Lucid dreaming

The ceiling was white, and the side windows let in a soft twilight.The pale yellow curtains were of cheap coarse weave, and pieces of stucco had come off the window frames.This is not his room.He doesn't know where he is.

The machine next to it kept beeping and beeping.Li Zhaowei slightly raised his hand, his arm was so numb that it didn't look like his own, as if it had been stuffed into a heavy body.The mattress beneath him had been out of shape from sleeping on, it was hard and uncomfortable.There are many thin transparent tubes connected to the arm, and the other end of the tube is connected to the hanging bottle.The transparent liquid dripped from the tube and injected into his blood vessels little by little. He thought, this should be a hospital.

But, what kind of hospital is it?

The chair beside him creaked, and he turned his head slowly. Three people, three pairs of eyes, each with a relieved expression on their faces.Three names slowly emerged in his mind.Mom, brother and Wang Jiayi.

"Hi." Wang Jiayi said.

Li Zhaowei wanted to smile at him, but that smile was only in his plan.He clearly felt that the muscles on his face did not move.Mom breathed a sigh of relief, covered her face with a handkerchief, and let out a sob behind the handkerchief.

Li Zhaowei wanted to say "Mom, don't be sad", but also wanted to say "I'm fine".As soon as he opened his mouth, he realized that his voice was as hoarse as sandpaper.That sentence was stuck in his throat, and he couldn't say it no matter what.These people just stood there in a daze, and none of them thought that he might be thirsty and need to rehydrate.But now his lips are almost chapped and bleeding, and his tongue is almost fused with the palate.Li Zhaowei gave up talking and lay straight on the bed in a daze.

He thought it was a long dream, but it was not a dream, he and Li Zhaomin fell down the fourth floor together.

Thinking of Li Zhaomin, my heart twitched slightly.The strange thing was that the twitch wasn't anger, it was something else entirely.

is lonely.

Beneath the ice shell of anger and violence lies a deep loneliness.He lived in a fatal loneliness.For ten years, as if in a lifetime, when I was in a foreign country, looking at the sunny foreign city, the city of Anning in the cold spring always appeared in my heart, and I thought of the Anning River, far away, where the drizzle was falling.

This is not the first time he has lost the concept of space.One of the important reasons why he was able to live an almost ascetic life in the United States and get rid of the part that Aunt Li strictly controlled was that he often lost consciousness and didn't know where he was.

The longest loss of consciousness occurred in the month when he was writing his undergraduate thesis.He only remembered that he went to the library with his computer at eight o'clock in the morning, and when he woke up again, he was already in a strange bedroom, facing a strange ceiling and a strange wardrobe.The air is full of strange smells.He sat up in bed, the orange sunset lighting up the rug at the foot of the bed.He looked around the room and took the photo on the bedside table. It was a boy with his eyes squinted and a canine smile.

He leaves the bedroom and the clock in the living room tells him that it is 06:30 in the afternoon.He thought it was still too late to go back to the library.

But he couldn't find his clothes, his phone, nothing.He sat in the living room until nine o'clock, and the boy in the photo pushed open the door of the room with a tired face, and looked at him in blank dismay.

There are only scattered fragments in his memory, he remembers that man's beast-like teeth gleaming in the moonlight; brown curly hair, bright and pensive eyes, his Koshi also has such beautiful eyes.

He got back his clothes and mobile phone, and the time was displayed as seven days later.

These seven days are like a dream.

He went back to Li Zhaomin's mother's house, and sure enough, the house was blown up, because Li Zhaomin's mother called the police, and his room was thoroughly searched.After completing a large number of medical examination items in the hospital and a lengthy police record, he had to face the second inspection by his younger brother and Li Zhaomin's mother.

The younger brother doesn't live in Aunt Li's house.For some weird reason, my younger brother liked Li Zhaomin, but he didn't like Aunt Li. If it wasn't for his disappearance, my younger brother promised not to step into Aunt Li's house.

Li Zhaowei sat silently on the sofa, he really hoped that he would sink into the darkness without memory forever.However, his soul has returned to his body, waiting blankly for the next departure.His younger brother's warm body was leaning against him, with one hand on his lap.

"Brother." said the younger brother.

