fear of intimacy

The reason why he wanted to go back to elementary school, Chen Shu later told Zhou Xu, was because he could see his long-lost mother.

Chen Shu's family background is very ordinary, far inferior to Zhou Xu's one or two guesses on the Internet about his origin from an invisible wealthy family.Chen Shu's mother is a front-line gas worker. The factory is built in the deep mountains and old forests. She often stays in other factories for months and months. Grow time.

The task of accompanying me to study and play falls on my father's shoulders.However, Chen Shu's father is a retired soldier, and his behavior is full of military legacy. He takes the children like an instructor in military training, and demands orders and prohibitions to act resolutely.Chen Shu was often beaten by his father when he was a child. To him, the short ten days after his mother came home was like toffee after being fed with traditional Chinese medicine.

Until the first year of Xiaosheng, a hydrogen sulfide leakage accident occurred in a natural gas plant, and my mother forever became a symbol that cannot be recalled in memory.

A close-up of Chen Shu's face appeared on the LCD screen, his eyes were slightly lowered, his pupils were half covered by thick eyelashes, and he looked a little nervous.

Zhou Xu focused on adjusting the camera, and framed the reclining chair: "Relax, trust me. You are the first person to eat crabs, and when you go back, you can tell your friend that hypnosis is not a witchcraft, and persuade her Get treatment with peace of mind."

Chen Shu moved his neck, found a position as comfortable as possible to lie down, and looked sideways at Zhou Xu to adjust the camera: "But the root of the problem lies in her scumbag boyfriend. If we don't solve her boyfriend, won't it be a temporary solution instead of the root cause?"

Zhou Xu glanced at Chen Shu across the camera: "How do you want to solve it? Find him to beat him one-on-one?"

Chen Shu: "..."

In the props room before, Xin Hong also said that he didn't see that Chen Shu was so civilized, and he fought so vigorously.Chen Shu thought Zhou Xu didn't hear it at all.

"Then is there any other way?" Chen Shu stared at Zhou Xu's half face showing the camera.Zhou Xu's handsome looks fit Chen Shu's eyes, the corners of his eyes are deep and his lips are straight, and he has a convincing aura of authority in the professional field.

Reminds him of his math teacher in his school days—always laughing at your ignorance with high academic quality, but you are more and more subject to his authority like a Stockholm patient.

"Ding Lan is not my patient." Teacher Zhou announced mercilessly.

The external speaker connected to the mobile phone plays soothing yoga music.

"The brain wave of the human body reaches eight to twelve hertz per second when awake, and the state of hypnosis is similar to meditation or sitting, and the brain wave is four to seven hertz per second," Zhou Xu is beside Chen Shu, "close your eyes now and relax. Empty your whole body and your mind.”

After losing sight, the other four senses will become extra sharp.Chen Shu smelled the smell of paper and old ink coming from the bookcase in the study room, and the temperature in the room was controlled to a comfortable range by the heater.Zhou Xu's voice resounded in his ears, soothing and gentle——

"Imagine yourself in an ocean, the warm sea water wraps you, the weightlessness and lightness make you happy..."

Chen Shu's tightly closed eyelids relaxed very slowly.

"A waterway appears in front of you, walk slowly along the waterway, you will hear some familiar voices..."

The shoulders also relax.

"There is a door at the end of the waterway. Open it slowly, and you will find that you have changed back to your ten-year-old appearance. Now, 3...2...1, tell me what you saw."

There is a desk calendar in front of the homework book. The child's eyes are already far away from the homework book, and the nib of the pen is always shaking on the page of the desk calendar.Today is an important day, and it was ticked off a month ago, with a huge red heart drawn on it.For a whole month, the child was like watching the gashapon machine that gave out surprises at regular intervals, and today is finally the lottery.

There seemed to be a knock on the door outside the room.The child's ears immediately perked up.

Tuk Tuk Tuk.

No homework or desk calendar, the child flicked the pen and rushed out of the room to open the door.

mother!

Under the warm yellow light in the study room, Chen Shu's expression was very soft, with a slight curvature on the corners of his lips.Zhou Xu looked at him, thinking that every time he dreamed of his mother's figure behind the window screen, he might feel the same way.Urgent and longing, with sorrow that breaks at the touch of a touch.

"What are you doing?"

Chen Shu: "...write, homework..."

Zhou Xu: "???"

Co-authoring is a rare experience of recalling memory, and you use it to recall primary school students doing their homework?Zhou Xu felt indescribable for a while.

Zhou Xu: "Describe the environment you are in."

Chen Shu: "In my own...room...with my mother..."

Zhou made it clear.

Chen Shu frowned suddenly.

Zhou Xu asked softly, "What happened?"

