wild cranberries

The late-night scenery of the suburbs of Qingyi City quickly reversed through the car window.

Li Yuan leaned against the car door and squeezed the cigarette in her hand into a thin, flat strip.The female stewardess with a bag passed by the junction of the carriages, stopped, turned her head and glanced at Li Yuan: "Hello, we don't allow smoking in the express."

Li Yuan lowered her head and broke it, spreading it out in her palm for her to see.

"Are you an adult?" the steward asked again, "If you don't have a seat, you can find a small stool in the carriage. It's almost dawn at Yungu North Station, can't you stand it?"

"Thank you, I'll be back later."

The female flight attendant didn't say any more, just smiled and entered the carriage.

There are mountains on the outskirts of Qingyi City, which are low but continuous, covered with layers of tall spruces.Li Yuan felt dizzy after watching it for a while, closed her eyelids and took a nap for a while, suddenly there was a high-frequency vibration in her chest, she took out her phone and checked, there were several missed calls and unread text messages.

Lin Yixiong's text message was particularly unkind: What are you doing?Where are you going without saying a word?See you soon!

It took me a long time to type and reply text messages, but I might not be able to explain clearly.Too lazy to knock, Li Yuan returned the call directly, and after waiting for a moment, Lin Yixiong answered, "Where the fuck are you?! Why do you know to call me?"

"Can you stop scolding people as soon as you come up?" Li Yuan frowned.

"I'll not only scold you when you come back, I'll even hit you!"

"When the time comes, you can fight if you want."

"You—" Lin Yixiong didn't answer for a long time.After a while, there was a heavy sigh of annoyance: "Fuck me!" There was a "bang" on the other end of the phone, and I didn't know what small thing was knocked over by lifting my foot.

Li Yuan put her hand into the pocket of the sweater.

"I don't care about you, but you must at least tell me where you are going, how many days you are going, what you are going to do, whether it is safe or not, I am still your father, right?"

"Something happened suddenly at my tablemate's family, and I have to send him and his grandma back to Yungu."

"Who?"

"Peng Xiaoman, you met last time."

"What's the matter with his family?"

"Private business."

Lin Yixiong's way of being a policeman interrogating thieves doesn't work well for Li Yuan.

"No," Lin Yixiong rubbed his chin, smacked his lips, and smiled in disbelief: "Why do you have to give it to me? No one in their family? Does it have any necessary relationship with you?"

"It's just him and grandma, he has some health problems."

"So you are not at ease?" Lin Yixiong asked immediately.

"Correct."

"Are you going to delay your work for a few days?"

"I'm not sure."

"Are you not sure? Are you not sure because you still want to travel abroad?" Lin Yixiong raised the decibel: "Don't forget your third year of high school! You have half a year before the college entrance examination! If you want to be able to leave this house safely, you will You have to play with life science!"

"I know that."

"You know you know you know everything, I just fucking believe you know everything!"

There was a soft "click" on the other end of the phone, Lin Yixiong lit a cigarette, took a big gulp and let it out, loosening half a bit.

"I sent you a thousand transfers on WeChat. Anyway, you don't bother to listen to me. In short, you should be more careful. I believe you still have a sense of proportion. You can handle it yourself at the school. Be careful when you are out of town. In a few days, the cold air will be gone. Come, go home early."

The carriage swayed and the rails rattled.

The class teacher's text message and phone call have not yet been opened, and there are also a few messages from You Kaifeng.Li Yuan stuffed her phone into her pocket, folded her arms around her chest, and leaned her head against the car fender.

"Sit for you instead."

Peng Xiaoman supported the door frame of the carriage, and tugged at Li Yuan's sleeve.

Li Yuan opened her eyes in response, stared at the snow-white ceiling to wake up, and then turned her head to look at him: "You just sit down, I'll stand for a while."

"The eyelids are all closed together, are you still planning to stand until the early morning?" Peng Xiaoman approached and leaned to his left: "It's fine if you don't have a seat ticket, and I didn't even have a replacement ticket."

"Buy it temporarily, it would be nice if there is a seat or not." Li Yuan dragged him to the right, turned her body to cover him, and touched Peng Xiaoman's face: "Are you okay?"