If I die, my brother will have no relatives in this world.Li Zhaowei thought.He raised his hand and pulled his younger brother into his arms. The bones in his arms were hard and slender. The younger brother was already an adult. After being hugged by him for a while, he struggled away awkwardly like a grown-up cat, and looked at him stubbornly.

"Brother, you can tell me anything." The younger brother said stubbornly, "Are you going to run away from home, are you going to run away from home again!"

Li Zhaowei did not answer.The younger brother's eyes searched for his expression angrily, and after a while, he asked suddenly, "Is it because of Ke Xi?"

Not because of Kosi.Li Zhaowei thought.Not because of Kosi.

But he couldn't say it, and the younger brother's eyes became more and more hateful.The younger brother and Ke Xi have never met, he doesn't know why, and he doesn't know when it started, the younger brother hates Ke Xi from the bottom of his heart.

"Ke Xi is dead." The younger brother said, "Brother, he is dead. Why don't you just treat him as dead? What's so good about him, he doesn't know his own weight, takes drugs, worships money, and is ugly , he is not worthy of your liking!"

Li Zhaowei felt that he could no longer make a sound, he was in a daze, as if he was drowning in the deep sea, but he couldn't keep silent.

"It's not like that." He said with difficulty, "Koxi is not the kind of person you think."

"Why isn't he." The younger brother said bitterly, "Brother, I don't understand. Why do you always dislike the Li family, the eldest sister, and going abroad, as if you don't like anything, what do you like? The days before What's so good about the old days, you may not remember, but I remember everything. They always ask in a seductive voice: ah, is the man here? He is here, sleeping with your mother How many people slept with your mother? Dad came whenever he wanted, and left whenever he wanted. If he didn’t want to come, he wouldn’t see anyone for several months. If he came, we would have money. If he didn’t come, we would have no money. .I still remember paying tuition fees in the third year of junior high school, because Aunt Li refused to let Dad come over. Mom just couldn’t get a penny out of it..."

The younger brother's voice choked up, and Li Zhaowei looked at him in surprise.In his impression, the family never worried about money.

"The teacher talked to me for a whole week, and told me every day that it was time to pay the tuition. But I had no money, and neither did my mother, so it kept procrastinating. One day the teacher said in class that although it is a nine-year compulsory Education, but some students are too good at enjoying obligations..."

The younger brother cried, tears hanging on his long eyelashes.Li Zhaowei never thought that his younger brother would cry too. It seems that his younger brother stopped crying after he was eight years old.He clumsily stretched out his hand to wipe away tears for his younger brother, who opened his hand.

"Don't touch my face." The younger brother warned him.

"……What's wrong."

The younger brother suddenly felt a little embarrassed, and pointed around his eyes: "Last week, I had laser surgery with my eldest sister."

Li Zhaowei looked at him in astonishment.The younger brother took a deep breath, raised his chin to adjust his emotions, and suddenly felt that the curvature of his younger brother's nose seemed to be different from what he remembered.

"Anyway. I think it's very good now." The younger brother said, "Now that we have money, I don't have to worry about paying tuition anymore. My mother is also happy, my eldest sister is also happy, everyone is happy, and besides, you are also very happy." Be happy, drive a car, live in a luxury apartment, and buy drugs for someone. No money, how is this possible, you can only kiss secretly in the corner of the campus. You can’t live happily with money ?"

Li Zhaowei hardly listened to what he was saying.He kept staring at the tip of his brother's nose. The tip of his nose didn't seem to be so carefully crafted before, but he couldn't remember what his brother looked like before.

"Brother." The younger brother raised his arms to embrace him, "Don't do this again..."

"elder brother?"

The younger brother in front of me overlapped with the younger brother in memory.Li Zhaowei looked at his younger brother's messy face from crying and staying up all night.The younger brother is really good-looking, and he has a good foundation. Later, he and Li Zhaomin worked hard to smooth out every sharp edge.

This time his muscles responded and he smiled subtly.The younger brother breathed a sigh of relief, and sat down on the edge of his bed as if he had lost his bones.The hospital bed was narrow, and there was nowhere to be squeezed by him.

But no one briefed him on the progress of the situation.Maybe this time is no better than last time, he didn't pass out for too long.

