Can't hold hands

The sunshine in July is always scorching. After taking a nap on Sunday, I woke up feeling tired, probably because the air conditioner was on for too long. I sighed, got out of bed limply, turned off the air conditioner, and opened all the windows.

The hot and humid air rushed into the room instantly, and I took a deep breath.

Summer afternoons always remind me of pineapples, overripe pineapples, sticky, transparent dark yellow from the inside out, making people wonder if it has rotted, and even the strong fragrance has become sluggish stand up.

I looked at the heat wave outside the window, and felt that Sun Xue was far away from me, and so was Lin Jue—I blocked his phone number, but it didn't make me feel relaxed at all.

Xu Ming returned to China half a month ago and took his girlfriend who he had been dating for three years with him. He said he came back to get married. He is still alone for the time being. He likes to call me and Han Hui out. I only met his girlfriend once. She is small and exquisite. A girl who gives a sweet impression.

Stable work and harmonious friends are obviously very happy, but I always have a feeling of falling, slowly falling, getting farther and farther away from the world, this feeling is particularly obvious when I am alone.

Something is lost and can't come back, leaving a big hole in my heart.

"...Why are you both so absent-minded!"

Xu Ming is carefree, his life is going well, and he even smiles brightly. I remember that he used to be more of an otaku, but now he may be influenced by his wife-to-be.

"No……"

I glanced at Han Hui, what I said was very unfounded.

"No? Who are you lying to? One or two are crying, and they can lose their minds three times after saying a word. Are you broken in love? Huh?"

I looked at him resentfully and said,

"……almost."

Then I saw him pat the table. Fortunately, we were eating barbecue at the night market, and the table next door was almost noisy, so we were quiet.

"Losing a relationship these days can become so decadent as the two of you! We are both at this age, how can there be so many things like this that we can't figure out?"

Xu Ming downed half a glass of beer.

I know what he said is right, and it is true that he is already old. He will be 29 in a few months, and there is really no need to die or live for some broken love.

He was so damn right!

Now his mother feels hypocritical to say that she is trapped by love!

I forced myself a smile and touched his glass.

"Is the wedding date set?"

"Well, in September, you two can come then!"

"Sure!"

Han Hui also sat up straight at this time, poured herself a glass of beer, and touched his glass as well.

"Are you still going out later?"

Xu Ming shook his head,

"No, it's better at home. Abroad is really..." Xu Ming's expression became a little melancholy. .”

"Tsk tsk, they're all called my wife!"

After laughing for a while, Han Hui and I finally sent the cheapest verbal blessings.

It was 10:30, and the three of us went home separately. We said goodbye and left without saying much because we were on different paths.

Far away from the night market, my ears soon quieted down. The summer night wind brought a bit of coolness. I stretched myself, thinking of Xu Ming's words.

I understand, I understand, and what I said is very correct, but unfortunately it is not very useful, just like I know that barbecue restaurants are unhygienic, but I still travel thousands of miles to eat barbecue.

Sensibility is always uncontrollable.

A familiar bell rang in my ears.

WeChat phone?

Surprised, I took out my phone.

After seeing the incoming call, I wonder if the person's account has been hacked.

When will Lin Jue make voice calls?He rarely even uses WeChat.

I haven't seen him for a long time. Of course, if I only talk about his face, I must have seen him. After all, I will see his photos on the Internet inadvertently, or see his face at a bus stop. poster.

But I haven't spoken to him face to face in a long time.

"Lin Jue."

The moment my thoughts diverged, I slipped my hand, clicked on the connect button, and even greeted him.

"One hundred... I want to hug you."

The opening of the mouth is a language without any foreshadowing, which caught me off guard.

Affectionate whispers, suppressed whispers, Lin Jue's voice is still so nice that it makes one's legs go limp.

I suddenly split into two people, one answered the phone stiffly, the other stood aside and watched coldly, but neither of them spoke.

"I miss you, can you come here?"

in the past, okay?

The two mes become one, and reality hits us.

He was asking me if I was okay, and I could only agree or refuse. I instinctively didn't want to refuse him. I controlled myself the moment I opened my mouth, and we were all silent.

"Come here, I'll write a song for you."

My head exploded all of a sudden, I felt I couldn't resist, Lin Jue said he would write a song for me, his voice was lazy, and there was a dilapidated beauty, the last carnival before destruction.I will always love this kind of decadence, just like I will always love Lin Jue's music.

Lin Jue is too smart.

It was a love story I couldn't refuse.

"……it is good."

I took the subway to his house, a line I was more familiar with than going back to my own home.

Walking to the door of his house, he found that the door was open, and there was the sound of a guitar coming from the house.