Peng Xiaoman smiled with his eyes closed, feeling that Li Yuan's hands were always hot regardless of the seasons, "Which aspect do you mean?"

"Physically, as well as mentally." The palm passed by his shoulder and squeezed.

"There is nothing wrong with the body." Peng Xiaoman paused: "The mind is very bad."

Li Yuan reached out and hugged him into her arms.Peng Xiaoman lowered his head, his forehead rested lightly on his left shoulder, and he clutched the hem of his sweater with both hands.When Li Yuan put her hand on Peng Xiaoman's back and patted it slowly, she obviously felt the slight tremor of Peng Xiaoman, like loose snow falling from evergreen pine branches.

The car drove past a small station that was on the verge of being abandoned, and the grayish yellow light on the platform penetrated through the car window, passed quickly over Li Yuan's hair, and diluted into the night.

The old lady stared blankly at her own aging face projected out of the car window. The high-speed train was fast and smooth, and almost all the passengers around fell asleep.She breathed out three or four times evenly, then took a deep breath, and then let out a dull sigh from the depths of her chest.

Li Yuan rolled her cuffs, walked through the narrow aisle, and passed the paper cup in her hand: "Grandma."

The old lady didn't respond, so Li Yuan could only touch her shoulder.

"Hey." Turning his head, he hadn't had time to focus.

"I'll give you hot water, Xiao Man is in the toilet."

"Thank you." He took it with both hands and put it on the window sill. The old lady rubbed her face wearily, her tone was cramped and regretful: "I actually brought you here. I'm so old-fashioned and old-fashioned, hey."

"It's okay." Picking up the coat on the seat, Li Yuan sat sideways and put the phone into the pocket of the coat, "It's just you and Peng Xiaoman, I'm really worried."

"He's eighteen, big boy." The old lady looked down at the wrinkled hands on her lap, "There's nothing he can't handle."

"He is special."

"You mean something wrong with him."

No, I mean him as a person, to me.

"Yes." Li Yuan nodded.

"It's not that I can't get through this little difficulty." The old lady folded her hands and shook them, as if she was saying to herself: "The days are still long, let him protect him and not let him hurt Bitter, he can't grow up."

After passing through the tunnel, the sides are dark, and the interior of the car is brighter.

"Auntie," Li Yuan had to take advantage of Peng Xiaoman's absence before he dared to ask, "Hasn't she always been quite stable? Why did she suddenly—" No way, these three words were swallowed, and it was cruel to say it, and no one would dare to ask. Can't stand it.

"I didn't dare to ask." The old lady took a sip from the cup, "It's a heart problem, but suddenly it's...not kidney failure."

is the heart.

It turns out that thunder is really going to be stepped on, even if it is a few percent, it is still a possible probability.Li Yuan suddenly felt a degree of slight despair, a kind of bewilderment and loss of fate.

The old man's phone rang so loudly that both the old lady and Li Yuan were taken aback, and even the passengers who didn't sleep deeply in the front and rear seats opened their eyes and smacked their lips, throwing a few impatient and disgusted looks: "Oh, what the hell! What's the noise?"

"I'm sorry." Li Yuan apologized for Grandma Xiaoman.

The old lady frantically pressed the answer button, lowered the decibel, and covered her mouth with her hands: "Hey, Junsong."

In fact, when people are around, if you give too much or receive too much, you will get tired of crookedness, so sometimes you speak rudely, and even abandon it like a shoe; but it is also because you believe that many things are deeply rooted. Yes, to be so unscrupulous.Carefully cherished relationships exist because they have been lost before, or are expected to be lost soon.

When watching the sunset, I will inexplicably feel sadness following the changes of light and shadow, almost like this.The temperature and light have disappeared, the face and sound have disappeared, and the direction of return in the horizon that can go from far to near has disappeared.

"Okay, okay, okay." Grandma Xiaoman almost lowered her head under the back of the chair, and when she said the fourth "good", she had already turned into a complete cry: "Okay, okay, hurry up, let's hurry up. "

Raising her head with tears all over her face, the old lady grabbed her mobile phone, covered her mouth, hunched her back and shoulders twitched, buried half of her body and began to cry in a muffled voice.

