when you look at me

Chen Shuo left.

Yuan Yiping fell on the bed, unable to fall asleep, staring blankly at the ceiling.Actually—actually he wasn't surprised, or at least, not that surprised.

He understood Chen Shuo's attitude towards him, and he understood it a long time ago.That was really a long time ago... Chen Shuo kissed him on the side of the face the night before he went to Shenzhen to study at university. The next day, on the train, Yuan Yiping received a text message from Chen Shuo:

Yiping, be careful on the road.There will be a period later.

He doesn't mention the booze-smelling kiss, doesn't explain why it happened like that, but doesn't apologize for it either.In the future, it turns out that such a chivalrous word can be so affectionate and long-lasting.

Yiping never deleted this text message until he broke his phone in his senior year.

Chen Shuo must have never imagined that Yuan Yiping saved this text message not to miss, but to maintain anger.

How did you do it?Kissing Yuan Yizhi's real brother - how?Did you kiss Yuan Yizhi or Yuan Yiping?If it is Yuan Yizhi, then what do you regard Yuan Yiping as?If it's Yuan Yiping, then what do you regard Yuan Yizhi as?

Yuan Yiping understood many years ago that he couldn't understand Chen Shuo.

He couldn't understand what Chen Shuo thought of him, and what he thought of his relationship with Yuan Yizhi.This question has troubled him for a long time. During the tossing and turning nights in Shenzhen, he always thought of the silhouette of Chen Shuo and Yuan Yizhi embracing, and at the same time thought of Chen Shuo's heavy gaze on himself.

Later, it was the winter vacation of the sophomore year. During the Chinese New Year, my mother invited Chen Shuo to have dinner at home. After the meal, Chen Shuo left his mobile phone at Yuan Yiping's house.

Yuan Yiping was about to chase after him to give away his mobile phone, when a text message popped up, the sender's name was only one word, "Yu" - very elegant.However, the content of the text message hit Yuan Yiping's face like a pot of boiling water:

Jinshun 307 at nine o'clock tonight, see if I can't fuck you to death.Hard now lol.

Jinshun is a hotel, less than one kilometer away from the supermarket where Yuan Yizhi used to work.

When you see this text message, you will also see many text messages.When Chen Shuo returned to Yuan's house to pick up his cell phone, Yuan Yiping had already read his inbox.In my impression, there are about ten text messages from various senders, Yu, Lao Zhang, dance teacher, director Li...without exception, the content is explicit and pornographic.

They met in some hotels that Yuan Yiping had heard of or hadn't heard of, and some text messages even contained pictures.

Curly hair got out of the edge of the underwear, and the gray underwear was bulging, and the top was wet; on a calf covered with thick black hair, there was a bright red hemp rope tied like a crab.

Yuan Yiping looked at Chen Shuo with trembling lips. Chen Shuo ran back, panting heavily, his shoulders rising and falling with his breath.He was wearing a dark blue short down jacket, with a pure white shirt collar protruding from the collar of the down jacket, hugging his fair neck and slightly pointed chin.

Chen Shuo looked at Yuan Yiping and asked in surprise, "Yiping, what's wrong with you?"

During this brief exchange of glances, Yuan Yiping almost wanted to take off Chen Shuo's clothes to see what kind of marks on his body - hickey?Or, like that picture of the bundle, strangle marks?

No, it's not enough to take off his clothes, but to take out his heart—does Chen Shuo have a heart?The night before Yuan Yiping went to Shenzhen to study at university, did he also take these text messages and these rotten physical relationships and gently kissed Yuan Yiping on the cheek?

"You," Yuan Yiping couldn't even call out Chen Shuo's name: "Have you slept with them all?"

Chen Shuo trembled violently.

--it is good.

--OK.

--I understand.

You don't have to answer this question, any more than I have to explain why I'm checking your inbox.

At this moment, all the questions Yuan Yiping couldn't figure out had the correct and unique answer, that is, Chen Shuo had no heart.After Yuan Yizhi died, he kissed Yuan Yiping, and after kissing Yuan Yiping, he had sex with many, many people——Yuan Yiping only wanted to use this word to describe that kind of behavior.The reason for all this is nothing more than that Chen Shuo is a heartless person.

It turns out that there is a kind of cruelty in this world that is more lethal than indifference. Whether he cares about your tenderness or not, it never has any meaning.

From then on, Yuan Yiping was no longer puzzled or angry about Chen Shuo.

Only hatred remains.