Chi training

I thought, I'm dead.

I think it turns out that after death, people will really be separated from their physical bodies.Am I floating in the air now?If a psychic sorceress is present, can she see me?Will there be a ghost messenger to take me across the ghost gate, walk the Naihe bridge, and drink Meng Po soup?Is there really only 30 years in my life and death book, or have I done too many things that shorten my life, so that I die here, at this age.Will I be reincarnated?Or after my body dies, my soul will slowly wither, or I will go through the washing of reincarnation and become a spotless soul again, so how much of my consciousness, or my soul, is left to belong to me? time?

I have never died, and I can't answer these questions. I only felt a faint sense of detachment after being drunk once. At that time, I heard Shen Ying tell me a story about a soul being split in half.Both he and Xiao Ai seemed to believe in this story. Did they all think that after Ai Xin died, her soul entered Shen Ying's body?Ai Xin called Xiao Ai "Xiao Ai", and Shen Ying also called Xiao Ai "Xiao Ai". Ai Xin liked to grab Xiao Ai's hair, and Shen Ying also liked it. However, Ai Xin died on a sunny night. One rainy night, she was bitten by a Chilian snake and began to speak. According to the records, there was an interval of ten days. If Ai Xin's soul really chose Shen Ying's soulless body, then this soul must also be floating outside. swing too long.No, I may have made a mistake in the order, maybe the divided soul belonged to Xiao Ai and Shen Ying from the beginning, but the half belonging to Shen Ying entered Ai Xin's body by mistake - it wanted to be with Ai Xin too much. My other half merged into one, but it was a pity that I entered the wrong door in a panic. After Ai Xin died, that half of the soul went around and returned to the body that originally belonged to it.

I think Shen Ying was born with anti-social genes, and his growth environment made this gene develop well, he kills, as he said, he can't help it, how many people were abused by their parents when they were young, How many people's dirtiest secrets have been revealed, how many relatives and friends have scorned each other, have these people gone to kill?Shen Ying is a born bad seed.

Is it possible that he did it for Xiao Ai?

Shen Huaisu went to look for Xiao Ai in the middle of the night, and Yu Yingying found piles of his video tapes about Xiao Ai. He killed Lu Peida to cover up his trail of killing Shen Huaisu, and killed David because David belittled Xiao Ai.For Xiaoai's sake, he could have killed Zhu Sheng and my father, but he didn't.Or did he have a plot for them, and he still keeps it?

Did he really want to kill me when I told him that Xiao Ai danced for me?

What about Xiao Ai?He is sympathetic, he is compassionate, he is kind, if he is not kind, how can he live in a self-blaming and self-deprecating atmosphere for a long time because of Ai Xin's death and his mother's illness inside.On that rainy day, in Zangbao Cave, when he and Shen Ying reunited, what was he thinking?Why did he go to the treasure cave?Is that his refuge?Was that the only place he could find a moment of peace?It's too dangerous to enter the treasure cave in the wet season, does he want to die?

He let Shen Ying go, did he take the knife from Shen Ying's hand?What did he do with that knife?

Xiao Ai, Xiao Ai...

Ai Yifeng...

I finally remembered Xiao Ai's name.

I saw Xiao Ai again, he salvaged my body, he and Shen Ying went in and out, very busy, Shen Ying played with my mobile phone, recording pen, fruit knife, and Xiao Ai was putting on a diving suit for me.

I think, they will throw me into the pool where the general washes swords, they will disguise my fruit knife as the murder weapon for killing David, and they will also tamper with my recording pen and mobile phone, they have no words, no eyes Communication, they must have been very skilled at covering up crimes together.

Someday, I imagine, my body will rise to the surface of the pool of swords, and I will be a swollen man on the forensic dissection table with a battered head, and in my nose, in my mouth, in my throat, in my ears, I will find The microbes in the pool are exactly the same as those in Xijian Pond. The forensic doctor will write in the report that he accidentally hit his face while diving and drowned to death.

I thought, I would be a 06-second piece of news on Yusong News Channel’s 30:45 city news. After 45 seconds, my mother was still crying, but the people of the city had already turned their attention to the next dead person, the next case.

