Being-Towards-Death

That night, Xu Ping was busy preparing the family's funeral attire. Song Weibin wore a police uniform all year round, but now he didn't even have a decent black suit. Xu Ping, who didn't get a response, threw the hat in his hand at his face angrily, and scolded: "I don't stay at home all day, and when I come back, I just have this kind of virtue. I'm going to lose my face and look for you." Not happy!"

Song Weibin said: "Don't leave me here and beat me! It's not that I can't think of home, you are capable, you can go and talk to Bureau Dai? Send me to press the road, I can't wait!"

Xu Ping sat on the edge of the bed, pushed Song Weibin's feet, and cried, "I told you to resign and go to sea early. You didn't listen. The parents of the students in Xiaohan's class, which one is not better than us? It's all this." It was launched two years ago. You are lucky, you have to hold on to a case to solve it, and it is still you Shi Ge, you are ungrateful! How could I be blind at the beginning, marrying such a thing as you..."

"If you can't go on, who is better, you can find someone else, and I won't delay you!"

"Are you speaking human words! Song Weibin, feel your conscience and tell me, which thing I asked you to do is not right? You just don't listen, just don't listen! You just focus on solving your case all day long Do you still remember which school your son went to? I was the one who made a fuss about it. It was Brother Shi who I was looking for with a shy face. -"

Song Weibin sat up awkwardly: "What can I do? This is what I eat! If I had known, I would have been watched by Teng Kong for the rest of my life!"

"I don't care, anyway, you quickly take off your skin, you go out to earn money for me, do you hear me, earn money!"

Speaking of getting angry, Xu Ping shed tears and punched Song Weibin with her fist.Song Weibin was so annoyed that he got out of bed, picked up the key and said, "I'll go to the hospital to see brother Shi, and I'll be back in the evening. You hurry up and pick up the child!"

………….

Song Weibin borrowed Shi Guyuan from him, and Lexus, which he had not had time to return, went to the hospital.This car was driven away at Shi Guyu's engagement banquet, who would have thought that it would look like this when it was brought back.Shi Guzhen has been abroad all year round, and Song Weibin doesn't have much contact with her. In Song Weibin's impression, Shi Guzhen is a lively girl who is full of enthusiasm for life. At first glance, she looks like a flower growing in a greenhouse, which is the complete opposite of Shi Guyuan. .It is said that there is less charcoal in the snow, and more troubles.The Shi family suffered a change, so many people were waiting to see the good show, but Song Weibin was definitely not included among them. However, he was also the main mediator of the Xu Liwei case and the Teng Kong smuggling case. Now, there are really [-] mouths that can't tell. .

Song Weibin held a bag of fruit, stood still outside the ward, and looked inside through the glass.Shi Guyuan was holding the book, reading it quietly, but he didn't turn a page for a long time, wondering if he could see any deeper truths from it.As if feeling the gaze, Shi Guyuan raised his head, saw Song Weibin, smiled, closed the book and waited for him to come in.

Song Weibin was a little embarrassed. He put down the fruit and didn't sit down. He said, "I've wanted to see you for a long time, but I was out of town a while ago, so I delayed it."

Shi Guyuan said: "What did you say? We delayed you."

Song Weibin was even more embarrassed: "Brother Shi, my condolences, no one expected that this would happen to Xiao Yan's life, you have to take care of yourself, don't let her worry."

Shi Guyuan said: "I appreciate the kindness. By the way, what about Xu Ping and Xiaohan, I haven't seen each other for a long time, how are you doing?"

Song Weibin said: "Everything is fine. I'm busy at home. Xiaohan has to go to make-up classes after school today. It's useless to f*ck it up."

"You have to listen to her more about children, she can teach you better than you," Song Weibin opened his mouth to say something, but Shi Guyuan raised his hand to stop him and said, "I know, Xu Ping is talking to you about 5 yuan. Right. Xiaohan is my godson, this kid, I hope he will be successful, but the two of you have a quarrel with me."

"No, I—hey, that's not the case, you said that my current task—"

Shi Guyuan smiled indifferently: "Didn't I tell you, how to check how to check."

"Yeah, why don't we just investigate..." Song Weibin fidgeted and muttered in a low voice, "You really can't blame me for what you found out."

"I blame you for what you are doing."

Song Weibin twisted his fingers like a little daughter-in-law, shrunk his neck and spoke, completely ignoring the limelight of the blustering captain outside, greeted Shi Guyuan to eat an orange, and said: "Just talk about me, Brother Shi, what about you? How are you?"

"Didn't you see it all?"

Song Weibin went all out, as if he was going to the execution ground instead of consoling: "That bastard surnamed Zhao has already been caught, and the court will be held in the next year. He deserves it. Good will be rewarded with good, and evil will be rewarded with evil. It's not that the time has not yet come! Look at the [-] to [-] he pulled before, they are all waiting for him here!"

