The first time I saw him was on the bus.

Simple short hair, fair face, sunny temperament. With a cell phone in hand, sit and watch, stand and watch, walk and look. I wanted to remind this brother that there was a girl sitting with him who had been paying attention to him for a long time, but he was so attentive when he looked at his phone, and I didn’t bother to bother.

When I got off the bus, I was standing at the same station as him, standing side by side at the back door, I glanced at it and was a little surprised: “Do you also see the sky breaking?” ”

He looked at me: “Yes, you see it too?” ”

“I also look, where do you see?”

“Fusion is on fire.”

“I saw it all…”

That’s how I got to know.

On weekdays, he is a little taciturn, but it turns out that this is a person who is crazy. When several people go out and play, he can go a day without saying a word. But when a few people went out to play, he was able to talk alone for a day.

Time passed quickly, and my relationship with him became more and more ironclad, and we were friends and brothers who almost talked about everything. Because we have a common hobby, reading online novels.

I can’t forget that day two years ago he said to me, “What if I wrote a novel?” ”

“Are you crazy?” I was a little surprised: “How can a normal person write a novel?” Millions of words at every turn, you failed your essay, right? ”

“Oh.” He just nodded and didn’t say anything more.

I haven’t seen him in three months, and when I say goodbye, it’s on the bus again.

Sparse stubble, decadent face….

I heard that he really started writing novels, and QQ signatures are asking everyone to follow my new book and so on. He asked me to see it, and he let me see it with great interest, saying that it was absolutely complete and broken, trampling mortals to death.

I didn’t believe it a little and went to see it.

I tried to read it for a day, but I really had to give up, and I actually wanted to find a little bright spot in his book to attract me to read it. Unfortunately, I failed.

Maybe he is depressed, we have not been in contact for half a year, his QQ dynamics have not been updated, the avatar has not lit up, I don’t know if this is stealth or not online.

In the blink of an eye, it was 14 years. In June, summer is hot.

“Hey, XX, come out and sing.”

The phone rang, and I was surprised to get a call from him, and I could hear that his voice was happy. No, it’s a cheer. The tone infected me, and I became a little inexplicably happy.

“Hahaha, do you know why I asked you to come out and sing today?”

In the KTV, he suddenly stopped, laughing wildly, it was rampant.

“Because, my bookmark is an appointment. Haha, signed. Right from the beginning. The point is the one where the potatoes and the three young ones are there. Dot. Signed up! ”

Speaking into the microphone, he laughed and shouted.

We looked around blankly and looked at each other. What is signing, it seems that signing is very powerful?

“I wrote for almost a year, almost a year, every day, in retreat. I don’t do anything, I write every day. It’s not easy

, finally survived, I finally signed a contract, hahaha. Do you know how hard it is to sign up? Ninety-nine percent of authors can’t sign a contract…”

He told us about his experiences over so long and spit on things we didn’t understand. I see, it turns out that signing is difficult.

Before the words of congratulations could be spoken, he cried, lying on the table and crying: “Finally signed.” ”

A friend sighed: “Wake up, stop dreaming.” ”

Everyone looked at him, confused.

“I actually want to say that you are not a gifted person. I heard that you have been writing novels for a long time, and you have not signed a contract until today? I also wrote a novel two years ago, and I signed the first one. I didn’t hit you, I just wanted to say, you don’t have talent, don’t dream of becoming a great god, I gave up two years ago. ”

“……”

We understood, it turns out that it is not difficult to sign a contract ….

Unexpectedly, he did not give up and continued to write.

What’s even more surprising is that he seems to have really succeeded.

I don’t know if the book he signed up for is selling well, but I think his temperament seems to have changed, it is that kind of temperament, and he seems to pay nothing in his eyes. I have seen this temperament in nouveau riche.

“Yo, smoking the Fleur King?” I haven’t seen each other for months, and at first glance, he surprised me a little.

“Hehe, long time no see, what have you been doing lately?”

I always felt as if he had changed as a person, the feeling of deliberately low-key: “I didn’t do anything, I found a job at home, and now I go to work.” What about you? ”

“Write novels.”

“You’re still writing?”

“Of course, one way to the dark. How can people give up easily? ”

“Then you are now a big writer, how much do you earn a month?”

“Haha, not much. Enough to feed yourself. ”

“……”

After chatting for a long time, I was really impressed by him. I always felt that he seemed to have really succeeded in writing novels and should have made a lot of money.

I was also moved, and I wanted to write a novel.

But in the end, I still didn’t have the courage to write.

A few months later, 15 years arrived. At the end of the year, I received a call from him: “Lend me five hundred yuan.” ”

“You still ask me to borrow money? Great writer, I’m still going to borrow it from you. “I was a little surprised.

“The manuscript fee has not arrived, so I should respond to the emergency first, and pay you back after the New Year.”

“……”

I think it seems that the superficial him is not the real him, right? Did he really succeed?

It’s summer again in 15 years, and I suddenly have a whim to see what the environment for great writers is like. After the phone call, I came to his house.

When I entered his bedroom at his invitation, I visibly felt myself frowning subconsciously. A dark and damp smell came to my face, and the smell of smoke filled the room, as well as some strange mixed smells. The curtains were drawn, the whole room was opaque, the computer was on, and the interface was a document, full of small print.

“This is where you work?”

“Yes, I find that I don’t like the light anymore, and now I don’t turn on the lights at night because I have no inspiration when the lights are on.”

I was a little worried: “Can your body withstand it if you go on like this?” ”

“What about him, young. By the way, have you read my new book? ”

I was tempted to say that I watched it, but I was afraid that he would show my stuffing if he asked me about the plot, so I shook my head.

