middle aged

Chapter 24 Chapter 24

Qi Yunze has always believed that alcohol is a good thing to help sleep, until today.

Waking up in the middle of the night, he quietly walked to the bathroom next to the living room, a 140-square-meter room with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. He went out from the study where he slept, and the bathroom was next to it.He closed the bathroom door, opened the first drawer under the sink, found a long-used lighter, lit it twice, and finally lit the cigarette in his hand.

The scent of tobacco mixed with nicotine soaked into the blood, slightly relieving the headache caused by his excessive alcohol intake. This nicotine addictive taste has gradually become a necessity for him to wear out the years since the man left 18 years ago.He looked in the mirror, the person in front of him was like a body without a soul, wasting the long time like a walking corpse.The eyes are still the same pair of eyes, but without the agility and enthusiasm of 18 years ago, and the body is still the same body, but with the belly left by his age.Yunze felt that time was cruel to him, at least not as tolerant as it was to Mo Fanfan.That person has hardly changed in 18 years. Even if time has carved something on his face, it is that kind of deep elegance and indifference.

The world has always been unfair, not only with time, but also with feelings.

Qi Yunze clearly remembered what happened when Mo Pingfan had just left City Z 18 years ago. On the first day he left, he counted the time when he would arrive home and called him, but no one answered.Again, still no answer.Again, still no response.Qi Yunze still remembered his helplessness and bitterness when he finally put down the phone.That night, Qi Yunze suffered from insomnia, and he didn't feel sleepy all night.The next day, at 7:[-] p.m., three calls in a row, still no response.On the third day, on the fourth day... Gradually, Yunze stopped hitting, and hit once when he thought of it, and in the end, he stopped hitting once.This process only took one semester.Yunze still remembers that during that semester, his air pressure was extremely low, and a little bit of unhappiness could blow him up completely. Because of his moodiness, Ouyang didn't pay much attention to him after a while, but at that time Qi Yunze, but he didn't care at all.Mo Pingfan left, taking half of his soul with him, and what was left was just a stinky skin that was still panting.

For Qi Yunze in his second and third year of high school, the name Mo Pingfan was like a taboo, and he couldn't appear around him. In his second year of high school, Li Wei occasionally said something, and when he heard it, he turned his head and left.Since then, there was even less about him around him. He was just a classmate who had only been with him for more than half a year. When he graduated, more than half of the people in the class had already forgotten him completely.

Qi Yunze doesn't want to forget, but he can't control his heart.That person's every frown, smile, every move, every scene and picture together are deeply imprinted in Qi Yunze's heart like a branding iron, and every time he dreams back in the middle of the night, it disturbs him so much that he can't be clean, and his claws scratch his heart.Especially in the year after he left, Yunze couldn't remember how many times he dreamed of him, and the deep kiss in the dream, but time healed everything, and that person would no longer appear in his dream. In the dream, until now, only when I light a cigarette in the cold night, can I see his carefree face when he was fifteen or sixteen years old in the lingering smoke.

When he was in the third year of high school, an Internet cafe was opened next to the school. It was the first time Qi Yunze saw the outside world through the Internet. He still remembered that when he hid in the most invisible corner of the Internet cafe and repeatedly confirmed that there was no one around, In the search bar, I typed out the words "Is it a disease for men to like men?" with a poor pinyin input method.Fortunately, the search results are much better than he imagined, at least, this is not a disease.And when he looked at some pictures of handsome or seductive or burly men on the linked website, he didn't feel anything at all.

In fact, at that time, Qi Yunze knew that he was not a homosexual in the full sense, but just had a special feeling for Mo Fanfan.But so what if the relationship is special, that person has been gone for almost two years.

Qi Yunze hesitated for a long time when filling out the application form for the college entrance examination. Teacher Li said that his grades could surpass Tsinghua University, and he has always liked engineering. Tsinghua University is almost the perfect choice for him. He filled it out, changed it, changed it, and finally handed it in, but he still chose S University. The electrical major of S University is also one of the best in China, but compared with Tsinghua University, it is still a little bit behind.After the results of the college entrance examination came out, Qi Yunze's score exceeded Tsinghua's minimum admission line by 10 points, and it was more than enough for the electrical major of S University.Many teachers and even mothers felt sorry for him, but on the night when the grades were known, he was so excited that he didn't fall asleep all night.Who let him be in that city.