Li Yuan's heart skipped a beat, and she didn't make a sound when she opened her mouth.

"Go, Xiaoyuan, please..." The old lady covered her face, tried her best to suppress her crying back to her chest, pointed to the aisle with trembling hands and said, "Stop Xiaoman, don't let him come back, please, I take it easy..."

Peng Xiaoman leaned against the car door and closed his eyes for a while in a posture with a difficulty factor of [-], and fell asleep without realizing it, and could still have a dream.Waking up in a daze, seeing a tall and tall figure beside him, I was so startled that I almost tripped over my left foot and fell sideways with my right foot, "Fuck."

Li Yuan came back and leaned against him.

"Why are you here again?" Peng Xiaoman's voice was rustling, as if he was breathless.He rubbed his sleepy eyelids, turned his rattling cervical spine a few times, and laughed, "I dreamed about my mother just now."

"What are you dreaming about? You are amazing because you can still dream."

Li Yuan stretched out her hand to hold him.

"I dreamed that my mother hiccupped fart."

Peng Xiaoman blew his nose facing the door, and slowly recorded the outline of the story that still remained in his mind: "My mother is lying on the bed covered with a white sheet, it's like a TV series, and I howl like Like a big fool, when she was about to die from crying, she jumped up and pulled the bed sheet and said she was fooled, silly son, your father and I lied to you because I missed you and deliberately tricked you."

Before he finished speaking, Peng Xiaoman couldn't help laughing: "It's hurtful enough, it's true, I'm afraid I'll have a heart attack if I get angry."

Peng Xiaoman noticed that Li Yuan's hands were not as hot as before, so he turned to hug him.

Yungu's temperature is more convincing than Qingyi's, and it can make people sigh in sorrow, alas, year after year, it's really frost.When entering the station, there is a gust of cool wind, surging in the unknown sky.

wear less.While thinking this way, Li Yuan was thinking about how to put the coat in her hand on Peng Xiaoman naturally, so as not to make others suspicious.

Peng Junsong stood among the crowd in the waiting hall, and he would miss it if he was not careful.The top light of Yungu North Station is miserable, covering the face like autumn frost, making everyone look like an old eggplant that is wilting in the ground.

Even though he had tried his best to maintain a calm and normal state, Peng Junsong's frivolous steps, swollen cheeks, and absent-minded expression still gave Peng Xiaoman hints.From the first moment Li Yuan saw Peng Xiaoman saw Peng Junsong's face clearly, the relaxed smile she pretended was gone.As Peng Junsong approached the three of them, Li Yuan even saw Peng Xiaoman subconsciously take half a step back.

"You are not wearing enough, Yungu has cooled down these days." Peng Junsong took the bag, glanced behind Peng Xiaoman, and was taken aback: "Li, Li Yuan? Why are you here?"

Suddenly I felt a little embarrassed, I didn't feel it all the way, but now I realized that I was standing here unreasonably and unreasonably.

"I dragged him here." Peng Xiaoman explained for him, "Where's my mother?"

Peng Junsong frowned, puzzled and disagreed: "Why are you wasting his time? I didn't ask you to come back for vacation. Don't you know what time it is?"

Peng Xiaoman couldn't spare any energy to explain, and he didn't understand why he suddenly became angry, "Where's my mother?"

"What's the use of talking nonsense now, everyone is here." Grandma Xiaoman said: "It's true to book a hotel for one night, and hurry to buy a high-speed rail ticket back home."

"I'll go back and buy it." Peng Junsong pushed his glasses and nodded.

"It's okay, I—"

"I asked you where my mother is?!"

Peng Xiaoman asked persistently.

"Mom is still in the hospital." Peng Junsong said.

"Then how is she now?"

This is a scene with a lot of dramatic tension: three characters who know the truth, surrounding the only character who is kept in the dark, as the plot unfolds layer by layer, the audience's emotions are on the verge of a commanding height, and everyone is full of hope. Waiting expectantly to see the truth confession, and the reaction of that person at the end.

Peng Junsong looked at Grandma Xiaoman, and the old lady shook her head slightly.

