Trajectory 2: entangled curves

"Give me a result tomorrow!" For fear of waking up the child, Zhuge Qinuo suppressed his anger, lowered his voice, and issued an ultimatum to the person on the other end of the phone in the coldest tone.

"Bang", she hung up the phone without waiting for a reply.

I checked the time on my phone. It was already 2 a.m. and Han Moli still hadn't returned home.

Sitting in the study, she looked up and began to regret her attitude towards her employees. There was a problem at work, and they were actively solving it in the middle of the night. What else could they do? It was obviously she who treated work with emotion.

But how could she not be emotional?

Get up at 6 o'clock and make breakfast.

Wake up the children at 6:40.

The production is completed around 7 o'clock, just in time for the children to have a hot breakfast.

We set off on time at 7: to send the two children to different schools.

I went home at 8: and started washing dishes, clothes and tidying up the room.

After doing all this, it was about half past eleven and Han Moli started to get up.

Fortunately, Han Moli didn't need her to cook lunch.

They used to go out to eat together often, but now Zhuge Qinuo no longer likes to eat lunch.

When she doesn't have lunch, she will work early at home, even though the working hours of the educational institution she runs are only 3 pm.

She was going to pick up her youngest son Han Xin at 3:30 p.m. In order to have a parking spot, she would wait at the school gate at 3 a.m.

She also had to hurry to pick up her eldest son Han Cheng from school before four o'clock.

After picking up the two during the week, she will send the children to an after-school tutoring class to do their homework.

It was around five o'clock before she could go to her office to handle things.

At 7:30 in the evening, I set out to pick up my child from the tutoring class and take him home.

Get home at eight o'clock.

Prepare some snacks for them and urge them to wash up before nine o'clock.

Start reading with them at nine o'clock for twenty to thirty minutes, and urge them to go to bed before nine-thirty.

In the past, after putting the children to sleep, it would be her and Han Moli’s world of just the two of them.

They would watch TV together and order takeout for a midnight snack.

Now, as a person, she would rather choose to work, finish the things that she didn’t finish during the day at work, and do what she can do the next day.

This is her daily routine during the workday.

If it's the weekend, it will be even more chaotic.

Children need to be picked up and dropped off when they go to other tutoring classes and interest classes, and they must be accompanied and do their homework, eat and drink. There are a lot of things to do in the training class that I run myself, and I cannot delay the communication between students and parents, the management of employees, and the planning of activities.

Getting all these things done was often enough to keep her busy until the early hours of the morning.

Today was a Sunday that she was spinning like a top and couldn't stop. She couldn't control her emotions.

Work, life. Whatever she does, it seems like she is the only one doing it, but obviously, she is not a single mother.

Apart from work, the family and children she and Han Moli shared seemed to be her own business, while he was only responsible for one thing, which was work.

Using work as an excuse, you can ignore everything else.

This was the nth time Han Moli came home late, she couldn't remember.

But he had always known, had known for a long time, that she would be angry and upset whenever he came home late.

But since when, coming home late seems to have become his habit, a habit that Zhuge Qinuo must accept and bear the consequences.

She picked up the phone several times and wanted to say something harsh, just like countless times before, to express her dissatisfaction through the phone, to let Han Moli know the seriousness of the matter and force him to come back.

In the WeChat conversation interface with Han Moli, she typed and deleted it, then deleted it and typed again.

This time, she held back.

She understood, he knew everything, knew what she cared about, and knew what to do to make her feel at ease.

If he really cared, he wouldn't come home late again and again; if he really cared, he would have gone home long ago, and there would be no need for her to do that again and again in such a harsh and extreme way.

I don’t know who to talk to.

She knew that no one would be willing to truly share and understand her sadness.

After all, whether it is hurt or sadness, it is just a personal feeling. There is no such thing as empathy in the world.

She wanted to use her old tricks so badly that every cell in her body was thinking about it.

Because she knew that as long as she said something harsh, Han Moli would definitely come back earlier, it was just a matter of how early and in what mood he would come back.

Still enduring, still enduring, the same endurance as many times before.

She told herself more than once that she must hold back this time.

Once the harsh words were spoken, she lost, again.

There are many things that Han Moli needs to understand and take the initiative to change.

Otherwise, everything would go back to the previous cycle - he came home late and she wiped her tears alone.

Loops infinitely.

But this kind of patience suffocated her.

Zhuge Qinuo raised her head, her hands gripping the handles of the chair turned pale. She tried so hard to control herself, but still couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

She broke down again, in the middle of the night.

But her breakdowns were no longer hysterical. After so many times, she had learned to break down and adjust slowly.

She cried and laughed, and then laughed and cried.

She walked to the bay window in the study. She was on a high floor.

It's not like she hadn't thought of a shortcut to "put an end to it all". The road downstairs, the sporadic vehicles on the road. In this city, she was so insignificant.

If she really took a shortcut, what would happen to the children? What would happen to Zhuge Nan? What would happen to all the employees? Besides, she still had a lot of things to do. She would have so many things that she couldn't let go of. So she wouldn't take this shortcut.

If she couldn't accept the worst idea, then it would be easy for her to control the urge to send a WeChat message to Han Moli asking him to come home.

One minute, two minutes.

She let herself go in crazy emotions, crying madly, and in the crazy tears, she madly suggested to herself that she was strong.

Broken and rebuilt, rebuilt and broken again, in this intense psychological struggle, she felt like she was about to be torn apart.

How familiar this feeling of being torn apart is.

How many times, a few minutes short, or more than ten minutes long, she chose to give up before being torn apart. She chose to send a WeChat message to Han Moli, urging him to go home.

The most amazing thing is that every time Han Moli responds, this feeling of tearing disappears instantly.

She had given in to this momentary relief so many times before, but this time, she held back.

Ten minutes, twenty minutes, she watched the time ticking on her phone with tears in her eyes, and she made progress again. She allowed herself to cry, but she did not allow herself not to grow.

This time, she endured longer than any other time before.

She can still hold on.

Ten minutes, and then another ten minutes, her patience finally, seemed to have paid off.

It was the first time in more than a year that she had a different feeling during this kind of endurance—as if her heart and brain had broken through some barriers at the same time.

It turns out that this kind of inner struggle really has a result!

The result is not that Han Moli comes back or that he replies to the WeChat message, but that there is no more struggle over whether or not to send a WeChat message, or what message to send; there is no more self-deception of thinking “I won’t wait anymore” but deep down in my heart I am still expecting him to come back.

This result made her feel relieved. Really relieved.

It turns out that quantitative change can really lead to qualitative change. After countless nights of fruitless struggle, this perverted contradiction finally ended today, and perhaps it will end every night in the future.

She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

This feeling was like climbing a mountain. The higher you climbed, the harder it was. The harder it was, the less energy you had to think about it. Otherwise, even breathing would become difficult. It was like a survival instinct that forced her to shift her thoughts and attention away from Han Moli and focus more on herself.

When she finally pulled herself back from the edge of suffocation, an idea flashed through her mind, as if she had found a breakthrough to relieve this emotion - after ten years of being together, the worst result was divorce.

After she figured this out, everything clicked. Then, "love yourself" and "be your own queen", the chicken soup for women's success that she used to sneer at, really comforted her at this moment.