Miss, reach out

No.30 five beats: Schrödinger's cat

In the corner of the rental house, there is a small house, which is the storage room of the Sui family.

The rental house has a long history, and the surrounding areas are traces left by the textile industrial park decades ago. Most of the people living here are workers from textile factories. Later, they gradually developed, and many young people from the previous generation left. After the school became famous, There are also more and more students staying here at the same time.

Although it is a school district house, it can't change the dilapidation of the old house, and the Sui family's rental house is the same.

The weather was not so good that day, Sui Yi School was arranged to be the test site, so she left school early in the afternoon and went into the house, but she couldn't find Ren Ning.

She yelled many times, searched every room, and even put on her shoes, ready to go out to see if Ren Ning was out.

She knew that Ren Ning's situation was not very good recently, and she often hid on the balcony and cried in the middle of the night. She didn't want to wake up Sui Yuehua, and she couldn't control her emotions, so she could only secretly run to the balcony in the middle of the night to curl up and cry.

However, the balcony of Sui's house was parallel to Sui Yi's room, so Sui Yi was still woken up in the middle of the night.After a while, she could hear Sui Yuehua open the balcony door, coaxing Ren Ning back to the room in a soft voice.

The intermittent voice accompanied by Sui Yi's wild thoughts, and they entered Sui Yi's dreamland together.Sui Yi knew that her mother's condition had become worse again.

The younger siblings were born late, but Sui Yi still remembers everything about the past.When she was just born, Ren Ning was afraid and repulsed by herself, shaking her body and carefully trying to hold herself in her arms every night, Sui Yuehua was always by her side, encouraging her softly.But when she was a child, she still had to drink artificial milk powder to grow up.

Sui Yi didn't understand why, until she went back to her hometown, and heard the relatives talk happily and indifferently about the child that Ren Ning gave birth to the eldest brother of the Sui family.

Sui Yi looked at the child in disbelief. It was a girl. Compared to her who was clean, tidy, fed and clothed, the girl was like an abandoned doll, covered in tatters, dirty and gray, and the whole family sat at the table. Even a five-year-old boy from a relative's family could stand on the bench at dinner, but she only dared to hold the bowl with a broken corner in her small hands, and huddled in the corner with her big black eyes blinking.

Ren Ning knew that it was her child, but she never looked at it from the beginning to the end.

From then on, Sui Yi never wanted to go back to her hometown, let alone allow her father to take Ren Ning home.Little she has learned to protect vulnerable moms.

After returning to his hometown that time, Ren Ning's old illness relapsed for a while, but he regained his calm after a short while, and became more and more accustomed to the ordinary life of being a wife.

Gradually she grew up, and there were many doubts in her heart. Sui Yuehua also explained Ren Ning's situation to her. The whole family took good care of their gentle mother.

When the evening approached, Sui Yi still couldn't find Ren Ning.With anxious tears in the corners of her eyes, she called Sui Yuehua early, but Sui Yuehua hadn't had time to come back.

Sui Yi returned to the rental house, took off her shoes and prepared to search the house again.At this time, she suddenly heard choked sobs from the storage room that had been silent for a long time.

Sui Yi was startled, glanced out of the corner of her eye at the small basket on the shelf at the door, and saw Ren Ning's key in it.

Ren Ning is back!

After Sui Yi understood, she stepped on two different slippers and rushed to the storage room in a hurry.

"Mom?! Mom, are you in there?!" Sui Yi slammed into the door of the storage room with a bang, and turned the doorknob with a click, only to find that the door was locked.

The voices in the room paused for a moment, and then came a confused female voice.

"Xiaoyi...? You're back..."

Sui Yi breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately, her mother was still able to answer, but this weak voice——

"Mom, what's the matter with you, why did you lock yourself inside?" Sui Yi asked, knocking on the door.

"Wait, mom is here to open the door..." The people inside crackled and scattered some things, Sui Yi carefully discerned the sound, it should be that the plastic bag covering the winter things was touched, and they didn't listen When it comes to the sound of Ren Ning falling down, there is no problem.

With a click, the door opened.Sui Yi raised her head, before she could look at her, she was hugged by Ren Ning.

"Mom?" Sui Yi was a little confused, and noticed that Ren Ning's body was trembling slightly, she patted Ren Ning and asked, "Mom, are you okay?"

"Mom is fine." Ren Ning shook his head, with a smile in his hoarse voice: "Xiaoyi knows that she loves her mother, and she is very happy."

"I've always felt sorry for you, Mom..." Sui Yi frowned and whispered.

Ren Ning chuckled, rubbed Sui Yi's head, his voice suddenly became low.

"Xiaoyi, in school, did any children bully you? Or gossip about you?"

"Of course not. Anyone who dared to do that would be sent home to find her mother." Sui Yi said proudly.

Ren Ning felt relieved a lot, stroked her hair affectionately, and then squatted down.

She leaned against Sui Yi's small head, and whispered to Sui Yi with an extremely heavy voice.

"Xiao Yi, my mother is not a normal mother. When I was brought here by your father, it was inevitable that someone would gossip about him. And you must have experienced many such things since you were young. I know you are sensible, and you never report good news. I'm worried, but my mother is really guilty and distressed," Ren Ning said, tears filled his red eyes again.

