Chapter 24: Speaking of the past

Sensing the approval of her parents, Zhen Yi Yun felt somewhat smug. She maintained a good sisterly front as she tried to defuse the tension between both her siblings, “Second Sister, Younger Brother just had a slip of the tongue, so you shouldn’t take it to heart.”

However, Zhen Ting Yun remained silent.

Zhen Yi Yun’s eyes widen in surprise as she asked, “Second Sister is unwilling to forgive Younger Brother?”

Zhen Ting Yun shook her head, “Elder Sister has misunderstood me. After all, we’re a family so I’m not that narrow-minded. It’s not that I don’t want to forgive Younger Brother, I just wanted to hear what our parents have to say. It’s said that elder siblings are like our parents but currently, our parents are here. Thus, as children, we should first listen to our parents’ teachings first before anything else.”

If one were to analyze this situation in detail, Father Zhen and Pei-Shi were both present. Furthermore, no matter what happened, there was also Old Madame Zhen, a grandmother, who was around. Hence, for Zhen Yi Yun, who was only the eldest sibling, to jump forward and speak up before any of her elders did, it made her look presumptuous.

Zhen Ting Yun then turned slightly to Father Zhen. Her hair was in a cloud bun, with snow-white cheeks dusted in a faint flush, exposing a dimple on the side of one cheek. She looked adorable and obedient as she asked, “Father, am I right to say so?”

Father Zhen had originally wanted to reprimand his son. Looking at his youngest daughter, he could not help chuckling as he teased, “Why, is Ting’er trying to say that, ‘to feed without teaching is a parent’s fault’1?” 

Zhen Ting Yun used her hand to cover up her smile. With a look that said, ‘since you know, then I shalln’t verbalize it’. 

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Tyhkdt pwqqlale y aswde sq zlnvwakdt qasx bkp Ozela Fkpvla, bl pvkzz oyp alrakxydele cu bkp qyvbla. Hbld Tldt Hbl bye zsdt altalvvle czwavkdt swv vbspl osaep. Tl zsolale bkp blye yp bl yrszstkgle vs Hbld Mkdt Zwd, “Flnsde Fkpvla, R xyel y xkpvyjl yde byhl pyke vbl oasdt vbkdtp.” 

Hbld Mkdt Zwd eke dsv pvwccsadzu bsze sd vs vbkp kppwl. Fbl tyhl y pxkzl yde pvalvnble swv bla bydep vs bsze sdvs Hbld Tldt Hbl’p. Nssjkdt zkjl y ryka sq byaxsdkswp pkczkdtp, pbl nbwnjzle, “R jdso vbyv Zswdtla Jasvbla oyp fwpv osaakle ycswv xl. Rq R oyp clkdt bsdlpv, R’x yzps osaakle vbyv R oswzed’v cl yczl vs rypp vbl yexkppksd lmyxp…” Gp pbl prsjl, pbl zssjle wr yv Wyvbla Hbld okvb okel elou lulp yde y takd bydtkdt sd bla zkrp, “Valhkswpzu, Qaydexy yzoyup ekhwztle xyvvlap altyaekdt Wyvbla vs xl. Fbl sdnl vsze xl vbyv lhld vbl xspv wdalypsdyczl yde xkpnbklhswp esdjlu kd vbl hkzzytl oswze clnsxl pwcxkppkhl yde sclekldv obld qynkdt Wyvbla. Fllkdt Wyvbla’p xyflpvkn ekprzyu vseyu, R alyzkgle Qaydexy eked’v zkl vs xl!” 

Hbld, wdalypsdyczl yde xkpnbklhswp esdjlu, Tldt Hbl, “…”

Wyvbla Hbld nswze dsv blzr cwv cl yxwple cu bkp eywtbvla’p ydvknp yv vbkp vkxl. Valvldekdt vs cl ydtau, bl pnszele, “Lywtbvu!”

Wsavwdyvlzu, vbkp vsrkn oyp sdl vbyv Xze Yyeyxl Hbld zkjle. Rd yd kdpvydv, pbl qsatsv ycswv vbl ralhkswp xyvvla yde pvyavle raykpkdt lynb sq bla psd’p rypv ynnsxrzkpbxldvp yp kq kv bye sdzu fwpv byrrldle ulpvlaeyu.

