summer love

I don't know how to treat other people's feelings for me. If it's my brother, I don't care what I do.But for Brother Jie, I always feel guilty in my heart, and I should do something to make up for his heart.A sleepless night.Looking at the man who loves me lying beside me, I thought that he has been silently protecting me all these years, and I should do something for him.

At this time, I remembered my dream of hiking in the past. Indeed, I should go out for a walk, leave here, and leave Brother Jie for a while, so that he can open his heart and accept others again.This is also a chance for me to keep Brother Tao in my memory, and it's time to try to get out of Brother Tao.

So, before dawn, I quietly got up, went to the front desk and wrote a long letter to Brother Jie.

Jack:

Thank you for loving me for so many years, but I still can't accept you now.Because my heart is all about him, I really want to fall into your arms, but it's not fair to you.So I decided it was better for me to leave, for both of us.

I'm gone, you don't look for me, you can't find me either.I will leave for a year, this year is not only a chance for you but also for myself, let us rethink about the people we love in each other's hearts.

You don't have to worry about me, without your care, I have to learn to bear the wind and rain alone, I always have to go outside for some experience, and I can't always live under your wings.

This time my going out is not a whim but the result of my long-term consideration.I want to go to a place where I can untie my knot, let myself have a baptism of nature, and see different scenery.I've always wanted to go but wasn't ready, and this is the right time to go

Brother Jie, after I leave, you have to take care of yourself, and you must also try to accept Huayu.He is a good boy, don't disappoint his love for you.

If after I come back, you don't accept him and I get rid of my attachment to Brother Tao, I will accept your love.Let the two of us start over.

We will meet here in a year.

Wang Ziyu

After finishing writing, I put it in an envelope and went to knock on the door of Sister Fan's room.

After Sister Fan opened the door, she looked at me in surprise: "It's so early, what happened?" Hand her two envelopes.One is a letter to Brother Jie, and the other is to Sister Fan's room fee. It is not easy for her to take care of the child alone.

I left without looking back. Sister Fan knew she couldn't stop me, so she didn't stop me either.When I looked back at her, I felt that she was like the kind of old mother who watched her children travel far away in the book, and my eyes were sore.

First, I went to Brother Tao’s and I’s house to get some daily necessities, clothes, etc., and then bought a train ticket to Qinghai.My route is to go to Qinghai first, then go to Tibet and then go to Chengdu and go east along the Yangtze River.

It has always been my dream to go to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and live in isolation for a while.I used to want to go there when I was in college. At that time, there was a high school classmate who was studying at Tibet University. We had a good relationship and he kept telling me to let me go and see, otherwise he would not even have anyone he knew after graduation.

Another reason I wanted to go was because I had a crush on that guy in high school.At that time, I didn't know what homosexuality was, but I felt that I had no interest in girls, and relatively speaking, I was more interested in boys.And that boy is the boy I had a crush on when I first fell in love. I can't say love, I just like it.

After I get together with Brother Tao, I will naturally tell him these things.I want to let him know my past, because he is my future, and let him know my thought process so that he can understand me better to avoid any misunderstandings in the future.But when I proposed to him that I would go, he strongly opposed it because he would be jealous.He promised to come with me, but never had the time.

Another reason to go to Tibet is that it is the cleanest place where it meets the sky.I need to think about life in such a clean place. I once read a book "Mt. Everest as Zen" (written by Xiang Yong, Xinxing Publishing House, 2010 edition), which made me yearn for it even more.I want to live the life I want.

It takes a whole day to go from here to Xining, the provincial capital of Qinghai. The journey is lonely, and I always have to find something to do.After reading the novel for a long time, my eyes will feel uncomfortable. Fortunately, I have never seen the road since Xi’an. It's just a high altitude grassland.

It was only later that I found out that my lower bunk was a mother and daughter. That little girl was very cute and came to play with me occasionally.Anyway, it’s okay to come first, it’s also good to tease the children.This little girl reminds me of Chenchen and my sister's daughter. Children of this age are always so innocent and cute. As long as you treat her well, she will play with you.I have forgotten what that child's name is. I feel sorry for others by writing a random name, so I don't write it anymore.

