tenderness is impossible

After supervising the evening self-study, He Jingyu and Lu Zhongyao sat on the high steps at the far end of the playground to blow the air.

The sky is full of stars, shining brightly, and only a faint light is shining from the podium below, which cannot reach every corner of the playground, but the enthusiasm of high school students visiting the playground is no less than that of the aunts who come out to dance square dance every night. Evening self-study is all over, now everyone is alive and well, and some are playing eagle and chicken, convinced.

A voice came up from under the left railing. Looking down curiously, one could vaguely see that it was a man and a woman.

The boy took all his courage and shouted: "If you will be my girlfriend, I will teach you chemistry and bring you breakfast."

The girl said carelessly: "Okay, since you are my boyfriend, I can't let your back desk hold you back with questions every day. Why does she have so many questions to ask all day long?"

"Well, I remember, can I kiss you then?"

"Kiss, don't stick out your tongue."

He Jingyu and Lu Zhongyao looked at each other and left with a smile.

"Zhongyao, when you used to get along with people, who usually spoke first."

"Speak? I've never been in a relationship before."

"Come on, just tell the truth, tell me about the anecdotes and romantic history between you and your boxing juniors."

"What the hell, before I met you, I always thought I was a straight man of steel, otherwise I would have carried books for the girls in your class. I would have gone to the group of brick-moving people in the construction. It's a pity that it's been three years , My two buddies are still single... Ah Jing, why don't you talk. Don't blame me for not helping you, I will only get it for you in the future."

After hearing this, He Jingyu was at a loss for a while, "Lu Zhongyao, are you saying that you have never had sex with a man before, you are not gay, and you have never dated a girl."

"That's right, speaking of which, you're still my first man, Nima sounds so weird, hahahahaha."

He Jingyu couldn't laugh at all.

Sure enough, rumors and gossips were unbelievable, He Jingyu realized that he had gone too far this time, he just wanted to get what he needed and meet his physical needs.After getting in touch with him during this period of time, he knew that Lu Zhongyao was only a little grumpy, but he was definitely a good man with a sense of loyalty and responsibility. If he hadn't been smug, he would have become a good husband and father in the future.If you make a mistake, you must correct it in time, and you cannot let it breed.

It's time to end.

A beam of bright light pierced a hole in the entire night, and the young underground lovers on the playground ran around in confusion. It turned out that the head of the grade department came to "sweep pornography".

The head of the grade department locked the target and came straight over. When he got closer, he saw two trainee teachers whose teaching style impressed him deeply. He was very happy with his sullen face: "Xiao He, Xiao Lu, it turned out to be you, it's so late. go back?"

He Jingyu replied: "Take a stroll casually, I'm going back now, see you, Director."

So the director continued to patrol with his "see the light and die" big double lights. He is the overlord of this dark playground, and he will never allow students to talk about bullshit love in this sacred land.

Lu Zhongyao wiped the sweat from his palms and said, "I was a little nervous when I took the photo just now. It must be a conditioned reflex."

"What are you panicking about, we're not a couple."

Lu Zhongyao crashed on the spot, aren't we a couple?He, who has always been rough, suddenly understood this time, it must be because he has not confessed yet, what is it called, a sense of ritual, yes, yes, ritual sense, he thought it was unnecessary to confess love too much, but literary people They all pay attention to this.

"Xiao Lu, follow up."

"Come here, Comrade Xiao He."

On Thursday afternoon, there was no homework to be corrected, no brats to teach, Lu Zhongyao and He Jingyu sneaked out, the atmosphere was exceptionally free and comfortable.

Arrive at the destination - the playground.

He Jingyu pointed at the colorful gate in disbelief and said, "Are you sure to come and play with this?"

"Why, you, He Jingyu, wouldn't go in to play even if you were killed?"

"On the contrary, I've always wanted to."

Let's end this farce here, what a deal.

He Jingyu took out his student ID card from his backpack to buy tickets. The student ID card was only used to buy bus tickets for three years in college, but he didn't expect it to be used today.Lu Zhongyao also had a rare backpack today, which is a bit fresh.

"Have you brought your student ID?"

"No."

"Then why are you carrying a schoolbag, but I checked and it's cheaper on Meituan."

Because it is not a weekend, the flow of people is not large, and many popular items do not have to queue for a long time.Bumper cars, pirate ships, carousels, fruit flying chairs, Ferris wheels, roller coasters, shooting... The two of them had a great time playing various projects, large and small.

"Ah Jing, let's play this and choose an entrance for each."