Peng Junsong's expression also underwent a dramatic change, "We are going to the hospital now, don't cry."

In fact, what happened to Ge Xiuyin was quite unconscionable, and she was not prepared at all.But I just got up early and went to the market to buy some meat and vegetables. One of them was hypoxic and fell down without standing still, and was hit by the hard corner of the fence at the entrance of the stairs to his chest.

I thought it was a skin trauma, and it would be fine after two days of pain, but I didn't expect to suddenly faint at 120 o'clock in the night, and even my lips were blue and I had difficulty breathing.Peng Junsong accidentally dropped the cups and plates, and trembling, he dialed [-] and sent people to the hospital for emergency treatment.The clock ticked for an unbearable hour, from emotional collapse to rebuilding to collapse again, and so on several times. When the final check showed no blood pressure, no breathing, dilated pupils, and a straight line in the electrocardiogram, the diagnosis was brain death.There have been omens and preparations accumulated, but it was still too sudden.

Family members were not allowed to enter the emergency room, but Ge Xiuyin's ventilator was not withdrawn because he had discussed with Peng Junsong before his death and signed an organ donation volunteer form on the online platform in advance.After a checkup, Ge Xiuyin's kidneys were not working, let alone his heart. Only his liver, pancreas and a pair of corneas met the international standard for free donations.

If you don't remove the tube, you are waiting for it to be removed; if you don't remove it, you are waiting for Peng Xiaoman to come.

In the corridor of the first-aid room of the emergency department in the middle of the night, people come and go in a hurry, and the deaths are divided into three shifts.Peng Xiaoman was surrounded by people Li Yuan didn't know.

The clothes are neat and a little fat, but the old lady who hugged Grandma Xiaoman cried so much that she almost lost her soul, her face was full of tears, and she gritted her teeth and called "old relatives"; she put her hand on the back of Peng Junsong who was sitting, as if to comfort her I couldn't help beating violently, but I couldn't help my throat rolling, and looked at the old man who was blinking in the ceiling whimpering; he squatted on the ground and kept pulling his hair tightly, crying with his head buried in his veins, and shouted "Sister!" "; the young woman who shook the arm of the little girl next to her legs, and said "Go tell Dad not to cry" with a trembling voice; and the doctor and nurse who insisted on the confirmation letter, and used silence instead of reminder and comfort.

Li Yuan was also sad, but not close relatives, far less than them.Unable to get into such a restrained and painful atmosphere, he could only stand aside and lean against the wall, staring at Peng Xiaoman closely.

Li Yuan had already made a firm plan in her heart: as soon as Peng Xiaoman had the tendency to cry, even if it was just a small movement of bowing his waist or slightly frowning, he would definitely walk up to him and hug him without any doubt. Whether you panic or not, it doesn't matter if you struggle or not.

It's not that he takes himself too seriously, that he is too important, but that he believes that so far, he is the only one here who can hold empathy for Peng Xiaoman to the greatest extent.Because I don't know how to comfort you, so I hug you.

But the result was that Peng Xiaoman didn't cry at all.His face was so hard that there was no looseness in it, his mouth was stretched, and he even forced out a mountain-like majesty.He asked the doctor if brain death meant that he could not be saved, and the doctor nodded; he asked Peng Junsong if Ge Xiuyin had left any words for him, but Peng Junsong remained silent; He also nodded: Then I have no objection, and I agree.

Calm and determined.Li Yuan suddenly realized that under the unbearable mourning, someone would deal with the problem in this way.Although it was out of date and against morality, Li Yuan could not help but associate Peng Xiaoman's strange state with him and herself in her heart.

Could it be that on the day when conflicts are unavoidable, he will be so unwavering and say to him lightly: Brother, break up, do you have any objections?

The organ harvesting process is not complicated, and the family members sign to waive the treatment for review.Is there really a short tribute and silent tribute, is it really as brilliant as it is rendered by the mainstream media, and relatives cannot witness it.In fact, most of the organ donors' desire to save people is neither holy nor great, just because it happens that I die, but you don't want to die.

Li Yuan was on the bench outside the operating room, returning to Kaifeng's text message.

