How can I bow my head and serve the powerful officials?

When Cao Qingran was young, her father and grandfather told her that she would be the future Crown Princess and the future Queen who would rule the country.

Cao Qingran didn't want to be queen.

As a queen, she had to practice the piano until her hands cramped and she could not lift her chopsticks to eat. As a queen, she had to embroider until her hands were full of needle holes and there were more blood marks on the embroidery cloth than embroidery marks. As a queen, she had to write and practice calligraphy and painting until dawn, and she was so angry that she wanted to destroy the world.

If you don't study well, you will be put in solitary confinement by the adults, not given any food, and only given two bowls of water to quench your thirst.

At that time, Cao Qingran envied the birds flying freely outside the window.

She didn't like music, chess, calligraphy, or painting, nor did she like managing the inner house. She wanted to wield swords and guns like the men of the Cao family, and wanted to whip to death those members of the Cao family who forced her to do things she didn't like.

But she couldn't resist. She had no power and was too hungry to have any strength. She could only bow her head and complete the tasks given by her family and become the Crown Princess and Queen that the Cao family wanted her to be.

Fortunately...the prince is quite handsome.

One of the most handsome young men in the capital, he was humble and friendly, and never viewed women as weak and dull. He once frankly praised her as being better than him, the crown prince, and believed that the position of the crown princess belonged to her.

The Cao family therefore believed that their training direction was correct.

"The prince likes talented women like you who are well-educated, well-mannered, and good at playing the piano, chess, calligraphy, and painting."

But they were wrong.

When Cao Qingran saw the affectionate and forbearing look in the eyes of her future husband, whom she had a crush on, looking at Hua Ning, she realized that the Cao family was completely wrong.

The prince doesn't like women who are well-educated, polite, gentle and steady.

What he likes is a woman who is bold, bright and has amazing martial arts skills, which is what she originally wanted to be.

Everything she had paid for, her fingers aching from training, her stomach cramping from hunger, her calves being beaten with a ruler so hard that she couldn't stand steadily from practicing her posture, all became a joke the moment the girl in red swung the whip.

Cao Qingran couldn't help feeling a little jealous.

She was one part jealous that Hua Ning was not oppressed by her family, one part jealous that Hua Ning was so beautiful and kind that made her feel ashamed of herself, and one part jealous that Hua Ning did not have to practice music, chess, calligraphy and painting, but could travel the world with a sword and fly freely like a bird.

There was also a bit of jealousy because she could have easily taken the prince away, but she only favored the sickly Shao Changqing, making the high and mighty prince suffer the pain of her secret love for him.

But Cao Qingran couldn't hate Hua Ning.

She likes Hua Ning as if she likes another herself.

The lively girl made Cao Qingran imagine how free and easy he would be if he were a child of the world.

She was glad that Hua Ning loved Shao Changqing.

Later, she became jealous that Hua Ning did not love the prince.

If Hua Ning loved the prince, perhaps she had already sealed her heart and locked away her love, focusing on court intrigues and paving the way for her future son to ascend the throne, and she would not have developed an unnecessary liking for the prince, and always wanted to insert herself between the two of them, hoping to have a place for herself in their eyes.

like.

Hey.

Inferiority.

Sadness and resentment.

These emotions were so chaotic that Cao Qingran was like a drowning swimmer. She was good at hiding her emotions, but because of this she fell into a deeper quagmire.

Although he seems calm on the surface, his heart is actually in turmoil.

The last straw that broke the camel's back for Cao Qingran was that she discovered that Xie Chengze looked very much like Shao Changqing back then, too pure and flawless.

That year, the Cao family was afraid of Hua Ning, fearing that Emperor Jian would favor Concubine Hua and wanted to make the baby in her belly the crown prince.

They kept putting pressure on Cao Qingran, wanting him to kill Xie Chengze.

Cao Qingran couldn't do it.

Because she knew that the baby in Hua Ning's belly was Shao Changqing's child.

Shao Changqing is a very good person. No matter how bad Cao Qingran is, he doesn't want his only bloodline to die in his hands.

In order to resist, she gradually reached out to the Cao family's power, and under the huge pressure from the Cao family, watched the birth of Xie Chengze.

He is so cute.

She looks exactly like her mother.

As soon as the child learned to speak, he blinked his big, bright eyes and called her "Mother" in a childish voice.

Mother, hug me.

Mother, carry me on your back.

Mother, peel the fruit.

How could she not like this child? But she was also afraid of this child who was so smart and sensitive that he seemed to be able to see through people's hearts.