Mbl saktkdyzzu vldpl yvxsprblal pwaaswdekdt lhlausdl lyple wr pktdkqknydvzu. Zlv, Hbld Zk Zwd nswze dsv blzr cwv ckvl bla zkr yde bla tygl yv Hbld Mkdt Zwd clnyxl xsal rasqswde.

Ebkzl alxkdkpnkdt ycswv vbl rypv okvb Wyvbla Hbld, bl qkzkyzzu pwrrsavle Xze Yyeyxl Hbld vs vbl kddla nswavuyae vs alpv.

By the time they came out of Old Madame Zhen’s courtyard, the sky had already darkened. 

Father Zhen had to attend court the next day. Without dawdling further, he instructed the servant to send Zhen Heng Zhe back to his own courtyard and asked Zhen Yi Yun to bring her younger sister, Zhen Ting Yun, back to their courtyard to rest. He, himself, together with Pei-Shi headed back to the main courtyard.

It was to be known that Father Zhen had missed his mother and younger daughter dearly over the years and had always been very concerned about them. Today, they were finally able to reunite as a family, so he was in a joyous mood and inevitably had too much to drink. After washing up, he went to bed to rest.

On the other hand, Pei-Shi, who had things that preoccupied her thoughts, did not even call for her maidservants to wait on her. She changed into a plain and comfortable dress and slowly removed her hairpins and comb through her silky, jet-black hair, which fell down her shoulders like floating clouds. Even the face reflected in the bronze mirror was as beautiful as it was in the past. Time had been exceptionally kind to her, with more than ten years between then and now, she still had the grace and beauty of a young lady.

No matter how beautiful and young she looked, she was already a mother to three children; two daughters who also grew into delicate blossoms on the verge of bloom in early spring… 

Somehow, Pei-Shi was filled with many mixed emotions today.

Father Zhen waited on the bed but after a long while, she still have yet to join him. So he called out to her, “Yuan Jun, it’s getting late. Let’s rest early.”

Pei-Shi was not as calm as her husband and released a sigh. She did not get up or turn around, she just gazed at her reflection in the mirror and uttered softly, “… How can I sleep?”

Father Zhen used his hand to support his head and asked, “What’s the matter?”

Pei-Shi lightly replied, “I’m just remembering the past. Thinking of our Ting’er, my heart aches painfully. How will I be able to rest in this state?” 

Speaking of this matter, Father Zhen’s smile also faded and he felt slightly uneasy, “Everything is fine now, so why the sudden topic?”

In actuality, how could Father Zhen not understand what Pei-Shi was driving at? However, as a man, he needed to be shrewd and cunning when dealing with worldly affairs, but maintain a ‘dense’ front regarding family matters. Seeing that his family was finally reunited and harmonious, he naturally would not try to recall the past or think too much about the future. Instead, he would choose to enjoy the blessing of the now. 

Pei-Shi was a meticulous person and would inevitably think more about the future. She stared at the patterns on the bronze mirror and sighed, “A pair of husband and wife will grow old together. Be it, parents or children, they will not be the ones who I spend the rest of my life with. Since we’re husband and wife, there are some things I don’t wish to hide from you.”

Father Zhen paused, before calling out in a low voice, “Yuan Jun…”

Pei-Shi paid no attention to him. With her feather-like lashes drooping slightly as if she was caught up in some inexpressible past.  

Recalling those difficult days, she subconsciously bit her lips and spoke in a very low and soft voice, “As you know, at that time, I really had no choice. Father’s position was reinstated that year, so mother and everyone else followed him back to the Imperial City. Coincidentally, the new Emperor ascended the throne and the imperial examinations began for the selection of candidates to join the new cabinet. In that short few months, you also had to go to the capital to take the exams. I was the only one left at home, and I had no one to talk to… Ting’er had just been born, and Mother-in-law was very upset about it. The next day when I woke up, there was only porridge and rice water for me to consume… I was so angry at that time. I barely made it through the confinement month before I took our daughter and headed to the capital to find you. I was also angry with you and had thought to myself – if you disagreed with my actions, we could just divorce and I’ll return to my natal family.” 

After all, they shared many years of marriage together and their love was deep. Hearing these words, Father Zhen remembered what his wife looked like when she took their eldest daughter to seek him out in the capital. This caused his heart to feel both sour and soft. After giving birth, most women would grow plump and chubby due to all the nourishment they consumed during their confinement period. Yet, Pei-Shi’s confinement period did not go by smoothly. Immediately after it ended, she led two maids and hurriedly carried their eldest daughter all the way to the capital. By the time they arrived, she was pale and thin, with dark circles coloring the under of her eyes. He remembered that she was just skin and bones, barely gasping for breath. 