Lin Jue had some strange thoughts that belonged to an artist. He didn’t want to live in a villa. He usually played music at home and would disturb his neighbors, so he simply bought three houses on this floor, and he usually only lived in the middle one.

I stepped into the house, and this time it was very tidy, no messy people, no clutter everywhere, as if the chaos of the past was just a ridiculous dream.

Lin Jue is sitting alone on the sofa, wearing a simple white shirt, holding an acoustic guitar, he gently plucks the strings, sad, depressing, destructive music flows slowly from his fingertips Come out and invade every nerve of mine.

I seemed to be bewitched, and slowly walked to his side.

Lin Jue's fingers were long and slender, with calluses from playing the guitar, and his fingers stopped.

He is really a terrible person. The moment he raised his eyes to look at me, I couldn't help thinking sadly that the special decadence in him is a poison that I can never escape.

"What exactly do you want?"

I asked in a daze.

Lin Jue's eyes narrowed slowly, the corners of his eyes gathered folds, and then the corners of his mouth raised, intoxicatingly mature, just right childish, forming a charming smile.

"You finally came."

He smiled so happily, even though he was in his thirties, he still gave people the illusion of innocence.

"What do you want?"

He put down the piano, stretched out his hand to hold my hand, with bright and affectionate eyes, I felt that I couldn't refuse such a feeling, and the calluses on his fingertips rubbed against the palm of his hand, which made me regain a little bit of reason. Soon, a kind of feeling was completely out of control restlessness surrounded me,

"Lin Jue, go to hell!"

I yelled at him and suddenly struggled, the first time I lost control in front of him.Lin Jue held me desperately, he called me "one hundred, one hundred" repeatedly, and the other hand also circled over and hugged me tightly.

The struggle gradually stopped, and Lin Jue buried his head in my neck.

"One hundred... I'll write a song for you, so don't leave, okay?"

I wanted to say it bad, but I didn't say it, I felt him kissing my ear, a tingling electric current spread from my spine, he was too easy to pinch my sensitive point.

"I want to hold you……"

After so many years, I really know myself so well, I still have no immunity to Lin Jue.

So I lost my reason, lost my face, and got entangled with him. We kissed fiercely and tore each other's clothes. It was so primitive and rough, but also natural.

Waves of heat pushed me and probably stimulated him as well, and we kissed each other like crazy, and none of it mattered as much as the moment in front of us.

A very high quality sex, hearty.

After it was over, I fell asleep quickly. It was already late when I arrived at his house. After a round of exercise, I didn't even have the strength to think about life, so I fell into a deep sleep.

The quality of sleep this time was also exceptionally high.

At [-] o'clock the next morning, another researcher called my phone. As soon as I saw the name on the phone, I woke up instantly.

It's over, I'm late today, I didn't ask for leave...

"Yan Baiyi?"

"Hey……"

I heard my own voice, which was unbearably hoarse, coughed twice, and touched Lin Jue's chest next to me.

Memories of last night flooded into my mind.

Fuck!

"Are you all right?"

The other side seemed to be startled by my voice,

"Sorry, maybe I have a cold..."

I can only bite the bullet and lie, I rarely ask for leave, this time it seems that I have to ask for it.

"Take a day off, your throat is like this, go to the hospital first."

Hearing that my voice was so hoarse, he said quickly.

"Ah, okay, it shouldn't be a big deal, sorry..."

I hung up the phone with a guilty conscience, thinking that if I went to the hospital, I might have to prescribe trauma medicine.

I was woken up, and I didn’t sleep anymore. I only felt sore when I sat up. Lin Jue was still sleeping next to him. I stared at his side face for a while. The loose blond hair and beautiful lines, I moved carefully. Get out of bed, pick up the clothes on the ground and put them on.

Really foe.

When I went to the bathroom to wash up, I saw my towel was still hanging there, and I felt a little emotional for a moment. My face was reflected in the mirror on the wall. The dark circles under my eyes must be inescapable, and my hair was unkempt like a chicken coop. haggard.

Fuck you haggard!I lowered my head and splashed cold water on my face again.

The sound of the piano suddenly came from outside, and I walked out upset.

"When did you wake up?"

Lin Jue's electric piano is in the living room. I know he has a grand piano in the next room, but he doesn't play it very often.

"When you just called."

His music stopped and he turned to look at me.

The melody played by Lin Jue was unfamiliar to me. He was probably composing. I walked to the sofa and sat down, leaning against the pillow, lazily crossing my legs.

"You still have this habit," I looked at him and smiled, "Inspired by sex or drugs?"

Lin Jue came to me and snatched a kiss from me,

"I'm trying to use you as an inspiration right now, honey."

Lin Jue looked at me fixedly, I didn't look away, but I couldn't believe a word he said.

He went on to say,

"I can't lose you, that's the only conclusion I've come to these nine months."