Wang Jiayi finally remembered, dipped a cotton swab in water and applied it to his mouth.I just applied it twice, but the cotton swab was taken away by my mother.This method of painting has no effect, it is cold, weird, and even a little disgusting.Li Zhaowei really wanted to say stop fooling around and bring the cup over to let him drink a few sips, but unfortunately he can't speak now.

"Dad has gone to the company." The younger brother said abruptly, as if he had nothing to say, "Because the three of us are not here, he has to take the job himself."

Speaking of which, Li Zhaomin didn't know what was going on.She is so serious, she probably won't be unscathed.

Li Zhaowei's gaze turned to Wang Jiayi for help, and the man who had always kept Ke Xi alive also understood his gaze as he wished.

"Miss Li is in another ward. Then...um..."

He glanced at his mother and younger brother, the younger brother deliberately avoided his sight, and the mother seemed to have received some signal, and while wetting the cotton swab again, she said as if reciting lines: "Go do what you want, take that It doesn't matter whether the child is leaving or falling in love, mother will not interfere in the future. Do whatever you want. As long as you live well, I have no other demands."

It was a novel and interesting attitude, and it seemed that a lot had changed in the few days he had slept.Li Zhaowei looked at his younger brother, who also nodded seriously to meet his gaze.

Only then did Wang Jiayi say: "Ke Xi is fine. Don't worry. You will see him soon."

"It's just..." The younger brother rolled his eyes, "It's just... Dad said that he thinks you may not be suitable for you in China..."

Mother stirred the cotton swab fiercely, and the tip of the cotton swab stuck into Li Zhaowei's mouth, but she didn't say anything.It seems that the younger brother conveyed the family resolution.Talk about this kind of thing early and rest assured, there is no need to wait until he is discharged from the hospital to surprise him.

"Originally, my father wanted my sister to go to South America, but now he has decided to let you open a branch in South America."

Li Zhaowei was silent for a few seconds, digesting the new information.I did have economic relations with suppliers in South America before, but the decision to open a branch is still very bold.Letting him, a novice who has only been an intern for a few months, airborne is a risky decision.It's okay to take a few orders in a small way. If you want to start a company, he doesn't know anything about the market situation of economic policies, laws and regulations in South America.

"Drop people to follow you. Of course, that kid and Manager Huang will definitely go with you." The younger brother pouted at Wang Jiayi, who was shocked when he heard the words, "Dad has already announced the news of the expatriate in the company. As long as you are almost well, you can go."

Li Zhaowei looked at his younger brother, who looked at him for a moment and then turned away angrily: "I gave it to him anyway, and my father didn't say whether I can bring someone else. You can do whatever you want. I really don't understand you guys! This kind of thing is so important Can you care about me if you have time and mood? Can you care about others, can you only see him in your eyes? "

Li Zhaowei really wanted to push away her mother's hand holding the cotton swab. The water from the cotton swab mixed with her tears and flowed down her cheeks to her neck.But she cried so sadly.He couldn't move, he could only let the warm water flow down his neck and into the pillow.

He wanted to say that what he wanted was not a concession from the family, but an understanding.I also feel that just thinking about this sentence in my mind is too naive to think about it.Some things are desperately wanting to do.But working hard for the one you love doesn't seem to be responsible enough for the one you love.

The younger brother doesn't understand, the feeling of longing to be loved is unbearably lonely, once loved and trusted, he can no longer give up that kind of warmth.

If a person could have several lives, it would be great if they could be shared equally among everyone.Or, from the very beginning, there is nothing, not even the opportunity to come to this world, so there is no need to be in a dilemma in front of anyone.

"Wei Wei, live well." Mom said in a low voice, "You have nothing to do abroad, and you will have these difficulties when you return to China. You should go abroad. Mom will visit you often... Live well, Wei Wei, let us I can only live this life, and there is no second chance to see you again."

The younger brother suddenly opened the door and ran out.Li Zhaowei nodded silently.

It doesn't matter if Kosh doesn't want to see him.He's not as clumsy as he was when he was younger; it doesn't matter if there's no way to mend the relationship, they can always start over.Or they could not meet each other and help Kosh settle down in a foreign city.There will always be Chinese settlements, and he can also learn some foreign languages ​​for communication.Ke Xi has always been yearning for the outside world, and it might be better to leave him.

Live well, and grow into a complete and free person.