Zongman: Hong Kong's black ceiling but autistic, what should I do?

Mori Ogai's training program has never been used, and Mori Ogai has no time to have a "cordial" three-party meeting with Mori Yuki's temporary "teacher" - Tachihara Masaaki.

Because the war—has reached its final stage!

All the weapons of both sides are now placed on the chessboard, and all the weaknesses are known to the other side - success or failure depends on this one move.

The strategic level is not something that the people below need to consider. The only thing they have to do is - wake up - go to the battlefield - get injured and fall unconscious - send to the medical room - be healed by the "angel" - wake up - go to the battlefield again...

Finally, after a week of fierce fighting, both sides decided to temporarily cease fire and recuperate in order to launch another attack.

During this precious rest time, Tachihara Masaaki could clearly feel that the emotions of his teammates around him were becoming increasingly irritable.

"Hey, you kid, why didn't you apologize for bumping into me?!"

"Huh? It was you who hit me! You should be the one to apologize!"

"You kid, are you looking for a beating?!"

...

Similar conversations and fights have been seen everywhere in the camp recently, and they often end up in a fight between the two sides, before being sent to the medical room for treatment and punishment from above.

Tachihara Masaaki knew exactly why this happened to them.

The human heart has its limits.

During each battle, we watched our companions, who might have been expressing their homesickness and yearning for their loved ones the night before, being killed in one blow or seriously wounded but still conscious, and could only survive on the battlefield until they breathed their last. All the living people would lose hope in this atmosphere of despair and uncertainty about tomorrow.

What everyone thinks about most every day is: Will “I” die today?

Every time I step into the battlefield, I struggle with my inner self, overcome my fear, carry the expectations of my deceased companions, and fight the enemy with difficulty. What will I think when I am hit hard by the enemy?

Am I thinking about continuing to live? Or am I finally freed?

When I opened my eyes again and found myself back in the medical room, the pain and the passing of life just now seemed like an illusion. The lovely angel doctor in front of me was proudly caring about me and awkwardly reminding me to be more careful next time. I felt an indescribable excitement, excitement and relief of rebirth.

But when "I" was still immersed in the joy of life, I had to step into hell again because of the urgent battle situation, and repeat everything just now until I fell down - until I woke up again in the medical room.

Keep falling down - waking up - rushing to the battlefield - falling down - waking up - rushing to the battlefield - ...

When will it end?

"I have no idea.

"I" only know that the only meaning of my existence now is to step into the battlefield again and face all the horrors again.

——“I” want to live.

——Fortunately, there are "angels", "I" am still alive and can be healed.

——But why, even though I’m in perfect health, I still feel so uncomfortable?

[Did the "Angel" fail to heal me, or - could she only heal my body? ]

[What about my broken, scarred heart? Watching my body being blown in half over and over again, feeling the pain and fear over and over again——]

[“Angel”——Is it really an “angel”? Or——is it just an executioner who pushes “me” into hell again and again? ]

——Why should I be treated?

——Why should I live?

——As long as "I" am alive, I will enter that endless "hell" endlessly.

“I” thought “I” would be like that “immortal monster”, numb to death, numb to fighting——

But I am a human being! I am not that emotionless monster!

How can you be numb to death! How can you turn a blind eye to the death of your teammates!

How can I - overcome my fear and step into "hell" again and again.

"I" can't do it!

No human being can do this, only "monsters" can do it!

So - it’s not “me” that’s wrong!

It’s that “monster” that’s wrong, it’s this war-torn world that’s wrong!

The one who was wrong was the "angel" who kept healing me.

...

Masaaki Tachihara was suddenly frightened by his own thoughts. After all, Mori Yuki and Yosano Akiko were his friends, and he could not blame others for his own incompetence.

but--

I really can’t bear it anymore.

Tachihara Masaaki held his head in his hands, sitting cross-legged on the bed, not saying a word. I don't know if he was repenting for his wrong thoughts just now, or...