I wanted to be a bad actor in the anime, but I failed.

The favorite situation for people with major depression is to live in their own world.

The sound of rain outside, the snapping of windows, the gently lifted curtains, and the ticking of a clock approaching its end.

This dim bedroom may have lost its luster because of the loss of the evergreen.

It was originally a bedroom for two people, but now it was used as a ward and belonged to the girl who was huddled in the corner and crying.

At his feet were torn dolls and scraps of paper.

Only one notebook survived.

The dry, white hands with curled nails and paper scraps and cotton mixed in them picked up the notebook.

Turning the pages one by one.

There are conversations filled with sadness in search of friends.

There is blaming myself for being too useless in my apology.

And the self-loathing of first-time depression.

Then the man walked into his own dark world.

That was the first time since she was born that she felt alive in this world where her father had left, her mother was strict, and others hated her.

A bottle of juice made her smile sweetly.

There are a lot of handwriting belonging to two people on the pages.

Home matters, life, interests and worries are all told here.

The boy had a lot of worries, and even though they were fake, she still listened carefully and used her own inexperienced life experience to teach him how to solve them.

Then, perhaps infected by the other person, she also began to talk about her own troubles.

“I hate myself,” she said.

But on June 6 of that year, which was her birthday, the boy told her that she was the cutest person in the world and the one who deserved to be loved the most.

That time, her heart felt at home.

With his encouragement, she no longer cared about the bullying from others in her later life.

Because he always comes to rescue in time.

I think about that boy day and night.

In the fragile spiritual world on the verge of collapse, his figure made it strong.

She longed to be by his side.

She prayed that he would not leave.

Perhaps her greed was exacting revenge.

Finally, she understood that she was fragile, she was voiceless, she was a jinx who brought disaster to others, and she was not worthy of such a man.

His own filth seeped into his world bit by bit, destroying the beautiful world he had worked so hard to build.

Even though he didn't care at all, it was good that she finally realized that she was a monster.

A despicable demon who hates himself but shamelessly lives on others!

"hiss--!"

With the sound of collapse and tearing.

The pages of the book dance in the heavy space.

It was as if celebrating the past turning into nothingness.

Only the last page remains.

Fresh handwriting engraves unforgettable memories.

[1992]

[On March 6, he found me in that familiar corner of the world.]

【On April 15th, we exchanged our worries and got to know each other better. 】

[On May 25, he learned sign language! I was very happy and used sign language to talk to him again about the topics we had discussed through the notebook! It was all my fault that I couldn't think of any new topics.]

[June 7th, how did he know it was my birthday? But he gave me a pot of evergreen seedlings, claiming that this flower is a symbol of me. I like it very much! ]

……

[1997]

【Today is September 20th. 】

【The day of my farewell to the world and him has finally arrived. 】

[Over the past five years, the evergreen has grown into a beautiful flower. Even though it will wither with the changing of seasons, it will always return to its original beauty.]

[Unfortunately, this flower is not my symbol. ]

【I am withered and cannot recover as before.】

[It is impossible for me to survive on my mother’s meager income.]

[Grandma, your perilla juice is really delicious! It’s my favorite drink! ]

[Mom, I have been causing you trouble all this time! ]

[Yuzuru, live like a girl from now on! 】

【besides......】

【I’m really sorry for falling in love with you! 】

【Everyone! I am so sorry! 】

【So...goodbye! 】

The lightning shone through the window and illuminated the page on the desk for a moment.

The owner of the handwriting is no longer in this empty bedroom.

The steps declaring life sounded weakly.

Messy, staggering.

The girl hiding in the dark stood on the balcony on a stool.

She was like an angel, with her wings spread and eyes closed, letting the rain fall on her.

The foggy and rainy night is a perfect scene for a farewell.

Her feet stepped into the puddles and she finally stood on the edge of the world.

The cold wind blew up her thin dress, and then it sank down because of the rain.

The temperature of my cheeks was snatched away and my body was trembling.

It's fine.

Not cold at all.

If you fly down, nothing will be worth worrying about.

but.

Why does my heart hurt?

It hurts so much.

Why does his figure keep appearing in my mind?

Stop laughing! Stop laughing!

Please look at me coldly, look at me like a stranger!

I really hope that I can hide in your arms in the end...

Maybe, his arms are in front of me?

Maybe he is just ahead?

A trace of desire appeared in the girl's eyes. She looked at the void under the rain, imagining that he was right in front of her.

She smiled like an angel, flapped her wings, and took a step forward!

"Hula-"

The height of the fourth floor is only 12 meters, so it is not necessarily enough to kill someone if they fall.

But as long as she keeps her head down it's fine.

The angel is swooping down.

The heavy dress was lifted up with a flutter!

The open wings tore through the rain and the cold wind.

very nice.

It would be nice to die in his arms.

With the last thoughts.

She closed her eyes, smiled and waited.

In these few seconds.

The times I spent with him flashed through my mind.

At last.

She also playfully corrected a point.

Idiot, you said you will regret jumping off the building when you are about to hit the ground.

Obviously very happy...

It's just very heartbreaking and sad.

The cold rain hit the corners of her eyes and turned them into warmth.

"boom!!!"

The heavy banging sound was drowned out by the thunder!

The imagined excruciating pain of shattering did not occur.

The consciousness that should have been lost instantly still existed.

The girl's smile froze.

Her dream just now seemed to come true.

The cold rain could not cover up the warm embrace that made her obsessed.

She slowly opened her eyes.

Saw the dark clouds with flashing lightning.

Under the ravages of heavy rain.

Those dark eyes.

The handsome short hair was dripping with rain, and there were water droplets on the brows.

The skin was a little swollen from being soaked by the rain.

He must have been standing here in the rain for a long time, right?

why?

An unspeakable question arose in the girl's mind.

She wanted to shout out, but she was choking.

She looked aggrieved and cried.

She huddled in his arms and cried loudly!

"Ugh!!!"

The shrill cries completely tore the cold rain apart!

The dead air around finally came alive.

The young man sat on the ground, holding her tightly in his arms, using his body to block the cruel rain.

He stroked her hair gently, held her head, and put his face against hers, transmitting their warmth to each other.

"Fool."

"Why are you crying?"

"You are already dead."

"So, from now on, your self-hating life belongs to a loser like me."