You Kaifeng: Although I am also very sad, I still have to ask you at this time, are you crazy?

Li Yuan: If you are persistent on this issue, you don’t need to reply to me.

You Kaifeng: Let me ask you something.

Li Yuan: Tell me.

You Kaifeng: Do you like Peng Xiaoman?

Li Yuan was silent for about 5 minutes.

Li Yuan: Not only do I like him, but he also likes me.

On the other side, Kaifeng was silent for 10 minutes.

You Kaifeng: Awesome.

Li Yuan: Disgusting?

You Kaifeng: If you don’t feel disgusting enough, it’s hard for you. You’ve been holding back for almost three years and you’re going to be an inhuman.

Li Yuan: Don't tell anyone.

You Kaifeng: What the hell am I?How is Xiaoman doing now?

Li Yuan: I'm so calm that I feel guilty.

You Kaifeng: Normal reaction.But people's endurance is actually limited. The calmer he is, the more terrifying he will be when he explodes. I'm not sure when he will explode, but you said he likes you. I think you have to be with him by then. It's better to be by the side.If it's my mother, I don't think it's possible that Xiaoman didn't respond, and she might still be in a daze.

Li Yuan: Okay, I'll accompany you.

You Kaifeng: Shall I help you book a hotel on Ctrip?What district are you in?

Li Yuan: No, I may not be able to sleep, it's already five o'clock.

Ge Xiuyin was still asking in WeChat the day before yesterday: Xiaoman, have your fingernails grown?Take a picture to show mom.Remember not to move around and get wet. My mother asked Aunt Zhou next door. He said that if you don’t take good care of it, your nails will be very fragile and crack at every turn. Are you afraid?

After finishing speaking, I didn't know which wild net I cut off two pictures of Gauss's blurry onychomycosis, and sent them to Peng Xiaoman as a warning. He was so disgusted that he skipped two bites of dinner.

When we parted and parted, we were still entangled in these trivial matters, and never left any neat and serious words to explain the affairs behind us.It can be seen that Ge Xiuyin herself never thought that she would leave in such a hurry, that she didn't even have room to wait and linger for a quarter of an hour.Just like that old saying, the king of Hades will tell you to die on the third watch, and will never keep anyone until the fifth watch.

The funeral parlor was already waiting outside the hospital and made two phone calls to Peng Junsong. The hospital's death certificate was also signed and stamped according to the procedure.Adhering to the spirit of humanitarianism, no one would come up and say "please hurry up" at this time, but there is not much time to give Peng Xiaoman more time to see Ge Xiuyin.

Because compared with the rest of my life, it is too short.

In fact, everyone, including myself, thinks that Peng Xiaoman resembles Ge Xiuyin most in his mouth.Narrow but not mean, the lips are prominent, and there are small arcs on both sides of the corners of the mouth. When you sip it a little, there will be a smile, and it is clear that you are telling others that I am a good person.

Ge Xiuyin was a good old man, he was kind to others and never made enemies. As long as Peng Xiaoman could remember, he had never seen his mother get angry, except for the time when she picked the big rhinestones on her hair.Being impatient was because Peng Xiaoman had gone too far, and he later found out that it was an anniversary gift from his father, a big soil turtle who was full of research, to Ge Xiuyin.Ge Xiuyin's baby is incredible.

Peng Junsong cried more frankly.Due to the removal of some organs, Ge Xiuyin's abdominal cavity was hollow and slightly sunken in. Peng Junsong couldn't help but leaned over and cried without manners. He could even hear a slight echo, just like Ge Xiuyin's gentle response to him.

Peng Xiaoman feels that he is lucky. Compared with many people who are not worthy of their names, their parents came together because of true love, and they did not complain about life and sudden hardships. They have supported each other for nearly 20 years, and the deadline is today;

Peng Xiaoman felt that he was too damn unlucky again, that he was no longer in his twenties and had no mother.

Once this consciousness rises, it is not pain, but a kind of depression and emptiness that empties the internal organs, and the result is ventilated everywhere, at a loss, without sinking.Peng Xiaoman wanted to hold back his tears, but it wasn't enough to bite his molars and his nails dug into his flesh. He had to think about his father, his grandma, his uncle, aunt, little niece, clinging to him and still panting. Those who are angry.