She closed her eyes in pain, gasping for breath, and slowly said to Sui Yi: "Mom has been like this all her life, and there is no way out, but you are still young. I have had enough of gossip, pointing fingers, and Those stinging gazes, I know that I have already become an abnormal, dark and ugly existence in their eyes, so no one wants to see me go back..."

Speaking of this, Ren Ning couldn't help covering his eyes and began to cry. Tears flowed down between his fingers, dripping unceremoniously on the concrete floor, and the tears were imprinted on it for a long time, like black flowers blooming all over the ground .

Sui Yi tightened her grip on Ren Ning's clothes, opened her mouth, and had difficulty breathing.

She had a very bad premonition, and the dreary atmosphere in front of her made her breathless.

Ren Ning cried for a while, and finally remembered that he still had his daughter in front of him.She wiped her tears and pressed Sui Yi's shoulders with her hands, her eyes were bloodshot.

"So, Xiaoyi, you must not be like your mother... You must be like an ordinary child, living a simple and happy life. This is my mother's greatest wish."

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

It is said that before a person commits suicide, he will confess to those around him.It's like a ritual, a memorial to one's lost life.

Some people choose to tidy up all traces of themselves and dress neatly and formally, while others choose to leave suicide notes.

But Ren Ning acted the same as usual that night.When Sui Yi thought about it later, she realized that what Ren Ning said to herself that afternoon was not a confession.

But she didn't hear it, and she completely let down her vigilance, and didn't even think of mentioning this to Sui Yuehua.

So in the middle of the night, when the family found out that Ren Ning was missing, the whole family fell into panic. This panic continued until Ren Ning's body was found downstairs in the building.

Life is fragile, like the breeze, like falling flowers, gone forever.

There are traces of Ren Ning everywhere in life, but Ren Ning is gone forever.

Sui Yuehua's temples turned white overnight, and he grasped Ren Ning's hand in a daze, his lips were bloodless, his hands were trembling slightly, his shoulders were hunched, as if he had aged several decades.

"Why...why didn't you persevere...Am I wrong? Is it because I didn't do well enough...Ningning, I found them...I'm ready to contact them and reunite your family... ..." Sui Yuehua's voice reached Sui Yi's ears, and Sui Yi suddenly understood something.

Ren Ning's last straw... was broken.

Sui Yi is no longer a child. The special nature of her family, her mother's illness, and her younger siblings waiting to be fed all made her break away from the precocity of ordinary people.As the eldest, she also worked hard to learn the ways of the world on weekdays.

She didn't know how Ren Ning found the contact information of his family, but what Ren Ning said to her before leaving gave her a cruel guess.

She can't go back.

After struggling for so many years and trying to survive, the hometown in her dream is not her home.The parent-child reunion she thought would not happen, and no one expected her to go back.

This is the first time that Sui Yi has deeply realized that the world is not always as beautiful as she imagined.Just like Schrödinger's cat, you can only have good expectations, but if you really touch it, you may get completely different results.

So Sui Yi would rather stay on the sidelines and never open that box.

The cold wind woke up Sui Yi, who was immersed in memories, she was stunned for a while, looked up at the bright moon in the sky, took a deep breath, and let the evening wind pass through her internal organs.

I haven't recalled these things for a long time, is it because of Xia Yanran?

Sui Yi turned her head and looked at Xia Yan who was less than ten centimeters away from her.After the two walked out of the hot pot restaurant, they had a tacit understanding without saying a word.

The moonlight gently sprinkled on Xia Yanran's face, making that small and delicate face stained with the drunkenness of the moonlight.As if aware of Sui Yi's eyes, Xia Yanran raised her head and met Sui Yi's eyes straight.

Plop plop.

Sui Yi clearly felt the pulsation in her chest, and her strong desire to confide was gushing out, but she pressed her firmly against her chest.

This is the first time she has such a strong desire, the first time she has such an urge to get something, that desire burns her heart day and night, even without the pair of eyes that seem to be able to talk, she can't suppress it. Let go of what's in your heart.

She told herself again and again, to be patient, this is not good, and there will be no good results, just keep the status quo, isn't it good to keep playing house games with good friends?Why do we have to have dreams and desires that cannot be realized?

This should not be, her current compromise will bring her endless struggle and regret in the future, she is very clear.

But Xia Yanran's approaching and probing day after day, each time getting bigger and bigger, forced her to be unable to hold on.

Why must there be an answer?Why did you have to open that box?

I don't want to go on like this anymore, I don't want to be persecuted anymore, and I don't want to be entangled anymore.

"Of course, don't kiss me like this again." Sui Yi stared deeply into Xia Yanran's eyes, and after a long, long time, she heard her own voice say so.

The author has something to say: Regarding education, what happened to a child when he was a child obviously affects his whole life. You think he has passed away, but they have already taken root in your instinct.

You can consider looking at things that look at the world from a different perspective, such as books, movies, anime, and comics.

I would like to recommend [This Huating Strange Tan] here. There are too many comics, so I don’t recommend it.This is last year's Lily Fan, which contains many views on the world, which are thought-provoking, and the cp is delicious www