Get angry

"Hello, Xiao Xiao?" On the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, I received a call from Xiao Xiao, "Happy New Year!"

"Wu asked?" Xiao Xiao's mother's voice was on the other end of the phone. That voice sounded very strange, which made me feel uneasy.

"Auntie? What's the matter!" I was terribly nervous holding the phone.

"Xiao Xiao suddenly had a cerebral vascular hemorrhage, and now it seems..." Xiao Xiao's mother burst into tears, "Come here if you can, he's been thinking about you all the time!"

Every beat of my heart brought a huge shock to my body. My mother was still embroidering in front of the coffee table in the living room. She put down her needle and thread and looked at me: "Wu Wen? What's wrong with you? Who called? ?”

"Mom..." I dare not accept the reality.

I don’t know why, all the unlucky things will always happen around the New Year. I can’t count how many unsettled New Years this is. The emotion I used to sit on the plane to see my grandma came out again. It was already night in City D, the windows of the cabin reflected my face, I watched the corners of my mouth twitch and shed tears drop by drop.

The jade on my chest is something I have never taken off in these years. I took it out of my clothes, held it in my hand and sincerely prayed: "Grandma, please help me protect Xiao Xiao."

After getting off the plane, I contacted Xiao Xiao again, asked about the location of the emergency hospital, and rushed to the hospital as quickly as possible. Holding his head at the door, not knowing what kind of expression he had, Xiao Xiao's father frowned and leaned against the wall, and nodded to me when he saw me coming.

Everything came so suddenly, with ups and downs and ups and downs, no matter how warm the atmosphere outside was, it couldn't overcome Xiao Xiao's injury.

Originally, Xiao Xiao’s situation was fine. I don’t know why Xiao Xiao suddenly said that he had a severe headache. He was arguing to ask his mother to buy pancakes for him in the morning, but it was just like this when he came back from shopping, so Xiao Xiao’s mother hurriedly pressed the button. Bell called the doctor, but the doctor said that the situation was very serious, and he was immediately sent to the operating room for another operation. It has been several hours now, because it is the New Year, and there are not many people in the hospital, but Xiao Xiao’s illness occurred here But there were many people waiting anxiously.

I have been holding the jade left by my grandma on my chest, praying that Xiao Xiao can come out safely.

The lights in the operating room went out, and the doctor came out of the emergency room as before, took off the mask, and I rushed forward with everyone, the doctor shook his head: "I'm sorry, the patient had a sudden cerebral vascular hemorrhage, the operation It was too late, and the rescue was ineffective..."

"Ah!!!" Xiao Xiao's mother's shocking scream shook the entire hospital. She opened the door and wanted to rush into the operating room. Xiao Xiao's father, who has always been very rational and gentle, also shouted Xiao Xiao's words in a panic. name.

"Xiao Xiao! My son!"

I covered my mouth and couldn't believe the picture in front of me. I can still vividly remember Xiao Xiao holding the diary and not letting me see it. Even Xiao Xiao said to me, "Come back and see me soon!" This sentence still seems to happen yesterday Now that Xiao Xiao has been declared invalid, I once again witnessed the departure of a person close to me.

Xiao Xiao really left, because his body was sent out in front of me, and I couldn't see Xiao Xiao's appearance when he left, so Xiao Xiao will always be the one in my memory who is wearing a peaked cap and talking Like a child, the lead singer will act like a spoiled child.

I participated in the whole process of Xiao Xiao’s funeral, and Xiao Xiao’s parents never said a word to me. They shed their faces with tears every day. How heartbroken it is to lose a child who has been raised for more than 20 years. The most unforgettable scene is Xiao Xiao’s When Xiao Xiao's mother hugged Xiao Xiao's urn, she seemed to be really hugging Xiao Xiao, and she also said that she hugged Xiao Xiao like this when Xiao Xiao was a child...

On the fifth day after Xiao Xiao left, Xiao Xiao’s mother came to see me for the first time. She was haggard as if she was ten years old, and then gave me a notebook. I know what that notebook is. It was Xiao Xiao who was hospitalized in the hospital. The notebook I used to write my diary in the past few days, tears flowed when I looked at this notebook, I dare not take it over, because I don’t know what kind of identity and courage I have to take over this diary.

Xiao Xiao's mother stuffed the diary over: "It's all about you, so I'll keep it for you."

After saying that, Xiaoxiao's mother turned around and left quietly. Her back was heavier and sadder than her expression, and it felt like a thick layer of veil was covering the air.

These days when Xiao Xiao left, I felt very sad every day. The emotions that came from all directions were accompanied by deep self-blame, but Xiao Xiao's mother didn't grab my face and hit me.

Xiao Xiao's diary is a very ordinary notebook, but the cover of this book is very beautiful. On it is an elk standing in the middle of the horizon full of stars. The horns of the elk are stretched out like branches. , every star is shining brightly, I can't see the elk's face, only its silhouette.