Chen Shu hesitated a little: "...There are graffiti on the exercise book."

"What graffiti?"

Chen Shu's voice became very quiet: "... from a classmate."

With an idea, Zhou Xu understood why Chen Shu would subconsciously go back to this point in time: "What are the graffiti?"

Chen Shu twitched the corners of his lips: "...Damn you, bitch."

"Why did the students write these?"

"Because... I can often ask for leave and not come to school..."

Zhou Xu guessed that it was probably because of filming since childhood.

"Where's your mother?"

Chen Shu's furrowed eyebrows calmed down again: "...you are comforting me."

The memory recall caused by hypnosis is not all real scenes, and the symbolic meaning contained in them often represents a strong subjective desire.Chen Shu chose to return to this scene. Apart from simply missing his mother, there must be a deeper motivation.

When the time was almost up, Zhou Xu raised the volume, ready to wake up Chen Shu: "When I count to three, you will wake up and clearly remember everything you see now."

"3, 2..."

Chen Shu's eyeballs moved faster under his eyelids.

"1."

He slowly opened his eyes, and there was a very light layer of water vapor in his eyes, a little empty.

Zhou Xu went to the desk and poured a glass of water, and the tea tray finally took on the functions other than teaching props.Zhou Xu watched the bubbles float around the glass wall, and the glass wall reflected Chen Shu secretly wiping his eyes.After standing with his back for a while, Zhou Xu walked over to Chen Shu and sat down, offering water.

"How does it feel?"

Chen Shu closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. After a long time, he said, "It seems to be awake, but it also seems to be dreaming. I can hear your voice very clearly, but I can't actively control my behavior in my dream."

"This is the difference between hypnosis and sleep," Zhou Xu said. "During sleep, the cerebral cortex is in a state of extensive inhibition, while during hypnosis, at least the suggestion of the performer remains highly excitable. In other words, hypnosis is just a A brain-localized sleep that doesn't spread to the lower parts of the brain."

Chen Shu gave a absent-minded "hmm".

Zhou Xu followed his line of sight and saw the smooth mirror-like water surface in the glass.

"When you were young, were you ever bullied on campus..." Zhou Xu asked.

Chen Shu's fingers holding the water cup moved, and a layer of bluish white appeared on the joints: "That's already happened after middle school, and it's not a kindergarten trick like doodling on homework. I don't know why it appeared in In the memory of elementary school."

Dissipated by the heating until only a faint wisp of hot air rose along the wall of the water glass to the tip of the nose, there was a warmth and tenderness. Chen Shu heard Zhou Xu say softly, "It must be because of your mother."

Chen Shu raised his head.

"Because my mother was no longer by my side when I was in middle school, I subconsciously hope to have my mother's company and comfort when I go through ups and downs."

I don't know if it was Chen Shu's illusion, but Zhou Xu's expression became very dazed, as if he was looking at someone else through himself, trying to restrain the nostalgic eyes that were constantly pushed away from the shore by the waves and could never catch the reef.

Chen Shu was silent, and suddenly showed a pure smile: "Are you comforting me, Mr. Zhou?"

Zhou Xu looked at him quietly.

"Actually, it's not considered campus violence. It's just a few unsound boys. At that time, I often went to the crew, and I didn't meet them a few times. Besides, do you know how many fans I have now? If the past is exposed, it will be enough to mobilize millions of troops to attack them online. The prosecution will never expire," Chen Shu shrugged indifferently, "life has ups and downs, 30 years in Hedong and 30 years in Hexi, always troubled by the past, it seems There is no limit."

Chen Shu and his son patted Zhou Xu on the shoulders nicely: "As a human being, one must look forward to Mr. Zhou, and those who have passed away will meet again one day. The Buddha said, 'Let go of one thought, and everything is at ease'."

Zhou Xu didn't respond. He got up and walked around to the tripod to turn off the camera, and then opened the curtains of the study.

Chen Shu was a little uncomfortable by his reaction: "Teacher Zhou?"

Zhou Xu returned to the desk and sat down. In the well-heated room, the cuffs of his shirt were folded into a sharp corner, and the cold sense of authority returned to him: "So you want to save all sentient beings now? Today's learning content Got it figured out?"

"Today, isn't today an experience class..."

Chen Shu propped himself up from the reclining chair and rubbed against the desk: "Mr. Zhou, did Lingtang's suicide...have left a serious shadow on you?"

Zhou Xu's eyes frightened Chen Shu for a moment, like a sharp sword that saw blood, but Shu Er put the sword back into its sheath, still calm and indifferent: "My mother's depression probably had symptoms since I was born. , until I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, I received intermittent psychotherapy for nearly ten years. The condition was good and bad. When it was good, she was very gentle to me and would often smile; when it was bad, I often remembered her standing The back view on the balcony, it seems that if there is no son screaming and crying in the living room, she will turn into a bird and can't wait to leave..."