Shi Guyuan deepened his smile, if he said this for him, he would not believe it.He believed Song Weibin's words, but he didn't believe that Song Weibin had the ability to criticize Sang Huai, so he lowered his eyelids and said softly: "I have thought a lot these days. In this life, I am afraid of going the wrong way, taking the wrong step, step by step. Wrong."

Song Weibin listened with low eyebrows and pleasing to the eye. For some reason, he suddenly remembered that ten years ago, wherever Shi Guyuan went, there was a high-spirited brilliance everywhere; now he is alone, nestled in this small ward, It can sum up this life.

Song Weibin said: "Brother Shi, I don't agree with this. You are only forty, and you still have so many years to live. It doesn't matter if you go the wrong way, if you correct it, you will be fine."

Shi Guyuan raised his eyelids and glanced at him with a half-smile: "Then he will be a hero again after 18 years?"

"Why are you running on me!"

Shi Guyuan continued to laugh in a low voice, laughing and laughing, with a lot of coughing mixed in the laughter, gradually, the coughing became the main part, and the laughter became smaller and smaller, but after a few breaths, it was barely audible up.

Song Weibin poured water for him, patted him on the back, felt panicked when he started, and couldn't help but feel sore - his brother Shi was so thin that his spine was sticking out.Song Weibin gritted his teeth, and thought of Shi Guyuan's kindness to him in the past, and asked, "Brother Shi, when you sent me to the police academy, did you regret it?"

Shi Guyuan breathed out slowly, staring at a piece that fell from the half-painted blue-green wall in front of him; idle days will make people's thinking slow down, but become more refined; Shi Guyuan thought for a long time before saying: "I'm a person, except for my sister, I'm willing to give up everything, because I'm afraid." He turned his eyes to Song Weibin, uttering words with blood, "It's too easy to lose something, but it's very difficult to get it back. Binzi, you always give me a high look, but you’re not. I’m not afraid of your jokes, I’m really afraid, and those two years are enough to scare me for the rest of my life.”

Song Weibin vaguely knew something about Shi Guyuan's childhood past, it's not a secret, there are many people who came here with Shi Guyuan, so Song Weibin couldn't figure out why other people can live well and foolishly, Shi Guyuan Yuan can't.

"When Xiaofeng and I were in the most difficult time, Mr. Zheng took us back and raised us. Later, I realized that no one is nice to anyone for no reason. They all have a purpose. If they don't satisfy him, those who are nice will fall. After being taken back, Xiaoyan and I had to go back to sleep on the street again. Until that day," Shi Guyuan smiled, as if he had returned to that day, "you helped me chase the bag back, and I will reward you, you stupid Say no. Then I asked you again, what do you want, and you said there is nothing you want."

"I really don't want anything..."

"You caught me off guard, and you didn't allow me to fight back?" Shi Guyuan joked, "You can't owe favors, you have to pay them back, and you have to be on the edge of the knife. You are born with two tigers. , I once said that I regret that I didn’t study enough, and I wanted to be a policeman the most. I thought they were awesome, so I sent you to the police academy. This opportunity itself should be yours, and you earned it yourself, so I don’t regret it.”

"Brother Shi..."

Shi Guyuan sighed and said: "It is rare to have two clear days in life, clear seasons and clear politics. In my opinion, the most rare thing is to live clear days. Clear days, good or bad, is that old saying, it is rare to be confused. Hey , I haven’t lived to understand it in my life.”

Song Weibin's head became hot, and he said impulsively, "Brother Shi, surrender yourself."

"Surrender yourself?" Shi Guyuan tilted his head and smiled, "Surrender yourself to what?"

"Let's stop playing charades, okay? This may be the last time we have a serious conversation. Let me tell you, the higher-ups are going to use the Tengkongshu as a model. You have two cases connected to you, and you won't be allowed to take it lightly. You... what on earth do you want to do!"

"Look, I haven't done much yet, you're crying first." Shi Guyuan said disapprovingly, "It's getting late, you should go back first."

"There's nothing else you can't let go of, Xiaoyan is gone—"

"go out."

"Brother Shi!"

Shi Guyuan hit an orange with his backhand: "I tell you to get out!"

Song Weibin was quite tall, stood up and blocked the door and wiped away his tears: "You're looking for death! Just show off, I'll see who cares about you!" After leaving the door, he came back, slapped the table, and cried Say, "Give me back the car keys!"

After Song Weibin left, Shi Guyuan began to stare out the window in a daze again.This year's autumn is extremely long. There was a light snowfall, but the temperature did not change, so the snow did not survive the night.This is also good, Shi Guyuan thought, the longer the autumn, the shorter the winter, and the next spring will be a good weather again.

..........................................

Shi Gufen's mourning hall is located in a villa in the east of the city. Ever since he and William built a love nest, Shi Gufen rarely moves away.Zheng Zhichu cleaned up the mourning hall before setting it up, and saw that there were sugar jars in the cabinet, and there was more than half of the bottle left, so Zheng Zhichu offered it on the stage.

