Siheyuan, integrating everything, cultivating the city

"Did I not do well enough?" Li Xiangqian sighed softly, his fingers unconsciously rubbing on the bed sheets, the feeling of depression in his heart that he couldn't release became heavier and heavier. Whenever he thought of Lin Xiaoyu, he would feel heavy in his heart. Her devotion to the family and tolerance of everything was like an invisible lock, always reminding him of his responsibilities and obligations.

But under this heavy pressure, Li Xiangqian found himself getting more and more confused. There was a voice in his heart that kept telling him: What he wanted was not only to contribute to his family, but also to live for himself. Whenever he tried to realize this idea, he would hear another voice deep in his heart - that was Lin Xiaoyu's expectations, her eyes, her forbearance, which forced him to return to the starting point again and again, to play the role of a "good husband" instead of being a person with his own independent life.

Finally, Li Xiangqian sat up from the bed, reached out to take the cigarette box on the bedside, and lit a cigarette. His fingers slid gently over the cigarette, as if this cigarette could take away the anxiety and irritability in his heart. He took a deep puff of the cigarette, and the smoke lingered in the air, as if it condensed all his uneasiness and confusion. The smell of tobacco made his mind a little clearer, but those lingering emotions still made it difficult for him to control himself.

The cigarette butt was slowly consumed in his hand. Time passed by minute by minute, but he still had no answer in his heart.

He didn't dare to think about how to face Lin Xiaoyu tomorrow. She once said that she didn't need too much of his company, but only hoped that he could take on the responsibility of the family. But Li Xiangqian knew that what she really wanted was not just a pillar of the family, but also a spiritual support, the kind of security that she could rely on. And he seemed to never be able to give her this kind of stability. Whenever he thought of this, his heart felt like being stabbed by a needle, and the pain was so severe that he could hardly breathe.

He stood up, walked to the window, opened the curtains, and looked at the dark night sky outside. The deep sky seemed to embrace everything, vast and boundless, making people feel inexplicably small. The moon was shining through the clouds, illuminating the earth. Li Xiangqian's eyes gradually became empty, and he found that he really didn't know how to move forward at this moment.

"Am I really not good enough?" He asked himself softly, and it seemed as if he was asking Lin Xiaoyu. This question lingered in his mind, like an unsolvable mystery, and he couldn't find the answer no matter how hard he tried. No matter how hard he tried to do better, there was always some invisible crack in the family that made him restless.

The air was filled with the smell of smoke, and Li Xiangqian suddenly felt a little confused. Those complicated emotions intertwined together, making it impossible for him to find a quiet corner. He could only let himself struggle in this endless darkness. He felt guilty towards Lin Xiaoyu and powerless towards himself. Every time he made a choice, it was like he was in an endless tug-of-war with no end in sight.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang. Li Xiangqian was startled and quickly picked up the phone. He saw Lin Xiaoyu's name on the screen. His eyes froze subconsciously, and an inexplicable tension rose in his heart. He swallowed and answered the phone.

"Xiang Qian, why haven't you slept yet?" Lin Xiaoyu's voice came from the other end of the phone, a little sleepy, but still gentle. She didn't blame him, nor did she show any impatience.

Li Xiangqian was a little overwhelmed and replied in a low voice: "I...can't sleep."

"What's wrong? Is there something bothering you?" Lin Xiaoyu's voice was gentle, but a little worried, as if she had sensed his uneasiness. She was silent for a moment, then continued: "Are you a little unhappy recently? If you have any troubles, you might as well tell me."

Li Xiangqian's heart was shocked and he was silent for a moment. He tried to hide his emotions, but he didn't say anything. He subconsciously felt guilty. He hadn't completely let go of those burdens. Instead, he had struggled in his heart for so long and still couldn't face it calmly.

"Nothing, just a little upset." Li Xiangqian said in a low voice, his voice a little hollow, as if even he himself did not quite believe what he said.

"If you really have something to make you unhappy, tell me." Lin Xiaoyu's voice became gentler and gentler. She didn't ask any more questions, but just quietly waited for his response on the other end of the phone. She didn't ask any more questions, but just gave him an invisible support, and that feeling made Li Xiangqian's heart tremble slightly.

He wanted to say something, but his mouth seemed to be blocked. Those complicated emotions surged into his heart like a tide, and finally turned into a helpless sigh. He knew that Lin Xiaoyu had always been thinking about him, but he couldn't give her a clear answer, and even he himself didn't know what he wanted.

"Thank you." Li Xiangqian whispered, feeling an indescribable pain in his heart. He knew that Lin Xiaoyu had always been loyal to him, even though he sometimes didn't know how to respond to her concern.

"It's okay, go to bed early." Lin Xiaoyu said softly, still with gentle concern in her voice, "If you are tired, don't forget to take a good rest, your health is the most important."

The next morning, Li Xiangqian was greeted by the sunlight shining into the house early in the morning. Although he did not get a good rest all night, when the morning light shone through the gaps in the curtains onto the bed sheets, his mood seemed to be slightly dispelled by this beam of light. The birdsong outside the window was still crisp, and an old plum tree in the yard swayed gently in the breeze, and the plum blossoms on the branches looked particularly soft in the morning light. Lin Xiaoyu had already gotten up and was busy making breakfast. The familiar atmosphere of life made Li Xiangqian feel a little more relaxed.

However, the phone call last night lingered in his mind for a long time. Lin Xiaoyu's gentle care still made him feel an indescribable guilt. She seemed to always bring him a touch of warmth when he was most helpless and lonely, but he himself had never completely faced her feelings. Li Xiangqian sighed, rubbed his forehead, and decided not to dwell on those complicated emotions. After all, life had to go on.

"Xiang Qian, have something to eat early. Don't you have to go to the fields today?" Lin Xiaoyu's voice came from the kitchen. She called softly while stirring the vegetables in the pot.

Li Xiangqian nodded, stood up and walked to the kitchen, where he saw the breakfast already prepared on the table. A few simple dishes and hot white rice exuded a homely warmth. Lin Xiaoyu had already sat down at the dining table, waiting for him to eat together. She raised her head with a gentle look in her eyes, as if she noticed his tiredness, but she didn't ask much. She just quietly held the bowl and smiled and said to him, "Are you feeling unwell today? You look a little tired."