Senior sister confessed to me

My name is Bai Chuning.

Jiang Xiaonan and I grew up together.

When Jiang Xiaonan died, I was 20 and she was 19.

I lived in guilt for 10 years. When I was 30 years old, after paying homage to Xiao Nan again, I chose to commit suicide.

19-year-old Jiang Xiaonan, 20-year-old me, and maybe 30-year-old me, in fact, we are all fragile and just a child.

I hated myself and Jiang Xiaonan for 10 years, forever.

I was a sophomore at Qingda University when I was 20, and Jiang Nan was a freshman at Qingda University when I was 19.

At the age of 18, I just graduated, and at the age of 17, Jiang Nan confessed to me for the first time.

"Sister Chu Ning, I will go to Qingda to find you!"

Even though he was rejected, Jiang Nan was still full of vitality.

At the age of 19, I spent a year in Qingda, and Jiang Nan, who had just stepped into Qingda at the age of 18, was rejected by me for the second time.

That time, Jiang Xiaonan cried, maybe, the tears had dripped into my heart at that time.

"Xiao Nan, I'm sorry."

"Sister Chu Ning, there is nothing to be sorry for, everyone has the right to like and reject! After confessing to you for the first time, you can still treat me as well as before, I am already very satisfied! Although, although I can't be with you You are together, but I will definitely protect you! For a lifetime!"

The 18-year-old Jiang Nan cried and said a lot of reasoning, then smiled silly and said that he should protect me.

But, Jiang Xiaonan!I don't want you to protect me with your life!Jiang Xiaonan, you big fool!

"Jiang Xiaonan!"

The disaster happened only in an instant, and when I came back to my senses, there was only blood left in the whole world.

Bloody road, bloody Jiang Xiaonan.

Limping towards Jiang Xiaonan not far away, seeing the pool of blood, tears streamed down his face, "Jiang Xiaonan! Jiang Xiaonan! Xiaonan... Xiaonan..."

"Don't talk, no, don't move, no, don't talk..." I looked at Jiang Xiaonan looking at me, blood kept flowing from his mouth.

"Call, call, yes, call, 120, 120, hold on, Xiao Nan, hold on, help, the ambulance will be here soon." I held Jiang Nan's hand in my hand, trembling Weiwei took out his phone.

1, 2, 0, the hand pressing the mobile phone seems to be disobedient, even pressing a number is so difficult, the surrounding gradually becomes noisy, crowds, crowds, "I beg you to help me hit 120, hit 120!" I think I am like a wild beast, roaring and pleading.

But in the next moment, the world was silent.

Jiang Xiaonan glanced at me in vain, just this one, deeply, just this one, but it was forever.

"Xiao Nan!"

In the first year after Jiang Nan left, I didn't know how many nights I woke up in that blood-red nightmare, time and time again.

I also collapsed, I also cried, I blamed myself, I thought, why wasn't it me who died!That deep look with infinite nostalgia is engraved in my mind forever, forever.

Bai Chuning is no longer the same Bai Chuning she used to be, she has been sunk for half a year, and also spent half a year foolishly in the hospital.

"Uncle, auntie..."

"Chu Ning, you don't have to blame yourself so much, Xiao Nan... We also know about Xiao Nan... Xiao Nan has gone, we are sad, sad, but it is irreparable. Look at you now and we It’s also hard, Chu Ning. Chu Ning, you are a good boy, you and Xiao Nan grew up together, we know you well, and we have long regarded you as our daughter, recover well, and we only have you.” Tears blurred Looking at me, I hugged Aunt Jiang and cried again. It was more than ten years since the last time.

14 years ago, I was six years old.

That was the first nightmare that befell my life.

On the way home, it is also a moment. The family that was talking and laughing one second, fell apart the next second.

The father who drove the car died on the spot, and my mother protected me from serious injuries and finally died after the rescue failed. Only me, miraculously, only had a mild concussion.

I didn't have any idea about the accident. After waking up in the hospital, I only vaguely realized that they would never accompany me again, just like the grandparents lying in the black box, who would never talk to me again.

I have no relatives. Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang who have a good relationship with our family rushed to the hospital to take care of me and helped take care of my parents’ funeral. When I woke up, I was very quiet, but when I saw Aunt Jiang, I hugged her I wailed a lot.

"Chu Ning is good, Chu Ning doesn't cry, can Chu Ning go home with Aunt Jiang? Xiao Nan is also at home."

"Yeah." I answered with a sob.

I know that Aunt Jiang's family has a beautiful little sister, who is one year younger than me. Although it is not common, I often hear my mother talk about how cute Xiao Nan is in Aunt Jiang's family.

that's the truth.

Jiang Nan, this is her name, everyone calls her Xiao Nan, so I often call her Jiang Xiao Nan directly.

"Sister Chu Ning..."

That was the first day I was taken to her house. At the door, she poked her head out from behind Uncle Jiang, and called me as if she was a little scared.

White and tender, pink tutu skirt, indeed, princess style, cute.

I have already forgotten what expression and reaction I had at that time, probably, it was expressionless.

And later.

"Sister Chuning" has become "Sister Chuning", and the little princess is becoming more and more "manly".

"Sister Chu Ning, does this look good?"

