More to come [Rebirth] (GL)

"Yanyan..." Jing Xiu interrupted her disapprovingly.

Ji Youyan tapped the tip of Jing Xiu's nose with the tip of her nose, stopped her and said, "Ah Xiu, let me finish."

Jing Xiu's throat moved, and she lowered her long eyelashes in acquiescence.

"Do you remember, when you first accepted the filming, I didn't have a job, and I was always by your side. At the premiere promotional meeting, I wanted to witness all your firsts, so I went with you. At that time you stood On the stage, I mingled with the fans in the audience. I watched you chat with other seniors in a grand manner on the stage, and heard the fanatic support and pursuit of you from the fans. I am sincerely proud of you and for you. you are happy."

"I remember." Jing Xiu responded softly.

At that time, they had just finished the game, and everyone almost had an instinctive prejudice against the draft-born traffic, and the public generally defined her as a vase.As a result, as soon as she debuted, she accepted a big production from a famous director, which aroused the jealousy of others. Since the official announcement, the voices of mocking and abusing her have never stopped.She always thought that she was a person with a good psychological quality and a strong ability to withstand stress, but at that time, she also gradually understood the feeling of insomnia.She gritted her teeth and tried her best to play this role well. She entered the group two months in advance, worked from dawn to dusk, scrambled, and followed Wu Xing to train and play.

Those were the hardest days in her 21 years of life at that time, and also, the happiest days, because she was accompanied by Ji Yoo-yeon, who understood her - asking about her health and relying on each other.So much so that when she recalled the many years of drifting away from Ji Youyan, she even felt that if she gave up everything and could go back to that time, she would be happy.

But Ji Yuyan said, "But there seemed to be such an inadvertent moment at that time, I seemed to be cut off from the hustle and bustle. I was a little panicked, and I felt that you on the stage seemed a little far away from me. Sitting off the stage was ordinary and penniless What's the difference between me and those fans who look up to you but can't touch you, or will there be no difference one day?"

"It seems that from that moment on, my desire for success became urgent. I was afraid of being left behind by you, and I was eager to catch up with you and stand by your side." Her tone was a little distant , but very calm, like an outsider looking at the past objectively, "Although I don't want to admit it, people are really different. No matter how hard I try, I can't catch up with you. So Fear and unwillingness torment me day by day, but there is nothing I can do, I can only stand there and watch you fly higher and higher and get farther and farther away from me."

In the first 20 years of her life, she went smoothly and radiantly, playing a role that attracted the attention of others.But after entering the entertainment circle, she slowly realized how small, even, how mediocre she was.In order to make her obedient, Wang Junchan implemented a psychological suppression strategy on her, deliberately hitting her self-confidence again and again, obliterating her recognition of herself, forcing her to admit a little bit, she can't, she can't, she has to follow her You can only get ahead if you plan to go - without traffic, she is nothing.

"Until one day, when I was standing in front of the computer and saw you standing on the high stage again in the live broadcast and winning the big prize, I suddenly realized that I couldn't be completely happy for you. I even had a fleeting thought, if ... If you succeed, you can slow down, if... if you can wait for me a little longer." Her calm voice had slight fluctuations, and it was tainted with pain that made Jing Xiu feel distressed.

Jing Xiu's throat tightened.Except for love, she has never tried the taste of failure in her life, so when she was young at that time, she never considered Ji Yuyan's suffering from this angle.At first she indulged in Ji Youyan's considerate tenderness, but later, she got entangled in Ji Youyan's indifferent attitude.It wasn't her fault that she walked too fast, but as a lover, she didn't notice Ji Yuyan's emotions and didn't give Ji Yuyan a sense of security. She was responsible.

She felt sore in her heart, put her forehead against Ji Yuyan's forehead, and apologized: "I'm sorry, I... I didn't notice."

Ji Youyan watched her touching her forehead affectionately, and shook her head, "It's not your fault, it's because I hid it so well that you didn't dare to find out."

"It was the moment when I came back to my senses, I suddenly felt that I had become so scary. I actually knew that I became eager for quick success and quick benefits, but I didn't know when I had become unrecognizable. Even the one who loved me so much I still have feelings of jealousy and reluctance for human achievements. I feel like a dark monster. How dare I let you discover the self that I despise and cannot accept, how dare I ask you to accept it ?”

She hates that kind of self, but she can't control her emotions, she has become that kind of self.Afraid of losing Jing Xiu, she could only continue to pretend and pursue utilitarianism, but the more she pretended and chased, the more she seemed to push Jing Xiu further and further away.In a vicious cycle, she is like a trapped animal in a swamp, unable to struggle, she can only watch herself being drowned and suffocated little by little.

What was once so difficult to say, now, she can finally say it with a smile.She accepted that self and made peace with the old self.

It was Jing Xiu who gave her confidence.

She believed it, believed that there was a person in this world who truly loved her, the complete, real and imperfect her.