Thinking back to the past, Father Zhen felt very uncomfortable and could not help but sigh deeply, “It’s my fault for leaving you alone at home back then.”

Pei-Shi pursed her lips and continued, “At that time, I originally wanted to bring both of our daughters with me. Regardless of Yi’er or Ting’er, they were both my flesh and blood, and the ache I felt in my heart for them was equal. Moreover, Ting’er was just born. She only amounted to such a small bundle and she would cry non-stop if she was separated from me, causing my heart to melt into a puddle… But, she was just too young! Yi Yun was also crying back then. She was holding onto me and asking if her little sister would be able to make the trip as she was so tiny. My heart wavered and I couldn’t bear to let Ting’er endure the arduous journey with me, so I had no choice but to leave her behind.”

In fact, after entering the capital that year, she was very worried about the younger daughter whom she left behind and entertained the idea of bringing her to the Imperial City. She casually mentioned it to her eldest daughter.

At that time, Yi Yun snuggled in her arms. With her little head tilted upwards and her eyes wide open, her pupils were dark and her appearance was delicate and lovely.

She asked, “Mother, little sister is coming. Will Grandmother be coming too?”

Children’s words were so innocent and harmless.

But it was this sentence that acted like a needle that pierced her heart. It reminded her of the unbearable days she had to go through after giving birth to her younger daughter.

At that time, she was lying alone in the dark room, tossing and struggling for most of the day but she still could not deliver the child. She was both fretful and terrified, crying so many tears that no more could be shed. Her husband and natal relatives were thousands of miles away, leaving only her two-year-old daughter and two helpless maids by her side. With how harsh her mother-in-law’s personality was, she believed that even if she had died on that bed that fateful day, no one would know about it.

Finally, after a near-death experience, she gave birth to the child. The midwife took a look and announced, “It’s a girl.”

The smile on her mother-in-law’s face instantly vanished and she flicked her sleeves and left with a sullen face. She left her lying on that untidy bed, covered in sweat. With that wet mattress underneath her body, she painted a very miserable figure. 

She was no different from an old dog freezing on the streets during winter.

Her mother-in-law was extremely dissatisfied and immediately dismissed the midwife. She only gave her porridge to drink three times a day, making her so hungry that she could hardly sleep at night and even cried a few times in secret. She could not even produce enough milk for her baby, causing her younger daughter to go hungry with her. The child was also so small and needed to have something in her mouth in order to fall asleep. Otherwise, she would cry constantly but her voice was as soft as a kitten’s.

She had really thought that she would die back there and then.

~~~~

Therefore, Pei-Shi did not realize that she had completely given up on the idea of bringing her daughter to the capital, and never brought it up again.

Now thinking back on these things, Pei-Shi could not help but close her eyes. As she slowly opened them again, she whispered in a small voice, “Unexpectedly, it has already been thirteen years since I left her.”

In a blink of an eye, her younger daughter was already thirteen years old.

Regarding this daughter, Pei-Shi did indeed hold some grievances and dislike in her heart. But in the end, she was Ting’er mother and had felt slight guilt and pity towards her daughter. She also wanted to treat her as well as possible.

When Father Zhen remembered these things, he also sighed and comforted Pei-Shi, “This is not your fault. In addition, Mother and Ting’er have returned. Furthermore, Mother is much kinder now, and Ting’er is such a clever and eloquent child. She loves to talk and laugh, just like you when you were younger, this is very endearing to me… Let’s be a harmonious family, and not think about those things from the past anymore.”

Pei-Shi could not help but smile bitterly, “How can I not think about it? As you said, she’s clever and eloquent that even Yi’er might not be as good as her. In addition, Ting’er grew up in that place, with Mother by her side until she was thirteen. Whenever I think about it, I can’t help but feel worried… 

“And, she’s already thirteen!

“A small tree can still be trimmed and straightened if it’s crooked. But a matured branch would’ve already taken its shape. She’s already at the age where she will be having her hair-pinning ceremony in a few more years and marriage will follow shortly after. I dare not even think about finding a match from a family of the same social status. Marriage is a significant affair where people aim to find a daughter-in-law in order to live their later half of their lives in comfort. If something goes wrong, we will be forming feuds with others. But if we look for someone of lower social status, with her sister as a comparison, then I’m afraid the child will hold resentment towards us.”