Chen Shu was shocked for a while, remembering the scene where Zhou Xu lost his composure to the balcony with the curtains drawn last time when he came to class.

"When it was more serious, she once tried to kill her husband," Zhou Xu's tone remained unchanged. "My dad was almost smothered to death by her pillows several times in his sleep. But he had been cheating for many years at that time, and he had a ghost in his heart." I didn’t dare to say anything, it’s just that the husband and wife live alone in separate rooms. My most childhood memories are either quarrels or cold wars. Now that I think about it, I feel that it is reasonable for my mother to be forced to death by such a life.”

"Ah..." Chen Shu thought, this is really a serious childhood shadow, "If this is the case, why are you obsessed with finding the murderer who killed your mother, and even wrote a script and sent it to a variety show."

Zhou Xu was silent for a while, and slowly said: "Because my mother, although she has struggled many times to find life and death, she will never give up life easily. She really, really loves her son."

Before leaving, perhaps because the exchange of secrets made the relationship between the two of them a little different, Zhou Xu sent Chen Shu to the bottom of the unit.

Before Xiao Peng arrived, Zhou Xu accompanied Chen Shu and waited for others under the wintersweet tree beside the street lamp.

They shaved their faces like knives in the winter wind, and both of them wore thick scarves. Under the rare blue sky, only two pairs of eyes shone brightly, secretly understanding each other's emotions.

"By the way, Teacher Zhou," Chen Shu's voice was muffled in the plush scarf, "You said before that I have a hypnotic constitution, how did you know that?"

"Didn't I give you a shock hypnosis in the cafe outside the Second Affiliated Hospital of Medical University?" Zhou Xu's voice was also muffled, with white mist overflowing from his scarf, "The effect is very good, which means that you are very good at receiving external messages. "

It was the time when he suddenly poked his eyes before, Chen Shu remembered it, and lied to him that his eyelids were too heavy to open.

Chen Shu asked: "Is there any difference between the susceptible constitution and ordinary people?"

"There is not much difference, but for ordinary adults, because they have higher critical awareness and thinking ability, they are less likely to be hypnotized by strangers." Zhou Xu said, his eyes exposed outside the scarf narrowed slightly, not Know if the face behind the scarf is smiling.

Chen Shu: "..."

Zhou Xu comforted him: "Actually, only 5.00% of people will not be hypnotized at all."

Chen Shu thought, you are too late!

A familiar running rhythm came from not far away, and Xiao Peng arrived.

Zhou Xu then bid farewell to Chen Shu.

The sunlight was half blocked by the green plants beside the road, and Zhou Xu gradually disappeared into the shadow of the apartment building.

Chen Shu stared at his back and thought to himself, actually Zhou Xu didn't tell the truth, he already had a conclusion in his mind about his mother's death, and the reason why he sent the script to the program group was just to learn from the judgment of the world. Looking for a paltry reproach for the invisible crime his father committed.

But in the whole guest group, or including the show audience, only Chen Shu gave the answer Zhou Xu wanted.

Xiao Peng ran up to Chen Shu out of breath: "Brother, I'm exhausted, the property doesn't allow outside cars to come in, our car is parked outside the community."

Chen Shu looked at Xiao Peng fixedly: "You're not handsome, you stand still, just stand here and don't move."

Xiao Peng was taken aback: "Huh? Brother, are you going to buy oranges?"

"Shut up! Don't move!" Chen Shu ordered simply and rudely, "Look into my eyes."

Xiao Peng stared round his eyes.

Chen Shu pointed out lightning and pressed Xiao Peng's closed eyelids by reflex.

"Ah, brother, you're going to blind me!!" Xiao Peng screamed.

"Okay, now you feel that your eyelids are very heavy and you can't open them."

Chen Shu withdrew his hand, and Xiao Peng opened his innocent and dazed eyes like a deer.

Chen Shu: "..."

Chen Shu announced without emotion: "Congratulations, Peng Bushuai, you have become one of the outstanding elites who account for 5.00% of the world's population due to your excellent critical awareness and critical thinking ability."

Dingling, a letter from the phone.

Chen Shu followed Xiao Peng to the gate of the community, taking out his mobile phone.There are two messages in total, one is a video of the whole process of hypnosis from Zhou Xu, which was sent to him as a reference for acting.

The other one is from Ding Lan——Brother, when you have time, can you accompany me to Wendong for another consultation? I decided to undergo hypnotherapy, otherwise I might really not be able to continue filming.

Chen Shu held the phone back into his warm pocket, and sighed a long white mist against the gridded sky with evergreen branches.

What an eventful winter.