In pursuit of the fame of Teng Kong, many famous people came to the funeral, Zheng Zhichu was so busy that he hit the back of his head with his feet.He took the urn to the cemetery early in the morning and sent it to the cemetery for burial. This was the first time he noticed that there were many and long traffic lights, bends and bridges. Can account for [-]% unambiguous.

Shi Guyan’s cemetery is surrounded by mountains and rivers, facing south from the north. The terrain is open and the neighbors are sparse. On the soil; when the people in the car took turns to burn incense, Zheng Zhichu asked them all to return to the car first, and said to the carefully selected photos on the tombstone by himself: "You can enjoy the blessings during your lifetime, and enjoy the blessings after death." , I heard that the soil will seep down a little bit year after year, but you don't have to worry, someone from the garden will come to cushion you from time to time. If you feel uncomfortable, go to them, don't come to me. Let me sleep peacefully Get a good night's sleep, I don't want to care about your crap anymore.

He said and laughed: "You don't have to worry about Shi Guyuan, I will tell you this quietly, something happened to him, but don't worry, I asked someone to apply for a visa for him, and he will be able to come down soon , when the time comes, I will let him go abroad. It’s better to live than to die. I don’t need him to show his face. I owe you guys surnamed Shi, you have depended on me for the rest of your life, and you can’t let me rest easy! Without me, what are you going to do, isn’t it? So give me Shi Guyuan , Do you think it should be done? I don’t dislike him, he even took Qiaoer! Or go to his dream to persuade him, once you say yes, he will listen to you the most .

"Also, your William, I imprisoned him magnificently, and served him with delicious food and drinks. He didn't lose at all. If he sues you, you can't believe it! I have worked so hard, if I want He's still being scolded, my mother Zhu Bajie is not a human being in the mirror, what am I trying to do? After today's work is over, for the sake of his infatuation, I will take him to see you, and then let him go back Britain is gone. You are dead, don’t hurt other people’s good youth, let him go to find a second spring. Don’t blame me for speaking badly, in fact, he has to bear most of the responsibility for your death. If it weren’t for him, Chi That girl from Yu's family can't be caught, and Shi Guyuan can't be stabbed.

"Let's think about it, is there anything else I haven't said..."

The sky is big and the earth is big, the wind blows the leaves, and the withered grass is everywhere, only the pines and cypresses are evergreen all the year round.Overlooking the orderly gray stone monuments, it looks like a small house, so small that the facade only reaches Zheng Zhichu's waist. Perhaps the soul will fold itself into a piece of paper while sleeping, just like soft bread is compacted into a pancake, Let yourself be more real.

.......................................

Shi Guyuan was absent from Xiaofeng's funeral because the doctor insisted on keeping him in bed.In fact, when no one is around, he can get out of bed and walk a few steps, as long as he pays attention not to stride too far, he will be fine.

So he unplugged the infusion tube, put on the clothes for going out, and slowly got on the bus; he felt that no matter what, he had to do something for Xiaoyan's funeral, and he never considered the possibility that Xiaoyan would go before him , this "do something" seems extremely hasty and absurd.

She is not yet thirty, not married yet, but she is going to be a mother soon.A soft and tender baby, like Xiaoyu, is his favorite nephew or niece, his real family.

There were very few bus passengers after working hours, Shi Guyuan got off the bus at the gate of the community, stepped on the ground, and was half-loaded on the curb.He got up and patted his clothes and trousers, and then pressed the stitch wound, thinking that he was really old, clumsy and slow in every move.He lowered his head, stepped steadily, walked the familiar path, but stopped at the fork, first looked at his own building, and then looked at Building 15.

He suddenly remembered that his cello was still with Chi Yu, and he invaded Chi Yu's living space little by little during the days when they had no grievances, and they could even be called gluey.He brought the piano and urged Xiaoyu to practice. The child was still learning a little, and he guided him with ease from the side, allowing him to enjoy the pride that his father had seen him grow up a long time ago.

He came to the door and opened it—he was a little strange—

The room is not empty, but it is much larger invisibly, because one person's belongings are missing.What Shi Guyuan realized: the pink cup he and Xiaoyu won back on the parent-child day was missing from the cupboard, his clothes were missing from the closet, and his and Xiaoyu's creative paintings disappeared from the bedroom wall , The items in the bathroom are for two people, one big and one small.

He slammed open the door of the study, and there was a small violin in the corner, and the elder who accompanied it day and night disappeared without a trace.

Shi Guyuan bit the back of his hand—it was as if he suddenly disappeared, the world deleted his name, and the memories of acquaintances did not store his location. He began to wonder if he really never existed.

He squatted down and shrank beside the piano, trembling all over his body, like an abandoned transparent person, no one could see him; maybe he could see the transparent tears floating in the air, and he could also hear the choked sobs that had nowhere to rest, but what about people? , why can't I see it?