I asked the little girl to call me uncle, but the little girl's mother said to call me brother.I think I'm too old, and I'm too embarrassed to call my brother.The little girl's mother said that his son is about the same age as me, so let's call him brother.I also agreed, and I was still thinking at that time, she is well maintained.I was thinking that I am almost 30 years old, and I should take good care of it. In addition to the bad mental state in the past few years, I am getting older.

Along the way, I was chatting with this mother and daughter. She married from Qinghai to Henan, and this time she took her children home to visit relatives.It was already evening when we arrived, and I helped them unpack their luggage and was about to leave.She said: "Someone from my family will come to pick you up. You can come with us. The train station is quite far from the city center. If you don't know your place well, please come with us." people.With her insistence, I took a ride with his family. The family was very nice and sent me to the hotel I was going to.

Maybe this is the so-called good people get rewarded, I always believe that the world is beautiful even though there are so many bad things appearing before our eyes.But the main reason is that people don't pay attention to good things, and pay more attention to negative effects. The so-called "good things don't go out, bad things spread thousands of miles."

On the second day after a night's rest, I went to the bus station to take a bus to Qinghai Lake, preparing to complete the plan of riding Qinghai Lake.Although the plan is perfect, the actual situation is not always satisfactory. I thought that there was only one bus station in Xining, but the tickets were sold out when I arrived at the first bus station, so I had to go to the next bus station to buy tickets.It was already afternoon by the time I reached Xihai Town like this.

Mainlanders will go to Qinghai Lake when they go to Qinghai, because Qinghai Lake has been developed into a tourist attraction, and they especially like to ride in Qinghai Lake.For Tibetans, Qinghai Lake is a sacred place, and they want to complete their pilgrimage in Qinghai Lake.I also want to learn to "pilgrimage".

The scenery is beautiful, one person, one car, one road, one lake, one lap.Starting from a starting point for a few days and returning to the starting point after a few days, it is easy to say and not difficult to do, but how to get my heart back to the "starting point" is the most difficult thing, and it is what I am looking for along the way.

I started my "pilgrimage" trip from Xihai Town.

Originally, I was riding alone on the road, and while looking at the roadside scenery, I was also looking at my own heart.Can my heart contain everything like this heaven and earth?

I saw a Tibetan pilgrimage on the way I was riding, I dare not disturb him, he is so pious.They kneel down step by step, worshiping the god they want to believe in for life.After kneeling down for a while, he has to walk back and pull his luggage. A simple flatbed cart is his home for several months of pilgrimage.All this supports him is his belief.

I stopped by the side of the road and watched him quietly walking forward step by step, as if I understood something.There are many pilgrims along the way. Although the people are different, their beliefs are indeed the same.

What is worthy of my nostalgia is no longer the scenery on the roadside, but the "pilgrimage".

At this time, I seemed to think about it, and I really have to do one thing persistently in my life.It's like I love my brother persistently, brother Jie is persistently waiting for me, but what right do I have to make brother Jie give up on me, I was wrong.As for my brother, he is far away from the world we live in, why should I persist in this world and live in the shadow of someone from another world.

Buddhists believe in Buddhism (including Tibetan Buddhism in Tibetan areas), and Taoists believe in Buddhism, but where are Buddha and Tao?In people's hearts, if you believe in it, you will be spiritual, and if you don't believe it, you will have nothing. It is a kind of spiritual power.What supported me in the past few years was also a spiritual force of my love for my brother. When I knew that he was no longer alive, what supported me was my nostalgia for him, but he has entered another world in my heart.So the renunciation I am looking for does not exist and cannot be given up. It can be said to be a kind of belief.

At this time, I returned to my starting point, that is, before I fell in love with my brother, and at the same time, I also arrived in Xihai Town again.I think of "The Love Song of the West Sea" sung by Dao Lang, love is really great.

I decided to stay here for now.So after staying in Xihai Town for a few days, I went to a youth hostel in Xining, sat in the lobby and watched the young people coming and going, listening to them tell their stories.

I decided to write the story of my love with my brother here, of course it is just a story, a belief that exists in my heart, and with the support of this belief, I will have a wonderful life.

Su Shi has a song "Linjiang Fairy" that I especially like and share with you:

One don't have to do it, three changes to fire, the end of the world is all over the world.Still smiling warmly.There is no real ancient well, and there is Qiuyun.

The melancholy solitary sail sent off overnight to see off the light moon and clouds.You don't need to frown.Life is like an adversity, and I am also a pedestrian.