It was a labyrinth almost the size of a classroom. Layers of earth walls were intricately combined to form a hexagonal eight-diagram diagram, and there was an open space paved with marble in the pattern of Tai Chi fish in the middle.Two entrances are next to each other, if you choose one, the other is your exit.

Seeing He Jingyu's hesitation, Lu Zhongyao squeezed his palm and said, "This is very simple, you won't get lost."

He Jingyu couldn't turn a blind eye to that earnest gaze, and nodded in agreement: "We'll see you at the exit."

After a while, you can see two human heads walking in the maze, the short half of the head is obviously more disordered, like a headless fly.

In fact, He Jingyu doesn't really want to play this game, he doesn't like the feeling of helplessness that he knows the exit is in that direction but can't get out even if he dies.It seems that there are many forked roads to choose from, giving people some hope, but most of them lead to the end.You can't move forward, you can't go back, and you keep coming to a dead end. This feeling of suffocation is like someone reciting a poem: the silver bottle is broken and the water is bursting, and the iron horse is protruding.

……

The words "swords and guns" have not come out for a long time, and the person is dying of anxiety, and the exit is also out of reach.

He Jingyu walked more and more out of order, his breathing became heavier and heavier, and he felt out of breath.At this time, it is necessary to take out the mobile phone and ask the almighty Baidu for help.

Pat, a warm palm rested on He Jingyu's head.

Looking up, Lu Zhongyao and himself were separated by a wall, separated by thousands of rivers and mountains.

Lu Zhongyao patted He Jingyu's forehead, and said with a smile: "Can't we get out of such a small circle? As long as we dare to go, it will be a matter of minutes. See you later."

He Jingyu reached out to pinch his nose, pulled his head down, and said proudly, "We'll see."

He then closed his eyes, built a maze model in his mind, reviewed all the routes he had just walked, and tried step by step.Finally came to the Taiji fish in the center.Lu Zhongyao had been waiting for a long time, waiting for him to walk over step by step, and took out a bunch of red roses from his schoolbag.

He Jingyu stopped, feeling a little panic.

"Ah Jing, I like you. I hope to spend the rest of my life with you and be my boyfriend."

Lu Zhongyao knew that this was a certainty, but he still looked forward to what He Jingyu would say.

"You, don't you want to get married and have children? You are not born gay, and you can get back on the right track."

"If it's possible, you're the one I'm going to marry. I have one and only one. Where do you want me to go back?"

"You also said that if, like our homosexuality, there is no guarantee at all, and the law does not recognize it. One day, you will quietly slap your ass and leave, and you will never find it again."

"Does our love need to be bound by a marriage letter? Do you like me, do you want to be with me?"

He Jingyu was silent for a long time, then replied: "I don't know."

Lu Zhongyao was shaking with anger, his eyes were red, he grabbed He Jingyu's shoulder and growled: "What the hell do you mean, you don't know? You don't know why you provoke me?"

"At the beginning, I just wanted to have a one-night stand with you. I didn't want to get entangled if you didn't agree, but I didn't expect it to become like this later. In fact, it's good to be friends with benefits. Anyway, we won't see each other after graduation. Well, you won't suffer any more."

"Okay, you motherfucker, you broke me up and said we are friends with benefits, you can really say it. You have been playing with my feelings." Lu Zhongyao poked He Jingyu's chest fiercely: "He Jingyu, I can't afford it .”

Lu Zhongyao threw the flower on the stone wall, walked to the outermost layer and flipped it out.

He Jingyu is a coward. When someone told him that he was willing to spend the rest of his life with him, he got scared and felt that these things did not belong to him. He wanted to keep a distance from others and shut himself off.He gradually lost his true thoughts, and the emotions with nowhere to vent accumulated in his unconscious, creating a strong and self-denying character.

He stared at the flowers and murmured, "It's over."

He Jingyu chose to go back the same way, thinking that he could go out just the way he came, but he went around and fell into a dead end, and went back to the center of the maze. Unpleasant emotions made his IQ and patience serious. decline.

Then keep going, you can't go through another exit.

Penetrating into an unfamiliar earth wall and turning a corner, He Jingyu was shocked by the scene in front of him. The ground was covered with red rose petals, which were the marks left by Lu Zhongyao. is an export.

It turned out that he had already paved the second half of the road for me.

He Jingyu felt relieved and extremely heavy. When he walked out smoothly, the vast world unfolded in front of his eyes, and he couldn't hold back his tears.

"Lu Zhongyao, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Since then, the two have been strangers, and the two intersecting lines have returned to parallel.

The author has something to say: I am very happy to see the comments, thank you everyone.Let me say hello first, this is a short essay, about thirteen chapters, and the main plot will follow.