He had to pick Li Yuan up over and over again, and stuff it into his suddenly empty heart, into the hole where joy and hope were surging endlessly.

He doesn't know how much happiness and luck is left in the future.

Grandma Xiaoman and grandpa clustered around the corner, protecting Ge Xiuyin's mother's head and face from left to right, trying not to let her struggle to get close, following her slumped and kneeling movements, bowing and supporting her curled up trembling spine, she sobbed Alternate with wailing, intermittent, parallel with Peng Junsong's crying.Grandma Xiaoman wiped the corner of her eyes and glanced, then suddenly opened her mouth and let out an "ah".

"Gudong!"

There was a sudden jolt.

Peng Xiaoman collapsed suddenly, as if someone kicked his knee in the air suddenly, and the bones all over his body were picked off, and he knelt heavily on the ground in a daze, as if he didn't know what happened, and It's not like it hurts.Immediately afterwards, he opened his mouth, exhaled, frowned, quickly covered his stomach and curled up his upper body, lowered his head and retched in embarrassment.

The doctor opened the door and waved quickly, and the body picker from the city funeral home put on a sterile gown and a sterile cap, and took over into the operating room, but Peng Xiaoman was staggered out by someone holding him by the arm.Li Yuan stood up from the chair all of a sudden, panicked.

"what happened?"

"Excuse me, are you Xiaoman's classmate?" Peng Xiaoman's little aunt rubbed the tip of her red nose twice, helped Peng Xiaoman with her head down to sit on the bench, and asked Li Yuan softly with a strong nasal voice, " I see you came with him and his in-laws and aunts at night."

"It's a classmate." Li Yuan stared at Peng Xiaoman's slightly pale face, and put her hands on the back of his neck, which was icy cold, and his body was still slightly convulsed physiologically, "What's wrong with him?"

"I fell down inside and I'm going to vomit. Please check if his leg fell down. The funeral parlor bought the car and picked up the eldest sister." The young woman pointed inward and smiled beggingly: "I have to go in and help Handle, I'm really bothering you."

"Okay, don't worry." Li Yuan pursed her lips and nodded.

"Thank you so much."

Li Yuan took a deep breath, knelt down in front of Peng Xiaoman, and whispered softly.

"Xiao Man, take a look at me first, okay?"

Peng Xiaoman raised his face in response, Li Yuan looked into his eyes, catching clues.

"Let me ask you first." Li Yuan pressed her hand on his left chest, and said word by word, "Is your heart aching, does it hurt, and is your breathing okay?"

Shaking his head, he didn't speak.

"Let me ask you again, do you want to cry?" Li Yuan touched the corners of his eyes, along his cheeks and earlobes, and brushed them together.

Still shaking his head, he moved his mouth in a hoarse voice: "Hold it, I don't really think about it."

"Can I see your legs?"

He didn't speak or shake his head, and turned his face to look at the ground.

"I'll just take a look." Putting his hands on his face, he whispered as if coaxing something: "Please, can you?"

"Ah."

The fall was terrible, because there was no cushion, it fell straight down, and the legs of the trousers were folded up layer by layer, and mottled bruises quickly formed on the two exposed knees.It was probably the first time that Li Yuan experienced such an overwhelming feeling of anger and heartache when she grew up so big.

A mentally retarded person knows how to hold on if he falls, but is your uncle less brainy than a mentally retarded one? !You don't plan to have your fingernails without your knees, do you?I yelled all the heavy words in my heart, and I dared not say a word and was reluctant to say it to myself.

"look by youself."

Peng Xiaoman rolled down his trousers, covered his knees, and tucked his legs in.Seeing that he didn't say a word, Li Yuan stood up on her knees, turned around and walked towards the elevator entrance.

"Where are you going? Hey!" He straightened up all of a sudden, gritted his teeth in pain, and all of a sudden his eyeballs turned red with sparkling water.

Li Yuan's words, "Go and find a medicine for you", were blocked.He sighed, turned back the same way, and pulled him into his arms: "I'm not going anywhere."