. He thought that if he could live a successful life and be a role model for his younger brother, it might be better than a thousand words.

After all, the atmosphere at home was depressing. Jingyu returned to the bedroom tiredly, lay on the bed and lit a cigarette. He wanted to fall asleep, but he couldn't fall asleep no matter what.

After a long time, Jingyu didn't know whether he was asleep or not. In the dim light, he seemed to see a shadow, emitting a light that was unclear whether it was black or white. Jingyu didn't know what the shadow was, an angel? Or a devil?

It doesn't matter anymore.

He only heard a strange sound coming from Him. Jing Yu had never heard a similar sound before. He felt that it did not belong to any kind of sound in the world:

“Are you tired of this world?”

"No, no, no, this is all my problem. I'm not suited to this world. Damn it, I can't go on like this. I have to adapt as soon as possible." Jingyu chattered in panic.

"Stop pretending to be someone you are."

That unknown voice seemed to have some kind of magic, as if it could pierce Jingyu's heart.

"I...I don't know. I really don't know. What should I do? What should I do?"

Looking at Jingyu who had broken through the defense, the unknown existence still asked without emotion:

"Not reconciled?"

Jingyu was speechless.

"Ambition but not enough talent and patience?"

Jingyu lowered his head. He could criticize himself harshly, but he always felt uncomfortable when someone else said it.

"Are you willing to leave here and go to another world?"

"To another world?" Jing Yu asked doubtfully, "Where? Heaven? Uh, I don't seem to have done many good things. It should be hell?"

"Neither. I went to another world..."