Thinking of all this, my mood is very calm. Maybe the soul that has been separated from the body is not fluctuating. It, I, can forget all the pain and examine everything like a bystander.It, I, can look back at the stories of Shen Ying and Xiao Ai while looking at them. Their past and present are parallel in front of me, and time can no longer control me.I even have a feeling that I can go to the far, far future, and I can go back to the past a long, long time ago. 1 minute, 10 minutes, half an hour, an hour, a moment and eternity seem to me to be one Concepts, I can't tell them apart.For a moment, I felt that I was still young, maybe only eight years old. A man walked by in front of me. He secretly slipped a skirt for my father. My mother’s cry came from my ear, and I also heard Xiaoai’s cry; I am 30 years old again, sitting next to Xiao Ai, facing the eight screens, the fluorescent lights are flickering, my eyes are not blinking, I watch all the videos in my heart, and firmly remember them.In this way, I broke away from time and shuttled in different video scenes: I came to the men's toilet on the third floor of the library of Baima College, I watched Shen Ying step on Xiao Ai, I watched Xiao Ai Nian kneel in front of him, Unzipping Shen Ying's trousers, I saw Shen Ying smiling, evil, cunning, excited, he was trembling, and seemed a little scared, what would he be afraid of?I can't get into his heart, I guess he is afraid of losing; I came to the dark rental room on Fenghua Road, I smelled the fragrance of grapes and the sweetness of watermelon on Xiaoai's body, I also wanted to get into his heart, I Guess he needs Shen Ying to bring him the pain, to bring him a real sense of life; I came to Chilian Peak, under a mulberry tree, beside a stream, it was so strange, how could I know these things, how could I see Xiao Ai picked mulberries for Shen Ying to eat, the light swayed on his arm, and the light flickered in Shen Ying's eyes, by the way, they told me when we were in that room, they talked a lot , I thought I didn't listen to anything, but my soul did, and now it regurgitates it for me to chew; I came to the Xingchao cinema that played third-grade movies, in the dark, Shen Ying stroked Xiao Ai's arm, in the dark In the movie, they kiss, Shen Ying holds Xiao Ai's hand firmly, and Xiao Ai's feet step on his feet; I came to the storage room of the gymnasium, I saw that window, that beam of light, I saw Xiao Ai , see a lot of dust.

I seem to be one of the thousands of dust.

Who is not a speck of dust in time in the universe?

Who has not been "now", who has not had "past", and who is not longing for "future"?

But will the present really stay, will the past really pass, will the future really come?

I am a bystander of Xiaoai and Shen Ying's life, and I have also become myself and a bystander of life.I, a speck of dust, is still floating and wandering aimlessly. I have returned to the wooden door with the pattern of a lion painted on it, to the door of Shen Ying’s villa, and to the door locked by the electronic lock. forward.I pushed open the door, all the doors, the four walls collapsed, the ceiling shattered, I saw a room with European retro decoration, a modern minimalist furniture, and eight screens hanging on the wall , they trap one another, one pulls out of one, one devours one.I seem to have fallen into a kaleidoscope, I have grown countless hands, countless pairs of eyes, my vision is infinitely elongated, all sounds are far away, what is my soul experiencing?where is it goingwhere would i go

Suddenly, it was dark around me, and I came to the stone bed.

It is very bright all around, it is impossible to be so bright in the cave, only the stage has such bright lights.A man in armor stood in front of me, he looked like Shen Ying.I can't remember Shen Ying's appearance, he is tall and handsome, he will be afraid.He passed me, and I looked back, and there was a man in a battle robe lying on a stone bed. He was wearing a mask, and he was wearing a shining battle robe. I thought the mask must be golden.I understood that the one in the armor is the general, the one in the mask and the battle robe is the barbarian king, and that the ancient legend is being performed on this cave stage.