"It's beautiful. Don't you just try skirts? You liked wearing skirts when you were young, especially pink ones."

"Really? That must not be me!"

Looking at Jiang Xiaonan who was trying on the shirt and shaking his head in denial, I smiled, I don’t know when it started, Jiang Xiaonan liked shirts more and more, more and more like more handsome styles to wear, but, wearing That face, no matter how you look at it, makes people feel so cute.

Later, I learned guitar and she learned piano.

"Sister Chu Ning, I don't want to do my homework anymore, play a song for me."

Seeing Jiang Xiaonan staring at me with her head propped up and her big watery eyes staring at me, I nodded.

The sunlight slanted, through the glass, and sprinkled on Jiang Nan's body, everything was so beautiful.

"Sister Chu Ning, you look good."

Every time Jiang Xiaonan said this, I would habitually pat her head, "Xiaonan is so cute~"

"Sister Chu Ning, you are so outstanding, I think you are so amazing! I always hear other people's compliments on you at school, I am so happy!"

"why?"

"Because you are my sister Chu Ning!"

I didn't notice Jiang Nan's sparkling eyes when he said this, if I found out earlier, everything would be different.

"Sister Chu Ning, you want to take the Qing University exam?"

"Ah."

"I knew that sister Chu Ning is the most, the most, the most powerful!"

"I can't stand you anymore." I smiled and patted her head, Jiang Xiaonan always had such an exaggerated expression.

However, I didn't notice the worry in her eyes.

"Sister Chu Ning, I like you!"

That night, the day when the Qingda notice came, we went out to celebrate, and Jiang Nan drank for the first time.

"Xiao Nan?"

"Sister Chu Ning, I am very happy that you have been admitted to Qingda University, but I am also very sad."

By the river, the two of us are sitting.

"I'm sure I won't be able to pass the Qing University exam. I won't be able to be with you...with you...hiccup...to go to school."

"Xiao Nan..."

That's right, Jiang Nan's grades at that time could only be said to be above average, and it was quite difficult for her to take the Qing University exam. Listening to her words, I don't know what to say.

"Miss Chu Ning!"

"Ok?"

"I like you. Sister Chu Ning, I like you! I... like...you..."

17-year-old Jiang Nan spit out the truth after drinking?

"Xiao Nan is very cute, and I like Xiao Nan too."

"No, it's not this liking, yes, it's that liking!"

"Which one do you like?"

I looked at Jiang Nan, and she was staring at me levitatingly.

"Sister Chu Ning, I will go to Qingda to find you!"

It's impossible for Jiang Nan's words to have no effect on me.

It's just that I can't bear her liking.

A year later, when she stepped into Qingda and I rejected her again, I finally realized how smart and kind Jiang Xiaonan was, who kept following behind me and calling her sister Chu Ning. stupid.

Jiang Xiaonan, you big fool!

I leaned against Jiang Nan's tomb, looked at the photo on the tombstone, looked at the photo that fixed Jiang Xiaonan at the age of 19 forever, saw her sunny smile, tears flowed down unconsciously, I stretched out my hand to touch Touching her, "Xiao Nan, I will not forgive myself, and I will hate you for the rest of my life."

At the age of 22, I completed my credits with the highest grades and went abroad at public expense.

At the age of 23, I finished my studies ahead of schedule and returned to China.

"Aunt Jiang, I'm back!"

"Okay, okay, Chu Ning is back! Old man, Chu Ning is back!"

…………

After hanging up the phone, I stood on the street, thinking about what Aunt Jiang and Uncle Jiang had just said on the phone, so I began to cry without image.

"Uncle, aunt, I'm sorry..." Standing in front of the door, I looked at my uncle and aunt who seemed to have aged a lot, and I was shocked in my heart.

"It's good to be back, it's good to be back..." Uncle Jiang patted me on the shoulder.

In the next few years, I stayed with my uncles and aunts, and accompanied them while working.

But their health is getting worse and worse. I have been to the hospital several times, and the doctor told me that it was a heart disease, so I knew it. This is probably beyond my ability to recover.

But Aunt Jiang always smiled and said, "Xiao Nan misses us, we are going down to accompany Xiao Nan."

I looked at Aunt Jiang's smile, but my heart ached, Xiao Nan, don't you miss me?

At the age of 29, Aunt Jiang and Uncle Jiang passed away one after another. I don't know how I spent that time, probably, I had already expected it in my heart.

I put down Jiang Nan's favorite champagne rose in front of the grave, and I took a sip of the wine.

Oh, falling in love with you is the greatest happiness in my life.

Falling in love with me is the greatest tragedy in your life!

Leaning against the tomb, I raised my head and took another sip of wine.

"Xiao Nan...Xiao Nan..." I squinted my eyes, and I seemed to see Jiang Nan again.

In a blink of an eye, it disappeared again.

"Don't be afraid, Xiao Nan, I'm coming to find you... I can see you!"

I smiled, probably already insane, and then reached out to touch the photo on the tombstone, I stood up, stumbled and left here.

"Xiao Nan, do you miss me? Mom and Dad, our family can be reunited. Hehehehehe... woo woo woo woo woo..."

Facing the blue sea, I jumped.Xiao Nan, I'm here to find you.

The author has something to say: It can be said that it is very painful_(:з」∠)_