light summer breeze

"Rui Di, I want to go out." Su Qiaofei poked Rui Di who was working. "No, I'm busy." Reddy didn't show consideration for the patient at all, "Wait 10 minutes."

"Ah. Your 10 minutes - my afternoon is over." Su Qiaofei said dejectedly, and scratched her head wanting to cry without tears.

"Then you also work." Rui Di thoughtfully returned Su Qiaofei's computer and mobile phone, "Do it well. This is for the benefit of the people and the realization of a well-off society in an all-round way—"

"Uh--" Su Qiaofei has also been fed up in her mouth these days, and she can't help but have a headache when she looks at the densely packed documents.

"I'm a patient—" Su Qiaofei said.

"You're not." Reddy said.

"I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO."

"What English are you pulling?"

"It's not too much trouble."

"I want to go out and play."

"You can play with your son."

"With you?"

"go away."

No matter how you look at it, Su Qiaofei is a very normal person. The doctor doesn't believe that such a handsome young man once swung a knife and stabbed someone in the middle of the night.Just like Su's mother still doesn't believe that her son has jumped off a building.

But—that's the way it is.

Su Qiaofei once stood on the top of the building and looked down. The pedestrians downstairs turned into a small matchbox, and he felt dizzy.Such insignificant people, why can the words they say can easily change many things.

Someone told him a long time ago that death is a very unlucky thing.Nothing can be said about death.But don't you say that everyone won't die?

No matter what, you can't die, because there are many, many people who love you.This is what everyone tells their children.

But it didn't work.How could such mechanical words dispel the depression in his heart?

Just because of the so-called family affection?Su Qiaofei looked down, but couldn't see these things.

In the end, it was himself who made him not jump.

He told himself that if he jumped, he would be pitied or disdained by more people.

So - he can't jump.

Su Qiaofei took two steps back, and vaguely saw the senior again.The senior smiled contemptuously, exactly the same as Rui Di's smile in his dream.

The inability to jump that was already firm in my heart seemed to be shaken again.

When he was a child, he saw someone wearing a white cloth, crying and sending his relatives away.Then Su Qiaofei understood from then on that he would die.Although he is very small now, one day he will lie in the coffin and let the people around him close the coffin.Never speak again.

This is death.All gone.Will not speak, will not cry.

Su Qiaofei stared at the ceiling that night, calculating when he would die. After a long, long time, he still couldn't figure it out, but the fear in his heart grew bigger and bigger.

How to do it?How to do it?

He had to do something to keep himself from dying.But no one in the world can survive death.

The feeling of discouragement appeared so quietly.Sometimes Su Qiaofei would stare blankly at a certain place, and a person or several people would appear there.He would smile at Su Qiaofei, and then take him to do many things that he couldn't think of.

He wants to be a sensible boy.That way his parents won't get divorced.Although in the end they divorced.But being a good kid was ingrained in me.

The so-called golden mean, Su Qiaofei has done very well since childhood.

Unobtrusive, unobtrusive.

As time goes by, Su Qiaofei is very afraid of everyone's gaze, but she is extremely longing for it in her heart. At the age of 15, he went to his father and told him that he was tired and didn't want to go to school anymore.Father sneered as if he thought it was absurd, and said nothing more.

How can a top student who has excellent grades and can please others hate going to school?

But he was very annoying.He has long been tired of the people and things around him.That teacher, those classmates—it was boring.The teacher thought he was right, but what he did made people laugh.Those classmates joked with each other on the surface, but they really didn't know what they were thinking behind their backs.

Su Qiaofei couldn't figure out why a simple joke would make so many people laugh.Is it that funny?

Su Qiaofei committed suicide by swallowing medicine at the age of 16. In fact, he also thought about it while standing on the rooftop, but he still retreated.It hurts too much to jump off, and a lot of people laugh at him.

He can't see others laughing at him.

But he has been very tired.He is like a snail with a home on its back, although it is safe, it is very tiring.

Finally one day, he put the pills on the table and told himself softly, that's it.Just do it a coward.

He didn't die later, but he forgot about these things.

Forget that I have committed suicide, but I still remember that I don't like girls.Su Qiaofei thought, maybe homosexuality is really a disease.As long as it is branded with this label, it is synonymous with neurosis and abnormality in people's eyes.

He knew that these things could not exist in himself, so he shrunk everything back.Obediently go to high school, university, study abroad, return to China, and find a job.

It's just that sometimes Su Qiaofei feels very sad when seeing people in the square smiling and walking together holding hands.Or watch a certain movie and suddenly cry like a dog.He didn't know why he was sad, he just felt sad.

There are so many people in the world, but he is just as different.A coward who doesn't even dare to say that he likes anyone.

"I have been studying for so many years, but no one told me, why am I alive?"

I am handsome, I have excellent grades, and I have a stable job, but apart from these, I have nothing.

But then I met Reddy again.

Then he finally confessed and finally got together with Reddy.

But Su Qiaofei was very desperate in his heart. He didn't know if his parents would suddenly change their minds, just like when he was a child he still divorced no matter how much he begged them.He also didn't know whether Reddy's laugh when she promised him to be with him was joy or pity.

What if it was poor, Su Qiaofei didn't dare to think about it.