The general stabbed the barbarian king to death with a sword, and the barbarian king's mask fell off, and he had a face exactly like Xiao Ai's.He looked at me, and the ground under my feet melted, like gold was melting, and a huge current surged up, and I was swallowed up, and I went upstream, and I landed on the shore reborn.I came to the original plain of the world, I breathed the turbidest air, I stepped on the roughest sand, and I was doing what hundreds of millions of souls in the future must do.

I am waiting for the first night of my life.

I am fearless and I am omnipotent.

Till the night fell, I searched for fire, I searched for food, I invented weapons, I killed animals, I drank blood, I was afraid, I went into caves, I made stone beds, I built fires, I watched from stone beds around the walls.I'm waiting again, what else do I need to wait for?

I wait for the next fear to knock on the door of my heart.

The fear came as promised, and it came out of the darkness and approached me.

Listen, its footsteps are so light, so easy to miss.

Smell it, its smell is so unique and unique, you will never forget it, it tickles your heart, makes your mouth dry, makes you long for it, makes you depend on it, it must be it.

Look, it has the most stubborn eyes, it has the most docile posture, it does not bow its head easily, it needs you to cooperate with the performance.

But you can't hear it, you can't smell it, you can't see it, you can never have it.It may never come to you, it may reside in two different bodies, they search, they approach, the distance between them is neither far nor close, just the distance that the soul can fit.

I went back to the release pool, and the villa was on fire.

I think the fire in Tianfu Palace should be like this too, a lot of debris, a lot of dust, like many shining insects rushing into the air, as if the sun will be born from this fire.

I thought, I never loved Xiao Ai.

I fell into the trap I set myself, I thought I loved him, I made an excuse for my carnal pursuit.What Shen Ying said is right, who can not favor himself when confessing, not say a few good words for himself, and not whitewash his humble life?

I'm just a layman, and I'm not exempt from it.

My soul trembled again, and the picture in front of my eyes was shaking.If I take sides with myself like this, protect myself like this, then what I recall, what I remember, did they really happen?Is my subconscious tampering with my memories?About Xiao Ai, about Shen Ying, about the way Xiao Ai looked at me, every word Shen Ying said to me... Xiao Ai really looked at me like that, smiled at me, they really said so much to me their past?

Yeah, why are they telling me their stories?

Still they have questions and they need someone to answer them, so they try game after game, about sex, about love.

Have I fulfilled their expectations, have they got the answers they want, will they continue to find the next Guan Zhi, the next David to come to the game?

I remembered the video under the night vision lens.After Shen Huaisu left, Xiao Ai opened her eyes and looked at the camera.

Who handed the knife to whom, who allowed who to kill, who is manipulating whom?I couldn't help but think, if Xiao Ai ignored Shen Ying, if Shen Ying posted photos of him and Wang Yunmei all over the community, Xiao Ai took Wang Yunmei and Ai Shanshan away from Yusong...

My vision trembled even more.

am i leavingAm I coming to my end because I figured it all out?It turns out that this is the ultimate detachment.

let me go.I want to be a speck of dust, go to that cave, fall on that stone bed, I want to wait a hundred years, a thousand years, I think, that one after another comes there, that one soul comes there, sits down, rests, wait.

I tried to close my eyes, and I could, but all I saw was the epilogue of a video.

Xiao Ai and Shen Ying sat on the window sill, it must have been the most tender moment, they were chatting, passing and smoking the same cigarette.Xiao Ai said to Shen Ying: "I had a younger sister who was sexually assaulted when she was a child." He paused, "She was sexually assaulted."

Xiao Ai smokes: "I always knew."

Shen Ying shrugged: "My dad takes drugs, my mom always knew about it, and she let me spend time with him alone."

Xiaoai said again: "My mother asked me, and she said, don't you even want me? Mom loves you so much, she gives you all the nutrition, and mom only has you. Don't you love mom?"

Shen Ying looked at him, he reached out to touch Xiao Ai's hair, and scratched gently.

I open my eyes.

The fire in the villa was still burning, Xiao Ai was swimming in the release pool, and Shen Ying was standing by the pool smoking.Xiao Ai swam back and forth one after another.

I really want to see what kind of color red is.

——The end of "Red Training"——