Be in low spirits
Chapter 120 Awkward
Yuanyuan didn't know what a family of three meant yet, she just knew her mother was by her side. "Okay, mom, tell me a story."
"Once upon a time, there was a mermaid in the sea..." She began to tell the child a picture book to coax her to sleep. At around ten o'clock, the child fell asleep, and she got up and went to the living room to put away the child's toys.
Li Li had made the bed and prepared the quilt in the bedroom. When he saw her come out, he followed her happily. He watched her put away the toys and then helped her put them away.
"Zhixi, I'm sorry." He couldn't help but speak.
The movement of his hand paused for a moment, then he said with relief: "You didn't do anything wrong. Everyone has their own destiny. I understand."
He excitedly took her hand, thinking that she really understood his feelings for her over the years, "Do you really understand?"
She looked up at his expectant eyes. After years of grievances, could she let go with just one word of understanding? She was unwilling to give in, but she was unwilling to give in. She broke free from his hand and said, "We have only been married for a few years. I understand. You don't have to feel guilty. It's good that I have Yuanyuan by my side."
His face drooped suddenly. What was she talking about? What did she mean by they had only been married for a few years? Could she understand? She had Yuanyuan by her side? Was she blaming him for not coming to see her? "I won't tease the child like this anymore, you..."
"There is no future. If you want to wait for someone else, go ahead. I won't stop you." When she really said these words, she couldn't help but redden her eyes. There was no such thing as a perfect ending. It was just a self-deceiving ending.
"Wait for someone else?" What on earth was she talking about? He never understood.
"I know you have your regrets. It's your freedom to pursue whatever you want. I won't stop you. Go ahead." She packed up the toys and put them on the balcony.
"Where are you going? What are you talking about? Isn't this my home? I know you are blaming me. I should have come to you earlier all these years, but you said..." He knew she was blaming him, and he felt sorry for her hard work over the years, but now he was standing here.
She didn't answer, opened the door and wanted to go back to sleep, but Li Li stopped her and held her in his arms. She was struggling, and he comforted her: "Hold me, just hold me. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He didn't know what she was struggling about, but it was always right to admit her mistakes. She stopped struggling, lowered her arms and sighed.
After a long time, the child murmured in the room and called for his mother. She pushed him away, closed the door, and comforted the child to sleep.
At 11 o'clock in the evening, when he was cleaning his room, he saw the keys to the doors in the drawer. He hesitated whether to use the key to open the door. He hesitated for a long time but still didn't dare. He lay in bed tossing and turning but couldn't fall asleep. He couldn't understand why he always pushed him away? Wasn't his daughter his? Wasn't she waiting for him here? Or did she have other plans? Or... did she leave her daughter behind to wait for her childhood friend?
The more she thought about it, the more outrageous it seemed, but it was not impossible. She advised him to find his regrets. His only regret was her, and he was only pursuing the truth. Where should he go?
He got up early in the morning and went to the market to buy vegetables. He also made breakfast according to the dietary precautions on the refrigerator door. Seeing that the two of them were still asleep, he used his key to open the door, opened it a crack, and called out carefully, "Zhixi, it's time to get up."
She turned over and groggily answered, "Yeah." After hearing her response, he closed the door again.
A few minutes later, Kong Zhixi thought of something, got up with a frown, looked at the alarm clock, coaxed the child to get up, went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, then dressed the child and brushed her teeth and washed her face.
Yuanyuan saw the breakfast on the table, pointed at the plate of tomatoes and said, "Wow, it's a love heart." She also dipped her hand in the sugar on it to taste it. Kong Zhixi came out after washing her face and saw it, patted her hand and said, "No, your breakfast is pig buns, drink the milk after eating the buns."
Li Li also sat at the dining table and ate breakfast with them. Pointing at tomatoes, she said, "Mom loved eating this when she was pregnant with you. I wonder if you like it now."
"We don't want to eat something so cold this early in the morning." Kong Zhixi ruthlessly rejected his kindness. "How did you open the door?"