The first page was written the day after he woke up. Like a fool, he wrote down his name, date of birth, even height and weight, the names of his parents, and the name of the person he likes now.

What is the name of the person you like now?Wu asked!

He said that he was afraid that his head would be hurt, and he was afraid that he would forget everything he had in his life, so on the first day he wrote down all the things he needed to write down in the diary, and there were also stories about the past and the water band. In the future he imagined, Xiao Xiao said that he hopes that the water band can continue to exist. Even if everyone becomes an office worker, they can practice songs together in their spare time on weekends.

It also wrote his game account password and bank card password, his eyes were red and he still wanted to laugh at him as a little fool.

On the second night, he said that he suddenly remembered the first time he drank alone with me. At that time, I was very depressed because of Ye Qian's engagement, and I drank too much and kept telling him about the past, so we all I shared the story of myself and my ex, but I drank too much and didn't remember a word. In fact, I held the wine bottle and slung his shoulders and said: "It doesn't matter, you will definitely meet someone you love!"

He said that he didn't expect that the person he would love would be a boy when he met again.

In the next few days, Xiao Xiao said that his parents kept talking to him about these issues. Xiao Xiao said that he felt that he had the best parents in the world, who were very open-minded and could accept many things with an open mind. He said that his mother finally nodded in agreement. Will not participate in his emotional life, after all, the people who will be with him in the future are not his parents.

Xiao Xiao said that he was going to confess his love to me again after he was discharged from the hospital. The last time he confessed was too embarrassing. He wanted to give me roses but was hit by a car.

The painting style of a recent diary has suddenly changed, it is no longer so relaxed, but a bit heavy.

"Last night I had a dream, it was not a very good dream. If one day I die, or become a vegetable or something, I hope everyone will not be so sad. I thought about a lot of things at night , I felt that I was really naughty in the past. I always got into trouble and made my parents so angry. Obviously, my parents are high-achieving students, but when I came to me, they became playful genes. Fortunately, I went to a similar university, otherwise My mother should be so angry. In fact, what I regret the most is that I broke my mother's heart when we were in a relationship last time. At that time, I really shouldn't change my choice randomly, and in the end I was the only one who came to D University."

I once heard some people say that some people always become very abnormal before they leave, as if they all know that they are going to leave, and they must leave some thoughts for those who stay.

The following text is about me: "I don't know why Wu Wen doesn't like me so much, and I haven't even asked why I like him. In fact, Wu Wen is a kind and reserved boy no matter how he pretends. As long as everyone around him wants to help him and protect him, he has a very delicate mind and always wants not to disturb others, and for the first time I feel that a boy smiles so sunny, I always want to make him laugh! Ever since he gave After I told his story, I realized that boys can also like boys. During that time, I always looked up things in this area, and felt that I had changed, so I especially avoided Wu Wen. I didn’t expect to annoy myself. , just like it!"

Xiao Xiao said that he wants to be a simple and direct person for the rest of his life, which is the most comfortable way to live.

I can't describe in words what it feels like to see a person who has left, writing words that I like about myself in his diary, even though I just regard Xiao Xiao as a friend, but when I see these words , my heart still hurts like hell.

"So this time I decided to send a new bouquet of roses, plus some snacks! Emmm, do you want to sing a song again? Wu Wen probably doesn't like being so public, hey, I really hope to be discharged from the hospital sooner and Wu Wen Together!"

On XX, XX, XX, it was sunny.

"Stupid, who wants to be with you!" I closed the diary, and then stuck the diary on my forehead, feeling the cold all over my body, "Stupid, how can I promise you now that you are dead?" !"

I still remember when Xiao Xiao brought me snacks, he looked at me stupidly, and told me that he used to use this method to please his girlfriend before, and I still remember standing on the stage with Xiao Xiao and singing "Suddenly Miss You" I really wanted to tell him that he was so handsome singing with a microphone!

If time can go back to the past, maybe I can try to accept Xiao Xiao. In fact, it’s all my fault that I can’t let go of someone. When I meet someone who loves you again, I won’t be able to separate my heart from loving him. Just in Xiao Xiao In the last few days of my life, most of the content in the diary was me. Ye Qian was still not suitable for me. Maybe I chose Xiao Xiao, so that I could live an ordinary and happy life.

Or if I hadn't kissed Xiao Xiao on the cheek that night, would everything have developed to this point?Will he leave this world?

Many years later, I learned an idiom called "paper is short and love is long", and I remembered Xiao Xiao's diary, which I still keep.Do you know, I have never seen such a simple sunny smile on the face of an adult. This is the most memorable person in my college days. His name is Xiao Xiao.

The author has something to say: emmmm, I really miss Xiao Xiao