His eyes told her that he could see her fear of him and her unwillingness to admit her love for him.

So he tried to get close to her, wanting to get the love she expressed.

Cao Qingran just refused to give it.

She was neither cold nor warm towards Xie Chengze. Seeing the insecure child trying to please her, she felt secretly happy but also self-deprecatingly disgusted.

She actually used this method on a child.

It's so sad.

But Cao Qingran couldn't help it.

She enjoyed this dominance almost greedily. She was no longer jealous of Hua Ning for having everything she wanted, because her beloved son was longing for her "like".

So, when Cao Qingran saw the young Xie Chengze crawling towards the newborn Xie Jinyu, hugging Xie Jinyu and calling him brother sweetly, and wanting to always accompany Xie Jinyu to sleep and play, another kind of jealousy arose in his heart again.

Jealousy towards one's own son.

She had no feelings for Xie Jinyu. At that time, she no longer liked Emperor Jian. This piece of flesh that fell from her body was just a tool for her to stabilize the Cao family and gradually seize power.

Now this tool has taken away the only thing she can control.

Cao Qingran did not allow Xie Chengze to get close to Xie Jinyu again, and even began to not allow the children of other concubines to get close to Xie Chengze. The women in the palace were afraid of the power of the Cao family and were afraid that she would harm the children, so they all tacitly stayed away from Chenghuan Palace.

Cao Qingran wanted Xie Chengze to be lonely, so lonely that he could only please himself in order to gain a little love from others.

She claimed that she knew Xie Chengze well enough. This child seemed to have a natural need to be liked by others. Even though Hua Ning and Jiandi gave him enough affection, he always longed for more and hoped that everyone would like him.

That's what she thought.

It was not until Xie Chengze discovered the injuries on Xie Jinyu's body that he got angry at Emperor Jian for the first time. In order to heal and comfort Xie Jinyu, he crawled into the cold bed of the East Palace in the cold winter just to warm Xie Jinyu's feet and hands, and he caught a cold because of this.

She suddenly realized that it was not Xie Chengze who longed for love.

He is loving others.

He loves the evil queen mother who tries to dominate and isolate him, and he also loves his younger brother the prince who is so jealous that he wants to push him into the icy lake.

So he kept his promise and didn't get close to Xie Jinyu, but he also fought against himself and broke his promise because he loved his brother.

She relented.

Just turn a blind eye.

She began to focus on political intrigues and clear away any obstacles that might stand in the way of Xie Jinyu's success. Xie Shoujun's talent and talent in martial arts had already begun to show at that time, and he was even better than Emperor Jian back then. In time, he would definitely surpass Xie Jinyu, adding a lot of trouble to his path to becoming the crown prince.

She intended to poison Xie Shoujun, but the maid committed suicide for her son, leaving behind a suicide note begging Emperor Jian not to hire a scholar to teach Xie Shoujun.

Although Cao Qingran had no mother-son affection for Xie Jinyu, she did not fail to understand this kind of emotion. She spared Xie Shoujun's life and only pretended to poison him when the Cao family urged her to do so.

Unexpectedly, her son was much more cruel than her.

He actually sent Xie Shoujun directly to the border.

The childhood pain of enduring humiliation and bearing heavy burdens in the past had long since grown sharp claws and cultivated his own power. He also learned to use the scars all over his body to win the love of the one in Chenghuan Palace. Like his mother, he began to dominate Xie Chengze's emotional life.

Seeing Xie Chengze protecting Xie Jinyu like Shao Changqing, and seeing Xie Jinyu's eyes becoming more and more abnormal and paranoid towards Xie Chengze, Cao Qingran was afraid.

Cao Qingran easily realized what would happen to her and Xie Jinyu if she continued to tolerate Xie Chengze staying with Xie Jinyu.

Because of Hua Ning, she has been trapped in a situation from which she cannot recover for the rest of her life.

She didn't want her son to fall into the same situation because of Xie Chengze.

That would be pathetic for her.

She wanted to separate the two.

But she couldn't bring herself to do anything to Xie Chengze.

How to do?

What should I do?

Cao Qingran became increasingly haggard. Nanny Qing, who had taken care of her since she was a child, felt sorry for her. When she learned of Cao Qingran's thoughts, she left the palace.

When he came back, he offered soul incense.

"My lady, take the other person's blood and drop it on the incense head, and bury the eight characters at the bottom of the incense. A touch of this soul incense can exchange for his soul." Madam Qing instructed, "If it is extinguished, the soul will return."

Cao Qingran stared at the soul incense all night and finally lit it.