But Qi Yunze still miscalculated, he was too young at that time, and he made the choice simply by a rush, let alone such a small place as Z City, looking for someone without a clue is like looking for a needle in a haystack , let alone a metropolis like S City?It is also possible that he has already left City S, or even that he is not in the country.But Qi Yunze still didn't regret it, since he made a choice, he should at least do what he could.So in the four years of university, he almost walked all the streets and alleys of S city. After finding nothing, he was not reconciled, and then walked the road again in the three years of graduate school.The classmates laughed at him for the long march to find a way, but so what can be done with such hard work, fate still did not favor him in the slightest.Where he walked, he also walked, but not at the same time.

Qi Yunze still gave up, just like he gradually stopped making phone calls, he tried, but the ending was not as beautiful as it was written in the novel.

After graduating from graduate school, on the last day of staying in the dormitory, buddies in a dormitory drank together wine, Qi Yunze drank red and white beer together, drinking glass, no matter what kind of wine, he always raised a glass Drank it down.Halfway through the meal, he drank too much, hugged the brother on the upper bunk, and cried with tears in his eyes: "I've been looking for you for so long, where are you, where are you?!"

"At that time, you left as soon as you said, and there was no news as soon as you left. I said I would call, why didn't you answer?"

Crying, crying, and going crazy for most of the night, I was finally pushed to bed by the brothers in the dormitory and fell asleep obediently. When I woke up the next day, I didn't remember anything except my headache.In the afternoon, I packed my bags and returned home with a high-speed rail ticket.

At this point, Qi Yunze completely gave up searching, and put the name of Mo Pingfan completely behind him. If he hadn't met again today, Qi Yunze would feel that he would have completely forgotten him.

However, Mo Pingfan came back so silently. Fate seemed to make a big joke on him. When he was young, he searched everywhere but found nothing. When he was approaching middle age, when he had both children, he just stood there. There, at the gate of the school, it was as if the past ten years had never passed.

The burning pain in his fingertips brought Qi Yunze back to reality. Unknowingly, the cigarette in his hand turned into a cigarette butt, and the ash was scattered all over the pool. The almost burnt cigarette butt burned his hand, leaving a slight brown marks.Yunze threw the cigarette butt in the toilet, turned on the faucet to flush the ash down.After going to the bathroom, he walked out the door of the bathroom.

Qi Han and Qi Beibei slept in the second bedroom next to the bathroom, each with a small bed, the same color quilt and the same style of bed, the only difference was that Qi Beibei was too young, beside her bed, Qi Yunze still Installed the fence for her by hand.Yunze tucked Qi Beibei's quilt, looked at the little girl who was soundly asleep, smiled, and kissed her lightly on the forehead, Yunze closed the door of the second bedroom, and lay down again On the bed in my own study.

In fact, his life is not as perfect as what Mo Pingfan saw. When Qi Beibei was two years old, he and Xiaoman slept in separate rooms. They are also gradually drifting away, becoming more and more unfamiliar, no matter how strong the feelings are, they are no match for the trivial life. Time has smoothed the affection, and it seems that only responsibilities and obligations are left between each other.Apart from the children, the two have almost nothing in common.

Qi Yunze closed his eyes. This time, he fell asleep. In his dream, there was no past, no past, and no silhouette of that person walking alone against the light.

After the unexpected reunion, Qi Yunze never took the initiative to contact Mo Fanfan again. Although he already knew where he worked, and even though he added Mo Fanfan's WeChat account when he was drunk, he would rather just watch Mo Fanfan every day. Look at the circle of friends he occasionally sends out, and don't want to come and see him when passing by Z University.

Until one day, on a weekend in late autumn, when he finished sending Qi Han to the Taekwondo gym and was waiting to pick up his children, he didn't find a random cafe to pass the time as usual, but he couldn't restrain himself and drove I ran to the gate of Z University, but didn’t drive in. I sat in the car at the gate of the campus, quietly watching the students coming in and out through the fence, lit a cigarette, and drove for three hours. The old Passatri is puffing.Qi Yunze felt that there was a fence like this between him and Mo Pingfan. On one side of the fence was Mo Pingfan, and on the other was his seemingly perfect home. The road to break through the fence was thorny and dark. Without this layer of fence, all his possibilities will cease to exist.Qi Yunze didn't dare, he couldn't take this step no matter what.Only once in a while, through the railing, I can take a look at the outside world and the possibilities of the past.

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