Cleanliness

Xiao Tong's nightmares are intermittent, not every night, but it is enough to worry about not being able to fall asleep for three days, and since that day she picked up the smoking addiction that she had quit for 20 years, she has nothing in her mouth every now and then It just itch, even Chen Hui was very puzzled.

"Master, I have lived with you for so many years and I have never seen you smoking. Why do you suddenly become so addicted to cigarettes?" Chen Hui moved closer to Xiao Tong and sniffed, pinching his nose on purpose and slapping him with disgust, "You said You love being clean so much, but you don't feel the smell of smoke so bad, it's really weird."

"Is it big?" Xiao Tong already held a cigarette in his hand, and put it back resentfully, "Cough, that's when you haven't seen me addicted to cigarettes before."

"Yo, I can't see that you, a serious person like Master, were also a little sister when you were young?" Chen Hui had never heard Xiao Tong talk about her youth, so she was quite curious, "Master, what happened to you later?" Have you made up your mind to quit smoking?"

It's not that Chen Hui has never seen a person with a heavy smoking habit. Her grandmother's family has several relatives, and all the men smoke. Chen Hui met several times during the Chinese New Year a few years ago. There was a disgusting smell when he got close, and Chen Hui almost vomited.Later, when Chen Hui listened to their chat, they also talked about the topic of quitting smoking. They all smoked again after not being able to persist for a few months, which shows the difficulty of quitting smoking. If it wasn't for some serious reason, how could I have quit so thoroughly.

Xiao Tong's answer seemed a little careless, "What's not determined? Isn't it always said that smoking is harmful to health? I want to live a few more years, so I quit."

"You also know that smoking is harmful to your health. I think you haven't missed one during this period of time."

Xiao Tong was so blocked by Chen Hui that he couldn't speak, touched his nose in embarrassment, and smiled, "Okay, okay, I won't smoke anymore."

Chen Hui was doing it for Xiao Tong's benefit, she didn't want her master to become the old smoker with yellow teeth and hands in her impression, but Xiao Tong was thinking, life is alive, for such a long period of time, apart from pain, there should also be pain. Some pure, selfish pleasures, otherwise, even if you live a hundred or two hundred years, and you don’t have any happy memories in this life, then what’s so great about being a hundred and two hundred years old, it’s just suffering in vain.

It seems that there is only so much fun left in Xiao Tong's life.

So Xiao Tong agreed happily, and still smoked quietly behind Chen Hui's back, and often hid on the balcony in the middle of the night, shivering with the cold wind blowing while smoking. , and felt very pitiful, and couldn't bear it, so he simply turned a blind eye, as long as Xiao Tong didn't go too far.

But in fact, Xiao Tong secretly hides on the balcony to smoke, and he rarely succeeds because he always meets Yu Qinghan.

Yu Qinghan is almost equivalent to Xiao Tong's smoking ban engraved in his bones. No matter how addicted to smoking, as long as he meets Yu Qinghan, the nicotine will only taste bitter in his mouth at that moment, and the joy will be gone. The freshly lit cigarette suddenly became dull.

Yu Qinghan was on the balcony next door, looking at the sparks twinkling between Xiao Tong's fingers in the dark, and seeing the shriveled expression on Xiao Tong's face through the moonlight, she couldn't help laughing, "Hey, come here too one."

Xiao Tong asked: "Since when did you start smoking?"

"Can we do it from today?" Yu Qinghan walked to the edge of the balcony near Xiao Tong, stretched out his hand, and waited for Xiao Tong to smoke for her, "I wanted to know a long time ago, what is the meaning of this thing?" What kind of magic power can make you think so day and night that you can't sleep or eat."

Xiao Tong slapped the cigarette case and lighter into Yu Qinghan's palm through the anti-theft net, Yu Qinghan took it, and clumsily poured out one from the cigarette case, imitating Xiao Tong's movements, and clamped the cigarette jerky Between the index finger and middle finger, after lighting it, I put it in my mouth and took a sip.

The thick smoke directly choked into his throat, Yu Qinghan covered his neck and coughed until he bent over, unable to stop, tears kept rolling out physiologically, and the cigarette in his hand was trembling It fell to the ground.

Xiao Tong seemed to have expected Yu Qinghan's reaction, he clapped his hands and laughed straight away, not forgetting to mock Yu Qinghan, "How about it, do you know the magic power of this thing?"

Yu Qinghan coughed for several minutes, and the smell of blood was coughing up in his throat, and then he felt a little better. He straightened up, wiped away his tears, and laughed along with Xiao Tong, ironically saying: "This thing is Was it smoked by others? Xiao Tong, do you have a tendency to abuse yourself?"

Xiao Tong's hand holding the cigarette tightened, and the smile on his face disappeared immediately. He looked at Yu Qinghan coldly through the faint moonlight, his eyes were more piercing than the north wind at night, and he slashed at Yu Qinghan fiercely. Qinghan body.

Yu Qinghan shuddered, and put away her smile.

Yu Qinghan seemed to know something.

The north wind was blowing in the alley between the two buildings, as if to overturn the world.