"I... have a spare key. Don't worry, I only opened the door in the morning to wake you up. I didn't move at other times, really." He couldn't understand her temper, nor did he figure out what she was angry about, so he could only go along with her temper.
She held out her hand and signaled him with her eyes to hand over the key. He pretended not to understand, and immediately held her hand and looked at her affectionately.
She shook it off and shouted, "Key." He ran back to the room to get her the key.
Yuanyuan drank all the milk while sitting on the dining chair, licked the corner of her mouth, and said, "Mom, it looks like Dad is a little pitiful."
She looked at the milk at the corner of her mouth and wiped it with a tissue. "Have you finished eating? It's time to go to kindergarten." She picked her up from the dining chair.
After putting away the key he brought, they went out hand in hand. The child's kindergarten was a little far from where they lived. They didn't have a car, so they could only take the child to squeeze into the bus. Li Li also squeezed in. She protected the child, and he held her in his arms, a little ambiguous. He whispered in her ear: "I didn't know your life was so difficult. It's my fault. You have reason to blame me."
"I've said before, everyone has their own destiny, it's understandable, there's nothing to complain about." Her attitude towards him became increasingly cold. As long as she didn't hold out hope, she wouldn't be disappointed.
"What are you angry about? Are you angry that I haven't come to see you for so long?" He lowered his head, put his ear close to hers, and hugged her waist directly, wanting to get close to her.
She pushed him away with great resistance, looking at him with disgust. The previous frustration came back again. What happened? When did she start to hate him so much? "You have to tell me why? You don't even want to give me a chance to explain now, right?" He was helpless. Even if it attracted people's attention, he still wanted to know what he was supposed to do.
When Yuanyuan's kindergarten arrived at the stop, she picked up the child and got off the bus. Looking at the child's back as she ran into the kindergarten, she slowly spoke: "After Yuanyuan was born, I felt that nothing was more important than her. There were too many tragedies in the Cave of Obsession, and I didn't want to be like them, like a joke. If what you give me is the same as what others give me, then I don't want it."
She walked back to work. "Who is the other person? For more than four years, I have been thinking about how to see you all the time. Now that I have seen you, you tell me about someone else? The child is mine, and you are mine too. There is no other person. Even if you really have someone else in your heart, I will not allow it!" He hugged her, wanting to rub her into his bones. The longing for her for more than four years was more difficult than any other time in his life.
People passing by on the street were used to this kind of thing and no one cared. Kong Zhixi suddenly felt very uncomfortable and couldn't stop crying.
In more than four years, she hardly had a full night's sleep. The hardship of pregnancy, the fatigue of raising a child, and the financial constraints of life made her feel wronged. "Why are you like this... humph... and you blame it on me... woo woo woo..." She made a choking sound in her throat, and tears kept pouring out of her eyes, soaking his collar.
His temper suddenly subsided, and his heart softened. "It's my fault. It's my fault." He wiped away her tears, his eyes full of heartache.
She sobbed and sobbed, her breathing became irregular, and her body trembled. "I was wrong. I shouldn't have said such harsh words to you. Can you stop crying? Don't you have to go to work soon? Can I pick you up after get off work?"
"Oh no, Yuanyuan gets out of school at 4:30 and you just keep going to work." She still couldn't calm herself down and kept sniffling. Finally, she couldn't help it and wiped her snot on the sleeves of his clothes.
"Okay, okay, I'll pick up the kids first, then I'll pick you up, okay?" He didn't mind, and held her head, trying to hold her in his arms, but she refused, saying, "It's dirty."
"You still know it's dirty? Stop crying. Can we all be a good family of three from now on?" He stroked her face and wanted to go up to her and kiss her.
She evaded again, frowning and responding, "No, I don't believe you have been chaste and innocent for the past four years. What if someone comes looking for you in a few years? How can I explain it to Yuanyuan? How can I deal with it?"
"Ah, you finally said it. I was wondering what was wrong with you these past few days. Turns out you were jealous?" He teased her deliberately and refused to explain clearly.
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