He was a little disappointed and said with a smile: “Then you have time to take a look.” ”

“Definitely.”

I looked at a picture on my computer screen: “Your girlfriend?” It’s pretty beautiful. ”

A happy smile appeared on his face: “Pretty, right? Been together for two years. ”

“Really? How did I not know before? ”

“I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s so beautiful, it costs a lot of money, right?”

Speaking of this, he smiled bitterly and did not answer the question in the end.

August 8th, a day I will never forget;

My elementary school classmate had a birthday and asked me to go to XX Bar to sit down.

Amid the loud DJ, a large group of us had a good drink.

The surname of the classmate who celebrated his birthday is Liu, so let’s call him Lao Liu for the time being.

Lao Liu wantonly pointed at the female DJ and said, “That woman is good? ”

“Then you call to accompany the wine.” We booed.

Old Liu smiled and was a little disdainful: “That’s only good, you guys haven’t seen the real best.” ”

Lao Liu was a little drunk: “Wait, brother call you guys to call a few.” ”

In less than half an hour, three girls came, it seemed that they were familiar with Lao Liu, and after saying hello, they were not afraid of life at all and sat down. The three girls were beautiful, but I always thought one of them was familiar.

Maybe it’s an illusion….

My classmates were not honest, and after chatting with each other, they began to move their hands and feet. The girls are not disgusted either, laughing and messing with them, I can see that this is probably a crowd with a rich nightlife, I may not fit in.

Lao Liu put one hand on the beautiful woman I was familiar with. Leg touch. Suo, lying in her ear and talking, I don’t know what Lao Liu said, but I heard the girl say clearly: “I don’t want to divide it now, I think he is very good to me.” ”

Lao Liu hugged her waist and pressed her down on the sofa, all classmates, but he didn’t shy away: “Then I’m not good, right?” ”

The girl was pressed by him. Laughing under him: “You are okay too.” ”

I finished my bottle of beer, feeling sullen and panicked. Because I know why I’m a little familiar with her, I’ve seen pictures of her, not long ago. This is the man who smiled when he mentioned it.

“Don’t come back at night.”

“Where are you not going back?”

“Your home is like my home.”

“Then I’ll have to call him, and I have to call him at ten o’clock every night.”

“I’m jealous!”

“Huh.”

The girl went out.

But now, I suddenly felt very uncomfortable: “I kind of left beforehand. ”

“Hey, you man…”

Out of the bar, I saw the girl outside the silent door, and I could only hear her say to the phone: “I’m at home, I’m ready to sleep…”

I didn’t go far, standing on the road and watching the traffic, I was stunned. I called him anyway: “Is your girlfriend’s name XXX?”

“Yes.”

His voice was low, and the low tone surprised me a little.

“I want to tell you something.”

“Needless to say, I’m across from you.”

I looked up and saw the man sitting in the bus seat across the road, phone in hand, but looking at the door of the bar behind me. The eyes were a little red, but there were no tears….

I mourn what happened to him.

That man, he didn’t succeed at all. And everything he does in front of us is actually just a façade of pompousness. When I thought he really made a lot of money writing books, in fact, his income in two months could not catch up with my salary in one month.

He took all the money for a month, spent it on the woman, and told the woman that it was a third of his monthly income. And that woman, with his money, dressed herself, in places and times he did not know, doing things he did not know.

I admit he’s a man, and he’s just a man. It’s not a nest, but it’s not outstanding at all.

That man, self-esteem is too strong.

When others scoff at his dreams, he swells his face and fills up fat, trying to prove to you that he is right. In fact, he knows better than anyone whether he is right or not.

I felt a little ridiculous, why he was so naïve, I never could understand. What is a dream? Hmm, the idea in the dream.

I’m a little ridiculous because I’ve never seen such a naïve man.

I haven’t seen him since.

Maybe he still has a white face and simple short hair. Maybe sparse stubble, decadent face.

This is an online writer, I don’t know how to describe an online writer.

Maybe he started over, two years of experience, no success, but failure should teach him how to be a person, right?

He wanted to prove himself, but he was simply not capable of proving himself.

That man is like a single ant, with limited ability, can only carry bits and pieces, and has to forge a nest alone where he wants.

That man may succeed, but more likely he will continue to fail. After all, what can a man who can’t even keep a woman keep?

The man actually cried and said to me:

“In the past two years, my biggest dream is not actually a magnificent ideal. In the past two years, I only want to succeed once, and in these countless failures, only one success, just once, and the small ones are also counted…”

That man he was afraid to see his future, he wrote metaphysical novels, but he was afraid of metaphysics. He was afraid that metaphysics could really calculate his fate, and he was afraid that someone would really calculate his fate and tell him in advance. Because he knew in his heart that he might still fail in the future. But he didn’t want to know in advance, because then there would be no incentive to work towards a hopeless non-failure.

The man never forced a smile in front of friends and family, and never said that he was good. But the body is broken behind the scenes, but he can only know by himself. He didn’t even dare to tell his family what the novel he wrote was called, because in the novel he often confided his true emotions, he was afraid to let his family see it, he was afraid of more, and he was most afraid that his family would know the truth.

The man forgot the woman, and there was no love or hatred in his heart. Now I just want to live for myself and live well for myself.

For the festivities, the man continued to vow: This time, he really had to succeed!!!

……

2019.05.14, now in its fifth year.

Late at night, I got up and washed my cold face, looking at myself in the mirror with a dull yellow face and deep sunken eyes. Imitating the man’s smile, bitterness but with arrogance. Proudly said:

“That man is me.”

Drying my face, I took a deep breath.

Moments later, he typed the last row of words on the keyboard with his hand again.

“Actually, I made up all of the above.”

……

The above are all fake.

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——————


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