Yu Qinghan guessed Xiao Tong's thoughts for so many years, but it was not as successful as this joke.

Xiao Tong's addiction to cigarettes does have some masochistic happiness in it. It has been like this since the first cigarette she lit more than 20 years ago. The irritating gas choked into her throat, coughing and crying physiologically, just like Yu Qinghan's just now. The reaction was exactly the same.

Even normal crying is not allowed, as long as you shed tears for no reason, there will be a bunch of people, sincere or false, to comfort you, saying don’t cry, and saying that there are no difficult hurdles in life, as if crying is all done sin.

But Xiao Tong was originally a crybaby, so he had to rely on external stimuli to shed tears, and later, he became addicted to dependence.

"Tell me." Yu Qinghan sighed distressedly, "Xiao Tong, I seem to have never asked you what exactly you dreamed about."

From Xiao Tong's first nightmare to later, every time Xiao Tong woke up from the dream, Yu Qinghan always only cared about hugging Xiao Tong to comfort him.

It's okay, I'm here, it's just a dream.

Che Zhulu talked back and forth, but Yu Qinghan never planned to share that nightmare with Xiao Tong, even subconsciously she didn't want Xiao Tong to say it.

After all, Xiao Tong was not the only one who dared not face him.

"What's there to say." Xiao Tong leaned against the balcony and shrugged nonchalantly, "Yu Qinghan, I'm not afraid of the dark anymore."

"Since you're not afraid anymore, what can you do if you talk about it?"

"I just don't want to tell you."

"Then who else can you talk to." Yu Qinghan said softly, "The past, present, and future, Xiao Tong, if you don't tell me about those things, who can you tell them to?"

There is no one in the world who understands Xiao Tong as well as Yu Qinghan. What Yu Qinghan said is right, except for her, Xiao Tong can't tell anyone about those nightmares that come and go.

Except for Yu Qinghan and Xiao Tong's fears, there is not even one person in the world who can understand the truth.

Yu Qinghan knew all about it, but for more than 20 years, she never asked a single word.

"Do you have any wine?" Xiao Tong asked.

Yu Qinghan said: "Yes."

"Pour me a glass."

Yu Qinghan never dreamed that in his lifetime, he would be able to drink with Xiao Tong across the balcony.

Xiao Tong's drinking capacity is light, a few glasses of red wine have already made her a little erratic, and even the north wind blowing on her face becomes warm.

"Yu Qinghan, I used to always think, when will you come to ask me." Xiao Tong lay on the fence of the balcony, looking at the moon in a daze, "When I think about it this way, 20 years have passed."

Xiao Tong shook the empty goblet, shaking his head along with the glass, "When I was young, other people's children were bullied and ran home crying. The first thing their parents asked was if they were being bullied. , who was bullied, how was bullied, only I was bullied and ran home, my grandma's first words were don't cry.

"Don't cry, don't cry... She kept telling me not to cry, but she never asked me who bullied me and how she bullied me. It seemed that after I was bullied, even crying was wrong. Later I I just realized that she probably knows who bullied me, but what can I do if I know it, a little kid, an old woman, can only endure being bullied, and can't even cry in front of others, just let others laugh .

"I deserve it because my father doesn't love me, I knocked out my teeth and swallowed it in my stomach." Xiao Tong said this with gritted teeth. When a 40-year-old man mentioned this, his eye circles were still red.

"Yu Qinghan, I killed someone." Xiao Tong's right hand made a knife edge, and he slashed against the air, "When the knife fell, blood splashed all over my face. From that day on, I That’s why we know that human blood is hot.”

Yu Qinghan knew who Xiao Tong was talking about, she was there that day, and she could clearly see Xiao Tong's face covered in blood.

Xiao Tong went on to say: "Obviously he deserves to die, but I killed him, but he came to me to ask for his life. He asked me why he killed him, and I said I was for revenge, but he said, I don't even have a backer No, he has no right to take revenge, and then he strangled my neck and stabbed me with a knife, exactly the same position where I stabbed him to death."

Yu Qinghan knew that this was Xiao Tong's nightmare.

The wound will always heal, the pain will go away bit by bit, and only an ugly scar will be left in the end.

But the fear will not disappear, the fear will only grow day by day, relying on the nourishment of that scar, to grow into a beast again.As the saying goes, once bitten by a snake, you will be afraid of well ropes for ten years.

The comfort without asking the reason is just meaningless escape and evasion.

Xiao Tong will always remember that when she was bullied, those who claimed to love her would not even dare to ask how she was bullied, so even if she retaliates, there will always be someone stronger than herself waiting for revenge , because they all knew that there was no one around them who would help her.

Even resistance becomes pointless.

Xiao Tong said: "Yu Qinghan, you have no right to love me."

Yu Qinghan just separated two anti-theft nets, poured a cup of milk into Xiao Tong's cup, it was warm, holding it in his hand, his frozen fingers began to warm up.

Yu Qinghan confessed to Xiao Tong many times and promised that she would correct it each time, but after so many years, she realized that she didn't even know where her mistakes were. No wonder why Xiao Tong didn't believe her anymore.

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